It sounds more like schizophrenia than borderline?
I've suspected myself of being borderline, though a psychiatrist I went to 20 years ago thought I wasn't.
I think he just didn't have the opportunity to see me when I was having a crisis!
I was really emotional and always sure my mate was going to leave me. I turned everything into a sign of that.
I think it just got better with time and age (I feel totally secure in my relationship now, and that had a beneficial effect on all my relations).
As Tiamat described, the best reaction was to say nothing and hug me. Engaging in my drama made it get worse and worse.
What is kind of funny is that is exactly what my husband did... but basically, his english wasn't good enough to totally get all I was going on about,
or to respond to well, so he just said nothing.
Years later, I became aware he had no idea what I was saying most of the time!
"You don't remember me accusing you of being in love with my best friend?"
"WHAT? No... you thought that?"
(I cried and ranted for an entire night and day)
"Ah....no. Never mind. Doesn't matter now..."
Too bad your wife doesn't do all this in another language! Then you could just look sympathetic and hug her and it would be over....
I feel for you, I really do. You have been brave and loving. If nothing else, I can offer the suggestion that it might get better with time.
(i felt moved when reading the beginning of this thread, but hadn't read your update! Glad to hear there's been some positive development in this!!!
edit on 13-1-2016 by Bluesma because: (no reason given)