Living Borei

Authors Note:
This is a somewhat dark poem I wrote the other day, when I was having a bad time. I wanted to try writing instead of going to the ER. Writing poems/raps or just writing in general really calms me down. I think it really highlights how much duality there is inside my whole being, and my lack of desire to actually see a professional. For those of you who don't know what Aokigahara is, it is the infamous "Suicide Forest" of Japan. People are known to go there, and cross a path that is blocked off with a warning sign. Upon crossing, you may notice many little string or tape trails. People use these in the event they change their minds about suicide and need to find a way back out.

Secondly, I think there are only 2 but the words that are inside of the brackets: [ ] indicates that there was a word that wasn't appropriate for ATS and was therefore replaced for this thread. You can use your imagination there.

Since 1971, authorities have removed upward of 100 bodies a year from the forest, making it the second-most popular suicide spot in the world, behind the Golden Gate Bridge. And that’s just the bodies that were discovered in the 14 square mile area. In the early 2000s, local government stopped reporting on the number of suicides in the forest, but it didn’t have any effect on stopping people.

Sea of Trees



My soul is like Aokigahara, its occupied, though seemingly empty
everything inside is dead, its just my Modus Vivendi.
There was always a sign not to cross over "WARNING"
Of course I didn't cross it willingly, I was tossed in, kinda delusional, its abhorrent.
See the things that are living are really the danger.
keeping scary thoughts bottled up inside the bodies beaten container
So I avoid contacting anything with a spark of life,
and what does make its way in meets my metaphorical knife.
I don't keep close friends I refuse to let anyone in.
Just pour myself some more 151, Bacardi gin.
Its the same song and dance I've done my whole damn existence
I've learned to resist and deflect their persistence,
I might actually need it but I don't want any [flipping] assistance.
Just do us both a favor and please, keep a safe distance.
Two face, Jekyll and Hyde, I can't deny it.
Half the time I'm feelin' fine, and half the time I wanna die, [shoot]....
Its like I'm trapped inside myself wandering through this forest
sometimes I think I'm hearing things, sometimes it IS the chorus,
singing songs to torment me, and verify my lack of importance.
So I dig deep, but there's nowhere to dig I"m already at the bottom.
No where to run, no where to hide, the real me, long forgotten.
Trapped and trying to follow the stringed paths of the things that wandered here before me.
To find a way out of this hell but they lead me to more purgatory.
I pay for what's been done to me, the only remedy is a time machine.
Not pills, not doctors, not therapy, maybe a full clip and a magazine.
I guess I'll sit and patiently wait to experience the sweet release of Dimethyltryptamine....


-Alee

a reply to: NerdGoddess

It is very dark and excellent.

I hope that it helped you.

Some of it resonated with me due to someone that I love very much who struggles with life.

I'm going to point this poem out to, hopefully, show her she is not entirely alone.

Thanks.

originally posted by: TNMockingbird
a reply to: NerdGoddess

It is very dark and excellent.

I hope that it helped you.

Some of it resonated with me due to someone that I love very much who struggles with life.

I'm going to point this poem out to, hopefully, show her she is not entirely alone.

Thanks.

Thank you very much! It did help me a lot, and re reading it has been doing me some good as well. Its just a reminder that as miserable as I am sometimes, even that pain at least means I'm alive, and "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"

Hopefully it will comfort your friend, and if not, I still hope she finds some comfort somewhere. Life is tricky as I've been noticing.... but we only get one, so I might as well do my best to make the most of it when I notice I'm having a bad time.

-Alee

originally posted by: NerdGoddess

originally posted by: TNMockingbird
a reply to: NerdGoddess

It is very dark and excellent.

I hope that it helped you.

Some of it resonated with me due to someone that I love very much who struggles with life.

I'm going to point this poem out to, hopefully, show her she is not entirely alone.

Thanks.

Thank you very much! It did help me a lot, and re reading it has been doing me some good as well. Its just a reminder that as miserable as I am sometimes, even that pain at least means I'm alive, and "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"

Hopefully it will comfort your friend, and if not, I still hope she finds some comfort somewhere. Life is tricky as I've been noticing.... but we only get one, so I might as well do my best to make the most of it when I notice I'm having a bad time.

-Alee

Very well said!

Good luck to you.

a reply to: NerdGoddess


I loved the flow.

originally posted by: Mousygretchen
a reply to: NerdGoddess


I loved the flow.

Thank you so much Mousygretchen!
Have a great afternoon!

-Alee

a reply to: NerdGoddess

here's the problem. They're not suicides.

originally posted by: bigpatato
a reply to: NerdGoddess

here's the problem. They're not suicides.

I would love to hear more about that theory, links please?

-Alee

a reply to: NerdGoddess
Right on. I feel the exact same way sometimes. You aren't alone.