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One simple trick to enable Jesus to get a flat belly.

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posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 07:51 PM
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Hi,

Not sure if Jesus was hung as some would say, or if he was crucified. But if he wanted to lose belly fat, he could cut down on fried foods and eat more fruit and vegetables. Also the apostles in the last supper could have asked for smaller plate sizes and chosen healtheir options from the buffet.

Also the ressurection would have burned a lot of calories, Jesus would have needed to stock up on carbohydrates before, or she would have risked high levels of cortisol.

Jesus did not have television, get up off the couch and go out side and help lepors now, before you need a gastric bypass or their limbs fall off.

God bless,
Amen
edit on 27-2-2015 by tastyrawmeat because: litteral improvements




posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 07:57 PM
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a reply to: tastyrawmeat

In every painting / picture of painting i have seen of Jesus he was pretty ripped . Not sure he needs to loose weight . He definitely was giving the ab circle pro a work out .

Also , is leprosy still a thing ???????

edit on 27-2-2015 by hutch622 because: I didnt read the last bit of the post so that makes me kind of ignorant .



posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 08:00 PM
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a reply to: tastyrawmeat

You hit on 3 of my most hated popup headlines "simple", "trick" and "belly".

Wonderful!



posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 08:02 PM
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Those keywords in the headline made it painful to click on this post, but I'm glad I did...




posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 08:24 PM
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This "one weird trick" reduces belly fat = "miracle"..... Coincidence?!! Illuminati Confirmed.




posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 08:29 PM
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originally posted by: GuanoLoco
This "one weird trick" reduces belly fat = "miracle"..... Coincidence?!! Illuminati Confirmed.



If you take the letters from "miracle" & "jesus" & rearrange them it spells Illuminati.



posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 08:33 PM
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a reply to: Eunuchorn


Nope - "miracle" and "Jesus" = "armless juice".... Drink that and the flab will melt off....



posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 08:37 PM
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a reply to: GuanoLoco

Clinical trials of armless juice have also produced some promising results in major Lepor colonies throughout Britain, Birningham, Scotland and her other colonies where they make bananas, the cocoanut, coffee and tea time leaves.
edit on 27-2-2015 by tastyrawmeat because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 08:46 PM
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a reply to: tastyrawmeat




I, for one, would DO Jesus.....



posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 08:56 PM
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originally posted by: Eunuchorn

originally posted by: GuanoLoco
This "one weird trick" reduces belly fat = "miracle"..... Coincidence?!! Illuminati Confirmed.



If you take the letters from "miracle" & "jesus" & rearrange them it spells Illuminati.

I got "jams cure lies."



posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 09:01 PM
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a reply to: nullafides




I, for one, would DO Jesus.....



I am not sure why i find that wrong . Jesus does nulla . ???? Or in this case nulla does Jesus .

What a leap from flat tummy to porn . Sometimes i amaze / disgust myself .



posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 09:07 PM
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a reply to: hutch622

I'm an aspiring parody porn writer, my current project is a musical: Jesus Christ, SuperSlut



posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 09:09 PM
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originally posted by: hutch622
a reply to: nullafides




I, for one, would DO Jesus.....



I am not sure why i find that wrong . Jesus does nulla . ???? Or in this case nulla does Jesus .

What a leap from flat tummy to porn . Sometimes i amaze / disgust myself .





It's a special, beefy kinda love...


(post by nullafides removed for a serious terms and conditions violation)

posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 09:16 PM
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a reply to: nullafides

You owe me royalities for that #



posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 09:17 PM
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originally posted by: Eunuchorn
a reply to: nullafides

You owe me royalities for that #


It's called "collaberation", biatch!!!!



posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 09:56 PM
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a reply to: tastyrawmeat

it's spelt "leper" aincha got no ejicashun?




posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 10:10 PM
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Why do I feel like I'm standing in a room of distorting mirrors?

I'll see myself out, thx!



posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 10:10 PM
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The last supper was also lacking in hummas

But Jesus in modern times has probably had plenty of last suppers.
* This is the last week of rent roomies, I just wanted to say it was great for everyone eat together. At this table. John Judas Jacob Elijah ect. I just wanted to say that i really need my deposit back so i can pitch towards the new appartment*

Judas-* Uhhh yeah about that Jesus, I skipped on my half of the rent....*

Jesus* What do you mean? How did you skip on the rent? You had enough money to buy us wine beer and cigarettes. Hold on im getting a text. ..ttpttpt tpt ptptpt pt tpt pt CLICK ... so Judas just pay the difference back. Do the right thing. *

Judas-" I'd love to Jesus but.. I kept the rent money... and i mean ALL the rent money. And i spent it on those kegs for our move away party...."

And so Jesus never got his deposit back. And he had to sleep in a car for a couple weeks to earn the money. On the way he healed a couple people and they asked if he was David blains son. He still heals people. But not without being assumed to associate with Hudini.

And the last supper? Was only one among many. And so the tale continues.



posted on Feb, 27 2015 @ 10:41 PM
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Jesus says in the bible that they call him a Wine Bibber and a glutton. Is this what this thread is about?



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