Psychology Today: People Refusing To Date Transgenders Is ‘Dehumanizing’

originally posted by: TonyS
a reply to: Thanatos0042

And imagine the chilling effect this will have on the High School and College age pool of potential "daters".

And honestly, that may just be the entire point of this. Its already the case that a white girl is considered a racist if she doesnt accept the invitation of a black guy to the Prom. So fewer and fewer people go to the school proms and instead go to off campus private Proms.

And college? Fugitaboutit, an unintentional brush of the hand against a wrist when openning a door is considered sexual assault.

Actually, I didn't know that about the proms...but I did know that about the hand-brush-sexual-assault thing.

That's all just crazy to me, but I come from a different era of time where people seemed to be less disposed to face off.

I moderate an adult chat site (and have for a long time) and in the past decade maybe? I've been called all kinds of things by men who propositioned me and had me turn them down. No matter how nice I am to them when I do so. Rejection sucks, I know...I've been rejected in dating enough lol.

I'm just not into other guys, no matter what they look like. Hades, I'm not into most women either. I've always been super picky about who I find attractive enough to be interested in...and the one thing in common they all had, was the opposite plumbing that I have.

On thing I've learned is that there is a fetish for everything and you, do you and find others of like minds and tastes to enjoy what you do. Live an let live as much as reasonably possible (some lines you just can't cross though).

But that doesn't seem to be the prevading attitude...as I've said elsewhere...some people are pushing an agenda and instead of everyone trying to get along, they want to control your beliefs and opinions and that's a recipe for disaster.

I respect the beliefs of others to be gay if they want to. That does not mean I have to go out with guys sexually. I know gay people, many of them are good people, the ones I know pretty well have not tried to get me to go out with them, they know I am straight and respect my choices like I respect their ability to choose a lifestyle that is not socially acceptable. I do not avoid talking to gay people, I am not afraid I will turn into a gay person if I hang around with them. It is not my cup of tea.

Changing a person's sex though, I do not agree with. I think these people should just be gay or learn to live with their feelings that are different than the norm. There are more masculine and feminine people in both sexes, gay is not bad for some, I cannot understand why someone would alter their bodies. It seems like people who profit by them do so are just making money by saying it is appropriate to change your sex. A sales scam to sell services and products.

I know one guy who is changing his sex, he wants to turn into a girl to be a lesbian. I can't wrap my head around a guy wanting to turn into a gay girl. He is a real friendly and nice guy, kind of withdrawn, but he could have had a better choice finding a girl as a guy, there are lots more straight girls than lesbian girls around to pick from to date. He needed his confidence boosted and he needed to learn not to be so shy, not change his sex. But because they have counselors that tell him he can do it, he chose to do it. Maybe a counselor that took him out and showed him how to talk to girls would have been a better thing.

and this is why I no longer date. I guess that makes me someone who dehumanizes all humans...heh.

You no longer date because of what exactly? Because there are gay men and lesbian women in the world, and amongst those women and men with a different sexuality from us there are some individuals who are angry at you not wanting to date them because you are not attracted to them?

So what? I have been shamed by overweight and by obese women because I don't want to date them. I don't even want to hookup with them. There are women my age(28) that are pissed at me because I'm not interested in dating them or marrying them, because I'm attracted to women 10 years younger than me. Being called names, being insulted and being shamed doesn't keep me from enjoying my life.

Enjoy your life, bro. You only have one.

a reply to: Thanatos0042

I'm just not into other guys, no matter what they look like. Hades, I'm not into most women either. I've always been super picky about who I find attractive enough to be interested in...and the one thing in common they all had, was the opposite plumbing that I have.

This. I don't understand this need to slap labels on ourselves, as opposed to just accepting we're all individuals with our own tastes, desires, preferences, attractions, etc.

I'm married... I'm attracted to my hubby... so I guess that makes me heterosexual. But it's not like I'm attracted to ALL men. So does that mean I'm just hubbysexual? The last time I saw a random man and thought, "Oh my god! He's an Adonis!!!" was a swimmer or diver competing in the 1984 Olympics... and it wasn't even sexual, just an acknowledgment of a "perfect" male specimen.

I wonder if it has something to do with the so-called "hookup culture" of today. It seems that we're expected to be attracted to bits and parts rather than attracted to individuals and personalities.

And imagine the chilling effect this will have on the High School and College age pool of potential "daters".

