Would you step in . Domestic violence apathy .

I stepped it to stop 2 men fighting on a bus, the moment where one just went wobbly and the other kept punching his face was too much for me. I was a barmaid for 10 years so drunks don't intimidate me.
I actually had a row with someone about it after who claimed he wouldn't have stepped in because he had kids. I have kids now and I still don't get his point, I just imagine it was my son or daughter, and would I want someone to step in.

Yes and I have... even as a little girl I did it. I have no idea why but it's an instinct I haven't learned to overcome in the moment, regardless of how many times I end up injured. However I've never been witness to an attack involving a weapon, I think that might change my reaction.

a reply to: hutch622
I have, and would again under the right circumstances. Stepping between couples is dangerous. A friend of mine stepped between a couple after the guy slapped his girlfriend. Unfortunately, my friend ended up with both of them on him, and I had to get in it to get them off him. I was quite pissed by then, and ended any friendship I had with either of them. I don't get between couples now. It would have to be an extreme case before I would, and the ones in the video aren't extreme enough. I might call the police, though.

I have....
Was a passenger in a car at a stoplight...on the side street right next to me I saw a couple having a slapfest
When he put his hand around her throat I reacted...no thinking...just reaction
Next thing I knew I was screaming at him and pounding on his hood "we don't do that here"
My buddies got out of the car, had no idea what I was on about.
My adrenalin cooled down...and I realized I had done enough at the moment.
However, it turned out we were all headed to the same shopping center.
So the confrontation continued....I had already been on the phone with the police as soon as we were back in our cars from the original confrontation...so thankfully it did not have time to escalate to far before they showed up, and hauled him away.

Her....was upset she might loose her job (they were going to where she worked, we were going to store next to it) as the cops arrested her man in front of her job and interviewed her there as well

apparently she did not press charges as we were never called in for a court appearance

I'd rush in. I hate bullies. Better to die on your feet than live on your knees.

First rule. Someone's getting hurt rush in and help, no matter the consequences. I wouldn't be able to live with myself otherwise. Better a victim than a coward.

a reply to: hutch622

Sticking your nose into a domestic squabble is the quickest way to get yourself hurt if you don't know what you are doing.

You know. Everyone only talks about one side of the Domestic Violence problem. Men hitting Women. Keep in mind, before I go into this, I hate violence of any sort.

However, hundreds of men get verbally, and physically abused by women every day? Should we just have to sit back, and take it? Every human has a right to defend themselves, in my opinion. Male, or Female. Against a Male, or Female. This whole 'Fairer sex' thing is a load of garbage.

I'll give a good, recent example of such.

In the above video, a woman with her group of friend is completely demoralizing a guy simply because he was wearing an old 8-ball jacket. She actually went a step further, and put her hands on him, and he slapped her. I think he is completely justified in defending himself. SHE put her hands on him FIRST, without ANY provocation. Was that right of her? No. It wasn't.

a reply to: hutch622

If someone was facing great bodily harm or death? Yes...I would draw and use my firearm. That's why I have a license to carry in the first place....

a reply to: mysterioustranger

Really? lol

I was seven years old the first time I stood between an abuser and their victim.

a reply to: crazyewok

I've had that happen, too, but not so extreme. I knew a girl once whose boyfriend decked her really hard--just about knocked her out--and I swooped in to intervene. She didn't go immediately running after him and instead, she stayed with myself and some friends for the rest of the evening while we tried talking to her. The whole left side of her face was bruised from this punch and I showed her. We did all we could to try to get her to leave him and what did she do? She went right back to the guy to apologize because it was "all her fault" and was even begging for us not to judge the boyfriend for what he'd done. That ended up being the bulk of the conversation. She just couldn't see how messed up that was.

That whole aspect of it is this weird kind of need relationship that develops in an abuse situation. The abuser will make their victim feel as if they are dependent on them for every little thing. The victim will forget all of their independence and start developing pleasing behaviors to avoid abuse. I think it's pretty good evidence that people can absolutely be brainwashed. An abusive relationship and a cult pretty much follow the same program.

Whereas it makes it feel rather pointless to intervene, it does actually become a notch that represents reality that can needle in that little brainwashed brain. The more of those contradictions and condemnations occur of what has been occurring, the better.

a reply to: Kali74

Let me clarify myself a bit further. At a young age...I did as you did. And more than once in my time. Way before I had a weapon.

It was....and I still feel is...the right thing to do. People, couples, families will fight. Its just very hard to know when to step in between them...and to walk away. I have done both.

I still will where that part of me senses its the right thing to do at the time. But, thats just me. Thats how I am. Always was like that....

I don't think people should step in "to protect a woman's honor' so to speak. I say that because although it is wrong to call someone nasty names, and have yelling matches in public, you really don't know what's going on and you may escalate something that might calm down. Domestic situations are dangerous. But you should call the police if anything gets physical. And you should step in if for instance, you see a man on top of a woman choking the life out of her. But screaming and yelling at each other, just call the cops. In all situations - child abuse should not be tolerated. For that I will step in. Just my humble opinion...

I was speaking with the manager of a womans refuge - she told me that some of the women had been in and out of the refuge for over 20 years.
It is so hard to get your head around why these women just don't leave their abusers.

Their sense of crushing helplessness and rock bottom self-esteem are a good portion of the reason, along with a host of other factors.

_____

From the video:

I think the fact that it was such an enclosed space may have been a deterent to people involving themselves. Usually, when you see an instance of domestic violence you wouldn't feel physically threatened yourself.

You make the conscious choice to step off the pavement and engage with the bloke. - (go on the offensive)
Being in an enclosed space I would imagine lots of people go on the defensive and just try and 'escape'.

a reply to: UmbraSumus

Actually, it's fear of death. Many women who leave their abusers end up dead.

a reply to: Kali74


I think it may be multi-factorial. But fear of death would be quite a motivator indeed.


Financial factors
Emotional factors
Accomodation
Add children to the mix .....

I am sure each situation has its unique and tragic blend of factors

If I see someone at an obvious disadvantage in a physical altercation, male or female, I'm probably going to step in.