I need a foot, or a boot, up the backside.

originally posted by: olaru12
Obviously you can write, reasonably articulate...perhaps it time for that new novel or screen play.

I have ego crisis form time to time and always seek solace in Art. Art therapy works great.


www.celtx.com...

I'm about as articulate as someone with dementia. Don't mistake my love for language (and ruining it in my own particular way) as being articulate

I did think of writing a book once, many years ago... 2 Grapefruit, a box of wine, and an uncertain future. I was going to call it, but it would have been chapter after chapter of "Slept in today... Got up around noon, and waited for the bus. It was late again, so I had a drink, on my way to get more grapefruit."

I do play guitar, I was born left handed but forced to be right handed, so there is that brain danage preventing me from being either good at math, or drawing things.

kik

originally posted by: kelbtalfenek
a reply to: SummerRain

honestly...I think everyone can use a dose of humility every once in a while. Karma sneaks back up on us in the time of our greatest needs. And we have to be humble enough to accept it. Fighting against karma is counter productive.

That is also very true. Like holding a balloon under water, sure it's easy to do at first. We fight against the things we can never change, and we think we'll overcome it.. but like the balloon under water, eventually we become weary. Eventually all the struggling was for nothing as the balloon rushes up towards the surface, and erupts, splashing violently.

Letting go, not giving in, is a skill. One I know now more than ever.

even the most precious of things that were given to us, are never ours to hold onto. they were there long before us and will be there long after us, in one form or another.

a reply to: ClovenSky

I can ruin more than you can !!!

See if I dont !

originally posted by: TerryMcGuire
a reply to: SummerRain

I only have thongs... sadly. and rather unkempt toenails

Yeah, what's up with these ''old man'' toenails? All thickening and ridges and some curling up like my dogs?
Who the hell ever planned for THAT???

Ear lobes.. they got together and had a meeting. "If we have to look like balls hanging off the side of this old git's head, then I demand toes wear gnarly broken stumps as hats."

And knowing their pull when it comes to all things old, being the most observed things on an old blokes head, the rest of the body silently voted yes... even the bits that are always covered under shorts.

originally posted by: ClovenSky
a reply to: SummerRain

Very excellent brother. Once again ATS shows wonderful souls that makes me happy in sharing this reality.

So really, this is a bragging thread and not one of pity

Peace

And I have to add, I knew this place would sort my mind out. A very very appreciated thing.

Thanks good folk. I very much respect everyone who stopped by, you made a huge difference.

a reply to: SummerRain

And is it wrong to feel angry when they wont even hear you? and instead, keep that wedge firm? As if nothing will ever fix the broken egg shell I shattered in anger, over things long forgotten about?

I guess it may not always be forgotten by the other party. Still there are few I know who would not respond to a sincere apology.

a reply to: SummerRain

Man, I have been in the same spot as you many times.

As far as regretting the past, I'd say it's best not to open the crypt. That's from experience. YMMV.

I've found that taking my experiences and crafting them into stories helps me find peace and even value in my mistakes.

Not saying writing is your thing but you may explore some creative expression. Maybe you already do.

I think it's decent enough that you feel remorseful.

Need a swift kick to the posterior?

Pray for one.

You'll get it. 100% guaranteed.

You aren't that woman that just dumped her whole world because she couldn't have that Kardashian wedding are ya? That would be hard to forgive. lol

a reply to: SummerRain

You acknowledged your mistakes of the past, reached out to people and apologized. The rest is on them. If they accept your apology then wonderful, if not, the seed of love was planted. Move ahead knowing you did the right thing and are trying to become a better man.

a reply to: SummerRain

I suspect I may know you in RL. If you are whom I think you are then believe me when I say I know you will be okay. You're a good person at heart! You may have pulled some dumb s*** every once in a while, and maybe asked for advice that you did not take- but you have a beautiful soul!

If I'm wrong about your "secret identity" rest assured that I honestly believe what I have said it still true anyway! Hold fast friend. for this too shall pass!