What chilling effect will this have on high school and college students?

You think homosexuality is a virus that you catch by being in the proximity of gay people?

And honestly, that may just be the entire point of this. Its already the case that a white girl is considered a racist if she doesnt accept the invitation of a black guy to the Prom. So fewer and fewer people go to the school proms and instead go to off campus private Proms.

Yeah, where's that? A white woman being considered racist for not wanting to go out with a black guy to the prom? is it in an article? Only goes to show how demented our once beautiful nation is becoming, if that is so. You know what's funny is that my high school was multi-ethnical and I've never met anyone who was called a racist for rejecting someone of another race.

And college? Fugitaboutit, an unintentional brush of the hand against a wrist when openning a door is considered sexual assault.

Nah, that's paranoia. There are millions of young men in college who've never been acussed of sexual assault, and there are a lot more women being sexually harassed around the world, than there are men being unfairly accused of sexually molesting a woman. Physically or emotionally.

I'm just not into other guys, no matter what they look like. Hades, I'm not into most women either. I've always been super picky about who I find attractive enough to be interested in...and the one thing in common they all had, was the opposite plumbing that I have.

I'm not attracted to men either, but I've smashed some men because they were extremely attractive. Maybe I'm bisexual, but I'm only attracted to a very small handful of men. I would smash Brad Pitt even in his old age, and I'd smash all of the golden age Hollywood Stars, with Charlton Heston getting the more smashed. His shirtless scenes in Ben-Hur.

Hmm, dude was fooking hot.

Sexuality, human sexuality is fluid. I don't believe in men and women being 100% straight, and there's a lot more women exprimentating with their sexuality than there are men. Well, at least they're the ones who are more likely to be open about their experiences.

Psychology Today can bite me..Vice pulled this sh@t too awhile back, will never watch a Vice clip again.

It's fine, however a person want's to live, no skin off my nose. But don't you F'ING tell me there is something wrong with me because I'm not going to date someone who used to be a man.

FFS

a reply to: Ligyron

If you're going to quote my post don't get it twisted! I didn't bash anyone but people who would try to force their lifestyles down other's throats. Trying to PC shame people who choose not to date a particular subset of folks is absurd. If you want people to accept your sexual lifestyle then you need to respect the sexual lifestyle choices of others- and that includes heterosexuals who choose not to date those who have changed their genders. And for the record: that also goes for people who choose not to date the obese, the thin, short people, tall people, hairy people, bald people, people of other religious or political beliefs- whatever! I don't try to shame my daughter for not wanting to date men and she doesn't shame me for not wanting to date women, and that is as it should be!

I'm married... I'm attracted to my hubby... so I guess that makes me heterosexual. But it's not like I'm attracted to ALL men.

No, you're not expected to be attracted to every man in the world, just like I'm not attracted to the majority of the women around here, although the average woman here is 5'7'', 110lbs, with straight white teeth, clear skin, and thick, curly hair. I mean, when I got here from the states at the age of 18, sure. I was attracted to EVERY woman, but now, after seeing tens of thousands of women like this everyday -> data.whicdn.com...

I actually find myself taking a lot longer to get attracted to someone. And I've had women who could be making thousands of dollars a month, even a week, by modelling and by working for TV but surprisngly enough, working retail, reject friends of mine who are 6'3'' 220lbs at 7% of body fat and a face like Brad Pitt, for me. Humanity sure is getting mentally ill, considering how physically inferior I am compared to my Calvin Klein and Armani friends 😡

I wonder if it has something to do with the so-called "hookup culture" of today. It seems that we're expected to be attracted to bits and parts rather than attracted to individuals and personalities.

I was reading this book called ''Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game '' by Jon Birger, and it made me sad because people are painting the act of young women and young men coming together and enjoying some quality time between each other without having to add the label of ''relationship'' onto it to be something negative and wrong.

Relationships take a lot of hard work and effort, and young people have better things to do than investing their time and energy into something that will most of the time, fail.

You know what's hilarious? I was reading their national newspaper and apparently it seems that the 70% of first time marriages end up in divorce after 4 to 7 years of marriage, 2nd marriages have a divorce rate of 80% and 3rd marriages 90% divorce rate. It's almost as if monogamy is a sexual-slavery concept created by men to enslave women and to control their sexuality, and women are finally waking up to the reality that they don't need men.

Yes, there are some marriages that work out.

a reply to: Ligyron

I was being facetious with that comment. Sorry, guess it didn't translate well.

