We now fear our neighbor as much as we fear the "other" political party, is the US doomed?

Our news constantly shows how dangerous the "other" political party is. TV shows by the thousands show that US citizens will beat up or kill someone just for talking to them. Movies are the same. I want to share a thread with you that has me disturbed.

Neighbors are so afraid to get to know each other that they want to call the police instead of talking to their neighbor when a minor issue arises.

On "next door" a social media site to "connect" neighbors one person posted complaining about her neighbors dog barking. What ensued was a litany of complaints about various neighbors whose dog barking disturbed neighbors. Not one person thought about actually talking to their neighbor.

Several suggested calling the police. One person said she peeked through the slats of the neighbors fence to see the dogs and was going to call the police. None, not one suggested they talk to the neighbor. Several suggested that animal control be called to get the animals removed.

My reply on next door:

TALK to the owners. Otherwise, you can go years getting angrier and angrier and then explode and do something you regret. If you can't bring yourself to talk to the owners write them a letter, mail it certified with a return card so you know they got it. Keep a copy for yourself. Document ALL the issues and the times you are most concerned about. At least give them the opportunity to address the issue.

They may, for any number of reasons be unaware. Maybe they are hard of hearing. Maybe they have a sound machine when they sleep. Maybe they work graveyard. Maybe their house is well insulated and they can't hear it. Maybe it's a couple working opposite shifts and one sleeps while one works. Any number of reasons they might not be aware.

DON'T just cause problems for them in the neighborhood by gossiping about them and the situation without addressing it with the dogs owners themselves. That is just wrong and rude and mean. It is cruel to just call animal control without addressing the issue with the owners first and giving them an opportunity to correct the problem. ONLY after, (preferably) talking to them and not someone you "trust" to give them the message, or if you live in fear of them, mailing them a letter. Then giving them time (a week or two) to attempt to correct the problem. ONLY after all that call animal control, or you are the one being inconsiderate of your neighbors.

Why this advice? This happened to us. Our dog has a dog door and stays indoors with us when we are home, which is mostly since we are retired. However, it appears she barked a lot whenever we left home. We were not home so we had no idea this was going on.
Finally, apparently, after 3 years of the neighbors gossiping and griping, someone exploded. That is when we found out. It only took ONE complaint and we now lock the dog door whenever we go out. We hire someone to stay with our dog if we are gone most of the day to let her out and bring her back in, so she doesn't bark for hours.

Why people decided to gossip, complain and alienate us from neighbors, rather than discuss it with us, for years on end. when it only took one conversation for us to remedy the problem, I'll never know.

Then several other dog owners expressed the same thing I did. What has happened that US citizens now live in fear of their next door neighbor without ever speaking to them? I blame the media, news, TV and movies, for teaching people that we live in a dangerous world where your neighbor is someone to be frightened of and who will terrorize you at the drop of a hat.

We were told it was too dangerous to actually talk to your neighbors or even write them a note or send them a letter. They went on and on about 20 of them on this little neighborhood thread, about how dangerous it is to talk to your neighbors and how calling the police or animal control is the best answer.

My reply to their insistence neighbors were dangerous to get to know to solve a problem:

If they have done nothing other then their dogs barking, they probably won't destroy your property if you send them a letter. Getting the police involved first without letting them know the problem, is much more likely to enrage them than a polite letter. But it's your call. I am so sorry you are so terrified of your neighbors you are forced to peek at them through slats to see what is going on.

I got really fed up and distressed that our national media has convinced us all to hate and distrust our neighbor. That is what has happened to our society.

Especially when:

Using the FBI numbers, the violent crime rate fell 49% between 1993 and 2017. Using the BJS data, the rate fell 74% during that span. (For both studies, 2017 is the most recent full year of data.)

www.pewresearch.org...

This is why I have no hope of reconciliation between the political parties which are ripping the country apart at the seams with a vengeance on a daily basis. I am about resigned that the US is doomed, now that we can no longer even bring ourselves to talk to our next door neighbor.

a reply to: The2Billies

I'm american.
I do not fear my neighbors.
I do not fear any political parties.

a reply to: The2Billies

Yes, we are doomed. There's a reason. Just be happy with what you have.

originally posted by: scraedtosleep
a reply to: The2Billies

I'm american.
I do not fear my neighbors.
I do not fear any political parties.

