Well what to say first?
I am 21 years old, i was born in spain but i actually live in holland, my parents and whole my family are muslims, but i do not believe in god,
therefore i had too much understanding problems between my parents and my family, the couldnīt understand my way to be, or my way to talk, sometimes
it was very stressy, but at least till 13 years i was muslim, because i was not conscious about it, afterwards, i realize that i donīt believe in
something iīve been told, but i something i believe, so i stopped and i had really 5 years of hell at home, and so on, i know about that religion, i
had to live in it for 20 years, no member of my family isnīt muslim, unless me...
But that is just a bit of long story of 21 years, when i just got 13 years, i started smoking, drinking, and having "fun" with girls, almost all is
not allowed by the muslim religion, i ate pig and i still eat it, but it is not allowed neither, but well i have a long of anecdotes of that time,
untill my mom realizes that i am so rebel that she canīt change my mind anymore and she gives up with the "teaching life", and accepts my condition
of atheist (which for a muslim is the direct enemy of the quoran and of course from god).
I had a very strange live, i am a not normal person letīs say, a lot of people likes to be with me, not because i am pretty (that i am not btw), but
because they way i talk and i express myself, i am very social with rational people, but not with stupid idiots dickthinkers, or shallow people. I
just like the rationality, and that made my life completely different as the rest, for example i remember that i had a lot of girlfriends, and till
now i couldnīt love none of them, whem most of them loved me, i couldnīt feel that much from relationships, or family, in a way i am less sensible
than normal people,
"thatīs why my name
", also one thing people like from is my honesty, i am so honest that sometimes i had fights, and brutal problems because of
being "so Clever talking" , but u get use to it, i prefer to say to somebody in the face that i donīt like him, as be false with him, laugh when i
donīt want, listen when i donīt want, or whatever, i prefer to let everything clear, no games, just truth, sometimes is gruff but i canīt help it.
I smoke weed daily, i do not smoke any tobacco, i stopped 8 months ago, and now i canīt stand anybody next to me smoking that poison, but weed, damn,
that is healthy, u canīt think whatever u want about it, but:
-I need to sleep (smoke a joint will help me a lot)
-I want to be hungry to eat more (smoke a joint will help me a lot)
-I want to have sex feeling much more (smoke a joint will help me a lot)
-I want to relax from a stress day at work (smoke a joint will help me a lot)
-I want to philosophy with friends talking in a nice way
(smoke a joint will help me a lot)
-I donīt have problems with my bronchitis anymore, i had a strong cough, but now i have no cough at all, i quit cigarettes, and weed opens longs, so i
am cleaning again my organism.
-Being stoned i am much more concentrated in what i am doing.
Well i can give reasons and no stop
I always had friends that were more into the left you know? Anarchists, communists, pacifists, leftists, etc etc.
But still i could not understand the way this world works, so i always thouight that even my friends were not knowing much more than a skin head,
nazi, right wings, ultrafascist, or whatever, we all know NOTHING at ALL, but we PRESUME to know what is better but things are never improving, what
is happening is the opposite things are getting worse and worse every single second.
So i started to investigate or better said "educate myself" about the world i live in, how it really works, and what shall i do.
Well conclusion is just a sign that you are tired of thinking, because my believe is that when u think u can do it for undefined time, untill you
want, perspectives, etc etc, thinking you donīt have limits, you limit yourself to what YOU think you KNOW, and thatīs it, what i did, after my
problem with my parents, was to try to understand why people normally is religious without a choice, just because u are born in italy u are cristian,
or in Syria and you are muslim, or in israel and you are jew, they teach you that "that is the right path, the other are contaminated by satan...",
and the 3 principal religions are doing that, so of course u are born in a place where everybody believes in that, so for u, it will be normal as well
at one point, itīs called monotony, dat after day, after day, when u see that everybody has a pattern in his life, and that that pattern is
conditioned by religions and money, u get a simply conclusion, people donīt think about the rest, you are taught that you have to become the first in
the class, the first in the exam to get in the university, or there inside the selection the make for people to finish it, and people who donīt , or
then in the work, you can still see it, the competence between each other, to be above the other, to be in a better position, claiming more, that is
it, and then they have the face to call that Society, or call that Civilization, or Rationalism, or Evolution....
