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I need a foot, or a boot, up the backside.

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posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 11:11 AM
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Just someone to kick me there, steel caps welcome.

I've been a mess these past few years, but lately, my life has taken a different turn. I have faced things we expect to face .. you know, when we're old.. older. at least. And am still currently waiting for results from things. Not the issue, but a good part of it.

I've said and done things in the past, in my fugue state, that I so very much regret. And now when I reach out, just so that should things be as they want to be, but as I fight against them being, I get slapped down.

Is it wrong to reach out to someone who you once considered one of your closest friends, from such a selfish place?

And is it wrong to feel angry when they wont even hear you? and instead, keep that wedge firm? As if nothing will ever fix the broken egg shell I shattered in anger, over things long forgotten about?

Right now I've never felt so broken. a stiff kick up the backside is all I can think of. tell me to stfu, deal with it, get over it, grow up, stop whining, you're an idiot, what a loser, dickhead, wanker, who the f do you think you are, etc...

might stop me thinking the same.

crap rant I know. probably shouldn't have posted it.




posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 11:19 AM
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a reply to: SummerRain

I asked you for that last week and I don't recall you jumping in to help out


www.abovetopsecret.com...

Now show me some boot and we'll talk




edit on 1-9-2018 by NarcolepticBuddha because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 11:22 AM
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I always think that people saying youth is wasted on the young were wrong. I don't think I would ever trade up the wisdom gained from experience for the vibrance of youth. I paid dearly for those lessons learned so why should I regret? Wouldn't learning and accepting be the true path? Regret and sorrow are just feeling sorry for yourself, the easy way out.

Now if you fully acknowledged the past and accepted the choices you made, wouldn't you be stronger for it? If you didn't get mad at the other person but instead accepted their free will choice, wouldn't that bring peace?



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 11:23 AM
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originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: SummerRain

I asked you for that last week and I don't recall you jumping in to help out


www.abovetopsecret.com...

Now show me some boot and we'll talk





Lol, I did.. I did it with a wry grin.

I only have thongs... sadly. and rather unkempt toenails




I lost a guiding light for real tonight. Just floating around this ocean, the sole captain of a sinking boat. But a smile does help find safer waters !!



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 11:28 AM
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One way of looking at it is you made your bed now lay in it. A House Neglected over the span of years cannot be restored in a Day or Week. Everything is in a Constant State of Decay. Not Bible thumping here, but read Ecclesiastes. Even King David had his retrospect.

Now that the pity pot is over.... Add a Cubit to your Stature, as Jesus said. That means get off your ass and get to work removing the Poisons in your life. If something is Negatively effecting your life, remove the Cause. No problem is presented to Mankind collectively or individually that they cannot solve. The rub lies in whether the Solution is convenient or not. Is it Convenient to neglect your House, Yard, or Garden? Hell Yes it is! Pass the Nachos! But your Focus Determines Your Reality, for Good or Bad. Don't drive your life with your rearview mirror, and wonder why you're ALWAYS in the ditch. Is is convenient to commit suicide? Hell Yes it is! This gun tastes like pennies! But whether you like it or not, you'll reincarnate into a new mold of clay to do it all over again, plus the previous life debt. The Uni-Verse is a GIANT UNI-VERSITY and if you flunk you get to do it over and over and over again until you pass. You will PASS...LIFE straightens us all out, whether it be at 18 years old, 80 years old, or in a PINE BOX. There are no Orphans or Widows under GOD. Chisel out the Negatives to Reveal the Masterpiece of your Life.

Seek Light (Wisdom not Knowledge) like the Flowers do, which are as innumerable as the Stars. Like attracts Like. Focus on what you have and more will be added unto you. Focus on Lack, and the little you have will be taken away. You reached out, and hopefully this helps you. God Bless!



a reply to: SummerRain


edit on 1-9-2018 by SecretsoftheBlueApples because: Classified Nunya



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 11:29 AM
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Hope it all works out bro.

All you can do is say Im sorry. Did you try that?



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 11:33 AM
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a reply to: ClovenSky

I do agree, in general.. but for me, it's a recent realisation. I've seen myself without the selfish filters of my own ego. What I had thought I knew about myself, has turned into a terrible thing.

Like watching The Usual Suspects.. if you follow.. You're watching something you think is what you'd expect.. It is familiar, understandable, and then right at the end, you see everything from a different perspective, and it hits you - you were wrong the entire time. And that is how I feel. And it is unthinkable to realise that my entire life, I was lying to myself about myself, as I was to others. Always justifying the reasons I screwed up, yet always screwing up.

So with that, I wanted to make amends to people who had shown me more care than I ever did towards myself. And with heartfelt regret and sorrow, not self pity, I reached out.