I heard a funny story one time. If you are walking down the street. And someone is walking your way. In all likelihood the person you are afraid of is MORE afraid of you than you are of them. So for a moment, just imagine, you are the scariest person on Earth!

a reply to: The2Billies

I agree that actually talking to your neighbor is the best sollution but please stop trying to find excuses for our own inability to connect with our community.

Individualism is rising fast in our society and any suggestion as to countering that are easily interpreted as socialistic...

Peace

originally posted by: operation mindcrime
I agree that actually talking to your neighbor is the best solution..
.

I just tried talking to my neighbor but the conversation was kinda muffled owing to him being in my freezer.

a reply to: operation mindcrime

Individualism is rising fast in our society and any suggestion as to countering that are easily interpreted as socialistic...

Well, I think there are different ways at looking at it.

Individualism could mean you're not afraid to be your own person, hesitant to subscribe to mainstream ideologies. Having a certain skepticism about things that are very structured.

It doesn't necessarily mean that you don't like the community, or are not open minded to other peoples ideas.

I like to think of myself as very individualistic, but I still have a strong network of diverse people that make up my family and friends. I have different friend groups I frequent regularly, and we're not afraid of hearing to one another and we celebrate our differences and acceptance of that.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: operation mindcrime
I agree that actually talking to your neighbor is the best solution..
.

I just tried talking to my neighbor but the conversation was kinda muffled owing to him being in my freezer.

Did you try taking your foot off of his head? (I imagine it's one of those vertical deep freezers)

I can't imagine living that way. Being scared to talk to the neighbors.
Hell, I have my neighbors key, and was in their house over the weekend, because I took care of their dogs, that bark at me most of the time, if they are home, and we are outside.

Just another reason why living in the country is better. I know most of the neighbors, around the whole country block. there are a couple I avoid, because they are complete jerks, but most of them will stop when they are driving down the road, if they see you outside.

And smiling at a stranger can go a long way, no matter where you live.

a reply to: The2Billies

Being conditioned by MSM and TV programming to fear everything
and everyone.Being alone,afraid and paranoid makes you an easier
target later.Being friendly with your neighbors you might form groups
that would possibly work together when the poo hits the fan.The
powers that be don't want that they want to divide and conquer us all.

a reply to: scraedtosleep

Good for you. But this doesn't seem the norm these days. I was shocked at my neighbors. We live in an upper middle class neighborhood which is only 10 years old. There are no homes where multiple families share a house. We have a strict HOA and clean streets and the neighborhood is fairly quiet.

I was shocked that in this kind of neighborhood people thought their neighbor would shoot them for telling them their dog's barking is disturbing the neighbors. But this seemed to me the majority opinion.

Our town also has more PhD's per capita than most towns in the USA. Our entire town has very little crime and the nearest "bad part of town" is 7 miles away. Why they would fear their neighbors so much in this pablum environment could only be a result of too much media exposure and they believe it.

a reply to: The2Billies

I was shocked that in this kind of neighborhood people thought their neighbor would shoot them for telling them their dog's barking is disturbing the neighbors. But this seemed to me the majority opinion.

Where I'm from, we call those pussies.

They exist in every demographic... They're quite funny and entertaining.

a reply to: CriticalStinker

I agree that it is a good thing we have highly individualistic societies but as with everything there are downsides to this. In a collectivist society you'll see more moderation and self-control in public...maybe we could use a little of that back again.

Peace

a reply to: operation mindcrime

In a collectivist society you'll see more moderation and self-control in public...maybe we could use a little of that back again.

Absolutely, I think you see that in smaller communities since big cities can be so large people can exist on the fringe.

I mean, even a town or city of 100,000, you can't be too rambunctious without it catching up to you. Six degrees of separation in the world, one in any given city that isn't over 1-2 hundred thousand.

originally posted by: operation mindcrime
a reply to: CriticalStinker

I agree that it is a good thing we have highly individualistic societies but as with everything there are downsides to this. In a collectivist society you'll see more moderation and self-control in public...maybe we could use a little of that back again.

