Proper For Older Women?

Ah, yes.

I have hair almost to my waist as well and am an "older woman." And this seems to bother other older women more than it bothers me or anyone else. My cousin literally chased me with scissors after lecturing me about "age-appropriateness." I thought at first she was joking, but she was not. Just weird.

My long hair is not harder to take care of. I spend less money and time on it than anyone I know with this shorter, age-appropriate hair of which they speak. Wash and go. I haven't blown it dry in 26 years.

As so many have already posted, hairwise, clothingwise, I say do what is right and natural for you, what makes it easier for you, what makes you happy and feel good and don't even dwell on how others want you to be or what others think or say about it, for whatever myriad of reasons they may have for that.

originally posted by: Restricted
I used to take time to look good, but I did not age well. There's no point in putting lipstick on a pig.

This post made me sad. Perhaps you just haven't found the right shade. To me a little make-up can brighten and enhance one's look. Not that anyone has to wear any makeup at all to feel good about themselves. I think a lot of posters were right when they mentioned attitude. I once saw a video years ago of the same women all smiling and walking and talking with confidence, dressed nicely... They were so vibrant and alive and looked just wonderful. They then had those same women videotaped in boring loose clothing, no make up, looking all depressed or angry as hell and wow...I could not believe the difference. It was like looking at two completely different people when it was the same person.

You my dear are NOT a pig. You are a human being like anyone else.

Celebrate yourself and go forth with attitude of worthiness.

a reply to: Night Star

You're a sweetheart. Thank you.

So many great replies in here!!! Thanks so much for all who have come here so far and related their experiences and shared opinions and thoughts.

I always said that I would age gracefully and never color my hair until...there were too many and it made me look tired and worn out. LOL I'd color my hair and it was like wow what a difference. Some women do look fabulous with their white, silver or grey hair, but it's not for me.

I'm a girly girl and not the t-shirt and jeans type. I love dresses the most or black pants with a pretty top or sweater. And jewelry, LOVE jewelry. I even make my own. Accessories are great too, boots or nice shoes and handbag, maybe a cool looking scarf.

And men...LOVE long hair on a man like Truebrit or Syx who hasn't come in and replied. LOL

a reply to: ~Lucidity

I never blow dry my hair either! I had really long hair before chemo treatments and I was devastated to lose it back in 2011. My Mom and Sister were always bugging me to cut it. They said when my hair grows back and is short I might love it and decide to keep it. This was my reaction...



I hated it with a passion! I was amazed at fast it grew in just a few years and am now happy to say I have long hair again and it's still growing.

I don't look good in short hair and I remember how miserable I was. My hair just sat there taunting me, evil little short strands all conspiring against me. LOL Now they are long and free to blow in the wind.

I am glad that those of us who love our long hair are not giving in to the pressures of what others want for us. Hell, it's not their head! Leave ours alone! LOL

originally posted by: Restricted
a reply to: Night Star

You're a sweetheart. Thank you.

Awww, I'm sure you're a sweetheart as well. Go forth and be YOU, a happier lovelier you who believes in herself and loves herself for exactly who she is. Shine on!

a reply to: Night Star

Great reaction!

Glad you made it through the chemo and your hair is long and blowing in the wind again.

I lost all my hair (every hair on my entire body...due to a sinus drug reaction, not chemo...can't even begin to imagine how tough you have to be to go through that) and never realized how much it meant to me until that happened.

My son, whose hair grows like a weed, over a foot a year!!! and not slowly like mine, donates his to Locks of Love regularly. That makes me kind of proud.

originally posted by: Restricted
a reply to: Night Star

You're a sweetheart. Thank you.

\

That's the attitude Sweet Pea...I love reading your posts. I see a vibrant, astute, confidant Woman when I read them.

I bet you have gorgeous eyes and an electric smile. That's the way I see you.

Des

a reply to: Night Star

your story reminded me of a story of my own... albeit without the chemo since I never had cancer.

But one time I grew my hair past my butt... and really really wanted to get a spiral perm in it, I thought that would look so totally cool with long hair.

But the hair dresser wanted 200 dollars to perm my hair because of the length and I couldn't afford it... so the kids they saved their pennies and for mother's day one year bought me a trip to the cosmetology school for the perm. (they couldn't afford the hair dresser either!... lol)

Anyway, the girl who was doing my hair said she wanted to do the perm first, and the trim last just in case the ends of the perm kinked up a bit or something...

anyway... so she did the perm and omg it looked GREAT! Then she went to do the trim, and she brushed my hair straight and grabbed it at my shoulder, which I had thought nothing of since she was the same girl who had been with me from the beginning...

well I have no earthly idea what she was thinking at the time... because she grabbed my hair at just above my shoulder and made a great big CUT with the scizzors, cutting off my hair right there, a great big chunk gone and a couple feet of hair fell to the floor. I SCREAMED - LOUDLY!