Words were not heard, only old wounds kept open.

And boy did that really strike me. I've never felt so destroyed. I had been such a complete monster to people, in so many different ways, that even though I knew it, I never knew just how deeply I had been that monster. Like a cold shadow always on my back, and now that I am doing everything to shine sun onto it, it remains in the hurt I pushed onto those I cared about, so much.

idk... it's a rant, I should be yelling or something. not wondering if feeling as I am, is somehow payment for learning my most innate truth..



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 11:43 AM
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a reply to: SecretsoftheBlueApples

Star for your words, despite me already having been with and now not with, religion.

I didn't mean this to come across as a pity party.. I don't want people to say how sorry they are, albeit from people who don't know me nor where I am at. I wanted to just hear if I am thinking like a tool, or if it is normal. to have said sorry, to have said even if things are never to be as they were, at least lets not part ways like this. To offer that olive branch, at least.

But to then be completely left, in the rain of my futile attempts... that just hit me like a tonne of bricks.

I have taken stock of my things in life, weighed up the good and the bad, removed as much of the bad as I can, to counter the difference. I know it is not with mere words that I can hope to see changes in the broken mirror of my past. Only actions. But when you reach out, extend that hand, and you end up grasping at echoes, it stinks.

Seems that my words are sharp enough when used as weapons, to sever even the most loving of hearts from their natural ability to beat for everyone.

And that is something I will have to live with. broken mirrors are one thing.. but to even crack the most precious of things as a loving heart, that is a crime I will pay for, always.

You need bigger boots than that!! barely felt that, and I see you're size 12 even !



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 11:45 AM
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a reply to: SummerRain

Pull yourself up by the 'bootstraps' and one day, you too, can grab pussy as president of a nation. You've just got to believe.



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 11:46 AM
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Yeah, a crisis of faith sure will change your perception, huh?

Now that were in the digital age, I guess ATS is as good a place as any to get a little catharsistic relief.

Now it's about CHANGE isn't it? Got a plan?

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.......HST

edit on 1-9-2018 by olaru12 because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 11:49 AM
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a reply to: SummerRain

On a more serious note, i must enquire about your sex. If you are a male, and this friend is also a male, I would be direct in forcing them to get over it and move on as friends.

If this was more than that it could be more complicated, but we have all #ed up. Done bad things. Burned some bridges. # happens, sometimes people can move on and make up. Sometimes not. But more often than not, i see former friends or lovers rekindling in the future. Perhaps when this person you speak of, is also in a rough place?



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 11:49 AM
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originally posted by: notsure1
Hope it all works out bro.

All you can do is say Im sorry. Did you try that?


I didn't actually say it in those concise words. I used an entire lexicon.. perhaps that was the problem..

Oh it will work out, navigating pain is my forte.
if you can't dance to the music being played, you're just a strange bystander in life.

and as a famous song once said, I like to dance.. it's like standing still - only faster!

thanks guys, while I still didn't get that steel cap, the flip flops and crocs did help



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 11:50 AM
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a reply to: SummerRain

I am usually wrong about things but it dosen't seem to stop me much. So take this with a grain of salt.

Would you rather be awake or still sleeping. Would you rather be oblivious to how your actions and words impact others or have personal growth enough to develop the empathy of sight. If you want the wisdom and knowledge, then why do you want someone to kick you now. Would it somehow ease the pain. If you think that pain and suffering are to be avoided at all cost, how will you ever grow.

I would say you should rejoice in your new perspective on life. You realized the pains that you have possibly caused and tried to make amends for those actions. Who cares what the person receiving that apology does with it. You can't control them. You shouldn't base yourself on their thoughts or reactions. You are doing something that will bring you peace to some extent, it has nothing to do with the acceptance of others. Be yourself.

Sorrow, regret and self pity appear the same to me. I don't demonize those emotions like some do and I firmly believe they can be great tools of healing if used properly. I would be happy you are able to look at both sides of a situation, there are many that don't have the ability to dispel the lies they tell themselves. Rejoice, after you accept and learn from the sorrow. Just don't hide from it. That is where the negative effects come into play.



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 11:53 AM
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originally posted by: Lightdhype
a reply to: SummerRain

Pull yourself up by the 'bootstraps' and one day, you too, can grab pussy as president of a nation. You've just got to believe.


If I could pull porn stars, build empires and become the president of the USA, what would I have left to complain about...

it's those slight moments, when we lay in bed, no matter who with, when we're alone... when the "I" that is us before we become someone, before the layers of life are appended to us over the years, those things that create the person we see when we look in a mirror.. those slight moments when we are just us, that reveal to us the things we are.

