What do you look for in a long term partner?

originally posted by: lSkrewloosel
a reply to: YouSir

Ummm...great sex

Good sex lasts about an hour of the day. then what?

Ummm...rinse and repeat...


YouSir

The number 36 and the letters DD.

I look for intelligence, cuddliness. Stability and trustability. someone who understands me. Someone who is good at live making.

Dealbreakers, they absolutely must not have an anger problem. ( women can be endearing but not men). Anal retentiveness/ constantly correcting me.
Must have a vibrant personality. And must be a generally good person, yet able to indulge my kinky side.

You wouldn't happen to be from Ohio, would you?

While you want someone who turns you on, you also need someone you enjoy spending time with when you aren't turned on. If you can't stand to spend time with her, do things with her, live with her (or him, assuming you are guy and straight when I write her) when there is no need to lust after her, then it's going to be very hard to have a long term anything with her.

Keep asking yourself, if you were rendered unable to have any sex suddenly, would you still want her in your life forever? And then consider what qualities would make her that kind of woman.

a reply to: DiaJax

What do you look for in a long term partner?

fictional
quantum abilities
haunted

on a serious note
someone who you are excited to spend time with
even after a couple of years knowing them...

Now that we have the two cultures we can decide what you may not be aware of.

All of the normal for you things are the same and have been indicated by many people on this thread.

Love, respect and trust.

One other one. The child (single child ... no siblings I assume) has a life long responsibility for the care of her parents. You need to acknowledge this and offer to be a part of the solution.

They do not have welfare as we know it. They do not have 401s and such like. Soooo......

You need to be able to honor and respect mumsie and dadsie and they need to know that they are safe with you joining the family. It is not that you are the meal ticket ... it is just their culture and a very critical part of the culture.

Acknowledge your role and then live buy it from now until death do you part. Even if your wife dies ... still the responsibility is yours.

Can you own it?

P

a reply to: pheonix358

I'm more worried about the mandatory baby.

Yeah that's a huge responsibility. Also that I may have to live with their parents. I'd say free babysitter but it comes at a cost.

It's like dating their parents too. What if you don't agree with the way that they discipline.

How do you vet in-laws?

I would be very careful about cultural differences. Other cultures look exotic at first, but that wears away as the truth reveals itself. And though I will be called racist for this, I have some experience in seeing that Asian women, particularly Vietnamese, Philippines, and Koreans, can be seriously downright mean. Japanese and Chinese are a lot more civilized. Seriously. One in the afore mentioned group killed a friend of mine with a large kitchen knife. I live in an area where there are a large number of "war brides" brought back by homely GIs who couldn't otherwise get a date. Basically "he thought she was an exotic Asian beauty and she thought he was a ticket to America and didn't realize he was ugly." That's the trade-off.

The social expectations can be immense. Many cultures are very family oriented and are mystified by the individualism displayed by North American cultures. It is DEFINITELY NOT all about you. The whole thing amounts to a crap shoot. Sometimes you get lucky; often you don't. An equal education in my view is very important. If you want to see what your sweetie is going to look like in a few years, look at her Mom. People get dumpy. Can you live with it? All these high-falutin' words like "trust, honesty, and compatibility" are so philosophical that they don't even apply. When you're looking for a partner you NEVER look in those terms. A man looks for a good-looking woman who is willing to go to bed with him and a woman looks for a partner that can protect her and her children and provide her with a good life. It's the selfish gene at work. Both tactics make sense in context, but the philosophical stuff is just fooling yourself.

a reply to: DiaJax

That's easy. They need to have an incredible amount of tolerance for putting up with all my BS.

If they can do that then I'd say they have the job.

It's not an easy job either. I can be a real pain in the butt sometimes.

At least I think I am since I've had women leave me in the past. I personally don't see what the big deal is, but of course I've always had to live with me so I guess I'm used to it. Apparently it was too much for some women in my past though.

Cultural differences can put a great strain on a relationship.

I do think being good together sexually is important, as is being able to converse honestly.

Face with the challenges of life and different cultural practices and values,
when it gets really tough, then you can get into deep discussions or make love, to keep the underlying bond there.

Seriously, my husband and I have been together for almost 30 years, and we're from different countries. We live in his country, and I had a lot of trouble integrating their culture. The important place his family took in our life (and that of raising our kids) was very different and sometimes troubling to me.

