In your opinion: when should you talk about gender/sexuality to kids?

Not too long ago, here on ATS, homosexuality was the hot topic. Same-sex marriage was becoming recognized in the US, so naturally everyone had a lot to say regarding the topic of sexuality.

Recently there's been an influx of transgender topics here, and a lot of rants and claims regarding gender in general.

Some members here have very passionate viewpoints when it comes to discussing these topics with their children, or to children in general (such as in schools).

I'm curious to know all your opinions when it comes to that point.

At what age do you feel is reasonable for a child to learn about sexuality and gender?

Is there a date in which it's simply too young to mention, either from the standpoint of innocence, or perhaps simply an inability to comprehend the topic?

And, how should one go about informing them about those topics?

originally posted by: Ghost147
Not too long ago, here on ATS, homosexuality was the hot topic. Same-sex marriage was becoming recognized in the US, so naturally everyone had a lot to say regarding the topic of sexuality.

Recently there's been an influx of transgender topics here, and a lot of rants and claims regarding gender in general.

Some members here have very passionate viewpoints when it comes to discussing these topics with their children, or to children in general (such as in schools).

I'm curious to know all your opinions when it comes to that point.

At what age do you feel is reasonable for a child to learn about sexuality and gender?

Is there a date in which it's simply too young to mention, either from the standpoint of innocence, or perhaps simply an inability to comprehend the topic?

And, how should one go about informing them about those topics?

You should talk to them about it, when they question you about it.

You should tell them the truth.

How about that?

a reply to: angeldoll

That seems like reasonable timing.

What would be considered "the truth" though?

Science, for example, doesn't deal in truths. It doesn't even deal in absolute certainties. Merely, it deals with the evidence that we currently have found that point to a particular conclusion within a certain level of certainty.

Would that be the answer we explain?

It seems as though some other members here feel differently. I'm under the impression that, perhaps, the majority of ATS doesn't believe transgender exists outside of a psychological mental dissorder, for instance.

a reply to: angeldoll

Angel doll beat me to it. Exactly as above.

a reply to: Ghost147

You know when. Sometimes it is small little talks, short and silly.

"Why did you kiss mom?"

But then the sex question, and this one can be handled as they approach the time when they start noticing other kids of the opposite sex.

And what do you mean by gender?

a reply to: Ghost147

I believe the "talk" is not necessary at all.

originally posted by: angeldoll

originally posted by: Ghost147
Not too long ago, here on ATS, homosexuality was the hot topic. Same-sex marriage was becoming recognized in the US, so naturally everyone had a lot to say regarding the topic of sexuality.

Recently there's been an influx of transgender topics here, and a lot of rants and claims regarding gender in general.

Some members here have very passionate viewpoints when it comes to discussing these topics with their children, or to children in general (such as in schools).

I'm curious to know all your opinions when it comes to that point.

At what age do you feel is reasonable for a child to learn about sexuality and gender?

Is there a date in which it's simply too young to mention, either from the standpoint of innocence, or perhaps simply an inability to comprehend the topic?

And, how should one go about informing them about those topics?

You should talk to them about it, when they question you about it.

You should tell them the truth.

How about that?

I agree with a caveat. Sometimes they ask about things that are beyond their comprehension. When my kids did this I said, "I can't explain it so you would understand. I'll tell you when you can." You're not blowing them off. My kids accepted that.

a reply to: Ghost147

What would be considered "the truth" though?

So true, Ghost. (Good to see you by the way).

One parent might tell their child the transkids are screwed up, and should be bullied at school, where another might tell them it's the way the individual wants to change and live and should be respected.

I don't think we can control that though. As far as most people who don't live in a hateful, bullying world, I think the latter would be more appropriate. Information to young children is best given one drop at a time. As they continue to ask questions, more information about a topic is given. It depends on their level of understanding and how curious they are.

I don't know.
A lot when I was younger I had nightmares that I was born with a penis, and I would be confused for weeks at a time, months even. I asked my parents several times if I had been born a boy...I could tell how disturbed they were by me asking that and it kind of freaked me out even more. Now, I think that's because all my friends were boys on the street, and I never wore "girly" clothes, and the one time someone bought me makeup my mom threw a fit and trashed it. She never allowed me to wear any ever, and so I didn't even wear makeup of any sort until I was almost 18. Once I was past 12 the boys weren't allowed in the house anymore for like any reason. My parents never even had a sex talk with me, and so I was too terrified til I was almost 18.

So I have no idea. Do I not say anything, and let my son figure it out, like I figured things out for myself? That's the way I'm leaning now. Well, specifically as gender or sexuality is concerned. We do refer to him as a him. He was born with all the male parts. Hes 2, he likes to put on chapstick, and he likes to wear mommies uggs and stomp around the living room. He likes to climb and jump and put himself in danger, and drive 4 wheelers. I don't think hes ever going to be anything else other than who he is. I can't control how he sees himself, but however that may be I can at least encourage that view to be a positive one, hes his own entity, and he'll figure that out as he gets older.

