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Utter despair, pure regret, painful shame, and a persistant undertone of self loathing.....

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posted on Apr, 28 2015 @ 06:57 AM
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I have a few similar stories/regrets too. I killed a squirrel with a softball after having knocked out a pig with it earlier ( hit him between the eyes and he fell down knocked out). I'm not a hunter and I pray i will never purposely kill another animal unless it is an issue of survival. The thing that gets to me nowadays is how many animals are slaughtered on our roadways every day. We consider ourselves to be the advanced beings on the planet and yet we have little to no regard for the other animal life here. We don't give a rats ass how many animals are killed or worse yet maimed and suffering because of our screwed up society. I mean when you stop and think about the carnage we create just so we can get from point A to point B it is sickening. As I see it we are amassing a HUGE karmic debt because of our callous behavior. I pray we all wake up and make the necessary changes ( as a society ) soon.




posted on Apr, 28 2015 @ 05:15 PM
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a reply to: HarryJoy

I HATE seeing dead animals on the road. I saw a raccoon on the corner, just above a ravine and forest where it probably lived with its babies/family. It was just doing its thing, gathering food or whatever, and some drunk teen coming home from a hockey game probably annihilated it. If it is a pet animal and it is still on the road, I have to force myself to move it so the body will not get continuously run over. I think I have only accidentally run over an oppossum and had to move it - actually it was still partially alive so I had to put it out of its misery, which was pretty horrible. The worst I ever saw was the I5 from Washington State down through to California. That was just carnage! Truckers will just plow through no matter what because they are on a schedule and have a huge vehicle. I drive very carefully at all times to avoid hitting animals. And people too, I guess LOL



posted on May, 5 2015 @ 01:15 PM
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You have got to stop. Right now. These emotions are opening up doors you have absolutely no idea exist, and you do not want to know what comes out of them. You must follow your true, inner self. Do good. Be good. You are being tricked. Lied to. Deceived. Put an end to it immediately or face the consequences.



posted on May, 5 2015 @ 05:01 PM
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originally posted by: LongArmLugh
You have got to stop. Right now. These emotions are opening up doors you have absolutely no idea exist, and you do not want to know what comes out of them. You must follow your true, inner self. Do good. Be good. You are being tricked. Lied to. Deceived. Put an end to it immediately or face the consequences.


Stop what? I think it's already too late for me.

I have a slight idea of what exists, I think.

I've been in a dark place for over a year, yet somehow I've been maintaining......

F-$k, thanks for the warning. I think its the GD crystals...............?



posted on May, 5 2015 @ 05:18 PM
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originally posted by: GoShredAK

originally posted by: LongArmLugh
You have got to stop. Right now. These emotions are opening up doors you have absolutely no idea exist, and you do not want to know what comes out of them. You must follow your true, inner self. Do good. Be good. You are being tricked. Lied to. Deceived. Put an end to it immediately or face the consequences.


Stop what? I think it's already too late for me.

I have a slight idea of what exists, I think.

I've been in a dark place for over a year, yet somehow I've been maintaining......

F-$k, thanks for the warning. I think its the GD crystals...............?



+alcohol obviously......Ive since cut down tremendously, unfortunately my issues are purely mental and maybe even spiritual, so they will survive regardless.



posted on May, 5 2015 @ 05:24 PM
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All right. The one I feel bad about?

When we were kids we used to go out and run wild on my grandparents' farm, and we used to run through the barn which had tons of barn swallows in it. Well, some of my cousins had been playing in the barn and they came to me with a nest of baby barn swallows that they had thrown a rock at and knocked down. We're talking baby, baby - naked, eyes not open, just hatched. And since they knew I knew a little something about animals they asked me what to do about it.

I didn't know what to do except I knew we had no way of saving those baby birds, and I told them as much. So, in the end, we found a big rock and crushed their heads as quickly as we could because it was the fastest way we could think of to put them down.

Even though I wasn't the one who knocked their nest down, I still feel bad about it because it was my advice that led to what happened to those poor baby birds, but what else was there to do? Their parents wouldn't care for them on the ground and we couldn't put their nest back up. There was no way for us to feed them.



posted on May, 6 2015 @ 03:50 AM
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a reply to: ketsuko

If they were not helpless baby birds, I would have just suggested to let them fend for themselves. But it's definitely a tricky one with such a situation.

