Have Any Of You Noticed This Trend Also?

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: searcherfortruth

Hmmm... Perhaps.

Still, when I want a table built, I speak to a joiner. When I want advice about a car, I talk to my mechanic friend. By that logic, asking someone who is not in a relationship about relationships seems foolish!

And when they want a Sooth Sayer, the voice of reason and analytical mind, they turn to you. Forget about not being in a relationship in this one to give / not give advice, they want the 4th wise man, gold, frankincense and myrrh were the first three, the fourth gift as of now is a liberal dose of "common sense"

i'm not even religious so disregard the three wise men reference above if you want, common sense is a gift we should hand out to all of humanity, looks like, to your friends, you have that gift. Keep on giving

a reply to: TrueBrit

In my opinion, you are probably the only person that actually listens what they have to say and gives an honest opinion without ridiculing. That`s why people are and will keep coming back to you. They seek wisdom, not love. Though, you should note that some are not even interested in what you think but just come to relieve a pile of # on you to make, not you, but them feel better.

Also, in my observation, people in general have become dull and uninterested in anyone but themselves, so they only react when someone else invades their person or belief. This is why you`ll get more response by spitting out insults than offering a pleasant word.

So if you want a different reaction, tell her about your utterly ridiculous feelings, or tell her about what you told us here. Upset her. (Abusive language should do the trick) Make her actually interested in what you think and feel. That is if you want to operate outside your established boundries. If not, don`t be too hard on yourself, you are but a seer to the modern day lost sheep...not that they understand anything you say...but hey, that has to count for something

It`s laughable, really, but unfortunately it`s the truth and I think you get it, always have, just put a blinder on somewhere along the path in hope and desire to see the best in people. Don`t worry, when the right lady for you sees you, it`s going to be a win win...just consider expanding your hanging out routes so you have more chances to meet one.

you seem like a confident dude and you have your # together.
those seem like two pretty good reasons to me.

ive never talked directly to you on here but i dig your posts. your intelligence comes off so there is another reason.

the vibe i get from you is you have this tough exterior going on(i get it. me too) but youre not one of those macho dick bags(also me too).

you seem like the type of dude that will be honest and you dont seem like the kind of dude too tough to shed a tear for example so you seem to be a desirable ear in multiple ways.


now about me

i have the same questions/thoughts about it. i dont look friendly. a lot of people that know me say i come off as mean or scary even but once they get to know me they dont feel that way.
ok...mean and scary right?

then why i wonder do people want to talk to me all the #ing time then? i dont want to talk to them.
people at work. new hires or people that i do not know. if there are several of us standing around and someone that does not know me comes up with a question for nobody specific, they will ask me.
people will crack jokes to me and make small talk with me. i dont get it because i absolutely do not put out the "im friendly please come talk to me vibe".

whats your take on that one?
legit question just like yours and i am sorry to ask a question in your own thread.

one more thing. i read a long time ago that you are a locksmith. this was a long time ago and i still constantly think about how that seems like a cool job that would have suited me well. then i think about this brit locksmith dude that i kind of sort of know...know of...know you exist.

for what it is worth. some random weird ass american dude thinks about you from time to time.

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: Innocuous

My main question is how it is that rational people come to a near professional level singleton for relationship advice.

People come to you for advice in general, because they realize that you are very intelligent. Also, by way of not being caught up in a terrible relationship of your own, you demonstrate good sense. Lastly, as they say "love is blind". Any outside party with a basic intelligence is a better judge of a situation than those who are wrapped up in it.

originally posted by: TinySickTears
you seem like a confident dude and you have your # together.
those seem like two pretty good reasons to me.

ive never talked directly to you on here but i dig your posts. your intelligence comes off so there is another reason.

the vibe i get from you is you have this tough exterior going on(i get it. me too) but youre not one of those macho dick bags(also me too).

you seem like the type of dude that will be honest and you dont seem like the kind of dude too tough to shed a tear for example so you seem to be a desirable ear in multiple ways.


now about me

i have the same questions/thoughts about it. i dont look friendly. a lot of people that know me say i come off as mean or scary even but once they get to know me they dont feel that way.
ok...mean and scary right?

then why i wonder do people want to talk to me all the #ing time then? i dont want to talk to them.
people at work. new hires or people that i do not know. if there are several of us standing around and someone that does not know me comes up with a question for nobody specific, they will ask me.
people will crack jokes to me and make small talk with me. i dont get it because i absolutely do not put out the "im friendly please come talk to me vibe".

whats your take on that one?
legit question just like yours and i am sorry to ask a question in your own thread.

one more thing. i read a long time ago that you are a locksmith. this was a long time ago and i still constantly think about how that seems like a cool job that would have suited me well. then i think about this brit locksmith dude that i kind of sort of know...know of...know you exist.

for what it is worth. some random weird ass american dude thinks about you from time to time.

