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How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse, a Zombie's Approach

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posted on Aug, 16 2018 @ 01:48 AM
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A friend wrote this and lmao i don't know. Any other good advice for our fellow zombies out there?

--

If i were to write a book, it would probably be named "How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse, a Zombie's Approach"

It would be filled with awesome advice, such as

- Don't go for the hot, popular high school girl, contrary to what her sharp mouth may indicate, she's brainless..

- Don't go for the motorcycle guy wearing boots and leather, unless he's an old hippy with very long hair and some missing teeth, stay away from him

- Don't hide in the backseat, no zombie ever got anything out of that, you'll probably be thrown out through the front windshield, if you still chose to go that route, set the e-break first, your victim is in for a big surprise when he tries to speed away..

- Protect your head, an unprotected head is your biggest weakness, if you can't find a helmet you could use a metal bucket

- When attacking a crowd don't rush, analyze your prey, watch for apparent rivalries and attack one party, in most cases the rival will be a pos and will abandon the attacked.

- Never, ever, follow a living who screams and shoots at the sky, he's most likely leading you into a trap

- When you attack someone make sure he doesn't escape missing an arm or a leg, he could return to take revenge with a chainsaw or a machine gun in place of the removed limb

- Don't eat them all, leave enough body to rise as a fellow zombie, greater numbers means bigger success rate against armed groups

- Impersonate a famous zombie from movies or video games, you'll attract nerds and their delicious big brains, you can accomplish a similar effect dancing thriller but the quality of the brains won't be the same

- Stay away from gardens full of suspicious plants with faces

- If you hear names like Leon Kenedy, Jill Valentine, Ash, El Wray, Cherry Darling, Tallahassee or Sam and Dean Winchester run as fast as you can in the opposite direction although by then is probably too late

- When attacking in group and the victims have barricaded themselves in a closed building, don't be the first one to attempt a break in, they most certainly have a shotgun and they will use it on your head as soon as you attempt to look inside




posted on Aug, 16 2018 @ 02:22 AM
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"How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse, a Zombie's Approach"
Wake up, stop dreaming and switch yout TV off!



posted on Aug, 16 2018 @ 02:38 AM
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originally posted by: DerBeobachter
"How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse, a Zombie's Approach"
Wake up, stop dreaming and switch yout TV off!


Lol I don't even know if he meant to say something about that, I don't get some of the references but I as funny to read

I don't have a TV by the way, last time I had one was almost 4 years ago so I don't have one to turn off, bummer


Also TV is old and outdated, most people now are on their phone or tablet. why have a TV? Is boring, we should just all get connected permanently to the web and be done with it lmao

I can already imagining it "my brain connection download speed is better than yours, your dad poor looser lol"

Or "just got a work promotion, now I can afford the same brain broadband speed as my boss, suck it up you losers on the lower floors, I'm elite now!"
edit on 16-8-2018 by WarriorMH because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 16 2018 @ 04:39 AM
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a reply to: WarriorMH

Check out “ The Zombie Survival Guide” by an author of the name of Brooks. Also wrote WWZ. Great F’ing book.
Movie couldn’t do it justice



posted on Aug, 16 2018 @ 05:10 AM
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a reply to: WarriorMH




...you can accomplish a similar effect dancing thriller but the quality of the brains won't be the same


Hahaha..... Best part. Almost want to be a zombie now.



posted on Aug, 16 2018 @ 06:54 AM
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originally posted by: WarriorMH

- Don't go for the hot, popular high school girl, contrary to what her sharp mouth may indicate, she's brainless..


Doesnt that mean the zombies wont bother trying to eat her?



posted on Aug, 16 2018 @ 07:47 AM
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LOL that was funny!
I like the way your friend thinks!



posted on Aug, 16 2018 @ 08:13 AM
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a reply to: WarriorMH

I already survived one Zombie invasion...…..I divorced her in 1988.



posted on Aug, 16 2018 @ 08:28 AM
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Check out “ The Zombie Survival Guide” by an author of the name of Brooks. Also wrote WWZ. Great F’ing book.
Movie couldn’t do it justice


World War Z the movie was like "Hey! We made a zombie movie. Let's buy a hot property zombie book title and slap that on our movie so more people will come ..."

That's about how much the two seemed to be related.



posted on Aug, 16 2018 @ 12:47 PM
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originally posted by: openyourmind1262
a reply to: WarriorMH

I already survived one Zombie invasion...…..I divorced her in 1988.


Lmao so mean



posted on Aug, 16 2018 @ 12:52 PM
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originally posted by: ketsuko

Check out “ The Zombie Survival Guide” by an author of the name of Brooks. Also wrote WWZ. Great F’ing book.
Movie couldn’t do it justice


World War Z the movie was like "Hey! We made a zombie movie. Let's buy a hot property zombie book title and slap that on our movie so more people will come ..."

That's about how much the two seemed to be related.


