Just wanted to tell a joke

a reply to: CrazyBlueCat

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

The pig fell in the mud.

a reply to: CrazyBlueCat

Sorry. I accidently started my own thread. It was way past my bedtime.
The Joke Book

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

A man and his wife drove past the beautiful countryside...
They saw a pig, rolling in the mud, so wife said: "Your relative?"

Man replied: "Yes, mother-in-law."

a reply to: pthena

Hah, it’s all good
I found it to be funny and it would’ve gotten lost on this thread



A farmer had a three legged pig and his neighbor asked him why the pig had only three legs. "Well, I'll tell you" the farmer replied. "One day I was plowing my field and the tractor turned over and pinned me underneath. That pig ran for help. He saved my life". "Oh, that's how he lost his leg?" the neighbor drawled. "No. One night my wife and I were sound asleep and the house caught on fire. That pig woke us up. He saved our lives!" "So that's how he lost his leg", stated the neighbor. "No, that wasn't it" the farmer affirmed. Exasperated, the neighbor demanded "Then how did he lose his leg?" and the farmer replied, "When you have a pig that good, you don't eat him all at once!"

Two carabinieri are driving along a corn field when they spot another one in the middle of the field doing stand up paddle.
One to the other:
look at that fool, no way he's getting anywhere.
To which the other replies:
if I had my swimming suit I would go and tell him.

a reply to: Terpene

[ Warning: Un-Woke Joke ]

I better just say some towns people grew alarmed when Spring came, the time when Vikings were wont to plunder and pillage. Their most valuable possession was the bronze bell imported at great cost which was to warn of attacks.

After much discussion, they decided that they would hide the bell far out in the bay. So they loaded it into a row boat and three rowers rowed it out and dropped it into the depths.

They were just starting to row back when one of them said, "Wait! How are we going to find it after the Vikings leave?"

After much thought another one pulled his knife out and carved a notch into the side of the boat. "There, that's right where we'll find it."

They congratulated themselves on their foresight as they rowed back to town.

a reply to: pthena
haha! nice

a reply to: Terpene
Aha, hah!

I interviewed for a job as a mime but I didn’t get it ….
It must’ve been something I said. 🥁




Why did the blind man fall down the well?

Because he couldn’t see that well… 🥁

a reply to: CrazyBlueCat

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?


The 2005 Hide and Seek World Champion.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

All blonde jokes are carabinieri jokes in italy...

a reply to: Terpene

How do you get a one armed Carabineri out of a tree?

You wave at him.

What was he doing up there in the first place?

Raking leaves.

The police knocked at my house tonight to tell me my cat was chasing a kid on a bike.

I just closed the door because my cat doesn’t even own a bike.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

carabinieri walks into an electronics shop, saying he wants this TV over there. Staff tells him they don't sell to carabineri.
A couple of hours later he walks back in without his uniform and asks for the same TV, and again he's told they don't sell to carabinieri. He is surprised, but forgot to change his boots and thought that's how they figured.
He gets a pair of flip-flops and goes back for his TV, yet they won't sell to carabinieri.
Angrily he shouts, what's wrong, how do you tell I'm a carabinieri?

Well Sir, that TV is a microwave...

a reply to: CrazyBlueCat

The Defense asked the witness "So that's when the whole police force retreated?"

"I object!" cried the Prosecutor, "Defense mischaracterization! That was a strategic cop-out."

a reply to: CrazyBlueCat

I had a dream that I ate a giant marshmallow.

When I
Woke up, my pillow was gone!

Bad cat puns, jokes stolen from Garfield (that joke must've been done about 200 times even before Garfield in mainstream media, but Garfield really did that one too many times as well, ever since the seventies, if I am not mistaken - and it's not funny to begin with, no offence)... you really live up to your name, congratulations. (I think this joke is funnier already..)

There is no reason to press ENTER after 'I', and there's no reason to capitalize 'Woke'.

Also, if your pillow was truly GONE, ... well, never mind. My point was, even if you ate your pillow while dreaming it was a marshmallow, it still wouldn't be 'gone', it would just be inside your physical body (and that body would probably be dead).

This post might be a bit too serious for this forum, but I came here expecting actual humor, and all I find is this 'cat stuff'.. so I Cat' resist myself.. (how's this for a forced pun?)

a reply to: CrazyBlueCat

What do you call a pile of cats?

Dead ones? A good start.

a reply to: Shoujikina

There is no reason to press ENTER after 'I', and there's no reason to capitalize 'Woke'.

Cue the nazi police memes, its too early for me to do it.

Lighten up dude.
Are you one of those people that explain why jokes are bad because "That would never happen" ? ? ?

originally posted by: Shoujikina
a reply to: CrazyBlueCat

I had a dream that I ate a giant marshmallow.

When I
Woke up, my pillow was gone!

Bad cat puns, jokes stolen from Garfield (that joke must've been done about 200 times even before Garfield in mainstream media, but Garfield really did that one too many times as well, ever since the seventies, if I am not mistaken - and it's not funny to begin with, no offence)... you really live up to your name, congratulations. (I think this joke is funnier already..)

There is no reason to press ENTER after 'I', and there's no reason to capitalize 'Woke'.

Also, if your pillow was truly GONE, ... well, never mind. My point was, even if you ate your pillow while dreaming it was a marshmallow, it still wouldn't be 'gone', it would just be inside your physical body (and that body would probably be dead).

This post might be a bit too serious for this forum, but I came here expecting actual humor, and all I find is this 'cat stuff'.. so I Cat' resist myself.. (how's this for a forced pun?)

Man, I bet you're an absolute GAS at parties!!

LOL!!

What did the Leper say to the Prostitute?

You can keep the tip.