Send them an email titled please read when cooled down.
Vent your apologies, but be very articulate in how it’s written.
Most people misinterpret emotion in text form.

If they still don’t want to work it out, well at least you know you tried.
Because as you said getting older, it’s not worth it to allow petty differences to consume ourselves.
But like I said, at least you will be able to go to bed at night with a clear conscience, that you tried.

originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: SummerRain

You acknowledged your mistakes of the past, reached out to people and apologized. The rest is on them. If they accept your apology then wonderful, if not, the seed of love was planted. Move ahead knowing you did the right thing and are trying to become a better man.

Oh, dear lady, you are sincerely the most precious of gems, Night Star. I often think of you when I am in that place where there is no other thing but the essence of ourself. Brings a smile to my face, knowing there is a soul in this world, so wonderfully compassionate.

My sadness was yet compounded today, when someone I care for so deeply, unfriended me on facebook. What a miserable place that is. But she is also friends with my old friend. In fact, she and I were engaged, but in 12 days will marry the man she found her true brightness with. A very melancholy thing, to see the happiness I wanted so much to give her, given to her by someone else. And it is still something I would never want to see taken away.

I have lost two guiding lights that had been so bright when my path was so dark. Yet, I will still meander this damp ground, and avoid the side routes that beckon me with dishonest and sinister things.

A Life, is merely the combination of layers we apply to ourselves by the experiences we encounter.. our likes, wants, dislikes, regrets, needs, love. We are born into this world as pure innocence. Only knowing we need nurturing and safety. Who we think of as us, when we sit alone, is always from the perspective of our layers, our experiences. But when we sit alone, without those layers in the way, there is only that innocent thing, that "I".

We never realise how important it is as we apply those layers. But we surely do know the pain of losing them.

Once the tide has receded, I know I'll be able walk towards dry lands, and see that sunrise over a new horizon. Last night was dismal, but in coming to terms with things, I did find some peace. Thanks to the kind people here. And today, without notice, I twisted the knife of my own sins as it was thrust still into me, with vigour. The older me would have screamed in agony, and used that blade to hurt myself even more, but now, all I know is that this innocent part of me only wants to be free of the things that hurt. To finally let go on things I tried so hard to grasp onto, even as they became romanticised figments.

Instead of anger, now, compassionate remorse. We fight to hold on, and we fight to let go. But it is by holding on, that we will only ever see a fight.

originally posted by: SeaWorthy
a reply to: SummerRain

And is it wrong to feel angry when they wont even hear you? and instead, keep that wedge firm? As if nothing will ever fix the broken egg shell I shattered in anger, over things long forgotten about?

I guess it may not always be forgotten by the other party. Still there are few I know who would not respond to a sincere apology.

It's a sadness, really, to consider that tomorrow is never guaranteed, but grudges are.

If I do have cancer, I will never get to speak to my friend(s) again.

originally posted by: DictionaryOfExcuses
a reply to: SummerRain

Man, I have been in the same spot as you many times.

As far as regretting the past, I'd say it's best not to open the crypt. That's from experience. YMMV.

I've found that taking my experiences and crafting them into stories helps me find peace and even value in my mistakes.

Not saying writing is your thing but you may explore some creative expression. Maybe you already do.

Ahh This is why I am so verbose to the dismay of others. I do find that expressing myself, can help me to see my words and collect my thoughts more clearly. I actually respond positively to talk therapy. But it's impossible to find something here that allows it. I've become the old weirdo who mutters to himself when he thinks no one else is watching lol

As for not opening the crypt, well said. It's closed doors I still find the need to knock on, I suppose. Not so much today, so many closed doors, I would rather find one with a welcome mat before it, and not one with a do not disturb sign hung across it.

I think it's decent enough that you feel remorseful.

thank you. Others might say they've heard it all before, but the different between then and now, is honesty.

