And They Wonder Why I Don't Have Friends Or Family To Talk To? It Must Be Me! :duh:

Hello all,

I want to talk about something that is near and dear to my heart. I have found myself over the years unable to make any friends, and it's not from a lack of effort. I've put ads on Craigslist, on down the line in this effort. Yet I have not been able to find one person that is like minded to relate to and talk to. The reason it is so mind boggling to me, is because I am a genuinely nice guy. I live by two guiding principles. 1) Do No Harm= don't do anything to another human being that would harm the financially, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. 2) Become pure positive energy. That is not to say that I don't have another side. Because if you poke the bear with a stick........ Or as Robert on Shark Tank said "don't mistake my kindness as weakness." I will defend myself.

But something happened today that really has me rattled, so where best to post this other than rants? Today, I was looking up an old friend that I haven't seen or talked to in several years. The last time I saw him, I ran into him at a Journey concert. We used to be pretty good friends, until I started to figure things out about my family, my past, and got into signs and synchronicities pretty seriously because they were so persistent in my life at the time.

But we ended up not being friends anymore on New Years Eve a few years back. When he was talking to me in his garage, and basically said that he couldn't be the kind of friend that I needed, and he was crying when he said it. So I know that he wanted to be friends, but I needed someone that could understand me, so our paths split that night. (I ran into him at the concert a few years after that.) But I have two common themes that are repeating in my life, that are driving me nuts.

1) I have been accused of caring too much by my "minister" father. My wife told my dad when they met, that the reason she wanted to be with me, was because of how passionate I am, and how much I care about everything. etc. etc. etc.. It is true, but I don't think that you can ever care too much. But these same people go out of their way to try and destroy my will, and make it to where I don't care anymore. By doing things to me that are beyond messed up, and in my opinion pure evil. If I told you, you would probably believe that I am making it all up.

2) I am amazed at how many people I have known in my life that for the lack of a better term, I would deem either child sex offenders, or victims of child sex offenders. If my life is any indication of how prevalent this issue is in this country. Then I myself would label it an epidemic to the highest degree.

3 of the closest women I have known in my life, were all sexually abused by their own family members when they were children. The strange part, is that they are loyal to the offenders to the bitter end. I'm usually the one they take the trauma out on. Which usually ends up ending the relationship. But they aren't the only ones that I know about either.

So today, I was looking up my old friend to see if he would want to go see Star Wars with me, because I don't have anyone to go with. So I google him to see if I can find out what his cell phone number is now, and low and behold. He was arrested 5 or so years ago, on two different counts of being a child predator online. The only reason he was caught, was because he was actually communicating with a police officer. When he thought he was communicating with a 14 year old girl. What the hell is wrong with everybody!

So the last 5 people that I have let into my world, in my opinion were complete crap human beings. 3 of them tried to get me to rob a valet company that one of them worked for, with them. I refused, so we pretty much weren't friends anymore after that. One is a child predator, and the other one I don't even want to talk about. What's the point of trying to make any friends, if you never really know them anyways? I never would have guessed that any of these people would be this way, and yet here I am with no friends, and is it any wonder why? Where the hell are all of the good people at, or are there any left anymore? If the choice is between having crap human beings as friends, or no friends at all. I will continue to choose no friends.

Very Discouraged With Humanity At This Point,
TomSawyer

a reply to: TomSawyer

I'm sorry for your troubles!

I don't even know what to say.

Surely there is someone, somewhere that you could befriend?

It is odd that all of the people that you mentioned are in some sort of sexual abuse situation...

You always have us! ?

a reply to: TomSawyer

Through all the years I've been alive, I can only truly say that I've had one actual friend.

Honestly though, I've had a lot of "friends" who liked to hang around me when the money was good, but I learned the hard way everyone is self serving.

My point is don't feel so bad about it, everyone wants something for themselves and you're probably better off having less friends than more being the nice guy you are.

originally posted by: TomSawyer
Hello all,

I want to talk about something that is near and dear to my heart. I have found myself over the years unable to make any friends, and it's not from a lack of effort. I've put ads on Craigslist, on down the line in this effort. Yet I have not been able to find one person that is like minded to relate to and talk to. The reason it is so mind boggling to me, is because I am a genuinely nice guy. I live by two guiding principles. 1) Do No Harm= don't do anything to another human being that would harm the financially, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. 2) Become pure positive energy. That is not to say that I don't have another side. Because if you poke the bear with a stick........ Or as Robert on Shark Tank said "don't mistake my kindness as weakness." I will defend myself.

But something happened today that really has me rattled, so where best to post this other than rants? Today, I was looking up an old friend that I haven't seen or talked to in several years. The last time I saw him, I ran into him at a Journey concert. We used to be pretty good friends, until I started to figure things out about my family, my past, and got into signs and synchronicities pretty seriously because they were so persistent in my life at the time.