So the book is the real thing? I will have to look for it



posted on Aug, 16 2018 @ 12:53 PM
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originally posted by: IgnoranceIsntBlisss

originally posted by: WarriorMH

- Don't go for the hot, popular high school girl, contrary to what her sharp mouth may indicate, she's brainless..


Doesnt that mean the zombies wont bother trying to eat her?


Can zombies smell brains? I thought they were just acting on sounds or visible humans but yeah if they can then it would not really work like this lol



posted on Aug, 16 2018 @ 02:56 PM
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Id add one piece of advice for zombies.

Do not ever walk on roads the outcome is never good and usually ends with you having tire marks across your chest.



posted on Aug, 16 2018 @ 04:09 PM
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originally posted by: WarriorMH

originally posted by: ketsuko

Check out “ The Zombie Survival Guide” by an author of the name of Brooks. Also wrote WWZ. Great F’ing book.
Movie couldn’t do it justice


World War Z the movie was like "Hey! We made a zombie movie. Let's buy a hot property zombie book title and slap that on our movie so more people will come ..."

That's about how much the two seemed to be related.


So the book is the real thing? I will have to look for it


In all fairness, it would be fairly difficult to make a movie out of the book. The premise is that a reporter is going around the world after the zombie war is over and won, barely, and interviewing different players about their experiences, so the book is a series of vignette stories about the zombie apocalypse. They are arranged in chronological order that gives you a feel for what the whole of the apocalypse was like from start to finish, but they don't follow any one character and each deals with a different aspect of how humans fought back against or responded to the crisis.

It's a really creepy, yet awesome read.
edit on 16-8-2018 by ketsuko because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 17 2018 @ 01:06 PM
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originally posted by: WarriorMH
I can already imagining it "my brain connection download speed is better than yours, your dad poor looser lol"

Or "just got a work promotion, now I can afford the same brain broadband speed as my boss, suck it up you losers on the lower floors, I'm elite now!"


Doing tech support for many years and watching the increase in speeds and wireless etc we actually had a joke of doing tech support when people have implants.

I am sorry mam you just do not have enough brain to power that process or you are not doing it right and do not know how to google with your own brain but need to call tech support...

Zombies indeed



posted on Aug, 18 2018 @ 01:32 AM
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originally posted by: ketsuko

originally posted by: WarriorMH

originally posted by: ketsuko

Check out “ The Zombie Survival Guide” by an author of the name of Brooks. Also wrote WWZ. Great F’ing book.
Movie couldn’t do it justice


World War Z the movie was like "Hey! We made a zombie movie. Let's buy a hot property zombie book title and slap that on our movie so more people will come ..."

That's about how much the two seemed to be related.


So the book is the real thing? I will have to look for it


In all fairness, it would be fairly difficult to make a movie out of the book. The premise is that a reporter is going around the world after the zombie war is over and won, barely, and interviewing different players about their experiences, so the book is a series of vignette stories about the zombie apocalypse. They are arranged in chronological order that gives you a feel for what the whole of the apocalypse was like from start to finish, but they don't follow any one character and each deals with a different aspect of how humans fought back against or responded to the crisis.

It's a really creepy, yet awesome read.


I kind of like that style of story telling, i think I'll enjoy that book, thanks for bringing up. I did not know there was a book and i will definitely have to read it now
edit on 18-8-2018 by WarriorMH because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 21 2018 @ 03:36 PM
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In all fairness, it would be fairly difficult to make a movie out of the book. The premise is that a reporter is going around the world after the zombie war is over and won, barely, and interviewing different players about their experiences, so the book is a series of vignette stories about the zombie apocalypse. They are arranged in chronological order that gives you a feel for what the whole of the apocalypse was like from start to finish, but they don't follow any one character and each deals with a different aspect of how humans fought back against or responded to the crisis.

It's a really creepy, yet awesome read.


Would make an AWESOME series though, with each episode being a different story told to the reporter.

THAT format would actually do it justice.

As far as "the real deal", certainly as close as you could come to it. I mean, it is just fantastic. (Mel Brooks' son, if you believe it...is the author).

I actually recommend listening to the audio book of it, if you can. It's even more fantastic, with some great voice actors (including celebs) and really helps to sell the stories.



posted on Aug, 26 2018 @ 04:19 AM
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Gonna be sooo gutted if nothing happens and noone slow-shuffles past my house...
edit on 26-8-2018 by alien because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 26 2018 @ 05:16 AM
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originally posted by: alien


Gonna be sooo gutted if nothing happens and noone slow-shuffles past my house...


Lmfao i'm trigger happy too, but slow? i would rater have them all running like crazy all around, more fun than a turtle walking around every now and then



posted on Aug, 26 2018 @ 06:11 AM
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a reply to: WarriorMH

If the Zs are those fast running ones like World War Z then have an issue.
Coz I'm lazy and not up for any of that kinda mess.




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