Besides, I don't like grabbing pussy.. I prefer it to caress me.

~~~



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 12:00 PM
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Obviously you can write, reasonably articulate...perhaps it time for that new novel or screen play.

I have ego crisis form time to time and always seek solace in Art. Art therapy works great.


www.celtx.com...



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 12:02 PM
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originally posted by: olaru12
Yeah, a crisis of faith sure will change your perception, huh?

Now that were in the digital age, I guess ATS is as good a place as any to get a little catharsistic relief.

Now it's about CHANGE isn't it? Got a plan?

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.......HST


“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow!"



Not a crisis of faith.. I am less afraid of death now than I ever was. It's the fear of not resolving the broken things I created, when I was blinded by anger, and an infant screaming for someone. I had hoped honest words would have been seen, at least to then tell me to get lost. Instead, completely cut off..

Which says everything by saying nothing. I guess. And from that, I wont ruminate. I will in deed, keep stepping forwards, but it was a very confusing thing, and I wasn't sure if I was thinking about it sanely. Anger met with extreme sadness. my scales were tipped in 4 dimensions. a good kick up the bum was needed.

Instead I am met with you logical, caring and yet bootless lot


Not afraid to say pull yourself up and get on with it, nor bewilder me with words that a man I considered a great mind, wrote...

Ahhh we can't stop here, this is bat country !



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 12:19 PM
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originally posted by: ClovenSky
a reply to: SummerRain

I am usually wrong about things but it dosen't seem to stop me much. So take this with a grain of salt.

Would you rather be awake or still sleeping. Would you rather be oblivious to how your actions and words impact others or have personal growth enough to develop the empathy of sight. If you want the wisdom and knowledge, then why do you want someone to kick you now. Would it somehow ease the pain. If you think that pain and suffering are to be avoided at all cost, how will you ever grow.


Oh, a no brainer. When I realised my truth, as painful as it was, it was a catalyst. No amount of hearing it from others made any difference as the dishonest self filter I had always skewed things. I suffered complete ego death, and from it I knew what it was that for 46 years had kept me broken. And one thing I do know is that we exist in cycles. ever edging forwards, but always returning to where we started.

The reason I asked for advice, is because the conflicting things I felt just tonight, were overwhelming. I've been there before, but never so honestly. and I hoped there was something to remind me that I'm still edging forwards, and not come full circle.

ahh it's confusing even to me... all I knew was, if there was any place to kick my ass and keep me grounded, it was here. not much else really that I can do, apart from stand outside and yell at the moon.




I would say you should rejoice in your new perspective on life. You realized the pains that you have possibly caused and tried to make amends for those actions. Who cares what the person receiving that apology does with it. You can't control them. You shouldn't base yourself on their thoughts or reactions. You are doing something that will bring you peace to some extent, it has nothing to do with the acceptance of others. Be yourself.


This.. this is exactly what I was asking for. Thank you. Because it is what I already know, but was unsure of with so much going on in that realm where we alone, exist.

We are never in control of others. My problem was, for so so long, I tried to be. And in order to do so, I lied to myself. I never knew it, realised it nor contemplated it, but now that I am free of that part of me, I see it, regret it, lament it, but it does not define my next step. And that is where I am headed, one step at a time, towards being better than who led me here. I used to think I was actually someone people could trust. Turns out I was a manipulative jester. When you see yourself as others see you, in that endless void between lives, it changes everything.

In order to be myself, I now have to know who I am. handing out that olive branch was part of it.



Sorrow, regret and self pity appear the same to me. I don't demonize those emotions like some do and I firmly believe they can be great tools of healing if used properly. I would be happy you are able to look at both sides of a situation, there are many that don't have the ability to dispel the lies they tell themselves. Rejoice, after you accept and learn from the sorrow. Just don't hide from it. That is where the negative effects come into play.


You are someone I will look out for, your words reflect everything I already know, but had lost sight of in turmoil.

Don't hide form the darkness. You only end up in shadows.. Instead, shine the light of understanding into the corners where dark things exist, and you'll see there was only ever fear of nothing.

Ahhh, thank you.. you helped me heal myself with words that I've spoken to others, so many times before.



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 12:23 PM
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a reply to: SummerRain

honestly...I think everyone can use a dose of humility every once in a while. Karma sneaks back up on us in the time of our greatest needs. And we have to be humble enough to accept it. Fighting against karma is counter productive.



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 12:27 PM
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a reply to: SummerRain

Very excellent brother. Once again ATS shows wonderful souls that makes me happy in sharing this reality.

So really, this is a bragging thread and not one of pity



Peace



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 12:29 PM
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a reply to: SummerRain


I only have thongs... sadly. and rather unkempt toenails


Yeah, what's up with these ''old man'' toenails? All thickening and ridges and some curling up like my dogs?
Who the hell ever planned for THAT???



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