Have you ever been betrayed by someone very close to you?

a reply to: lavatrance

Have you ever been betrayed by someone very close to you that you trusted? Even if you forgive them in your own mind, how do you set aside the resentment of the betrayal?

Easy - by knowing that you are not a physical being. At some point, you are going to realize that this is just a training ground for our souls. Ok, someone "betrayed" you. Everyone gets betrayed, simply by their lack of understanding that outside this reality, we make contracts with others to precipitate certain turns of direction in our lives. Believe me when I tell you (and I am sorry something terrible happened to you) the betrayal may have been deliberate and you may have agreed to it. I know this sounds terrible but it must have been important to both you and the betrayer. We learn from everything we do or experience, no matter how ugly. If you'd consider, try reading some of Michael Newton's books such as "Life Between Lives" or "Destiny of Souls," as they show you what we are really doing here. There are many such books and tons of information regarding your soul and the situations we manifest - to learn from. Forgive and most importantly, forget. LOVE

a reply to: lavatrance
Yes. Many times. You just let it go. And never trust them again. But they're only human and their actions are a reflection of themselves and not you. Cry if you need to. Talk about it with your confidante. Allow yourself a day to mourn and then forget about it and move on. You have to keep living. Don't allow their betrayal to defeat you.

a reply to: lavatrance

My former best friend, or so I had thought he was, I made the mistake of letting him into my confidence far too deeply, this was a guy I loved as a brother
.

He took information behind my and my mother's back and was making deal's to make money for himself using that information while we were fighting for justice as my mother had been deprived of her inheritance.

Needless to say Jude S Ewing is a con artist and a trickster, a confidence man and I can not forgive his betrayal so I deal with it by putting that thing out of my mind and letting that traitor be dead to me.

Remember at the last supper Jesus said, "one among you is a Devil" but essentially what you are asking is the same thing he has had to do to save us, forgive us, I can not but I hope that you can.

All I have had to do is bury my rage and hatred and vow never to waist time on my former supposed friend, the worst part about it is that when this happen's it hurt's far more because a friend sit's almost as family and in my case I regarded him as a brother, I would have shared my last crust half and half with him so it sting's.

Ask yourself this was your friend merely manipulating you and did they have this agenda all along, was there something that your friend was jealous about or were they simply a user and why did they betray you.

Sadly I now know that my former pretend friend was actually passing information for a considerable amount of time and hampering us at every turn, his uncle a solicitor was apparently dirty and he was passing this info to him which helped him get off the hook over some issue and I later found out that they were related to some Liverpool gangsters called the Dwyer twin's whom were involved in the fraud.

originally posted by: lavatrance
I'm just seeking some advice from others who have had to deal with a major betrayal and how they were able to cope and or get through it?

Find something to do to take your mind off of it... Read, a new hobby, etc etc. Idleness makes it worse.

Yes - severely betrayed, even as we speak.

The way to deal with it is, as many have already suggested, to distance yourself from that person and NEVER give them the chance to hurt or betray you again.

After that - be strong. Delve into your inner reserves and be a better, more independent person. Learn and grow.

The more people betray you, the more you will become independent and be able to say 'Screw the lot of them' and mean it.

Oh - and cut the bastards out of your Will

originally posted by: donktheclown
a reply to: lavatrance

Have you ever been betrayed by someone very close to you that you trusted? Even if you forgive them in your own mind, how do you set aside the resentment of the betrayal?

Easy - by knowing that you are not a physical being. At some point, you are going to realize that this is just a training ground for our souls. Ok, someone "betrayed" you. Everyone gets betrayed, simply by their lack of understanding that outside this reality, we make contracts with others to precipitate certain turns of direction in our lives. Believe me when I tell you (and I am sorry something terrible happened to you) the betrayal may have been deliberate and you may have agreed to it. I know this sounds terrible but it must have been important to both you and the betrayer. We learn from everything we do or experience, no matter how ugly. If you'd consider, try reading some of Michael Newton's books such as "Life Between Lives" or "Destiny of Souls," as they show you what we are really doing here. There are many such books and tons of information regarding your soul and the situations we manifest - to learn from. Forgive and most importantly, forget. LOVE

That is exactly the conclusion I came to when I tried to make sense of the terrible way I got betrayed. It is the most plausible explanation if there must be some value, reason or benifit from this awfull experience.