Look at the earth, a beautiful place on the universe, divided in 190 pieces, like a puzzle, and people is playing risk without knowing, while the real
makers of all these are getting out with it, without even people notising the stuff they are doing.
From 15 years i think like that, and that was my beginning to read books, look for info, and watch people everyday in their regular lives like if i
was an alien examinating the human been for the first time, to understand the concept for what it really is, and not for what is ment for be. That way
everytime i got out on the street and i looked at people working the ground, and think what kind of life do they have, what do they need to survive,
what is the difference between me and him, i did it for years, and i still do it, but my technic has improved, because at one point you see that we
are not that different from each other, we want to be special and different just because of it, but the clothes are not gonna change our minds just
our aspect, so at the end you can see the all people can be kind and nice, u just have to understand them, put yourself in any situation and think
what would u do, i did it even thinking that i was starving in africa, in a tribe, just feel the people, meet them understand why we act like that and
do not blame what everybody blames, because that is just for distraction, the real problem-maker is always hidden and not at sight...
Ignorance is a thing i hate, Lies is the thing i hate
most, i just canīt stand people lying, i get
I wanted one thing for 4 years everytime i blew the candles in my birthsday, peace and respect for everyone, but stupid mistake of mine, now i see
that a lot of people doesnīt even diserve to live, they just harm everything around, saying things, and being ignorants teaching more ignorants, Being
shallow and stupid is now fashionable, or if not it must be a disease, a virus of stupidity or a plague, otherwise i donīt understand half of the
world, with everyone i have spoken to, we got the same conclusion, at the end, we always loose, we always make "them" the favor to fight against
each other instead of fight against "them", itīs like the typical boy in the school that goes to say
-Heii that guy said that your mother is a bit*h
And does exactly the same to the other guy,
end of the story both fighting like mad people instead of verify that any of those comments were true...
Who wins, none of them, just the sneaky guy that started all. But he made them enemies from a lie, and they both think bad of the other one and they
trust the liar. Think about society and u will see that example everywhere....
Well a little bit about my life, well i like Muai Thai, and aikido as defense style, iīve done it for almost one year, i also did snowboarding and
skateboarding i love it!!!, and i like a lot to go to explore in the wood, nature is sooooo nice, mountains valleys, whatever, i can walk from the
sunshine to the sunset, but i am getting really pissed about how we are killing the planet, it just increases my CoLD aNGeR inside me every single
Refering to studies, well, iīve been into a private school (something i am not really proud of, but the taught me better than any other school), i
learned a lot refering to history (until i realized of course that history is the most manipulated thing, is the BiG Lie, but i believed in it for a
long time), itīs true that a lot of things are facts, but the Why? of everything is what i want to know the rest for me is not important, and that
"why" in history is explained with feelings of hate, ratial, religion, or just sentimental or patriots. Things that are just not Rational at all,
guide just with ignorance, and u see the mass following them, is something that boils my blood
Prejudice, or ratial comments is the most ignorant thing on earth, and i hate it.
But anyway in the school i liked history in all it terms, from egypt 5000 bc till now...
And of course computers, itīs my job, and my hobby so i like it, i am with computers now for about 8 years, and i work for technical support in
Hardware and Software, HP,LiNuX, Microsoft, AoL, Laptops, etc etc...
Well what shall i say, i live alone, i left my whole life 1 .5 years ago, when i was 20, to start my life by my own, and here i am
But more pissed
than never, because the truth is not good, there is nothing positive about knowing the truth, is frustating know it, and then look around and see all
those fools.... But iīll try to fight till die, as always i said, people must open up their minds and cut their chains given by this society since u
are a kid...
Well iīll add something funny when i remember it, everybody has funny stories on his life right?
Just wanted to know, the REALITY, that is the only thing i keep on saying, Knowledge is the only thing i seek in life, the rest is just useless and
[Edited on 17-6-2003 by CoLD aNGeR]