Finding out what you are good at.

I have thought about reaching out to ATS on this one for a few years now. However, as many of you know, I have experienced extreme loss, my reasoning for living, my reason for everything I ever did in life. I really don't know how to function in a role outside of being a mother. Being the best mother I could be was my passion.

I know I need to find away to move. I need to find a new reason for living. I just don't know how to want anything else other than what has been taken from me. I think I need to find a hobby. It is just that I have never really been good at anything. I can pass as adequate for many things but I know there is a long list of things I just don't have any skill for. I have never found anything that I didn't really struggle to to do.

Something has to be out there and I need your help to find it. I don't really have the money to go out and invest in anything so it needs to be fairly cheap. I live in a small rural town hat doesn't have anything in the way of clubs or groups.

I have read guides on how to figure out what you are good at, but they don't work for me. They always say one of two things. 1. Do what you love. Well I was doing what I loved. I can't come up with anything else. 2. What have people told you are good at. I have literally never been told that I was good at something. I have tried to think back to childhood. I always gave 110% and was always disappointed when it was never good enough, whether it was in school or anything else. My difficult childhood was part of what drove me to become the best parent I could be. I learned exactly how not to treat a child.

So there is the situation. I need cheap hobby ideas that I can try, to figure out whether I have any ability for it. I am just at a loss for ideas.

Things I CAN NOT do. Draw, throw a ball, or anything else that takes hand eye coordination. Running is difficult for me because I tore a ligament in my foot years back and it healed funky.

How about instead of what you're good at, try something
you find enjoyable.

How about a hobby catering service. You can cook. Learn
to cook for twenty or thirty people and make some money
on the side...?

you know, sometimes I feel the same way...

I asked myself, what did I love doing as a kid?

You might look like an idiot doing it... but, who cares.

a reply to: calstorm

I've been thinking about an idea lately that I'll share. It stems from the idea that memories can be genetic to some extent. I think there may an inherent appreciation for growing your own food. Processing and storing it is a whole school of learning in and of itself. There is some kind of instinctual satisfactory that comes out of it. It seems to me that getting to a place where you can grow and eat your own food is a common underlying need for people. There may be a hunger in many people that this idea could fill.

I've been trying to learn about processing and storing food for a few years now and I love it. It can save you money and it's good for the health and soul. I never get tired of learning about and practicing this stuff. Gardening is also good for the spirit.

a reply to: calstorm

Everything takes perseverance to get good at.

I have been playing guitar for 12 years and I still suck, but I refuse to give up.

If you're not willing to stick with something and refuse to give up and place great amounts of time into it then you won't improve. Just doesn't happen.

"Gifted" is a word used to describe people who spend insane amounts of time improving a craft they are passionate about and never give up or get "disappointed" when they believe they have given 110%.

110% is a decade long process that takes hours upon hours of hard work.

With that said, instead of trying to find something you are good at, find something that makes you very uncomfortable and try that as a hobby. Also get the idea of "gifted" vs "not gifted" out of your mind. It is simply however hard and determined plus amount of hours put in.

You don't become a great guitarist by watching Youtube videos. You become a great guitarist by practicing for hours a day and never giving up or feeling too old or too late.

It is the same with every hobby.

One of the easy things to get into for most people is writing as it requires very little cost wise and you will become as good as the amount of time and effort you put into it.

If you aren't too uncomfortable with the idea try writing fanfiction about your favorite show and posting it online. If not there are fiction sites that you can get reviews online.

If that's not your thing then try gardening, try selling what you grow at a farmer's market.

We are all good at some things and suck at a few things. You have to stimulate your interest in something. We need to be busy, we need to be part of something, we are a social being. I know you can figure out what to do.

I guess my suggestion is to pick something and get interested in it. It sounds like you have had some rough times and this makes it harder to start again but I feel you can do it.

Giving advise on something like this is one of the few things I suck at.

Some good advice. Yes, finding something I enjoy is a huge part of it. Taking baby steps to start a new life and and also as a distraction.

Being a mother to some children who are in State Care.

Being in such a small town is a bonus since the kids can only get into so much trouble.

If you are good at something, stick to it.

A great foster mother can make a whole new life for a child in need.

The State will pay you to take care of a Munchkin or two.

I had a great foster mum so I know how important they can be.

P

P

a reply to: pheonix358 People have suggested that, but right now I can't. I feel like I would be betraying my children's memory. I know some people think that is silly and don't understand why I feel that way, but the wounds are just to fresh. I have a lot of difficulty being around other peoples kids right now. Hearing other kids laugh and play kills me. Maybe one day in the future though.

There are tons of amazing, easy and inexpensive craft projects you might want to try. Youtube has all kinds of tutorials and ideas. Plants are also a nice idea, you can plant and nurture them whether outside or in containers indoors.

a reply to: calstorm

I understand perfectly. Just know that my heart is thinking of you and have cuddle as well.