Hmmm.... No I don't think I'll go out of my way to bring it up to him at a specific age etc..., but if it ever comes up where he needs clarity on why someone may seem different from what he expected or from what he's accustomed to, I think it should be simple then for me to explain to him. If a teacher should explain it to them before he's ever thought to ask his parents about it or any other subject, that's fine, we will address it then in hopefully a manner that he can understand depending on his age.

As long as my son is happy, loved, and doing well enough in his life, and looking out for his peers, and showing them the same love that his father and I show him, then that is all I can ask for.

This has been another rambling comment where I thought about the OP 20 different times while I was typing, brought to you by:

-Alee

Final Thoughts: Angeldoll pretty much summed up my essay there in a few short and sweet words, thank you.

originally posted by: seasonal
a reply to: Ghost147

You know when. Sometimes it is small little talks, short and silly.

"Why did you kiss mom?"

But then the sex question, and this one can be handled as they approach the time when they start noticing other kids of the opposite sex.

And what do you mean by gender?

Sexuality is whom you're attracted to.

The "gender topic" I was referring to is the current buzz about gender identity, such as people who are transgender

a reply to: intrepid

As I said "one drop at a time"

Where do babies come from?

Parent" Momma's tummy.

The child accepts that and might not mention it for another two years!

Then: How does it get there?

Parent" Daddy helps to put it there.

Then another year passes.

How does he put it there?

And so forth.

When a four or five year old simply asks 'where do babies come from?" You don't just sit down and tell them the whole truth.

originally posted by: angeldoll
a reply to: Ghost147

What would be considered "the truth" though?

So true, Ghost. (Good to see you by the way).

One parent might tell their child the transkids are screwed up, and should be bullied at school, where another might tell them it's the way the individual wants to change and live and should be respected.

I don't think we can control that though. As far as most people who don't live in a hateful, bullying world, I think the latter would be more appropriate. Information to young children is best given one drop at a time. As they continue to ask questions, more information about a topic is given. It depends on their level of understanding and how curious they are.

Thanks! I've been super busy lately

I agree 100%. Particularly if the adult may not totally understand the topic themselves.

Coming in with an open, unbiased view is the best option, I believe

You can be anything you want if you get bored of being a boy or a girl you can always switch over to the next I mean that's what's so great about our society fun.

At what age do you feel is reasonable for a child to learn about sexuality and gender? "Learn what?" should be the first question. There are a lot of reasonable things to discuss with young adults but we need to figure out a way to teach about it. Right now we have the young being taught about it via the internet. Which in many ways is horrible. As long as it doesn't seem they are pushing young adults toward it, I'd say earliest 16.

a reply to: NerdGoddess

What you went through probably happens quite often. A total lack of clarity, by not discussing the topic at all could end up simply extending confusion over a topic that should be openly recognized.

I can definitely see a lot of parents not having any talks about these subjects what so ever. But I never really understood why

originally posted by: Antipathy17
At what age do you feel is reasonable for a child to learn about sexuality and gender? "Learn what?" should be the first question. There are a lot of reasonable things to discuss with young adults but we need to figure out a way to teach about it. Right now we have the young being taught about it via the internet. Which in many ways is horrible. As long as it doesn't seem they are pushing young adults toward it, I'd say earliest 16.

Sixteen? You're kidding?

You will know when they are ready when they start to ask questions about it. If you wait until they are sixteen, you will have missed the boat. Kids these days are sexually active by then.

a reply to: NerdGoddess

He sounds like an adorable, normal little boy to me!

a reply to: Ghost147

When they're old enough to understand they're old enough to know although I think it a topic best taught in school where the child is with his / her peers so embarrassment is lessened.
Not sure I can put an age on that but I think before their teenage years.

originally posted by: Antipathy17
At what age do you feel is reasonable for a child to learn about sexuality and gender? "Learn what?" should be the first question. There are a lot of reasonable things to discuss with young adults but we need to figure out a way to teach about it. Right now we have the young being taught about it via the internet. Which in many ways is horrible. As long as it doesn't seem they are pushing young adults toward it, I'd say earliest 16.

That's a good point, the Internet can be a pretty telling place with these topics, haha.

That being said though, with such easy access, and puberty 8-12 generally, wouldn't you want to mention that kind of topic a little earlier than 16?

It's too late for parents to tell them anything these days. The schools will mess them up in the head starting in kindergarten. They will come home talking about transgender bisexual cross dressers who swing before they even know what puberty is.