Peace

Because if they don't have self-control they state will jail them, forbid them from traveling, fine them, or shoot them. i.e. China - what a wonderful world it would be - ahhhhh collectivism.

originally posted by: CriticalStinker
a reply to: operation mindcrime

In a collectivist society you'll see more moderation and self-control in public...maybe we could use a little of that back again.

Absolutely, I think you see that in smaller communities since big cities can be so large people can exist on the fringe.

I mean, even a town or city of 100,000, you can't be too rambunctious without it catching up to you. Six degrees of separation in the world, one in any given city that isn't over 1-2 hundred thousand.

The town I am discussing has around 100K people in it. So that is what I am talking about. A smaller city, fairly well educated, lots of jobs and employee shortages, statistically very safe, where people fear their neighbors.

originally posted by: CriticalStinker
Did you try taking your foot off of his head? (I imagine it's one of those vertical deep freezers)

And risk letting my literal meal ticket escape? You're funny...

originally posted by: The2Billies

originally posted by: operation mindcrime
a reply to: CriticalStinker

I agree that it is a good thing we have highly individualistic societies but as with everything there are downsides to this. In a collectivist society you'll see more moderation and self-control in public...maybe we could use a little of that back again.

Peace

Because if they don't have self-control they state will jail them, forbid them from traveling, fine them, or shoot them. i.e. China - what a wonderful world it would be - ahhhhh collectivism.

Even the wild west had sheriffs, this is nothing new. Plenty of people still resolve things without getting "the man" involved. It doesn't surprise me people who like living in an HOA community would rather have someone else deal with their quarrels.

Easier to call Karen on the board and let her know the Johnson's just painted their shutters, and it's not the approved eggshell white, but rather cloud white. That sticks out like a sore thumb, and it's going to tank all of our values. Also, their water hose is on a hook, not in a box per HOA bylaws... What is this, a trailer park?

originally posted by: CriticalStinker

originally posted by: The2Billies

originally posted by: operation mindcrime
a reply to: CriticalStinker

I agree that it is a good thing we have highly individualistic societies but as with everything there are downsides to this. In a collectivist society you'll see more moderation and self-control in public...maybe we could use a little of that back again.

Peace

Because if they don't have self-control they state will jail them, forbid them from traveling, fine them, or shoot them. i.e. China - what a wonderful world it would be - ahhhhh collectivism.

Even the wild west had sheriffs, this is nothing new. Plenty of people still resolve things without getting "the man" involved. It doesn't surprise me people who like living in an HOA community would rather have someone else deal with their quarrels.

Easier to call Karen on the board and let her know the Johnson's just painted their shutters, and it's not the approved eggshell white, but rather cloud white. That sticks out like a sore thumb, and it's going to tank all of our values. Also, their water hose is on a hook, not in a box per HOA bylaws... What is this, a trailer park?

How did you know I sit on the HOA board. I fight this type of thing every day, and I'm sickened by it. I fight the rest of the HOA too, to be reasonable. It is an uphill battle, but we finally got an HOA Pres who is rational and a board who is rational. Guess the stick up their butts, power hungry members got sick of me fighting their pettiness and dictatorial leanings. They weren't too happy when I pointed out they were being ridiculous and making the neighborhood an unpleasant place to actually live. Well, they are gone, and we are much happier with our new, reasonable, board. The new board is setting new, more reasonable policies than the ones the developer set.

a reply to: The2Billies

I don't fear my neighbors, I just have no desire to know any of them in my building. The last time I tried to knock on a door about a dog or someones kid running around at 2 am, did not end very politely. It's easier for me to call the apartment courtesy officer and let them sort it out.

The last time I had a neighbor come to my door was when I was 20, it was during the middle of the day, and he was yelling about having a sleeping baby in his downstairs apartment. Not polite discussion, yelling, threatening, and attempting to enter my apartment. We got the door shut on him and called the cops.

So to reiterate, I don't feat my neighbors, I am however glad I don't have to interact with them.