I actually DON'T date anymore, but it has nothing to do with anyone else, it's all about me being terminally sick and it doesn't leave me with much energy to devote to a relationship.

That said, I've had plenty of bad experience with women I've met and not dated because I just didn't feel any chemistry or attraction. I try to be nice and polite, not every meeting is a match. Just the same, I've been turned down by women I was interested in. It's all about timing and luck and finding the right person at the right time.

Anyway, I do my best to enjoy the time I have

thanks for your reply.

If you're going to quote my post don't get it twisted! I didn't bash anyone but people who would try to force their lifestyles down other's throats.

the amount of LGTB people who are trying to get heterosexual men and women to date transgender people is so diminute that I don't see why people on ATS are brewing a storm inside a glass over it. What does it matter so much?!

I don't try to shame my daughter for not wanting to date men and she doesn't shame me for not wanting to date women, and that is as it should be!

Honestly, if I had a daughter and it so happened she didn't want to date men, I really couldn't blame her. There are very eligible men for women to pick from, and when the women doing the picking are attractive, then oh boy. The pool of eligible men becomes even smaller and smaller.

at said, I've had plenty of bad experience with women I've met and not dated because I just didn't feel any chemistry or attraction. I try to be nice and polite, not every meeting is a match. Just the same, I've been turned down by women I was interested in. It's all about timing and luck and finding the right person at the right time. Anyway, I do my best to enjoy the time I have

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. You're a great person and I hope you aren't in pain, or at least in as little pain as possible. I hope you're spending the time you have left with the people you love and love you back. You're awesome!

originally posted by: Ligyron

[I'm not attracted to men either, but I've smashed some men because they were extremely attractive. Maybe I'm bisexual, but I'm only attracted to a very small handful of men. I would smash Brad Pitt even in his old age, and I'd smash all of the golden age Hollywood Stars, with Charlton Heston getting the more smashed. His shirtless scenes in Ben-Hur.

Hmm, dude was fooking hot.

Sexuality, human sexuality is fluid. I don't believe in men and women being 100% straight, and there's a lot more women exprimentating with their sexuality than there are men. Well, at least they're the ones who are more likely to be open about their experiences.

More power to you and what makes you happy. I am secure in my sexuality. I can appreciate beauty in the human form, whether it be male or female. The body is a work of art, especially when it is in balance with itself. All those ancient Greek statues aren't wrong lol

We'll have to somewhat disagree. I don't believe that sexuality is fluid for everyone and I do believe some people are 100% straight (male or female). I agree more women are open to fluid sexual experiences than men are, but that makes sense as women are much more emotionally based beings then men are.

But that's just my opnion and based on my experiences through life. That's just anecdotal evidence at best though. I don't make any big claims.

Pfft.

I won't even drive a Trans Am.

originally posted by: Ligyron

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. You're a great person and I hope you aren't in pain, or at least in as little pain as possible. I hope you're spending the time you have left with the people you love and love you back. You're awesome!

Thank you very much for your thoughts and the nice things you have said. I have good days and bad days. I have Polycistic Kidney Disease...so blood cysts will turn off my kidneys eventually....gives me some blood pressur and diabetes and other complications...but, it is what it is you know.

We all can't be paragons of health and if I loved to get old I'd end up being the old dude with the cane hitting people and telling them to get off my lawn lol. Don't live long enough to become the villain. hehe

But I do spend as much time as I can with friends and family ndd do my best to not get up in arms or bent out of shape with what's going on in the world. It's not my world anymore, it's not my time anymore and it all constantly changes.

But, admitedly, it does keep me entertained and at least somewhat interested.

originally posted by: yeahright
Pfft.

I won't even drive a Trans Am.

Thats racist!!

he body is a work of art, especially when it is in balance with itself. All those ancient Greek statues aren't wrong lol

Exactly, and that's why we need to shift the focus of laser-aiming our admiration for the human form on women alone, and expand it to encompass also men, because there's nothing gay about men taking pride in the way that they look, there's nothing feminine in taking care of our skin, our teeth, our physical fitness and our hair.

It's perfectly natural and wholesome to want to look good, because looking good means feeling good, and feeling good means the opposite sex(and the same sex if you are into that) are going to want to be with you.

This is male perfection, and who wouldn't be proud if his Son cared enough about himself to put in the work to achieve it

healthyceleb.com...

i.pinimg.com...

i.pinimg.com...