She had cut a big enough chunk off that there was no saving it, and so they had to cut my hair off to match... (which I donated to locks of love) but omg I was so upset.

I HATED short hair, and spent weeks crying every time I saw myself in the mirror! It grew back eventually, but that didn't soften the blow every-time I looked in the mirror!

(PS. I have never ever ever visited another cosmetology school again)

a reply to: ~Lucidity

Oh that's true, some people can lose their hair from a reaction to meds. Yeah, it's shocking isn't it? I know people say it's only hair, it will grow back, you are not your hair, but...when you're looking in that mirror and it's not really yourself looking back...I mean, I know it is but it isn't. LOL

What a wonderful son you have raised. I don't hear about too many guys donating their hair like that. Awesome!!!!

originally posted by: Destinyone

originally posted by: Restricted
a reply to: Night Star

You're a sweetheart. Thank you.

\

That's the attitude Sweet Pea...I love reading your posts. I see a vibrant, astute, confidant Woman when I read them.

I bet you have gorgeous eyes and an electric smile. That's the way I see you.

Des

More like a vulnerable child or porcelain doll about to break. LOL But thanks! I have always loved your posts and personality! You are famous for more than just your cookies in here. LOL HUGS!

a reply to: OpinionatedB

OMG what a nightmare that must have been for you! That reminded me of a time I wanted something different and allowed the hair dresser to do what they felt what would look great for me. NEVER AGAIN! They chopped my luxurious long locks to just above the shoulder and it looked horrible. I was mortified and didn't even want to go out in public. I didn't feel like myself at all. Now I cut my own hair with a little layering, but not the length.

a reply to: WhiteAlice

I am aware of the look, and you're right - there is a GREAT amount of detail involved, which would certainly be time intensive. However! I don't think there would be any harm in indulging what you did not get a chance to in your 20's - for example at a club, a concert or festival perhaps...or one of those really cool "comic-con" like things (that I sadly have nowhere near me in Canada). At the very least, Hallowe'en mayhaps. I say this only because if you indulge that inner desire I think you will beam with joy all through the event - and I promise you will not be the only 40-something out there! It is a gift to your spirit that will keep on giving, and as adults it's a shame to ever lose one's sense of play.

I did pick up a short black trench with a cute, sleek ruffle at the hem.

YAY! I LOVE that you did this - modifications for the win! Sometimes it really is the little things too - you may find a piece of jewellery or an eye makeup look, that is doable and still edges towards your vision. The extra spring in your step being a plus - which I hope you have whenever you wear that amazing sounding trench! Also I agree, it is impossible to grow out of Docs!

a reply to: Restricted

I wanted to reply to you earlier but alas I was pulled away...and I really love what Night Star had to say.

For starters, I do hope that no one in your circle of friends or family has told you that you've aged badly...and if they have, STUFF THEM! And surround yourself with people who will treat you with the respect you deserve. But you telling yourself that is another matter...you are worth ALL of your highest and best thoughts about yourself, it might be a cliché to love yourself (goodness knows I used to think just that) but it IS true.

I once spent several months with the goal to say "STOP" the minute I caught myself nitpicking about anything related to my perception of myself. It won't be easy, but if you stick to it, you will one day even find yourself smiling at your reflection - lol this happened to me. Those "old tapes" we re-play in our minds do NOT have to have power over us unless we let them! Even today, I still catch myself being critical of something-or-other now and again, but I won't ever allow those thoughts to determine my bliss nor dominate my life.

As for makeup - it is only important if it is something -you- enjoy doing, and its perfectly fine to go without it too! If you just wanted something simple, I would suggest Pür Minerals 4-in-1 Pressed Mineral Makeup - it's a powder that is amazing, and while it will not erase wrinkles, it is good for your skin, feels light and will even out skin tone as much as the full coverage stuff. A bit of lipstick, and mascara - even only on the top lashes - will make you feel brighter when you see yourself. Just make sure to view yourself with the same lens of love and kindness as you would a dear friend.

Some of the most beautiful people I know have tons of wrinkles - but none of that changes the beauty of their character and heart.

Perchance you just need your spirit re-invigorated - so in that vein I want to share some videos that I really love:This man has such a beautiful heart and his entire channel is SO uplifting!

This lady's channel has makeup tips, and her spirit is so bubbly and kind, I can't help but to feel happy after watching!

Go FORTH you beautiful soul, you!

a reply to: Night Star

I once saw a video years ago of the same women all smiling and walking and talking with confidence, dressed nicely... They were so vibrant and alive and looked just wonderful. They then had those same women videotaped in boring loose clothing, no make up, looking all depressed or angry as hell and wow...I could not believe the difference.