I watched the old me cross over, leaving the mask behind, and realised that I was that mask all along, and that part of me who took the easy way out, was the cause of everything. Free of that burden, I want to make amends. And if the broken pieces are too damaged, then all I can ever do is make the promise to never break such gentle things, again.

originally posted by: GeauxHomeYoureDrunk
a reply to: SummerRain

I suspect I may know you in RL. If you are whom I think you are then believe me when I say I know you will be okay. You're a good person at heart! You may have pulled some dumb s*** every once in a while, and maybe asked for advice that you did not take- but you have a beautiful soul!

If I'm wrong about your "secret identity" rest assured that I honestly believe what I have said it still true anyway! Hold fast friend. for this too shall pass!

I didn't know it was you till I saw your zombie thread.

My heart broke a little more, so many shards in every corner. But to see your words right now, wow... B misses you, by the way, and it hurts her.

Everyone was right about me. And it took an entire world for me to lose, for finally, me to hear the words so many had spoken.

You have no idea of how I've seen myself lately. Without the lies of my ego. And honestly, I am amazed I can still take breath, having seen those things.

for once, my words are not said simply to elicit a response. they are the only way I can express things, in a torrent of emotion.

It's good to speak without the mask on, hey.

originally posted by: Macenroe82
Send them an email titled please read when cooled down.
Vent your apologies, but be very articulate in how it’s written.
Most people misinterpret emotion in text form.

If they still don’t want to work it out, well at least you know you tried.
Because as you said getting older, it’s not worth it to allow petty differences to consume ourselves.
But like I said, at least you will be able to go to bed at night with a clear conscience, that you tried.

I did that. I tried to be as expressive about my intent as possible, but there was nothing. I know I did try, and I stood back from what I would have done in the past, and realised that it is better to let things be, than yell into nothing.

Suffering is not lessened by causing more of it. The jester takes off his fools cap, only when he is absolutely at rest.

originally posted by: NthOther
Need a swift kick to the posterior?

Pray for one.

You'll get it. 100% guaranteed.

I used to pray all the time when I was young. And it actually never helped, in fact things always seemed to get worse. As if god was telling me "You again? get lost, punk." but in reality, I know it was just that part of me who seeks the bad things, so he can simply complain about them later and be nothing but noise.

I don't pray any more. Asking something other than myself, for things only I can grant myself, is a bit silly to me, now.

A prayer serves best to allow us to hear what it is we truly want. It is attachment to something, put into words.

I could pray to the wind, but it's more effective to put my intentions into words actual people read. And it has helped tremendously. No reply was not listened to, no attitude unexpected. Unlike a prayer, which implies you only want one answer.

Now as for those boots! A good pair of doc martins, please. size 13. My old man's feet are suffering old age drift... Amen !

originally posted by: SummerRain

originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: SummerRain

You acknowledged your mistakes of the past, reached out to people and apologized. The rest is on them. If they accept your apology then wonderful, if not, the seed of love was planted. Move ahead knowing you did the right thing and are trying to become a better man.

And today, without notice, I twisted the knife of my own sins as it was thrust still into me, with vigour. The older me would have screamed in agony, and used that blade to hurt myself even more, but now, all I know is that this innocent part of me only wants to be free of the things that hurt. To finally let go on things I tried so hard to grasp onto, even as they became romanticised figments.

Instead of anger, now, compassionate remorse. We fight to hold on, and we fight to let go. But it is by holding on, that we will only ever see a fight.

Now that is true freedom right there. Why are we here if not to walk this beautiful path and learn. To experience and then to let go, anxiously awaiting the next trial of pain and happiness when balanced out leads to contentment and peace.

god this reality rules.

a reply to: SummerRain

Every day presents a new chance to begin again! Be true to yourself and refuse to acknowledge the "devil on your shoulder" because all he wants is chaos and destruction. Listen to your inner light- it knows the way!

I wish happiness and all things that are good in life to you!

As far as B goes- that wasn't your fault. It was her own words and actions that caused that rift. I'd have probably gotten over it long ago if it had been the 1st or even 2nd time something like that had occurred through the years, but sadly it was not. Sometimes we have to let people go in order to take care of ourselves. I wish her no harm and only happiness, but from a distance.