a reply to: MimiSia
I must admit I hadn't read through the thread when I first posted, so I missed your tragic story.
There's something unifying all of us through our pain and a little bit of suffering is relieved when we speak of it. For, if we tell no one, then who
will know of it?
A girl I was dating back in highschool was raped when she got too drunk. She got me to promise never to tell anyone, which at the time seemed wrong,
but it was such a traumatic thing for me, and I wanted to do whatever I could to give her any peace of mind possible.
I went through the rest of highschool in secret hatred of this guy. Everyday, I would let the emotions take the reigns in my mind and allow whatever
revenge fantasy play out. It was a terrible struggle to fight this urge to murder someone. It completely affected my ability to communicate with
people and I lost many friends because I became such a quiet, stern guy.
After a few years I was finally able to open up to a childhood friend. By that time, I had quieted my rage out of necessity, but it was still there.
Always something to remind me.
After opening up, there was a period when I was slowly comming to the realization that I had created my whole nightmare myself. The rape only
happened once, but all the anxiety and the regret and the hatred I had been experienceing all those years, was entirely because I had made no effort
whatsoever to let that one night go.
Eventually I found it in my heart to forgive the guy, so I could let go. Then I forgave her for cheating on me later on. But it took the most time
of my life to realize that the most important person I had to forgive, was myself, because I had done so much harm to myself.
After the self forgiveness, I looked at the events of my life in a whole new light. I am actually thankful for all my hardships because of the wisdom
I was finally able to draw upon for those experiences, I now carry over and apply on a freaking daily basis. And I am still trying to be thankful for
those too foolishly blind to truth, for the opportunity their instances of insanity provide for me to practice the art of peace, love, and happiness.