But we ended up not being friends anymore on New Years Eve a few years back. When he was talking to me in his garage, and basically said that he couldn't be the kind of friend that I needed, and he was crying when he said it. So I know that he wanted to be friends, but I needed someone that could understand me, so our paths split that night. (I ran into him at the concert a few years after that.) But I have two common themes that are repeating in my life, that are driving me nuts.

1) I have been accused of caring too much by my "minister" father. My wife told my dad when they met, that the reason she wanted to be with me, was because of how passionate I am, and how much I care about everything. etc. etc. etc.. It is true, but I don't think that you can ever care too much. But these same people go out of their way to try and destroy my will, and make it to where I don't care anymore. By doing things to me that are beyond messed up, and in my opinion pure evil. If I told you, you would probably believe that I am making it all up.

2) I am amazed at how many people I have known in my life that for the lack of a better term, I would deem either child sex offenders, or victims of child sex offenders. If my life is any indication of how prevalent this issue is in this country. Then I myself would label it an epidemic to the highest degree.

3 of the closest women I have known in my life, were all sexually abused by their own family members when they were children. The strange part, is that they are loyal to the offenders to the bitter end. I'm usually the one they take the trauma out on. Which usually ends up ending the relationship. But they aren't the only ones that I know about either.

So today, I was looking up my old friend to see if he would want to go see Star Wars with me, because I don't have anyone to go with. So I google him to see if I can find out what his cell phone number is now, and low and behold. He was arrested 5 or so years ago, on two different counts of being a child predator online. The only reason he was caught, was because he was actually communicating with a police officer. When he thought he was communicating with a 14 year old girl. What the hell is wrong with everybody!

So the last 5 people that I have let into my world, in my opinion were complete crap human beings. 3 of them tried to get me to rob a valet company that one of them worked for, with them. I refused, so we pretty much weren't friends anymore after that. One is a child predator, and the other one I don't even want to talk about. What's the point of trying to make any friends, if you never really know them anyways? I never would have guessed that any of these people would be this way, and yet here I am with no friends, and is it any wonder why? Where the hell are all of the good people at, or are there any left anymore? If the choice is between having crap human beings as friends, or no friends at all. I will continue to choose no friends.

Very Discouraged With Humanity At This Point,
TomSawyer

I myself think out of personal experience, that you're trying to associate with the wrong crowd. The crowd I thought that were my friends ended up me being a felon. But the friends that I have now warned me of the consequence a year in advance but i didn't listen and look where that got me. But even after all of that, we are still friends and I doubt we could ever not be.

But what is weird is that my best friend is someone that I never thought would be, an outgoing Jock football player/ex drug dealer lol and me being a very quiet "nerdish" guy that would only play videogames.

He has since continued college in Kansas and I myself kept in California but moved to a different town quite a ways from our hometown. But he still calls me when he makes it back and I travel down five hours to meet up with him at his moms.

And to think the only reason we became friends in the first place was because I wanted to trade him a salamander I found under a log for some money for cigarettes haha.

I've had difficulty finding people to have in my life as well. Never really dated a girl more than a few weeks.
45 year old asexual virgin here, so know that there are some of us out here that don't have the issues you speak of.
It sounds like you've gotten in touch with some bad/sad folks.
I'd offer my friendship, but it's likely we're far away.
I've considered Craigslist ads for such things as well, but when I see what's on there... nope.

Might I suggest a local board or card gaming group? I don't know if that follows your interests, but I've had luck finding good people that share my enjoyment of dabbling in the realms of gaming and fantasy. There's SO many board games out there that go beyond the world of Monopoly and the like. Chances are you'd find some that you enjoy.

a reply to: TheLotLizard

Lol I wanted a box of 20 lizards but they wouldn't charge my credit card

Bro you got a wife. Make some babies.

a reply to: s0nny

Children children are the future

a reply to: TomSawyer

I really feel for you. I used to be much the same way, I still don't have many close friends that I hang out with but I have some. None as equally passionate as I am but at least they care about the same things I do. I just keep it in check now with them. It's overwhelming to people to see that need and to be quite honest not fair to expect it of them, I learned the hard way. I trust that someday I will find someone I can know and spend time with in real life who is as passionate about the things that really matter to me, as I am. But I'm okay if I don't, I have outlets for my passions. I have some friends online who are equally passionate about the same things I am, those are meaningful friendships even if we can't go physically do something together.

My boyfriend appreciates my passion but doesn't share it about the same things and since I learned to accept that I'm excessive, I don't look for it in him or resent the lack of sameness. This allows me to appreciate him and my friends as they are and this provides an avenue for healthy, beautiful, reciprocal relationships.

So my advice to you is appreciate people as they are, not what you need them to be. Stop projecting what you need and learn to see the beauty around you and then try knowing that there must be someone out there, close enough by you and that someday one of you will wander into the life of the other.

Worth a shot maybe? I hope it helped. I hope you find some comfort. Loneliness is a hard thing to live with. I'm sorry that you're going through it.

a reply to: justchilling

Is he your only one?

a reply to: s0nny

No.. I adopted a few

a reply to: TomSawyer

So I google him to see if I can find out what his cell phone number is now, and low and behold. He was arrested 5 or so years ago, on two different counts of being a child predator online. The only reason he was caught, was because he was actually communicating with a police officer. When he thought he was communicating with a 14 year old girl. What the hell is wrong with everybody!