I watched that video too (and wish I could have found it for this thread!), and it was LIFE changing!! Self-care is so important - if you first give yourself love, it flows out to others as well. So glad that you got your hair length back, what a blessing! Thank you for starting this topic, I have really enjoyed reading everyone's stories & thoughts!

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a reply to: OpinionatedB
WOAH!! I am so sorry that happened to you - she must have been asleep at the scissors!!

I had a similar experience in high school - when a "friend" had a slip and cut WAY too short. Finding out later she felt a rivalry (unbeknownst to me), and I was never certain that "slip" was entirely an accident. Like you, no more friends cutting my hair ever!!

a reply to: Night Star

For years my hair was really long, at my lower back and I never dried it, but left to it's own devices it is wavy /curly, ringlet style, which is nice but very hot in summer and makes for 'big hair' in humidity.

I have to keep it out of my face when I draw, paint, print etc so these days it just isn't practical and I either dry it straight, or dry it then straighten it with GHD'S, which it does really easily and people don't believe it is naturally wavy.

a reply to: MoonBlossom

Very inspiring vids! Thank you for sharing those!

In another of your posts you mentioned saying to yourself, " STOP!" when you found you were having negative thoughts about yourself. I do that too or at least try to. I was always the type of person who could bounce right back after something bad happening in my life. I have found that after too many years of too many bad experiences beyond my control, it is difficult to bounce back. I have to work very hard to hold onto being positive, but I can't just give up. None of us should. Perhaps tonight when I have more time to sit and relax and watch, I will check out those channels you mentioned.

Oh and I see you're new so welcome! LOVE your avatar sister elf!

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

Sounds like you have awesome hair and can do a lot with it curly or strait. I'm jealous. LOL I was told after my chemo, most women with strait hair end up with curly hair. I was so looking forward to that. My hair ended up still strait with a hint of a curl at the ends. LOL I was hoping for more than that. Haha!

a reply to: MoonBlossom

There is nothing more aggravating than someone taking it upon themselves to comment on ones attire or appearance, negatively, without invitation or permission. It is perhaps telling that it is only ever those who exhibit absolutely no intelligence or sweet nature, who do such things.

And you know, this age appropriate appearance issue goes both ways, and for both genders. When I was eighteen, I lived in a room at the back of a pub. I would spend all my free time in the bar itself playing pool, drinking ale, and rum, and generally chilling out after a day at work. I was also, despite my youth, in possession of a rather epic accumulation of beard, and a long mane of hair. Now, the regulars at the bar were mostly elderly gents with regular seats, practically reserved for their use, middle aged rockers, and a few younger fellows like myself at that time, and all were pretty accepting of my face fur (although some were only accepting of it because they could barely see me at all, past the booze and the ocular degeneration associated with extremely old age and decade after decade of alcohol abuse).

But the irregular customers, the day trippers, and the contractors who would work on the towns infrastructure and use the bed and breakfast hotels up and down the seafront, those folks were not quite sure what to make of me. I would get some jolly strange looks from some people, and thought that it was just the fact that I was a hairy metal head in a town known for its nightclubs (focused on electronic dirt, i.e. Dance music *hawks, spits*).

This assumption was dashed, when one of these irregular customers, a gentleman in his mid forties I would say, sidled up to me at the bar, and said "Scuse me mate, I wanna ask you a question". I agreed to hear his query, upon which he asked me how old I was. I told him, and his response was "Eighteen? Well what the **** have you got a beard like that for then?".

After informing the fellow that that I could see no reason why I ought to have to explain myself to him, a person with whom I was utterly unfamiliar, and furthermore that my choices in life are mine to make, and mine to know the reasoning behind, I wandered back to the pool table, obliterated the gentleman's entire group of friends in consecutive games of pool in such a comprehensive fashion that they elected to leave the bar, and continued my evening as normal

Eleven years later, and I still see no reason to feel obligated to explain my choices in life. They are mine, and mine alone. We are all different, all us human beings. We all have different ways of going about things, we all think about different things, have different preferences with regard to dress code, with regard to personal grooming, with regard to our particular favourite tipple, brand of tobacco, religion, politics, and a whole host of other idiosyncrasies.

I have better things to do than to dwell on these differences over much, since it is our similarities in a lot of respects which bring us to blows with one another. I still have my hair, and I still have my beard, and they are not and never will be, subject to anyone else's whims than my own. It is no ones business but my own!

That's right True! I LOVE your hair! My Ex has hair like that with bangs and he's 56. He actually gets a lot of compliments from people of all ages. Then of course there are those who say..."You know, you would look so much better with short hair." LOL Um...NOT!