I just wish I could send you a huge wave of love and cuddle you until the hurt is lessened.

When you think of the loss -
Remember the great times.

When you feel the gaping sadness
Remember the love.

When all else fails
Ask, what would my much loved children say to me right now.

P

originally posted by: calstorm
a reply to: pheonix358 People have suggested that, but right now I can't. I feel like I would be betraying my children's memory. I know some people think that is silly and don't understand why I feel that way, but the wounds are just to fresh. I have a lot of difficulty being around other peoples kids right now. Hearing other kids laugh and play kills me. Maybe one day in the future though.

Close your eyes. Think of your children and the love you shared with them.

Now ask them if you would be betraying them.

You will get an answer. Their very souls have imprinted onto yours. Please ... ask them!

P

a reply to: calstorm

I have a feeling nothing we suggest will give you a "reason for living", being busy, having hobbies are not good reasons. They will just be a white noise to fill the space between your broken heart and hope.

Writing can be therapeutic, your journey is uniqu and your feelings valid. Write out every detail about how you felt, how you feel now and how you want to feel. Make a goal to become a writer on ATS and post your story.

Photography is a great way to get outdoors and a way to explore your new life perspective. iPhones have apps that make you look like a pro.

Video editing is something that can be helpful too. Setting your photos to music, make short videos, or even a Vlog, about this very subject.

I don't know how dark a place your pain has taken you, but know your not alone. There are many who have come through on the other side of pain to have helped others like you struggling to find purpose. I trust you will find yours.

originally posted by: TrainDispatcher
you know, sometimes I feel the same way...

I asked myself, what did I love doing as a kid?

You might look like an idiot doing it... but, who cares.

So rightly so... I loved dance as a kid and I'm still it at 46 because it just makes me feel good. And I probably look like a dork doing a young persons hobby, getting less capable after life's wear and tear, but I don't care.

a reply to: calstorm

Have you thought about raising chickens? There are many breeds and they are interesting. I ask because you are in a rural area and may not have all the restrictions. You could breed unusual breeds, or just ones for eggs or whatever your fancy. If you can't have chickens for some reason I'm sorry for this suggestion. Maybe you could grow food as some suggest or flowers that you like? I hope you find what your looking for. May you find the answer in your sleep if nothing else.

originally posted by: calstorm
I have thought about reaching out to ATS on this one for a few years now. However, as many of you know, I have experienced extreme loss, my reasoning for living, my reason for everything I ever did in life. I really don't know how to function in a role outside of being a mother. Being the best mother I could be was my passion.

I know I need to find away to move. I need to find a new reason for living. I just don't know how to want anything else other than what has been taken from me. I think I need to find a hobby. It is just that I have never really been good at anything. I can pass as adequate for many things but I know there is a long list of things I just don't have any skill for. I have never found anything that I didn't really struggle to to do.

Something has to be out there and I need your help to find it. I don't really have the money to go out and invest in anything so it needs to be fairly cheap. I live in a small rural town hat doesn't have anything in the way of clubs or groups.

I have read guides on how to figure out what you are good at, but they don't work for me. They always say one of two things. 1. Do what you love. Well I was doing what I loved. I can't come up with anything else. 2. What have people told you are good at. I have literally never been told that I was good at something. I have tried to think back to childhood. I always gave 110% and was always disappointed when it was never good enough, whether it was in school or anything else. My difficult childhood was part of what drove me to become the best parent I could be. I learned exactly how not to treat a child.

So there is the situation. I need cheap hobby ideas that I can try, to figure out whether I have any ability for it. I am just at a loss for ideas.

Things I CAN NOT do. Draw, throw a ball, or anything else that takes hand eye coordination. Running is difficult for me because I tore a ligament in my foot years back and it healed funky.

Is there an animal sanctuary nearby? You could try dog walking. Sometimes they need someone to give a temporary home to an elderly dog or cat. They tend not to be wanted by families.

The biggest challenge I know of was being asked to civilize a feral cat and her five kittens within five weeks.

Just do stuff. No one here will know what you are good at. And if you don't know what you are good at, it is time for experimentation.

Just do stuff. Art/craft is cheap and you can find endless ideas online. Hit up pinterest.

But keep in mind: the things I am good at took me years to get good at. You should likely start by doing what you like, and then just be persistent.

a reply to: calstorm

I am going to suggest the same thing as others, a plant, or many plants. There is something about your very own garden that brings calm to the soul, at least in my experience. May I go a step further and offer up some seeds? U2U me if you are interested, or even just need to talk. I'm here very sporadically right now, but I will check!!

Getting lost in some good books can always be solace in itself as well.

I wrote out a nice long reply and my browser crashed. I will rewrite it tomorrow, but for now, thank you everyone who replied.

a reply to: calstorm

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