I got traumatized by this woman who said to care and love me... To this day 35 years later that 'love' can still trigger a relapse. Most important is also the 'coincedences' that happened on the way before I received that trauma.

Without getting in details you can imagine I spent a lot of time to make any sense out of it all and if I look at all the things that happened it is as if it was meant to be. There was no escape...it was faith, destiny... not only for me but also for that woman who did this to me.

That made me come to belief that I must have agreed before I was born to meet this person and under go this experience.

Why..? It has given me much unhappines in life and made life close to a struggle.. Maybe it is a punishment for something I did to an other person in a previous life? Maybe I agreed to live this experience because I want to safe her.. Maybe I wanted this experience because I will forever know what true love feels like and what it can do to a person.

I don't know but one thing I do know and that is never to betray a person that truely loves you, trusts you and consider you a part of her/ him.

The part about to overcome the pain by giving unconditionbal love is partly true in my experience... It is practical impossible to ban that person from your heart and do yopu have the choice to despise that person or to love that person. I do not know what effect it will have on your heart or the way you will experience life if you will despise that person. Giving that person unconditional love and receive nothing in return..or even know that this person doesn't want your forgivenes..will always hurt. Last resort to find peace and quiet in your heart is to rely on Gods judgement and to know you did everything to find harmony and to be forgiven yourself

Yes. A few times. But the worst? My own brother. He's no longer in my life and it will remain that way until he gets sober. I'm thinking that is what caused him to do a 360, becoming an evil and greedy prick when our mother died. Unless he just is an evil and greedy prick and I hadn't noticed because I was too busy caring for our mother, with little to no help.

Either way, I'm glad he's out of my hair. Such a jerk with an ego the size of Texas. Can't believe we were raised by the same people.

a reply to: lovebeck

I'd guess an evil and greedy prick to begin with.

It's easy to think it's the dependency on drink or drugs that makes them callous and selfish. Well, it's a bit of a shock to the system when they get cleaned up and the attitude and behavior stays exactly the same. Minus the indulgences.

originally posted by: lavatrance
Have you ever been betrayed by someone very close to you that you trusted? Even if you forgive them in your own mind, how do you set aside the resentment of the betrayal?

It just amazes me how disgusting people can be. Like if you can't even trust those closest to you, then whom can you trust in this foresaken world? ahhh it's so frustrating. A stranger doing this, I could understand. But your own blood relative? It's nuts.

I know I haven't gone into details. Those aren't overly important. I'm just seeking some advice from others who have had to deal with a major betrayal and how they were able to cope and or get through it?

Sweetie, pull up a chair...I have stories that would blow your mind.

If you are a strong enough person though, you can get through anything. Building that strength takes time and experience.

Sadly, the experience comes from being screwed over...and over...and over.

The only person you should trust in this world is yourself. That's my experience at least.

But yeah, I've been betrayed so much I'm probably just jaded.

a reply to: zatara

I'm sorry you experienced things such as that. To be honest with you, you are the only one who decides how you feel about anything. You can decide to make your experience a negative or a positive. I don't know your situation but lets say that you, in a previous life, left this person who loved you with all their heart? You could very well have made a life contract to, in this lifetime, feel the pain associated with that horrible emotion. Or, you simply could have done it to help your ex girlfriend experience what she needed to learn from an experience that she had in another life....and so forth...You can't be harmed nor hurt, you can only grow.

So, let it go. Forgive her with all your heart and ask for forgiveness from her, even if you don't ask her directly. You can decide to heal or suffer. Don't pick suffering.

I was brought up very strictly and in my family we had a code of conduct where non of us lied. We all stuck to this - it was paramount... but what it didn't do was prepare us for the real world. I had to be let down many, many times by people before I started to understand that I couldn't trust people. It was a horrible lesson to learn, as it destroyed the innocence of my childhood.

I do believe we make out own choices in life and we need sometimes to make the choices to walk away from people who betray, humiliate and destroy us. These people are often strong personalities who are hard to get away from, they use techniques to make you feel it is you who is in the wrong often.

The gentlemen who wrote a post earlier about bringing up his 2 sons and how close they are now... that is the way to do. Go with what you know is right and fight for that - life isn't easy of fair, we just have to do the best with what is thrown at us.

a reply to: namelesss

When your new baby is gurgling and giving you the grins as you change it's diaper, he squirts you good, up pne side and down the other, not missing your face!
Do you give him a good bask in the chops?