But again, being able to listen, to examine yourself and express yourself honestly (which can sometimes be brutal ) is vital. I would not be with any man who was not able to do this with me. It is the only way to make it work. It is how you link on that deep level of common human nature, underneath the culture and education.
Oh yeah, and sex.

a reply to: DiaJax

Brains. Yumm!

jk... ok brains 'and intellect, and caring, decency, an open mind non violent, non cheating scum bag, peaceful and slightly crazy.

Ok i'm done.

originally posted by: Mousygretchen
I look for intelligence, cuddliness. Stability and trustability. someone who understands me. Someone who is good at live making.

Dealbreakers, they absolutely must not have an anger problem. ( women can be endearing but not men). Anal retentiveness/ constantly correcting me.
Must have a vibrant personality. And must be a generally good person, yet able to indulge my kinky side.

You wouldn't happen to be from Ohio, would you?

Sorry not from Ohio. Always wanted to go round the states. Your dollar always being so high just can't bring myself to spend the money.

I'm sure it's nice.

Okay so I tallied up the responses just for curiosity. I had to interpret a couple of things but the end list is larger than i expected.

Trust x6
Respect x3
Self Reflection x3
Compromise x3
Stability x2
Attractive x2
Great sex X2
Sense of humor X2
Compatibility X2
Love x2
Intelligence x2
Honesty x2
Harmony/Balance
Loyalty
Invested in each other
Share mutual interests
Supportive
Caring/kindness
Dependability
Humility
Selfless
Affectionate
Cuddliness
Engaging
Tolerant
Good listener
Decency
Has a functioning heart
good with a shovel/hand gun
Whips
Flogger (is this like a cat-o-nine-tails?)
Chains
Handcuffs

Dealbreakers
Anger issues x2
Controlling
Selfish

It's huge. Man its crazy how many thing a human is capable of being. It's also very interesting to see what different people value. Could one person be all these things?

Good teeth.
Shiny, glossy hair as this is a good indicator of health.
Bright and clear eyes that are fully open.
Ribs not showing, but can be felt.
Legs in line and not knocked.

You know, the same things I look at when I am buying a horse.

a reply to: DiaJax

Yeah... or they could just e Zack Efron

Or bradley cooper

a reply to: Mousygretchen

It seems looks are a curse. As soon as someone looks good I always fear the ego.

As for Bradley Cooper his performance in wedding crashers has scarred me for life. He is such a good actor I believe the character he played in wedding crashers is who he really is.

As for Zac Efron never seen the allure. Literally never seen anything this guy is in.

What about Chris Pratt? Or the Rock? might as well go full ego.

All the celebrity women are just a big blur for me. They don't get dynamic roles so I never am able to judge their "character". Like what was the last dynamic role I can think of for female....... aliens: Sigourney weaver.... the girl with the dragon tattoo: Rooney Mara.... Amelie: Audrey Tautou ........ Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind: Kate Winslet

These movies aren't new either, the characters in them aren't exactly desirable but at least they have a personality. If I had to pick, I would go with Angelina Jolie, Although I remember her from her glory days in hackers, Foxfire, and Tomb raider. While I'm derailing my own thread can anyone give me some more insight into desirable female celebrities.

How is that wonder women movie?(no spoilers please)

a reply to: DiaJax

Havent seen wonder woman.

My favorite actress Is Mia Wasikowska (she played alice) but I like her in other movies.

You a Brit?

Not really into big ego, unless it is endearing to the person. I like mila kunis.

a reply to: Mousygretchen

Nah I'm a Canuck.

If mila were a little taller... but I can see the appeal.

Hmm mm non ego guy.. aziz Ansari :p

How about that Irish guy from bridesmaids (played the cop) Chris o'dawd.

I just don't trust the more attractive ones.

I have yet to see that movie with Mia Wasikowska. Favorite of yours?

originally posted by: DiaJax
While I'm derailing my own thread can anyone give me some more insight into desirable female celebrities.

There really is not too many. But i like, as another poster above, Mila Kunis, and then there is Neve Campbell. Best for me are the ordinary "neighbour girl" type, not too much makeup and not making noise about themselves.

a reply to: DiaJax

My favorite is called Stoker. It's abnormal and obscure, but I like that. The other one is called Jane Eyre.