Personal question...of preference

Heres a little Friday morning convo starter.

Have you ever been out and about when suddenly...nature comes a knocking? Or more like beating on the door?

Are you one of the types that will drop what they are doing, regardless of where you are and b-line it home to use your own washroom?
Or will you just hit up the closest McD's and relieve yourself?

I suffer from what I call " Garbage guts " and when I get that urge, I NEED to act now.

I just physically dont got the time, nor luxury to be able to just hold it till I get home.
Hell, ill be driving with the wife having that morning coffee and ill pull a U-turn in traffic to get to the closest public washroom.

I'll pull a grown man right off the toilet if I suspect that he's all finished in there and is now just taking advantage of the facilities.
Time is not a luxury I can afford in that situation.
If im scouring the streets at 80 km/h in a panic looking for the closest bathroom.... its going down now.
It's that urgent.

My wife, on the other hand, she won't even consider using a public toilet.
She will hold it till we get home and does it with ease.

So I want to know, are you as grotesque as myself, that when it hits you, you NEED to go now.

Or can you wait out... just ignore it, deal with it later?

And if you're like me, willing to use public washrooms, do you have a favorite that you will go out of your way to use?

a reply to: Macenroe82

I'm lucky enough to have a pretty mild system and very rarely NEED to go. At least for my age now. However, I'm not picky. I'm all about convenience. I go where I am at. I will try to wait until I'm the only one in the bathroom. If not, the not so discrete toilet flush will have to cover up any uncomfortable sounds.

a reply to: Macenroe82

I'll pull a grown man right off the toilet if I suspect that he's all finished in there and is now just taking advantage of the facilities. ...

Oh my GAWD, I don't think I've laughed as hard in a very long while reading that! LOLOLOLOL!!!

**smackin' leg**

Gawd that's funny!!!

It's even funnier considering the fact I must have seen you about a year ago in the bathroom at the airport. This frantic dude came running in and was pounding, literally POUNDING, on every stall door, screaming "GET OUT OF THERE, YOU NO GOOD #$%@#$@%#!#...I KNOW YOU'RE DONE IN THERE!! NOW GET OUT!!!! AAAAIIIEEEEEEEAAAGGGHHH!!!"

I almost had a hernia laughing!!

I prefer home field advantage, but if ya gotta go, ya gotta go and I'm not doin the " clench and pray".

a reply to: DAVID64

...or worse...the wide legged slow walk!

ETA...or even worse still...the sudden frozen statue mode with the world class grimace and that hint of "Please God, not here! I promise I'll be good FOREVER....just pleeze...not here...on the escalator!"

originally posted by: DAVID64
I prefer home field advantage, but if ya gotta go, ya gotta go and I'm not doin the " clench and pray".

Home field advantage is nice.

But lets not forget... "My boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, so I deuce on company time".

I'd prefer home, but if ya gotta go....
Most public washrooms are usually clean. Usually.
Once while traveling, I had to stop at a highway auto repair shop that I swear had the filthiest restroom in the history of the universe.



Also, this thread brought to mind some of these old infantile poop jokes:

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A Salad Shooter.


Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your genes.

Have you seen that new movie 'Constipated'?
No, it hasn’t come out yet.

Murpy's Law Number Two: The farther you are from a toilet, the more urgently you need to poop.

That is why a full size Van is nice. When one has these urgencies, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. for males it's somewhat easier due to plumbing, and movements present another dilemma that can be hard to deal with. Social and out and about events can be somewhat planned with a certain degree of awareness and timing, and success in avoiding catastrophes. One can face the music and wear garments or pretend there is no problem and risk humiliation. We are not alone.



a reply to: Macenroe82

a reply to: Plotus

I am NOT ridin' in your van!!

OMG...I haven't laughed this hard in a while!!

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I have to tell this and this thread is the perfect place.

Last week I was outside when my girlfriend got home from work, flew into the driveway..screeched to a stop, jumped out without turning the car off or closing the door and said 2 words as she ran past me that literally made me fall down laughing in my yard.....

"Prairie dog"

Jesus John this is on hell of a topic... what goes on in that mind of yours?

Whilst living in South East Asia I learned that when you have to go, you just have to go, and quickly.

In fact, I've brought this skill home with me. I work in a quiet office with a toilet in close vicinity, it's small and too close for comfort. Let me explain, I have been banned from farting in a previous job because my insides are very offensive. So one day, actually more than once, I popped out to find a public toilet. The problem is, the office is in the middle of nowhere, no toilets anywhere except for a very small service station whose toilets are constantly out of order.

But, luckily there's a canal nearby. A secluded canal where only the occasional rambler passes by. I used this a couple of times. What can i say.


Then there's also the problem of needing a nappy. I'm not medically incontinent. But I brew my own beer. If you drink it before it's fully fermented the remaining yeast, although good for your insides, empties you, it's a danger to break wind. One day I drove 250 miles to a meeting, no problems, feeling great. I parked up, five minutes to go, farted... I think you know the rest. I managed to find a local supermarket, bought some underpants and wipes. I go to the toilet but the assistant stops me to check I have paid for the goods. Sees me buying wipes and underpants... A sad day for being a respectable human being.

a reply to: Macenroe82



Ummm...public restroom...?

I’ve pulled off the interstate in the median behind a group of trees...and helped fertilize Gods green earth...

Word of warning...if only leaves are present for that tactical smear...just be sure you know what poison ivy really looks like...

Note to self...be sure to grab extra napkins from Taco Bell...your going to need them eventually...