Instead, we as a nation glorify money, power, and handguns.

I agree more women are open to fluid sexual experiences than men are, but that makes sense as women are much more emotionally based beings then men are.

Nah, I don't see it that way. There's this commonly-held notion that women are far more emotional than men are and that a woman's sexuality and sexual desire is strongly tied to her emotional state, and what she feels about a guy, but honestly just visit any beach-resort town filled with young women and men and you'll see that women are as a visually-oriented as men are.

Some scholars have argued that female sexual desires tend to be fluid and receptive, while men’s desires – regardless of whether men are gay or straight – tend to be inflexible and unchanging.

Despite the common belief in the rigidity of male heterosexuality, historians and sociologists have created a substantial body of well-documented evidence showing straight men – not “closeted” gay men – engaging in sexual contact with other men. In many parts of the United States prior to the 1950s, the gay/straight binary distinguished effeminate men (or “fairies”) and masculine men (“normal” men) – not whether or not a man engaged in homosexual sex.

theconversation.com...

Like, you think guys are going to become monks if they are in jail or in the army and haven't see a woman in months, even years? Just ask the Ancient Spartans! most of them were having sex with other men.

Since they're trying to convince us that it's all about what's in your mind and how you think and feel about what you are, how about this: If one looks at a trans-woman and "thinks and feels" that that person is really not a woman and therefore decides not to date "her", how about some respect for those feelings and choices.

Like it or not, some people are going to look at trans individuals as whatever their biological (birth) sex is. You can chop and add body parts, dress up as the person you think you are, go through hormone therapy, and do whatever else to transition, but, no amount of pressure by those in society pushing this is going to change the way others react and feel. Accept that, and stop with the naziesque demands.

a reply to: Freeborn

Works for me.

This is getting just a tad bit, well, stupid.

Dehumanized? Really? I don't date guys either...am I dehumanizing gay men, too?

a reply to: seagull

Alessandra Ambrosio is dehumanizing men by not dating me, yes 😡 LOL

originally posted by: Ligyron

I mean, when I got here from the states at the age of 18, sure. I was attracted to EVERY woman, but now, after seeing tens of thousands of women like this everyday -> data.whicdn.com...

I actually find myself taking a lot longer to get attracted to someone. And I've had women who could be making thousands of dollars a month, even a week, by modelling and by working for TV but surprisngly enough, working retail, reject friends of mine who are 6'3'' 220lbs at 7% of body fat and a face like Brad Pitt, for me. Humanity sure is getting mentally ill, considering how physically inferior I am compared to my Calvin Klein and Armani friends 😡

LOL! I would call that maturity rather than mental illness, but your point is well taken. All that glitters is not gold, but knowing and understanding that comes with experience. Nothing wrong with exploring one's options, which teaches us much about ourselves in the process, but at some point most people (hopefully!) learn to appreciate quality over quantity.

I was reading this book called ''Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game '' by Jon Birger, and it made me sad because people are painting the act of young women and young men coming together and enjoying some quality time between each other without having to add the label of ''relationship'' onto it to be something negative and wrong.

I have no problem with "friends with benefits" type relationships, as long as each party knows and understands that's what it is. Again, it's part of exploring one's own self and nature, learning about human nature, learning what is important and what's not... all that good stuff! Not just for individuals either, but collectively for society. Moving from an arranged marriage culture to a marrying-for-love culture to a free-love culture has a learning curve.

You know what's hilarious? I was reading their national newspaper and apparently it seems that the 70% of first time marriages end up in divorce after 4 to 7 years of marriage, 2nd marriages have a divorce rate of 80% and 3rd marriages 90% divorce rate. It's almost as if monogamy is a sexual-slavery concept created by men to enslave women and to control their sexuality, and women are finally waking up to the reality that they don't need men.

Maybe in some situations, but certainly not in every case. At one time, women did "need" men but ONLY because men had written the laws to make sure of it! Women could not even have a choice to divorce abusive husbands!!! But women always knew that they could do for themselves without men as well. And men knew as well, or there would have been no need or desire for such laws.

Yes, there are some marriages that work out.

Yup! It can be done when both are committed and invested. There are quite a few of us old married folk right here on ATS

a reply to: Thanatos0042

My heart goes out to you. I can empathize.

Be kind to yourself, take good care of yourself, and best wishes for you and yours