This is a ridiculous argument, for a start a young child isn't really conscious of the fact they are doing those things and they couldn't control their body even if they wanted to. Secondly, there is a huge difference between a harmless prank and being betrayed in a terrible way by someone close to you.

Your painful disappointment and disillusionment from your 'expectations and illusions' lead to those feelings that you describe!
If you never had the 'expectation', you would have no emotional problems when your 'expectation' is violated!

Oh so basically what you're saying is we shouldn't expect anything from anyone, we should just assume they're all going to be a-holes and then forgive them for anything they do? I'm sorry but obviously you haven't been betrayed in deep cutting way by someone close to you, it's an emotion you cannot escape when it happens.

a reply to: lavatrance

yes.

after 30 years of friendship my friends husband came on to me.
not cool.
I bailed on them for about 10 years because of it. Bastard.
then I couldn't take it anymore. I missed my friend. after reconciling... I fessed up to her. I was sure she thought I bailed because she thought we were having an affair.



it didn't take long before he came on to me again. I let him have it. again. But I didn't go away this time.
she is one of my best friends ever. for life. I'm sorry I bailed years ago. and I 'm glad I confessed, even if it did make her mad at her husband. apparently she was aware he has done worse than that before.

We are closer than ever now. It's a shame I wasted so many years of a friendship...... because of a jerk.

a reply to: donktheclown

What's even more "not cool" is you quoting it. Just sayin...

originally posted by: namelesss

originally posted by: lavatrance
I'm just seeking some advice from others who have had to deal with a major betrayal and how they were able to cope and or get through it?

You learn how to Love, unconditionally!
When your new baby is gurgling and giving you the grins as you change it's diaper, he squirts you good, up pne side and down the other, not missing your face!
Do you give him a good bask in the chops?
Smack him?
Punish him on other ways?
Kill it?
Of course not!
You LOVE him, and in that Love, that 'mis-deed' is barely noticed, NOT judged, NOT resented, NOT harming our delicate rickety ego, but laughed through as we finish the job to ease his discomfort!
All because there is no 'judgment' in Love, and, thus, no vain offense to the ego!
If the neighbor peed on you, he might be killed!
The difference is your lack of Love and your egoic/insane resentment and 'judgment'!
Your painful disappointment and disillusionment from your 'expectations and illusions' lead to those feelings that you describe!
If you never had the 'expectation', you would have no emotional problems when your 'expectation' is violated!

Find and become unconditional (no expectations, no conditions!) Love, and be healed of the insanity!

"Do what you know to be right, say what you know to be true, and leave with faith and patience the consequences to god!" - F.W. Robertson

This ^ is the essence of 'Faith'/Love! Robertson calls Us 'God', but call Us whatever works for you; the Universe, Nature, Tao, Truth, Consciousness, Buddha, 'Self!'!, The Great Balloon Butted Big Bellied Bimbo in the Sky... whatever..., they all refer to the same One Reality, the same One Truth!
We Are All
One Omni- 'Self!'!

lol that's nice guru now back to reality. I know you saw this coming as most people always do! You honestly lost nothing! even Even if it was a relative just ignore them and put distance between you and them eventually the situation will change and they will want to become "family" again. Don't! as they will eventually end up doing the same thing. Don't allow the situation to happen again by avoiding any situation where it might give them opportunity. Work on yourself and become better stronger and smarter.

a reply to: NewzNose

What's even more "not cool" is you quoting it. Just sayin...

More ??!! Well, how decent of you to say so. I was just repeating, the damage was already done. Just sayin'

a reply to: lavatrance

Yep, I've been betrayed before.

The worst case was that I was gearing up for an important meeting at work. I do not have the powers of a manager, and seeing as I was trying to convince a manager to do the right thing, I figured having a couple people that told me they'd have my back in the room would help.

I get in there, and start my statement for the meeting, and instantly both people took the side of the manager, before we even came to my evidence. I shut the meeting down because it was clear the manager wasn't going to budge, and the others didn't bother to help out.

How did I cope? I kept a couple cards up my sleeve, and plan on using them at a later time, with the right audience.

My advice to you is get closure as soon as possible; you don't want anger or frustration bubbling because it can sometimes haunt you for years. At some point you have to ask yourself "Is it worth it?". I'd say forgive and don't bring it up. In my case, it's the only way things ever get done at work when involved with this person: We don't bring it up when forced to work together.

