posted on Apr, 16 2017 @ 11:23 AM
In a daring acquisition for your intrepid interviewer we have our first foreigner member to participate in Softball
, and by foreign, I mean
strange. Most of us know that the world consists of Murika and a bunch of other places that occasionally factor into our foreign policy as future
bombing targets or lackeys to help us load the bombs. This person claims to be from a place called Canada, which may or may not be real, but we'll let
her tell us all aboot it.
Famed for her donut consumption and for the founding of ATS's sappiest thread, you all know her and love her, the Mommy of Dragons, JacyGirl.
AM: You allegedly live in ‘Canada’ which is supposed to be north of here, how close do you live to Santa?
JC: Santa? You haven't heard? He used to have a nice spread at the North Pole, even had his own postal code H0H 0H0 (this is true!).
But he landed his sleigh in a pothole and broke his neck. Now I see him downtown hanging in front of the meth clinic. (I heard he's been pimping out
Donner and Blitzen, but you know how elves like to gossip!)
AM: Considering America’s track record, do you frequently become emotionally unsettled knowing your country is on top of our oil?
JC: Considering America's track record we are all emotionally unsettled in Canada. Didn't the Free Trade Agreement state that we would give you guys
anything you wanted? And one of you chose Justin Bieber...hehe...just saying.
AM: We didn't ask for that! You sent us Bill Shatner, Celine Dion and that goddamn Justin Bieber, how can it be true that Canada likes America?
JC: Who said we like you?
AM: If you don't why did you invent maple syrup?
JC: Basically to lure you up here to spend your American money. I mean, that stuff literally drips out of the trees yet you tourists are willing to
drop $15 a bottle. How do you think we pay for free health care?? Tree sap. (I meant the syrup)
AM: Which of your two seasons do you enjoy most; Winter or Almost Spring?
JC: We don't enjoy any of it. That's why we console ourselves with beer and hockey. We actually will pay money to sit in a cold arena to watch guys
beat each other with sticks. I'm pretty sure our ancestors were Roman.
AM: How hard is it to learn Canadian?
JC: It's easier to say than to write. You have to add an extra letter "U" to every word and end each sentence with "eh?".
Out east they have the "oot in a boot" accent, but in Ontario we are forced to learn Quebecois French. People from France don't understand it...we
don't even understand it. I guess it's more complicated than I thought, eh?
AM: Speaking of French Canadians, I thought all Canadians were supposed to be polite, did they not get the message?
JC: The message was in English so they refused to comply. I swear, they're so arrogant we sometimes mistake them for Americans.
AM: We shower. Al Gore said polar bears are all drowning into extinction, why do you continue to eat them?
JC: That is fake news! Our polar bears are all refugees heading to Scotland. I know this is true because I read it here.
edit on 16-4-2017 by AugustusMasonicus because: President, Jacygirl fan club.