Did you ever have a lot of friends?

Do you have a lot of friends?

I'm 22 years old and I'll be turning 23 in September of this year. When I was a little kid I was always that quiet kid that never said anything to anyone. As a result of that I was never able to make any friends, and unfortunately I haven't been able to change much. I'm still very introverted even though I've tried to change. I guess it's just my nature to be introverted.

My parents always took me to see psychologists when I was a little kid because I was never able to engage with anyone. They wanted me to fit in, but seeing psychologists never did help me with any of my problems.

During these last few years, I've become a very hateful person. Every time that I see a successful person or a young couple, hatred and envy takes over me. Mainly because of the fact that they are living the life that I want to live. Even though I will graduate college next year, and I'll probably be on my way to a nice career I still feel empty inside.

My life has become so miserable because everywhere I go I see happy couples and I'm reminded of the failure that I am and the things that I'm missing out on. I exercise 3-4 times a week, and I try to look as good as I can but yet none of that has changed my miserable existence. It's almost as if the more I try, the more life humiliates me and I don't know why.

Today, I took a long walk through the park, alone like I always am. It was a beautiful day, but it's funny how even the most beautiful days can seem like the darkest corner of hell if you are alone. During this walk I saw a man that was about 300 pounds, but yet he had a girlfriend. I felt insulted by this, because how can a man like that find a girlfriend but yet here I am alone, even though I exercise 3-4 times a week and always try to dress as nice as I can?

Does this seem fair to anyone?

a reply to: muse7

Ok...

Here's the thing muse7. Looking good does not get people to gather around one. Kindness of heart, generosity of spirit, the ability to support a person when they are low, and bring them up and make them smile, those are what endears people to a person.

You could be Brad Pitts less famous but equally supposedly attractive cousin, or whatever, but unless you can interact with people on a deep level, they will not be able to desire interaction with you, and that is perfectly natural.

The other issue is this muse7...

In order to be good company for others, one must learn to be good company for ones self. Now, I hate to tell you, but sitting seething with barely restrained fury, because other people have found some small happiness in the world, might be understandable, but it is not healthy. I used to engage in that sort of nonsense when I was sixteen or so, but I gave it up, because it was deadly dangerous territory to step on.

My advice to you is, that if you are still angry about being alone, then you are not ready to be anything else. You need to learn how to have a good day, no matter how lonely you are. You need to learn to appreciate yourself without the validation of others, how to relax, and enjoy the pure process of being alive. Go to the park, and ignore all but the trees for an hour. Go to a library, and read a hopeful and uplifting book. While you do these things, do not bemoan the good day everyone else is having. Just have one yourself!

a reply to: muse7

You'll find somebody eventually. My fiance actually was very much like you and was pretty sure that he'd never meet anybody that both he'd love and who would actually love him back. He was pretty introverted, too, so he was certain that his chances of finding someone were pretty grim. Thing was, when we met, the intrigue for each other hit us both pretty hard. We both broke out of our shells just to find out more about the other (and if we liked each other lol). It's such a funny thing that we talk about what compelled us to pursue each other even years later. I love him with every part of my being.

Hang in there. Don't let the green eyed monster consume you and look at the bright side--many of those nitwits that jump at relationships at every chance they get are likely to become divorce statistics someday. You're not being passed over. You're being smart and waiting for the right person with whom you really click, who you will find some day.

a reply to: muse7

Does this seem fair to anyone?

Sounds kinda like the norm for some people. So what if you don't attract fair-weather friends? If you get the truth out of some of the older hands here, you'll probably find this holds true: Most people wind up with five that travel the whole distance. I picked up my first when I was a little older than you are right now. I could name four of those five for you ... and I'm almost done myself.

FWIW, I like you just fine. Your karma score says a whole lot of other people here like you too.

I was a pretty normal kid but I became profoundly introverted when I entered my teens.

My mum noticed there was something wrong but never felt moved to get me 'seen' by a specialist; pity, I wish she had, because I've found life an uphill struggle ever since.

Now I'm in my 50s and I'm still introverted but less so and, more importantly, don't really care; neither do others much.

It's something that most affects you in your youth.

I wish I had words of comfort to offer...it does get better as you get older.

But like you said, if you're an introvert, you're an introvert.

I personally believe it's a personality disorder, but it doesn't seem to be seen as such, even by psychiatrists.

a reply to: muse7

S&F!

Wow ...You were sold a fake dream by your childhood cultural influences and idols!

Currently you are living a lie for somebody elses benefit and peace of mind.

Your anger and hatred tells me that you woke up to this!

So ... Go back to sleep and go find your own dreams ok!

When you find a dream that suits you ... then you can try to live it for yourself! Take that blue pill ok!

However here is the red pill ... if you dare

The Matrix

a reply to: TrueBrit

I am polite, kind, and I put a lot effort into how I look. But no matter how much I try everyone seems to hate me and I don't know why. I don't know why everyone is repulsed by me. I try to be friendly but yet I keep getting humiliated. I've been cast out.