Or, if you feel you cannot forgive the person, then stick with the isolation treatment: Keep all contact a minimum, if they ask you questions give one-sided answers to stop communication (Don't leave room for small talk), and in general don't associate with them.

-foss

Well the fellow in the following video seems to express the views of the general consensus on the subject so far.



Just place all the blame on the betrayer and innocence on the betrayed. And the solution? "Cut 'em right out!"

So many people on ATS justify a carnivorous diet with the explanation that life is survival of the fittest and that that instinct is encoded into the physical body. That being true then what is surprising about betrayal? I mean it just takes a bit of observation and recognition to see that the whole of human history has been built along the lines of politics of power. The junior baboons will stand by the alpha male until such time as they can betray that oath of protection and seize his position of power for themselves.

from author Robert Greene's - The 48 Laws of Power:

NEVER PUT TOO MUCH
TRUST IN FRIENDS, LEARN
HOW TO USE ENEMIES

JUDGMENT
Be wary of friends—they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.

Lord, protect me from my friends; I can take care of my enemies.
Voltaire, 1694—1 778

THE SNAKE, THE FARMER, AND THE HERON.

A snake chased by hunters asked a farmer to save its life. To hide it from its pursuer the farmer squatted and let the snake crawl into his belly. But when the danger had passed and the farmer asked the snake to come out, the snake refused. It was warm and safe inside. On his way home, the man saw a heron and went up to him and whispered what had happened. The heron told him to squat and strain to eject the snake. When the snake snuck its head out, the heron caught it, pulled it out, and killed it. The farmer was worried that the snake’s poison might still be inside him, and the heron told him that the cure for snake poison was to cook and eat six white fowl. "You’re a white fowl, said the farmer. You'll do for a start.” He grabbed the heron, put it in a bag, and carried it home, where he hung it up while he told his wife what had happened. “I’m surprised at you," said the wife. "The bird does you a kindness; rids you of the evil in your belly, saves your life in fact, yet you catch it and talk of killing it.
She immediately released the heron, and it flew away.
But on its way, it gouged out her eyes.

M o r a l: When you see water flowing uphill, it means that someone is repaying a kindness.

AFRICAN FOLK TALE

Men are more ready to repay an injury than a benefit, because gratitude is a burden and revenge a pleasure.
TACITUS, C. AD. 55—120

KEYS TO POWER
It is natural to want to employ your friends when you find yourself in times of need. The world is a harsh place, and your friends soften the harshness. Besides, you know them. Why depend on a stranger when you have a friend at hand?
The problem is that you often do not know your friends as well as you imagine. Friends often agree on things in order to avoid an argument. They cover up their unpleasant qualities so as to not offend each other. They laugh extra hard at each other’s jokes. Since honesty rarely strengthens friendship, you may never know how a friend truly feels. Friends will say that they love your poetry, adore your music, envy your taste in clothes—maybe they mean it, often they do not.
When you decide to hire a friend, you gradually discover the qualities he or she has kept hidden. Strangely enough, it is your act of kindness that unbalances everything. People want to feel they deserve their good fortune. The receipt of a favor can become oppressive: It means you have been chosen because you are a friend, not necessarily because you are deserving. There is almost a touch of condescension in the act of hiring friends that secretly afflicts them. The injury will come out slowly: A little more honesty, flashes of resentment and envy here and there, and before you know it your friendship fades. The more favors and gifts you supply to revive the friendship, the less gratitude you receive.
Ingratitude has a long and deep history. It has demonstrated its powers for so many centuries, that it is truly amazing that people continue to underestimate them. Better to be wary. If you never expect gratitude from a friend, you will be pleasantly surprised when they do prove grateful.

I don't really have the time to search for a better quality video segment of the interview with Eric Clapton in the LIving In The Material World documentary about the life of George Harrison....



But as many will know Eric was George's best friend and who did run off George's wife and admits in the interview of being in awe of the Beatle's tremendous success. It is very telling when asked by the interviewer if he would have liked to have joined the Beatles (in George's place) he laughs as if the idea was preposterous and then he drops that mask and one sees into his true desires. George's wife wasn't really enough yer know?

a reply to: donktheclown

ya I guess as the saying goes....anyone who said life was gonna be easy or fair lied. But it's all suppose to happen to the other guy not me.

Forgiveness
Is the only way
Do you want to be forgiven for your sins

Let go

Please God help me to accept this sinful world as it is
And not the way I think it should be