Theyre like inferior wolves of the pack.. seeking to gain your favor and attention.

Come here to the Philippines.

You'll never be lonely again.

They love western men here.

You sound pretty special to me, actually! Too bad we're on different continents.

a reply to: TrueBrit

Boyfriend circle chat is boring anyway. Hang in there, eremites unite! ATS meetup in London?



We share a common problem and it's called Zeitgeist. Don't give up! There's a lot of very shallow and boring folks out there, positivism/ consumerism devours souls and regurgitates the rest on fakebook. You don't want to find yourself in the midst of their showbiz either.
That plus people see something in you and they have a fricken point, you're smart as eff! Try other places, spread your wits - Poetry Slam away! Alternative art shows and underground_ish parties maybe? I dunno, just me being dada again.

You're a poet, stop listening to dull crap and fricken find your spotlight!



Heads up!

originally posted by: KansasGirl
You sound pretty special to me, actually! Too bad we're on different continents.

oh snap true brit. there you go
you have a chance with a kansas gal.

a reply to: TrueBrit


I haven't dated in 5 years, yet I have a friend that asks me for advice quite often. Although she's pretty smart, so I think she is just looking for confirmations mostly. I went out one time in the 5 years that I've been single, and that was as a wingman for my sister who reconnected with a guy we grew up with on Facebook, I was hit on by a kid at least 20 years my junior, after he hit on the girl I was sitting next to. The whole thing was comical and not for me.

Now my sister is asking me for advice in her new relationship. The only advice I can give them is go with your 1st instinct.

I do find it odd they would ask me?

originally posted by: TinySickTears

originally posted by: KansasGirl
You sound pretty special to me, actually! Too bad we're on different continents.

oh snap true brit. there you go
you have a chance with a kansas gal.

I haven't lived in Kansas for the last 20 years, but you can't ever really take ALL of the Kansas out of the girl

OMG - TrueBrit - I LOVE YOU! Seriously, from what I've read all these years, you are a true romantic - not the cards and candy and flowers guy, but a true romantic of the world, of the beauty, nobleness, and authenticity.

I have been lucky to meet two men in my life who were true romantics. I loved them both unconditionally, as friend, lover, human being, spiritual partner. One was not highly educated, worked a simple job with low pay, drove a Harley, had tattoos, smoked, drank and sang love songs. He would leave a heartfelt card on my car to surprise me, maybe with a rose. He was silly and sweet, handsome and beautiful, fun and funny, and would have protected me and our kids from anyone or anything. We had a deep bond, beyond time and space.

In fact, when I met him the second time, time stopped. Seriously, like in the movies. In was a mystical experience and I knew we were meant to find one another. Alas, the drink took hold, he had some issues, we separated awhile while he did soul searching, and then he crashed his motorcycle and left us all alone. I was always a princess to him. He was my prince. Two weeks before he died, I told him that I loved him unconditionally, no matter whether we were able to make it work between us given his addiction issue. I would love him whether he had a new girlfriend someday or married another. Not sad, unrequited love, not needy, not possessive. I just loved him regardless of time and space, regardless of whether in this life or another. He loved us dearly.

We had met, we looked into one another's eyes, and we knew. Wasn't just a sexual thing, it was a soul thing. We never dated. We basically just became a couple - we spent time together with my son and stepdaughter, and one day I just said, do you want to move in, and that was that. We laughed about how we never dated. We had our son a year later.

After he died, years and years went by. I was busy raising two kids, building my career, and could not stand the thought of dating. Dating is weird and unnatural to me. I don't want or need to date to feed my ego, or to feel desirable or needed or attractive. I don't want to have to make small talk and impress someone, wear a mask, be something I am not.

I like myself. I am a kind, loving, giving woman, creative, poetic. I love this earth, nature, the trees, the moon, the mountains, the sea. Haunting celtic music, poetry and song, beautiful art, earthy drumming - preferable over a bar or club, over dating sites, over blind dates. I would rather be alone. And I was, for a long time, but never lonely.