@GoShredAK: I understand your predicament. I have been taking a few sedatives over the past year or so, Ativan and Clonazapam, and I ran out a few days ago. I thought it wouldn't be a problem so I didn't get a refill, but the withdrawal effects are actually quite noticeable. The first day/night without was quite intense, last night was a bit better - more dreams and actual REM sleep with melatonin synthesis. I guess I will try to just cold turkey. If not, I can easily obtain more to ween off or take a small dose.

I think it will be okay, just a bit rough waters. I was told May would be a turbulent month due to astrological situations and possibly a lot of sun flare activity as well.
edit on 2015-05-06T03:50:41-05:002015Wed, 06 May 2015 03:50:41 -050041am50Wed, 06 May 2015 03:50:41 -050000 by corsair00 because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 6 2015 @ 09:57 PM
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a reply to: corsair00

@Ketsuko

Sounds like they were in irreversable peril after being knocked down, you were just kids, and the goal was to end suffering, I don't think you should feel bad.

@Corsair

Sorry to hear, I'm convinced Benzo withdrawal is the absolute worst kind. This rivals hardcore opiate withdrawal.

I feel for ya, good luck! For me 100 hours is the turning point. If I make it 100 hours suddenly everything snaps back into place and I feel normal again......

Maybe don't try to be too tough with the cold turkey plan, weening off works, it lessens the withdrawal symptoms if done properly, almost to the point where it's a seamless transition.

We're all different though.......

Thanks you two, and everyone else.....peace....one love....all that.
edit on 6-5-2015 by GoShredAK because: Oops



posted on Jun, 7 2015 @ 12:25 AM
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This reggae song is super funny. There were these two rival DJ's, or the Jamaican equivalent of rappers, and they just dissed each other in their songs:




posted on Dec, 4 2016 @ 11:08 PM
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Holy cow I was not ok back then lol!

It was heart warming to go through and read all the replies again.

Everyone was super kind and cool when you all could of told me to shut up and stop posting because of how crazy I sounded.

I assure everyone I am generally not that manic lol.

That was a product of alcohol, benzo abuse, along with other substances.

It was all genuine and accurate, just a bit manic.

I have been too embarrassed to come back here until tonight.

The good news is I no longer drink alcohol at all, not even the occasional drink.

Also I am 100% benzo and other medication free.

I still have some obstacles In life, so I still deal with those thoughts and emotions mentioned In the title, but to a lesser degree compared to back then.

I won't be completely happy until I get back on the path of spiritual growth, and back on the path of living a lifestyle of health and well-being.

If I hadn't quit drinking and abusing benzos I would have continued to spiral downward. Thank God I recognized that and shed those two negative influences from my life.



posted on Oct, 8 2017 @ 03:03 PM
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originally posted by: LongArmLugh
You have got to stop. Right now. These emotions are opening up doors you have absolutely no idea exist, and you do not want to know what comes out of them. You must follow your true, inner self. Do good. Be good. You are being tricked. Lied to. Deceived. Put an end to it immediately or face the consequences.


I never did heed this advice.....

You were on to something........ The title to this OP describes the last few years of my life perfectly.

At some point, when I was young, I am guessing age 14, I began my decent down a long gradual downward spiral.

From 14 to 31 my life has been dominated by hardship and misfortune, with a rare sprinkle of blessings to enjoy and create good memories.

Despite the miracles and blessings, my life had been moving downhill this entire time.

I'll spare the details but today I am homeless living in a mission, I lost my wife to drugs and another guy, I work at Mcdonalds, I have no vehicle, I only see my kids once or twice every week.......I am physically dependant on suboxone.

I wake up every day instantly in a depressed mood that never fades until I finally make it to bed time and fall asleep.


I'm not meaning to throw a pity party, I just found it interesting how accurate your response was.

On the bright side, I seems like I finally reached the bottom and am now starting my journey upward mm....finallyit

It is as if I was cursed, and the curse only just recently lifted....



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