Help me I am in Hell

originally posted by: DictionaryOfExcuses
a reply to: Nyiah

Am I the only in the thread reading this person saying that they are experiencing rage and suicidal thoughts that are both new and sometimes difficult to control?

No, I read it and had them too.

It is the result of never being pain-free and never being able to sleep.

It needs to get fixed.

a reply to: Silcone Synapse

Your love for your wife is beautiful, but there's a bigger picture.

If you hurt yourself, you're no good to your wife.

If you snap and hurt other people, you're less than no good to your wife. If this happens, will you not have perverted the meaning of love?

I am taking your word at face value.

You are saying that you are experiencing pain that has you in physical, mental, and emotional agony. You are saying that the pain you are experiencing has you thinking of killing yourself and other people. You are batting down all advice given to you and you have not responded directly to me at all. I responded because the thread title is "Help me I'm in Hell." I've been in situations that I thought were hellish, and when I was that low I didn't dismiss everyone trying to help me.

Are you seeking attention?

If you're telling the truth, do you think that if you continue, it's going to get better? Do you think there won't eventually be a sea change in your attitude and that you won't resent your wife for breaking your back? What would you do to your wife then, if you don't attend to the mental and emotional consequences of ignoring your physical agony? If you are telling the truth.

If your end goal is to live a happy life and support your wife, get the net and make some changes.

a reply to: Silcone Synapse

Get yourself some high grade turmeric extract + piperine. purebulk.com Some fresh roots too.

originally posted by: Nyiah
a reply to: Silcone Synapse

I hate to tell you what you don't want to hear, but this kind of job isn't for you anymore. You REALLY need to understand this before it handicaps you to a wheelchair permanently.

no problem,
i need to hear what i dont want to hear if you catch my drift.
Doctor has already told me that years ago,and its probably my stubbornness alone which has kept me outta the wheelchair.
Ive had some nurses say they have never seen someone with a back like mine walking around,much less doing kung fu and yoga xcersises every day for more than a decade..

Stubornness is not a particularly attractive trait,but it can be helpful it seems.

Step one ... Come clean with the people closest to you.

You say - if I understand correctly - that you've not confided your physical pain issues to your wife. DO IT!

If she's worthy of the love and commitment you profess, she'll understand, support you and help you figure out a path forward together that won't kill you or make you mad.

If she won't do that, she's not worthy of that level of commitment from you.

This love and marriage thing, it's a two way street. They "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" part, I warrant you both said it.

:

originally posted by: DictionaryOfExcuses
a reply to: Nyiah

Am I the only in the thread reading this person saying that they are experiencing rage and suicidal thoughts that are both new and sometimes difficult to control?

No, you're not, but if he's really serious about it being pain-based rage, then it's understandable and I can see the direct cause as the job wreaking hell on his pain tolerance. Pain can make the meekest into villains.

If it's something else entirely (i.e latent disorder) that happens to have been brought forth because of the pain, then he does need to be evaluated for it, but he's made it apparent that more doctors aren't on the table.

We can offer "Go to a doctor" til pigs grow wings and fly, but it's probably not going to happen.

originally posted by: IgnoranceIsntBlisss
a reply to: Silcone Synapse

Get yourself some high grade turmeric extract + piperine. purebulk.com Some fresh roots too.

I dont think its possible for a human to eat more tumeric/ginger and garlic than me.

Those plants are my crack coc aine.
My sweat is orange due to my tumeric intake

But piperine I will look into thank you.

a reply to: Silcone Synapse

Chronic pain does that to you though.

What you have to do is finally bite the bullet and go see a doctor who specializes in problems like yours. It's been how many years since this happened? You don't know what advances may have been made in the meantime. At the very least, there may be a realistic avenue of relief from the pain, and if you can get that much, I think you'll find your mental outlook will likely improve.

originally posted by: incoserv
Step one ... Come clean with the people closest to you.

You say - if I understand correctly - that you've not confided your physical pain issues to your wife. DO IT!

If she's worthy of the love and commitment you profess, she'll understand, support you and help you figure out a path forward together that won't kill you or make you mad.

If she won't do that, she's not worthy of that level of commitment from you.

This love and marriage thing, it's a two way street. They "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" part, I warrant you both said it.

:

My wife I have told,she is totally supportive,if not totally understanding-no one can be without experiencing the same thing.
Its my Parents and siblings I have hidden it from,just so I dont cause them stress by worrying about me.
Its not for them to worry about,I can cope with the worry without goving them extra stress.
Thank you for your words of advice.

a reply to: Silcone Synapse

It boosts the effectiveness about 40 times over.

Living with constant pain no matter how small can change you if its big like yours sound no wonder. Ive got 3rd degree burn scars on my left foot and leg from when I was a kid, over the years have had surgeries on my foot but my doctors told me likely Id have pain as I got older. They were right my left foot aches constantly about 3 three years ago I screwed up my ankle on the same foot jumping off some steps, so everything snowballs you walk wrong makes my back hurt. Chiropractor takes care of my back, though I dont know if I would do that is your situation. But he did recommend sleeping basically like an astronaut reclined on your back legs pulled up with firm pillows underneath, it does make difference when my back goes out.I can go from barely being able to walk to getting up no pain. #2 try DMSO I use it on my foot and back, I also added some magnesium oil as this helps relax your muscles. First night I could tell a difference it loosens up all the tightness I feel in my ankle and foot. I was hurting so long just that little relief really helped. Sure it still hurts and I have to use it frequently on my back and foot. Read up on it get medical grade if you decide to use it. Its not a cure all but it definitely lowers the constant pain.

originally posted by: Lumenari

originally posted by: DictionaryOfExcuses
a reply to: Nyiah

Am I the only in the thread reading this person saying that they are experiencing rage and suicidal thoughts that are both new and sometimes difficult to control?