Then I met my fiance, in the park. It was destiny. He was highly educated, brilliant really. Creative, artistic, loved poetry and art, math and science, film, music. Brilliant photographer. Handsome. Sweet. Funny in an innocent way. Great cook. Held the car door for me, cooked for me, made me lovely tea, served me wine and chocolate. He became my best friend and then one day, we were a couple. The love was there from the day we met -- deep, abiding love, the stuff of great poets. We knew one another, we recognized one another from a time and place before. We found one another - by walking at the park over and over alone, til one day he stepped out in front of me with a beautiful smile.

Until he died this spring of a heart attack.

All to say, I see in you the romance of these two wonderful men that I had the privilege to know and love deeply, and be loved deeply. I never changed who I was. They didn't either. You shouldn't.

I don't know why you have been alone for 4 years. Probably because the incredible love and light of your life isn't in the right space and time to meet you yet. You are witty, intelligent, thoughtful, passionate about things, quirky, and YOU.

Why others come to you? When you are centered and sure of yourself in your own skin, others seek you out for counsel and advice - it doesn't matter whether you are the expert or not. I used to chuckle at how I had a constant parade of colleagues come into my office for "counseling" about work and personal issues.

You are a gentleman from a timeless place.

originally posted by: TrueBrit
My life is so strange, so bizarre as a result, that even a woman in whom I have significant interest, despite our being two VERY different people in a whole host of very prohibitive ways, feels comfortable telling me about the eccentric orbit she is making away from her ex boyfriend, and how often that orbit finds her back in his bed, despite the ceasing of their relationship proper.

When your beloved female friends treat you as their close 'girlfriend', talking to you about their dearest intimacies with their 'ex's' or just trading recipes, and you never 'gettin' any', that is a loud warning of...
'gay'.
Or 'bi-'.
Or 'pan'...
When you are her best 'girlfriend', it's time to take an honest self contemplation and appraisal.

I don't mean to sound flippant, but sometimes a mountain of words is saying something very simple...
There are no 'rules' of the Heart!

Know thySelf!

Remember, your 'thoughts' are NOT your friends!
As soon as you ask yourself something like "What's wrong with me?", there is no depth too painful for thoughts to drag you!
And also remember;
"Sometimes we get what we desire, but we ALWAYS get EXACTLY what we need! Every moment!" - Zen Kahuna *__-

Pain (I hear yours) is a necessity for any higher qualities of life.

"In none of Christ's sufferings did his Godhead come to the help of his manhood." - Meister Eckhart

“Suffering is a gift. In it is hidden mercy.”
― Rumi

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
--- Rumi

"I say that next to God there is no nobler thing than suffering. Right suffering is the mother of all virtues, for right suffering so subdues the heart, it cannot rise to pride but perforce is lowly." - Meister Eckhart

"Harkee, all rational souls! The swiftest steed to bear you to your goal is suffering; none shall ever taste eternal bliss but those who stand with Christ in depths of bitterness. Nothing is more gall-bitter than suffering, nothing so honey-sweet as to have suffered. The most sure foundation for this perfection is humility, for he whose nature here creeps in deepest depths shall soar in spirit to highest height of Deity.' - Meister Eckhart

"The growth of the soul in man is as that of a pearl in an oyster, both being caused by irritation." - Plato

Pain and Blessing/Bliss are One Reality!
The only difference is a matter of Perspective!
"The immature run from Pain, the Wise find the Blessing within!" - n

"Only a Breaking Heart can Love!" - n

And finally, if you are uncomfortable with the way things are, just be patient, and they will pass, even the things that you are 'comfortable' with...!

Well damn...

There are some lovely people in this thread!

I really appreciate you folks putting your time and effort into helping me puzzle this out, and I feel like I do have a better understanding of how it is that people have wound up believing me to have some insight that they lack. I also believe that I have a good idea of what I need to do about the effect these things are having on me personally.

I need to at the very least explain to the people in my vicinity, perhaps only when prompted to do so by their request for guidance I cannot give in good conscience, that I am unfit to provide any actionable advice, and further, that my own situation makes dealing with theirs feel like nails being driven into my skull.

This has been an immeasurably useful discussion, and once again, I appreciate the participation of every single one of you!

Thank you!

a reply to: TrueBrit

Here's my theory:

#1 - You've developed a reputation for yourself as the go-to guy for advice (any advice) because you're a good listener, a logical observer, high on the intelligence level, and you're non-judgemental. So now you've got everybody coming at you from every direction seeking free consultations.

#2 - You've been in the friend zone with so many females for so many years, you probably give off the vibe that you're not in any need of a relationship.

