Nonspecific - you aren't the only one.
My circumstances started like Phatdamage's. Bad period of my life, first date, protection broke. But my life headed to a better time, which I will
always be thankful for, even though the road is hard.
My son's father and I broke up after a few months after that first date. We never see completely eye to eye on matters, especially when it comes to
parenting, but out of respect to him and to my son, I try to see some sort of middle ground, or give way to matters that he feels strongly about (for
instance, he didn't want my son to be christened)
We have arranged custody and child support without the need of lawyers or courts. We work through problems as they arise. There's just no need for us
to be bitter and full of hatred - our son comes first, and I think it sets a good example for him to see adults being able to work together through
differences, without resorting to emotional games. Besides, his family is much more loving and accepting of the situation than my family. His family
are my own surrogate family.
In terms of being the ex - heh, I just spent christmas with his family and his new girlfriend, was quite fun
I do like her, and I understand what
it must be like living with my son's father, I respect her strengths! She's a lovely lass and my son's father is blessed to have her in his
The only downside - my son said a couple of weeks ago he wished Mummy and Daddy lived together. It's heartbreaking. But I explained as best as I
could, but he's right in a sense, wishing it, like what 'normal families' have. But I figured it is for the best that two people who do not love
each other and would clash badly if under the same roof aren't together. Because that leads down an awful road of pain and suffering on all sides -
like my parents. May also lead to many years therapy.
I guess my advice to anyone in search of it - is to learn to listen and compromise. Learn not only to accept differences and failings of the
mother/father, but of those of your own self. For me, nothing is always black and white, nobody is completely wrong or right. At the end of the day -
a child needs a mother and father. A child's emotional ties to their parents need to be validated by each parent. Ie - say I loathe my son's father
(I don't, but I loathe his flatulence lol), do I have a right to make my son feel bad about his father and his love for him by telling my son nasty
things about him? No. I don't. Children should be able to make up their own minds about how they feel for their parents - or any family member for
Big hugs to all - happy new year xo