It's almost as if there's some flaw in people's mind that makes them almost instinctively attracted to obnoxious guys. But yet if you try to act polite and show kindness it backfires on you most of the time.

originally posted by: muse7
Do you have a lot of friends?

I'm 22 years old and I'll be turning 23 in September of this year. When I was a little kid I was always that quiet kid that never said anything to anyone. As a result of that I was never able to make any friends, and unfortunately I haven't been able to change much. I'm still very introverted even though I've tried to change. I guess it's just my nature to be introverted.

My parents always took me to see psychologists when I was a little kid because I was never able to engage with anyone. They wanted me to fit in, but seeing psychologists never did help me with any of my problems.

During these last few years, I've become a very hateful person. Every time that I see a successful person or a young couple, hatred and envy takes over me. Mainly because of the fact that they are living the life that I want to live. Even though I will graduate college next year, and I'll probably be on my way to a nice career I still feel empty inside.

My life has become so miserable because everywhere I go I see happy couples and I'm reminded of the failure that I am and the things that I'm missing out on. I exercise 3-4 times a week, and I try to look as good as I can but yet none of that has changed my miserable existence. It's almost as if the more I try, the more life humiliates me and I don't know why.

Today, I took a long walk through the park, alone like I always am. It was a beautiful day, but it's funny how even the most beautiful days can seem like the darkest corner of hell if you are alone. During this walk I saw a man that was about 300 pounds, but yet he had a girlfriend. I felt insulted by this, because how can a man like that find a girlfriend but yet here I am alone, even though I exercise 3-4 times a week and always try to dress as nice as I can?

Does this seem fair to anyone?

LIFE IS NOT FAIR!

The hate you have in your heart was put there; it did not manifest itself alone.

After I read your thread I thought you were talking about me. A little hint...... STOP or you will get sick. I am talking about a terminal sickness, something that will kill you! I could not stop and now....... waiting for death

I could not let it alone, I let hate control me until it dug its claws inside me and now it will not let go. Does that sound about right? You need to do what I did. DIE AND COME BACK. Yep, I had a NDE and let me tell you life is too short! Have just one and your eyes will open up! BUT there is an easier way and you don't have to die Anger management will help. You are letting your anger get involved in your life and you need to learn how to control it.

Fight back! This will be weird at first but try smiling more. Look in the mirror and learn to love yourself. You can not love someone unless you first learn to love yourself.

If you feel like sending me a message to blow off some steam - great. Try it sometimes it feels good to scream and let it go. Go to the top of a mountain and scream until you feel better. Sit in silence and listen to what the world is telling you.

Peace.

All those years of beatings and mistreatment can make anyone mean. Learn to forgive and you will be forgiven.

Most people are attracted to 'happy' personalities, and will go out of their way to avoid negative people.
You get what you give in life! You want happiness, but you are are overcome with hatred and envy when you see it in others.
You will never find happiness 'out there' in the world. Happiness comes from within, so FIND something to be happy about! Cultivate a positive attitude, and I promise your life will become positive.
Like attracts like, so stop projecting misery. YOU control your life, and you will only be as happy as you allow yourself to be.

originally posted by: muse7
a reply to: TrueBrit

I am polite, kind, and I put a lot effort into how I look. But no matter how much I try everyone seems to hate me and I don't know why. I don't know why everyone is repulsed by me. I try to be friendly but yet I keep getting humiliated. I've been cast out.

It's almost as if there's some flaw in people's mind that makes them almost instinctively attracted to obnoxious guys. But yet if you try to act polite and show kindness it backfires on you most of the time.

I don't hate you. You do have a friend. ME!

My door is always open.

We ALL need a little help from time to time.

This rock can be a scary place from time to time.

Remain calm. Breath in and out more. No more panic attacks!!! You are OK .....it is this world that is sick.

I have been the one angry at people since it seems so easy for them to connect on their level. I my way of thinking that connection is nothing but a low level illusion of what I really want and have not gotten on this level of awareness. The outer skin might look wonderful but are they internally/morally/spiritually/intellectually what I really want and what I can stand to be around. Are the connections these people are sharing really deep or superficial?

It is not about the number of friends but about the quality of the people around you. For myself it is so much easier to be surrounded by spiritual healers.

You can always get some long term time perspective of this. Even if you are missing out in this life of experiences you might want can you not choose to be human or something else that can give you those experiences after this life?

Why go for ordinary when you can seek the divine ones.

a reply to: muse7

Well look at it from a different perspective then.

If you seriously think that people would rather hang out with total douchebags, than hang out with you, you should consider their choice to avoid, to be a compliment toward your good character. Also, do you even WANT people with such poor judgement around you?

It does not matter whether you think the problem is with you, or with the people whose validation you crave. The fact is that the solution is the same. Only by being capable of living without these things in a manner which is healthy for you, can you ever expect to find what you seek.