#3 - The group of people you're surrounding yourself with are not on the same wavelength as you (except common interests - ie: metalheads) therefore, your lady friends most likely don't feel like they're on the same footing as you (which can be somewhat intimidating).

#4 - You're a very deep person and 99% of all beginner attractions (and potential start-up relationships) are at a much shallower depth (casual conversations, casual fun, easy-going attitudes, etc - ie: "safe")... thus you're 'deepness' would most likely be a bit of a turn off during those first stages. Get too deep too fast and most people will run in the opposite direction.

#5 - You're a very multi-faceted person which means people who are also very multi-faceted will be the types to be drawn to you (cranially speaking). I'm willing to bet that all the females you associate with fall into much more simplex personality spectrums (not deep thinkers, limited interests, shallow thought processes, not mature psychologically/emotionally, etc).

#6 - You're "old-fashioned" ways (for lack of better description) does not match your age range (mentally you would fit in great with us 50 year olds) and I'm assuming that all the females you know fall into your physical age range. Therefore, they will not see you as the datable type because they have a much more "modern" view of dating/relationships/sex.



Anyways, that's my take just based off of what I've seen of your ATS personality these past 5+ years.

So hopefully this will give you some food for thought ?



Or maybe my thought processes are just complete utter codswallop...?

*shrug*

You know truebrit. Ive personally talked with ats females here who find you appealing and attractive. Youre quite popular here. Maybe its the long hair. Maybe its the time, thought and intellect you put in each post but i doubt it.

Really its because your posts come out confidently and unabashed. You speak your opinion with confidence and lack of fear from differeing opinions. Maybe a little more this is me, like it or leave it and heres what i think will be useful in your day to day interactions. Not saying you have a different petsonality outside ats but being to thoughtful and nice can come off as a weakness or insecurity. Dont be a jerk either but a rogue yeah. You already got the long hair and the brains. Start intruiging them with your rogue slightly detached disposition. You play bass right? I can think of a few ways to leverage that to intice the girls.

Says the guy who buys his girlfriend flowers.

originally posted by: CranialSponge
a reply to: TrueBrit

Here's my theory:

#1 - You've developed a reputation for yourself as the go-to guy for advice (any advice) because you're a good listener, a logical observer, high on the intelligence level, and you're non-judgemental. So now you've got everybody coming at you from every direction seeking free consultations.

That may well be about the size of it.

#2 - You've been in the friend zone with so many females for so many years, you probably give off the vibe that you're not in any need of a relationship.

If that is the case, I really need to work on my non-verbal communication skills!

#3 - The group of people you're surrounding yourself with are not on the same wavelength as you (except common interests - ie: metalheads) therefore, your lady friends most likely don't feel like they're on the same footing as you (which can be somewhat intimidating).

Well that's a fair cop. There is one potential exception amongst my female associates, which in and of itself is most vexing, since it is she in whom I have an improbable interest. I will not go into the precise reason why that interest is in and of itself ridiculous, suffice to say that I am indeed equal to the wisdom necessary to realise the futility of it, without allowing the less confident aspects of my persona to effect the calculation which brings me to the conclusion I have reached on the matter.

#4 - You're a very deep person and 99% of all beginner attractions (and potential start-up relationships) are at a much shallower depth (casual conversations, casual fun, easy-going attitudes, etc - ie: "safe")... thus you're 'deepness' would most likely be a bit of a turn off during those first stages. Get too deep too fast and most people will run in the opposite direction.

This is something which confuses me utterly. In all the interaction I have had with females, whether close friends or orbital contacts, the unifying feature of their complaints and problems with males, tends to be honesty, either theirs or their partners. A failure on someones part to "keep it real" tends to be the point of failure in every circumstance, and yet here I am, real as the planet beneath my feet, with people whose main problem is a lack of honesty, coming to me for advice...Humanity is ridiculous.

#5 - You're a very multi-faceted person which means people who are also very multi-faceted will be the types to be drawn to you (cranially speaking). I'm willing to bet that all the females you associate with fall into much more simplex personality spectrums (not deep thinkers, limited interests, shallow thought processes, not mature psychologically/emotionally, etc).

I think the trouble is that we seem to have totally different types of intelligence. I apply mine broadly, across the entire skein of my life, because it makes sense to do so, to me anyway. However, it is certain that some of those I know, have taken it upon themselves to limit their expression of intellect either to their work, or some other facet of their lives, rather than broadly. It must also be said that those females who have applied their intelligence broadly, tend to already be in totally harmonious relationships.