I really know how you feel about this. A guy who I considered as a friend at one time got busted the very same way, only he thought he was talking to a 14 year old boy. He'd sent this "boy" naked pics of himself or something. The "boy" of course was a cop. It was a complete shocker. I mean, yeah, the guy had always been a bit weird but nobody thought he was that off. So, yeah, I know where you're coming from there.

The best advice I can give is be very selective on who you choose for friends.

a reply to: justchilling

Lmao that picture takes me back to my teenage years

Man, I don't know what to say online to help you considering the, umm "troubles" you are carrying internally. I cycle through groups of friends like every year. I got my ol skool friends that I known from high school, and the occasional one or two I meet in a year that I keep contact with. But literally, as far as like hitting the bars and clubs , shooting range, movies, beach, skating rink etc etc I practically with a new group every year. It was not really like that until about 2008 when many of my crew from high school started going to prison, and a few that are dead.

I decided maybe these were not the best influences to be around, so I just figured meet new people everyday, arrange to hang out with their friends. ExChange numbers, meet friends through them, and so on and on it continues to this day.

I literally strike up conversation with strangers on a daily basis, especially women , so I just don't feel it to be difficult. Just a warm smile and friendly hello, and then bam discuss anything at all. Honestly though, the smart phones tend to piss me off. Sometimes I just want to punch someone in the jaw and be like "oh, I guess them damn updates arent that important now huh?!" when they get a snooty bitchy face look and go back to their phone.

#ing safety blankets I swear. It like a reason not to socialize with fellow human beings and stay scared and awkward from the general public.

Hey well, since we're ranting right??

a reply to: TNMockingbird

I keep holding onto hope that I will eventually find someone to befriend, it just seems extremely odd to me that it is so hard. When I have so much to offer, and a lot of love to share. So it's just frustrating.

While I do appreciate having ATS, to at least have a venue to talk with people. It's just not the same as face to face human companionship. Don't get me wrong having ATS, is way better than not having anything at all. It's just not the same. If I didn't really know these people, that I had been friends with for years. I obviously am not going to really know the people that respond to me on online message boards.

Thank you for your response,
TomSawyer

a reply to: TomSawyer

take my pm seriously, I am being sincere.

a reply to: TomSawyer

You are obviously highly intelligent with strong principles. That make you a good person in my eyes. I use my hobby (music) and became part of a folk-club where I met some really excellent people

a reply to: TomSawyer

You know what I've seen that works to gain a good deal of acquaintances? Sit at the bar in Applebee's. You don't need to buy drinks or anything just get some appetizers and chat with the bartenders. I know I've met a good deal of people there after I got in trouble. No one that I've become good friends with, but I could have given I wasn't as shy as I am.

originally posted by: TheLotLizard

originally posted by: TomSawyer


I myself think out of personal experience, that you're trying to associate with the wrong crowd. The crowd I thought that were my friends ended up me being a felon. But the friends that I have now warned me of the consequence a year in advance but i didn't listen and look where that got me. But even after all of that, we are still friends and I doubt we could ever not be.

I get what you are saying, I really do. I thought these were all good people. It's not like these people are going to say to me, "hey, do you want to try and pick some under aged chicks online with me". Or "hey you'll never guess what I did the other day". That just doesn't happen in my world at least. So how do you know, until they get caught, or actually do say something about their deviance. Does that make sense?

But what is weird is that my best friend is someone that I never thought would be, an outgoing Jock football player/ex drug dealer lol and me being a very quiet "nerdish" guy that would only play videogames.

He has since continued college in Kansas and I myself kept in California but moved to a different town quite a ways from our hometown. But he still calls me when he makes it back and I travel down five hours to meet up with him at his moms.

And to think the only reason we became friends in the first place was because I wanted to trade him a salamander I found under a log for some money for cigarettes haha.

You made me smile with that one, good job!
TomSawyer

edit on 31-1-2016 by TomSawyer because: (no reason given)

originally posted by: Kali74
a reply to: TomSawyer



My boyfriend appreciates my passion but doesn't share it about the same things and since I learned to accept that I'm excessive, I don't look for it in him or resent the lack of sameness. This allows me to appreciate him and my friends as they are and this provides an avenue for healthy, beautiful, reciprocal relationships.

So my advice to you is appreciate people as they are, not what you need them to be. Stop projecting what you need and learn to see the beauty around you and then try knowing that there must be someone out there, close enough by you and that someday one of you will wander into the life of the other.


I get what you are saying, and that was actually how I have been approaching it for years. Different people for each interest, trying to build some friendships that way. What I am saying is, all of these different people that filled different interests in my life with, all turned out to be not very good people. I knew these people for years, and they never displayed the propensity to do the kinds of things that they ended up doing years later. So that's why I am saying, how do you ever really know anyone?

Thank you for your response,
TomSawyer