posted on Dec, 24 2017 @ 01:15 PM
Apologies to Clement Clarke Moore
'Twas the night before Christmas, we even took a poll,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a troll;
The postings were made by the threads with care,
In hopes that stars & flags soon would be there;
The posters were nestled all snug at their tablets;,
While visions of Pulitzers danced in their caplets;
And mamma in her disbelief, and I in my hat,
Still hadn't decided, if the earth was still flat,
When out on the net there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the desk to see what was the matter.
Away to Window Explorer I flew like a flash,
Tore open the tabs and threw up some trash.
The words in the post of the new written thread;
Gave the impression of hope in a world full of dread,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a porn pop-up and a coupon for beer,
With a little old moderator, lively and wise,
I knew in a moment it must be one of the new guys .
More rapid than chemtrails his ban-hammer deploy,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them "COWBOY";
"Now, IAMTAT! now, AUGUSTUS! now, SILLY and MULDER!
On, BIGBURGH! on SHAMROCK! on, NIGHTSTAR and KALI!
To the top of the homepage! to the top of the 'net!
Now post away! post away! post away and get!"
As dry heaves that came with some of my posts,
When they meet with an idea, that hurt just the most,
So up to the reply button the posters did press,
Me at the ready, wearing one of ZAZZ's dress.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the speaker
The NSA talk about a government leaker.
As I drew in a breath and spilled my martini,
An avatar of a hot babe, wearing a bikini.
She spoke not a word, but posted a meme,
And filled all the threads, with reddit themes,
I started to star but soon gave a pause,
What were the politics, what was the cause;
So I started a new thread, and poured some more booze,
And ignored all of yesterdays new.
So I'll sit back and say, without causing a fight,
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!