Purge the urge...








YouSir

My Dad was the greatest guy in the world. God rest his soul. Sorry, Dad, but I gotta' tell it!

Funny as the day was long (most times). He was 89 at the time. Anyway, this one time I'm talkin' with him on the phone, and there's all this commotion in the background, and he sounds frustrated. So I ask him if he wants me to call him back. He says...

"No, everything is, uhhhh, uhhh...DAMMIT!!....everything is...ugggghhh....G## DAMMIT!!!...everything is just fine!"

Then I hear even more commotion and he tells me to hang on for a second. I hear him cussin' (muffled).... "Damn button thing doesn't work, grrrrrrr!...Okay, I'm back!" Then he's all muffled again, talking to someone else.

I said to him..."DAD, what the hell is going on there???? You want me to call back later??"

"No, no, no...everything is fine.........I'm just crappin' all over the place and I can't find the button to have these damn people come and clean all this S# up!!!"

I was laughing so hard I tripped over the dog, banged my head on the table and slammed the phone off the wall as I fell!! I'm laying there on the floor LMFAO

I damn near had an aneurysm laughing so hard and it took me about two minutes to fish the phone out from behind the couch!!

I mean, HOW do you respond to something like that???? He thought it was hilarious. He says..."Well, at least I crapped in my own room!! Hell, most of these 'old geezers' here (he was 89 at the time) just crap while they're walkin' down the dang hall! They don't care!! Hell, most of 'em prolly don't even know they just crapped their britches!! Crazy old bastages!"

LOLOL!!

I plan my daily routine around accessibility to bathrooms. I have always pee'd a lot except if I am sweating it out. I have a big bladder, but it fills up quickly if I drink a lot.

I also try to go poop in the morning and then I am all set for the day, unless of course, I eat certain foods that make me go a lot. If I missed my morning dump, I could be constipated for days. So, I made sure I went before leaving the house to go to work, the wife is the same way.

Chinese food makes me have to go before leaving the restaurant, cleans me right out. So does food containing lots of sugar, remember, lots of the laxatives either incorporate sodium or sugar molecules in to their chemistry. Magnesium helps to relax overstimulation binding the gut from too much calcium locking things on, acting as a laxative. If too much magnesium is present without enough calcium, then the gut does not work right, it is too relaxed and does not pulse. So calcium helps some people poop or over poop. Sugar and carbs partially work by boosting glucose to the brain, which in turn creates glutamine to feed the gut and increase the parastolic action of the gut making you go. On top of that, the extra glucose also uses up some of the bodies insulin and high insulin also stops the gut from moving, too much sugar and carbs cause the runs for many people, things need to be balanced. Too much potassium which is used in insulin binding glucose for delivery to the muscles can also cause constipation sometimes. Potatoes do have benzo qualities that actually slow the digestion a bit and also are rich in potassium so their carbs do not usually give people the runs like breads do.

I know lots about all sorts of ways to fix these kinds of problems, both constipation and diahrea. I studied the meds used to treat these things to get some ideas. I am a little OCD, I am constipated and to properly find how to stop constipation, you need to research triggers for both ways and adjust the diet a bit. Everyone has different physiology so everyone has different combinations to balance things. Some meds like Metformin can cause the runs long term in people after they take them for a while too, the way it works is actually included in the above info, it's action on the gut receptors is the reason it can cause the problem.

Another crappy thread

originally posted by: Macenroe82
Heres a little Friday morning convo starter.

Have you ever been out and about when suddenly...nature comes a knocking? Or more like beating on the door?

Are you one of the types that will drop what they are doing, regardless of where you are and b-line it home to use your own washroom?
Or will you just hit up the closest McD's and relieve yourself?

I suffer from what I call " Garbage guts " and when I get that urge, I NEED to act now.

I just physically dont got the time, nor luxury to be able to just hold it till I get home.
Hell, ill be driving with the wife having that morning coffee and ill pull a U-turn in traffic to get to the closest public washroom.

I'll pull a grown man right off the toilet if I suspect that he's all finished in there and is now just taking advantage of the facilities.
Time is not a luxury I can afford in that situation.
If im scouring the streets at 80 km/h in a panic looking for the closest bathroom.... its going down now.
It's that urgent.

My wife, on the other hand, she won't even consider using a public toilet.
She will hold it till we get home and does it with ease.

So I want to know, are you as grotesque as myself, that when it hits you, you NEED to go now.

Or can you wait out... just ignore it, deal with it later?

And if you're like me, willing to use public washrooms, do you have a favorite that you will go out of your way to use?

My wife is on diuretics so it's pretty much, if I can't find a coffee shop or gas station, the laundry is dropping on the side of the road, hopefully it's night time lol.

Cheers - Dave

When the turtles head is touching tissue I will kick any door down to release the poor little blighter.

Otherwise and as usual I release him after my morning cig and coffee.

Lags

a reply to: Macenroe82

My rule is if not at home, don't seat. Of course it takes time to develop the skills but it's safe.

1. Unbutton your shirt and tie it to the middle of your chest, making a pocket.

2. Prepare 2 batches of paper and put them in the pocket so they are reachable immediately. Sometimes that saves you from peeing your underwear while you're hanging and #1 and #2 come together.

No kidding, that's what I do when not at home.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

BAHHAHAHA!

a reply to: Macenroe82

I just get annoyed when ventilation is right above the can and it blows away the paper seat covers. Sometimes the piddle holds them in place though..