No, I read it and had them too.

It is the result of never being pain-free and never being able to sleep.

It needs to get fixed.

It's not just that. It sounds like his new job has exacerbated his pain to new levels and then, yeah, you're right.

Believe me, I'm familiar with what chronic pain does. When I pinch the nerve that goes through my left shoulder and it won't stop aching for months, I can wake up in the morning and think, "I've got this. It's not that bad." But by the time I've gone through the day, my temper is shorter than Tom Cruise.

originally posted by: ketsuko
a reply to: Silcone Synapse

Chronic pain does that to you though.

What you have to do is finally bite the bullet and go see a doctor who specializes in problems like yours. It's been how many years since this happened? You don't know what advances may have been made in the meantime. At the very least, there may be a realistic avenue of relief from the pain, and if you can get that much, I think you'll find your mental outlook will likely improve.

I have done that a few times over the years,with varying responses-
Some doctors have said i am a fool not to have an operation,even with a coin toss chance of improvement.
Others offer me crazy addictive drugs,no thank you sir I would rather not as I have an addictive personality which means I must avoid habit forming pharacuticals like codine and even worse opiates-I need to have a clear head.
I simply refuse to become reliant upon a chemical solution.Its just not me.

But your advice is appreciated all the same.Thank you.

a reply to: Silcone Synapse

Hey if you find a solution let me know, I suffer from chronic back pain as well, sometimes it lasts for months, the surgeon has recommended fusing my disks, but as you say it has a 50% success rate, and sometimes you can be even worse off after the surgery.

When I have a flare up pain meds do nothing to relieve the pain, I'm past the anger now, it just makes me depressed, if I didn't have a child to raise I would likely have given up years ago.

Thank you Everyone.
I have much to consider.
All advice is appreciated and taken into consideration.
I stirve to continue to be a good person and not let my violent thoughts lead to violent ends as they say in westworld.

Just for that one person,my wife,I must fight against the darkness.

Many thanks ATS Brothers and Sisters.
You have helped me more than I could hope.

It is very much appreciated and one day I hope I can return the help to you all.

Gotta sleep now.

a reply to: Silcone Synapse

If the operation is risky, you need to really do your research on the surgeons and facilities. You don't want to inject any unnecessary chances.

Look at knee replacements. They're pretty routine, but there is a wide range of outcomes based on how you have doing the work. My grandmother had one surgeon and the lady in the room with her at the hospital had a different surgeon. My grandmother was in and out and home and healed up well. Her surgeon was a good one. The lady in the room? Her surgeon was crap, put her knee in backward and it all had to be redone. She ended up in a long-term rehab with at least one major infection and may never have walked out.

So, you find the best you can get, pay for the best you can get, even if you think you can't afford it because you want the very best chance of a good outcome. But only you can decide when you're ready to take that risk of operation.

Believe me, I understand the drug thing. I have chronic migraine too. The painkillers are what trigger migraines to go chronic, so I have to be very, very careful with even Tylenol.

But I think you may have about exhausted your options without surgery. And as long as you work this job, you're playing with fire in more ways than one. If you injure yourself further, then you really may go past the point of no return.

I guess I'm not really sure what you're asking for with this thread, as you've shot down pretty much every idea given to you.

You know what you need to do OP. Do it, or don't. The choice is yours. Nobody here is going to convince you to do anything you don't want to do. Might be that stubbornness.

Go to a "GOOD" neurosurgeon and take the chance of letting them help you. It sounds as if you have nothing to loose at this point. If you don't, you'll only get worse, not better.... When the body has sustained irreversible injury, it's all down hill from there if intervention isn't tried and successful. Let a good neurosurgeon help you if they can.

originally posted by: hopenotfeariswhatweneed
a reply to: Silcone Synapse

Hey if you find a solution let me know, I suffer from chronic back pain as well, sometimes it lasts for months, the surgeon has recommended fusing my disks, but as you say it has a 50% success rate, and sometimes you can be even worse off after the surgery.

When I have a flare up pain meds do nothing to relieve the pain, I'm past the anger now, it just makes me depressed, if I didn't have a child to raise I would likely have given up years ago.

Disk fusing was one option I got-But you NEVER retain movement,it changes you forever and pain may not go away.
Go for some yoga excercises for a few months first,cobra (I think)is one that helped me,and just do planks on your elbows to strenghthen your core.
Start gently,a couple of 30second reps a day and work your way up over a few weeks or months.

That helped me a lot,pain didnt really go away but I could do stuff again like lifting,or long tem walking.

But to be honest,just f@@k what doctors tell you and be stubborn.
Refuse to be a victim of pain and push yourself-obviously dont go mad and learn to do things which will not impact your injury,but f**k giving up.

It always hurts but just think,what ever you achieve is done through harder work that pain free people.
In essence that makes you stronger and more determined than your average person.


Remember Bruce lee and Bear Grllys both broke their back.
And came back stronger.

I try to think of that but its still hard at the moment.

Dont rely on meds Bro,They are a mere curtain for the problem IMHO.
A curtain is not a solution,it is a mask.

a reply to: Chickensalad
No Chicken,I havent shot down anything,I have just stated what has and has not worked for me.
I am very appreciative for any advice.