originally posted by: IvyNeptune
I am positive that I have come to the conclusion that being alone is better than letting anyone in to the point where you feel vulnerable, and
subsequently get hurt.
The hurt you feel is never worth the happiness that person might bring you.
I have walls up for a serious reason, and every single time I have let them down the person either #s you over or leaves.
people might say 'oh you havent met the right person'
no everyone is the same.
Im getting 12 cats and dying alone.
Being alone to one person is not the same as being alone to another person is. Levels of lonliness vary between couples while in a relationship.
What seems to be common with couples who live together is one feels very alone but the other does not, or feels it minimally. The one who feels alone
is the one who grew dependent on the other one filling up their personal time. Meaning their time when they are not working. Most people have to work
to generate a steady income, so their time is filled when they work. Personal time can also be filled with work such as being involved in art, music,
writing and sports. (Noted as such due to these being actual dream jobs for a few but limited to a hobby for most.) Most couples do not bring the
other to work with them, so it is acceptable time spent away from each other. Some couples involve each other in their areas of interest pursued
after their 9-5 job. They share writing ideas with each other, play instruments together, sports together and so on. But, sometimes they don't
include each other and it is viewed as acceptable time away from each other.
To understand where I'm coming from, I'll cover what time spent together as a couple usually consists of and why a dependency can form in one of them
that has a huge potential to making them feel alone.
The time spent together as couples, outside of work and "hobbies" usually consists of conversation and a mutually enjoyable silence while being
engaged in the usual activities of a household and the typical resting and intimate activities within a household, as well as being together as a
couple on social outings and private outings. Social outings would be things like hanging out as a couple with his friends or her friends. Private
outings would be going out to eat or running errands together.
That said, the length of time two people engage in these activities together as well as intensity is also factored in. For instance, if in the very
beginning of a relationship it was intense and private time spent with each other was made to make time for each other based on their desire to be
around each other and it fizzles out, and if it was for a prolonged period of time, its going to have an effect on the people involved. One effect is
going to be attempting to relace the 'intensity' in the person's private time and the other is dealing with the 'habit' that developed having got used
to a pattern of life that involved one special/intimate person being in it.
One partner may not involve the other partner in much of their private time because of different intetests but they still make time to be with them
bssed on their own free will because they enjoy being with them. So the time spent may be on a weekend or just an hour every other night. If the other
partner never had hobbies before they met the person or had to sacrifice hobbies due to a baby being born or some other life changing event like
sickness or jobloss, that one hour or weekend isn't going to fill them to keep them busy and moving. This is when the other partner reveals themselves
as being a compassionate person or just a taker who's concern is only for themselves. Unfortunately, there are too many people who use people soley
for their own enjoyment. A compassionate partner will begin the process of filling up the other person's time by redeveloping their interest in a
hobby or getting them involved in one of their's or spending more quality time with them. But with compassion for an intimate partner, there needs to
be leadership and maturity. Feeling bad for them isn't going to be enough. Listening to them will not be enough. Proactive change needs to happen.
That requires someone to take the lead and be genuine and good hearted in their intentions. That requires being able to hear what is really being said
and not being superficial stuck on their tone of voice or stuck on a negative incident that happened in the past. Compassion is also about helping
people over come issues that are holding them back from living full lives so they are not clingy or dependant, with full lives that don't just consume
and take, but give or share. Many times partners are not receptive to compassion because they built up a wall and are afraid of it because they
mistakenly believe it will take something of value from them, placing value in the wall they built with negative experiences.
If being outcasted in a relationship hurts then by no means remain in what hurts. This is why you involve yourself in activities and get rid of the
walls that will prevent you from having another relationship. Every failed relationship paves a way for a greater relationship if you learn from it,
forgive it and allow your spirit to be developed in a loving way provided by God, who is love. The Universe gives back what you are open to, if your
journey is to find love, look you will find it. You see a couple holding hands, let it make you happy, not sad. Be glad when you see expressions of
love around you. Do not hide from it or get angry or resentful about it. It is up to you to participate in the expression of it. If you do that you
will never be alone because love is never alone. When two or more gather in the expression of love, God, who is love, hears and miracles happen.