Do the work it takes to be happy with yourself. The rest will just fall into place. Don't expect others to make you happy. Love others with no conditions attached. Envy makes you ugly. Try feeling a sense of joy for the fat guy with a girlfriend. Let go of the jealousy. It will make you a better person.

Growing up I moved a lot, my dad was in the military so I guess you could call me a 'military brat' but, not really since I am the youngest of three.

I never really made any solid friends, but would make friends along my travels, but never kept any close until I was maybe 12-13 I made some foundation with maybe one or two people.

All through highschool I never really hung out with anyone, I kept to myself quite a bit, I was shy, and was just happy with my hobbies and such. People knew who I was, they knew they could talk to me, but people never really asked me to hang out or something on a regular basis, it was always just maybe a party once or twice a year.

As I got older into my twenties this vibe I gave off of not caring what people thought of me was a positive one, I enjoyed being alone and enjoyed doing my own thing. Then something happened.
I started to want to explore more, and be more adventurous. I got involved with alcohol, bars, clubs, girls, etc. And it just sort of took off to the point where I became a total jerk, but I was too stubborn to realize that I wasn't who I used to be anymore, my over confidence took over my old personality, and it took a lot of soul searching to get back to that 'old' me.

I might suggest saving up for a long trip somewhere far away that is more than two weeks. A lot of people go on a long trip either on their own, or with a group, or even better, volunteering. Sometimes a different culture and more down to earth society can give you that initial push to seeing more to life than how you look, and how much effort you put into being nice. You must remember, humans aren't stupid, everyone can see the show most people put on to be happy.

The thing about attracting other people is that you need to be inviting, look happy, and just glow self confidence in what you do. I used to cringe when I would go out in public and didn't have the shoes, I thought I looked like an idiot, or if I didn't have the latest gadgets or nice car, but I just oozed the 'douche' look, now I could care less, I accepted I can go out in public with just shorts a T and some flip flops, or go to the park and play chess. When I set aside my image, I glowed again.

I used to have a large group of friends, and through getting older, moving on and by recognosing the type of people I need to have around me, I have cut that down to virtually no one. In the past year or 2 I have done what Truebrit touches apon and learned to be friends with myself again. I actually prefer doing things myself now. I just spent a 4 day weekend alone except for a few hours Saturday afternoon helping someone then getting a coffee. It's quite comfortable. I used to think I would ever find anyone even when I had a lot of friends but no girl wanted me. I ended up with 2 kids and a long relationship, when that went sour I thought I'd never find anyone again and guess what? by pure accident I did. OK she is back in LA now, but the longer we spend apart the more I'm actually becoming myself and a better person for someone else to want to have in their lives. I dunno how clear I am being.

As lonley as I have been these past years or even at times now, I know more about who I am, than I ever did.

Truebrit is right dont, waste time worrying about not having anyone and start doing what you want to do, and learn about your likes, dislikes and limits.

I hope this helps you out.

PS I still sometimes look at couples and think damn they have it so easy i wish my relationship was as easy.
but brush it off. your rant looks erily similar to the guy who shot up that college the other month, so chill out

a reply to: DietJoke

Thanks for the video. One of the best Matrix references I've seen. Like he said, the truth hurts.

I guess it's just my nature to be introverted.

No its not. Your memories go back to childhood. I would suggest something happened to you in early childhood that destroyed your trust in humanity.

If you want to become whole again you might want to seek professional help. Regressive therapy may or may not help you to uncover what it was that threw you off track and generated the resentment you are experiencing.

Lots of people carry hidden engrams with them to maturity without ever discovering whats behind them. Phobias are one example. Somewhere way back they developed a fear of heights, blood or loud noises for instance. Usually a result of their environment or specific abuse on the part of someone close to them. The mind shuts down as a defensive measure and tends to block the bad memory. Phobias about things are easy compared to emotional trauma induced by others.

You may have such an experience in your past that is locked deep within your psyche.

Not unusual and not abnormal to react the way you are from it. There is nothing wrong with you from that perspective. You should endeavor to resolve it though. Pain like that just doesn't go away.

Muse, have you tried joining a group or starting a hobby? you say you workout perhaps join a sports club or something similar? where I live we have something called meetup.com thats fantastic for meeting people. It's usually quite easy to make friends when you regularly see the same people through a group. I did martial arts at a school once which was fantastic for making friends. It's easier because you all have a common interest and something to talk about and keep the focus on.

originally posted by: muse7


Today, I took a long walk through the park, alone like I always am. It was a beautiful day, but it's funny how even the most beautiful days can seem like the darkest corner of hell if you are alone. During this walk I saw a man that was about 300 pounds, but yet he had a girlfriend. I felt insulted by this, because how can a man like that find a girlfriend but yet here I am alone, even though I exercise 3-4 times a week and always try to dress as nice as I can?

Does this seem fair to anyone?

Looks play a small part with the ladies. Stop giving a crap so much, let it go - be yourself. You'll be surprised with how fast you meet someone.