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originally posted by: calstorm
a reply to: pheonix358 People have suggested that, but right now I can't. I feel like I would be betraying my children's memory. I know some people think that is silly and don't understand why I feel that way, but the wounds are just to fresh. I have a lot of difficulty being around other peoples kids right now. Hearing other kids laugh and play kills me. Maybe one day in the future though.
originally posted by: TrainDispatcher
you know, sometimes I feel the same way...
I asked myself, what did I love doing as a kid?
You might look like an idiot doing it... but, who cares.
originally posted by: calstorm
I have thought about reaching out to ATS on this one for a few years now. However, as many of you know, I have experienced extreme loss, my reasoning for living, my reason for everything I ever did in life. I really don't know how to function in a role outside of being a mother. Being the best mother I could be was my passion.
I know I need to find away to move. I need to find a new reason for living. I just don't know how to want anything else other than what has been taken from me. I think I need to find a hobby. It is just that I have never really been good at anything. I can pass as adequate for many things but I know there is a long list of things I just don't have any skill for. I have never found anything that I didn't really struggle to to do.
Something has to be out there and I need your help to find it. I don't really have the money to go out and invest in anything so it needs to be fairly cheap. I live in a small rural town hat doesn't have anything in the way of clubs or groups.
I have read guides on how to figure out what you are good at, but they don't work for me. They always say one of two things. 1. Do what you love. Well I was doing what I loved. I can't come up with anything else. 2. What have people told you are good at. I have literally never been told that I was good at something. I have tried to think back to childhood. I always gave 110% and was always disappointed when it was never good enough, whether it was in school or anything else. My difficult childhood was part of what drove me to become the best parent I could be. I learned exactly how not to treat a child.
So there is the situation. I need cheap hobby ideas that I can try, to figure out whether I have any ability for it. I am just at a loss for ideas.
Things I CAN NOT do. Draw, throw a ball, or anything else that takes hand eye coordination. Running is difficult for me because I tore a ligament in my foot years back and it healed funky.