Ancient Astovia…

Astovia arises to the tenth time each day, her rotation 247 seconds lasts for time to play. The gravity sucked worlds in from far away. Her path was sure to never last. Every moment dreams run wild like the thoughts of a growing child.

From father to son I am her to tell you that there is no where to run. May I hunt for the season, oh sister please I give you no reason, to last or to fulfill you should remain still or swallow that pill.

Must we trust this world of haven or kiss the bride of that pretty dark raven. There she flies as she eats the lies as the world dies but only you can cry.

For man to ring over souls that sing this surely can’t be a losing new thing. I swallowed my pride as she ate this high tide, she burned away that far off day, please help me survive this far off drive, please let this world stay just one more day…

Ancient Astovia…

A song

a reply to: JJproductions

Yes, a great song! I can easily imagine it with a haunting Pink Floyd melody.

a reply to: Encia22

I am writing the chords right now! Thank you Encia!

I've gotta say, maybe you ought to expand your repertoire.


Every single one of your poems kinda sound alike, are about love and a female who supposedly is practically God (no no no) and sound very similar with circles of time, how this woman holds circles of time, time moves on with rage, and how this woman holds up the heavens and does all this stuff.

I don't know who she is so it just sounds like you are p whipped and most of it sounds very alike.

And then the same 2 members come in and praise your posts and you say "you're always so nice" and that's fine but it seems like a way to preempt criticism and keep everything according to how you'd like.


The same two or three members offer the same attaboys and insistences on everything "poem" or "story" and it actually comes across as possessive. If I wrote something I wouldn't want all that #. No offense.

a reply to: firstofAkhet

Thank you for all your kind words, I don’t write about love at all. It’s the afterlife, dreams and past life events. Death is wonderful, I have been there!

a reply to: JJproductions


My words weren't kind. They were blunt.

Come on. And it really sounds like it's a love poem to the same chick. There's no way to tell. It makes me want to tell you no woman is worth the hassle. Lol but cheers. And I haven't "been there." Death happens once in my estimation. ...

a reply to: firstofAkhet

It’s a song about dying. Any words are kind! So thank you!

a reply to: JJproductions


Well ok. I'll let you have that. I know nothing of the afterlife so shoot. Peace. ..👍

a reply to: firstofAkhet

Thank you, I am happy that you are back!

a reply to: JJproductions

🤟👅 ty.

a reply to: JJproductions


I hope you don't mind the atta boy.
Even if I don't completely understand it.

a reply to: pthena

Thank you, it’s about the afterlife and dreams. Now it’s your turn to write!

a reply to: firstofAkhet

I don’t even think that you read this song, you posted it is about love and a chick! It’s neither. I think you should shut your mouth and post short story and let everyone criticize your work!

For me, poetry, art, and stories are a personal expression of a moment, a feeling, and/or emotion. Sometimes they are just a way to vent frustrations as well. I don't always understand what gets posted in this section, but I do understand that someone had to let go of something that was weighing on their mind or in their heart.

And that is all I need to understand....

Nice Job JJ!

a reply to: JJproductions

I write songs too
So I know how it is
How meter and rhyme
Can cost a fine line
Where songs have a note
That can pregnantly pause
Or just hang around
Or make up some chords
It's a tricky old game
Writing poems and songs
But you have mastered the art
This is where you belong

Sorry for the rhyme lol

S+F

a reply to: JJproductions

I usually carry a few twenty dollar bills in my wallet.
But that day I didn't.

It was luck then that the lady in the grocery parking lot
was only wanting something to eat and drink.

I still have plenty left
without the donuts and eggnog.

Her expression was priceless
I'd say she must like eggnog about
ten times more than I do.

-- A Happy Ending --

a reply to: midicon

Yes love the rhyme! Songs need that beat! You should post your song!

a reply to: pthena

Love it!!!!

Cmon be an adult. You don't have to rope me in after we finished the conversation....


Anyways do what you do, I chimed in to offer a suggestion, but mainly to clarify that if I did post anything which natch has nothing to do with you, I hoped the replies would be more serious. I'm finding the atmosphere a bit stifling. There's no mandate that it has to be criticism.

But anyways carry on I will either post or not. You don't have to look out, but sure, if you see it you can lounge around. But heads up I will be giving the more serious replies first dibs as opposed to all the "posting poems back and "yay" kinda stuff as I'd rather people put more thought into it. Peace cheers. Ok?

a reply to: firstofAkhet

I don't think you have said anything to offend really. Honesty can be hard to hear for some.