#6 - You're "old-fashioned" ways (for lack of better description) does not match your age range (mentally you would fit in great with us 50 year olds) and I'm assuming that all the females you know fall into your physical age range. Therefore, they will not see you as the datable type because they have a much more "modern" view of dating/relationships/sex.

Anyways, that's my take just based off of what I've seen of your ATS personality these past 5+ years.

So hopefully this will give you some food for thought ?



Or maybe my thought processes are just complete utter codswallop...?

*shrug*

This issue of age to conduct displacement is a serious one for me. I know that it causes me a great many issues that are not experienced by persons of my age group in the main. Its funny, in a horrific, scarring kind of a way... Myself and the lady for whom I have great affection, were discussing the problems in her life, and she asked me a question about how she might avoid these problems in the future. I decided to explain to her how I approach affairs of the heart, to provide context, to explain why it is that I am not the right person to ask about these things. I spake thusly:

" I do not date. I fall in love, and then maybe, just maybe, I act on it, and if the world is about to end, if giant comet is about to strike, perhaps I might communicate my feelings to someone who feels the same, and something beautiful may result. So far, it has worked out badly, but I do not agree with this dating malarkey, because all it really seems to be is an excuse to have a whole bunch of entirely meaningless sex, with someone who invariably turns out to appreciate it no where near enough, and has not the depth of character to value ones other attributes enough to bother with. I would not even consider kissing a woman I was not entirely head over heels for, and the reason for that is that I would hate to be in the position you are in right now, because it would literally kill me dead."

And do you know what she said!? "You are so weird! I can't even wrap my head around the way you go about things! You must be so lonely!"

My response was as follows: "I am. But I would be lonely still even if drowning in tail, because mere rutting does not interest me. The physical act has no value to me, save for the closeness it creates between two souls, appropriately attuned. But that closeness I value does not exist without the love that bonds those two entities. Without it, I could be surrounded entirely by willing lasses, and feel a million miles away from the nearest person to me."

This entirely boggles her mind of course, despite the fact that actually, she is a very intelligent woman in a great number of very appealing respects. She likes autopsy as a spectator sport, criminology as a hobby, loves the metal festival we go to, is a very well read lady indeed... but as stated above, and for other reasons not delved into (mostly out of respect to her), I know it is a waste of my time to maintain interest. What also makes me laugh somewhat, is that for all that she is extremely intelligent, she has not noticed that my gaze lingers on her longer than on anyone, or anything else in my field of vision, or even when speaking about affairs of the heart, she has not realised that my tendency to fall in love prior to any physical contact, that I fall in love with soul and mind before body, could mean that I have an interest in her.

Perplexing indeed, this life. Full of contradictions and cul-de-sacs!

a reply to: reldra

Sometimes being too nice of a person can do this.

I think this is perhaps part of the problem. Next time this lady stop's playing "musical beds" with her boyfriend/ex jump right in and ask for some casual sex. You are both grown ups and what harm is there in asking? After that maybe you can date her even if you're not into dating.

a reply to: BASSPLYR

BASSPLYR,

The trouble is, that my default setting is thoughtful, and my bass guitar is, without wishing to go into much pored over detail, unfit for purpose at this time, so I am not able to leverage it all that well, especially since it has been some time since I was able to play regularly, and I am rustier than a junk heap just at this moment.

The real thing of it is, I really do not mind being lonely if that is the only result of being who I am and how I am. If that is the case, then I have to look at it in the following manner:

If she cannot deal with it, then she is not for me.

However, I do somewhat object to being used as a sounding board for a modern age, when in all the ways that count, I am not part of it, do not interact with it. I carry the past, not just mine, but the past generally, around with me, like some sort of portal to other realms, to the sounds of swords clashing, shields colliding, to the sounds of the blacksmiths forge, the smell of boar meat roasting over an open fire in the woods. That is who I am, even if it is not when I am, and that cannot change without totally removing me from the things I love about being who I am. None of those things even exist in the modern age, none of the things that make me who I am exist in this period. My life and my construction as a person are not informed by the things that happened at the time of or after my birth, but the things which occurred hundreds of years before I came into being, and I will never leave those things alone, unless it is my aim to sublimate myself in order to fit in with a society that lacks any of the noble characteristics I value. I cannot see a good reason to alter my manner, if all that will result is that in order to have love in my life, my life has to end in all the ways I consider important.

a reply to: TheConstruKctionofLight

Casual sex?

If it is casual, one is next to always doing it wrong.