Having an immediate connection with somebody

Oh, I didn't say how we got back together again!! It went like this .. Her PM: I miss your voice and answering the phone Heathrow airport London! My PM back: I miss you too laughing at that crap. Her PM back: I miss you more.

That did it!! lol!!

I have developed ideas about "love" in general in my soon to be 28 years on this earth, and although I admit that experience often comes with age, there are always exceptions. Attraction is obviously a primal instinct geared towards the propagation of the species. That goes without saying in my opinion. People cannot choose who they are or are not attracted to since it is instinctual.

The feeling of being in love is not really what I would term "love," and here is why: true love means nurturing the spiritual and mental growth of your partner in my opinion, and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with attraction. What people feel when they think they are in love is what is termed cathexis in psychoanalysis. M. Scott Peck did a beautiful job of explaining this in "The Road Less Travelled," which I would recommend to everyone despite the fact it was published in the 70's I believe.

Cathexis is sort of like an attachment to someone, or an investment of energy. Peck explains love by describing ego boundaries. I believe he stated that the feeling people mistake for love is actually due to a complete drop in the ego boundary of those involved, and thus why that feeling will often go away when the ego boundaries snap back into place. True love involves incorporating another person into that ego boundary, rather than dropping it completely. I know I am not doing justice to the ideas he expressed, as it has been a long time since I've read his work, but that is the general idea. He does a much better job of explaining it in detail. He talks about synchronicity as well for those who are interested in that, and I know there are likely many on these forums.

I guess my point is that people should attempt to realize that their "feelings" for another person, especially when they barely know them at all, are not indicative of an actual connection on the level that a relationship should be based on. It is strictly a primal, and in my opinion often unhealthy, reaction. Those feelings that people interpret as love make true love much more interesting, but long-term relationship decisions should not be based on those feelings alone imo. They make starting a relationship much easier though. I really don't think one could stop those feelings if they wanted to, and I am not advocating that...rather I am just saying that it is likely unhealthy to stay in a relationship based on that feeling alone, since a partner should actually be interested in helping the other grow in various ways. Usually relationships are unhealthy in that respect. I would imagine that women are much more suited to helping their partner than men are, but this is not always the case.

I know this is not exactly the response you were likely looking for, but I just felt that these ideas are important and there are likely many people who have never considered them. I am not saying that everyone should just up and believe what I am saying, but just consider it, maybe look into it more, and see if it is something that your experience has taught you to be true. If so then I imagine that future relationship decisions will be a bit easier. After I started believing this I stopped dating so many girls, as I was one of those people who always liked to have someone around. I've benefited immensely from not having a steady relationship for the past five years or so. It was a conscious decision rather than a lack of options. I think checking one's emotions in certain instances can be beneficial, although not always.

a reply to: ldyserenity

Attractions happen and someone once told me that Rule Number 1 of the Universe is Like Attracts Like. Sounds like you didn't really interact with him that much to find out but I've decided that it's one of those things that is unexplainable until that moment in time comes and it hits you, and you realize why and what it was all for and what it meant/means. Its not easy to think of hurting someone that you care about and then having feelings for another; in fact it's a hellish place to be. Sometimes people have a connection that is like a spark, that turns into a flame and then a burning inferno that is all consuming; it's what you choose to do about it and the decisions/consequences you are willing to live with that are the deciding factor of whether or not to cross into the burning ring of fire.

a reply to: queenofsheba

That was perfect .. I could not have said it better ..and I didn't.

So there you have it.. life is short and we are but human. Things happen and we do with them as we choose.

(oh..and that's her!! lol!!)

originally posted by: ldyserenity
a reply to: DeepImpactX

I'm kind of conservative yes, in the way of protecting my feelings. I didn't have too many feelings invested in my current guy, I more or less got with a best friend type, as long as I'm not strongly attracted I can become friends with guys. So I got a friend that I cared about, not a fiery passionate love. And he even disappointed me, so I have become even more conservative not letting people in. If you can understand that.

I can understand that quite well actually. For what it's worth, go with your feelings. Getting hurt is a part of life. It sucks, I know, but as they say: No guts no glory. I'm not a woman so there's only so much advice I can give besides this: As a man, when I see a woman being open about her feelings and putting herself out there, I'll reciprocate. I'll be just as honest and open as she is. It's the mature thing to do. Any man who see's this from a woman and plays games with her is a douchebag. You can say that about women too because they do this as well.

Getting hurt by someone like that sucks, but it's a learning experience if you want to be. Don't close yourself off because of a bad experience. Life is too short.

I can relate to your experiences.

Talking is not a problem, as long as you do it in a professional environment. It's when you start to make it more intimate that problems arise. Sitting alone with somebody else, talking about personal things and flirting. The guy probably thinks you are a little strange for avoiding him, but you did the most appropriate thing given you are in a relationship.

originally posted by: ldyserenity
a reply to: HardCorps

Well, this obviously isn't just a passing phase as it still plagues my mind. This was like not an ordinary attraction type of thing, it feels like a soul connection, like maybe a PL thing. I've been attracted to others before, but this is way on deeper levels than that. I am also leaving a bit out.

I am an empath for one, for another, I guessed some stuff about this guy without ever talking to him (which was validated when he was talking to my friend at work right in front of me) Like how I knew he was into physics (so random) but I am also into it, in fact it was said exactly how one of my posts on ATS, I heard my own words out of his mouth (now that's weird). Also a friend of mine who is clairvoyant told me he feels the same spiritual connection to me and that he felt I "owed him attention" in some way, her words. And she has always been very very good, she described how he looked to a T, and his personality etc. He's got a few distinguishable attributes that she totally picked up. I don't know its just frustrating.

It's not easy explaining to someone else who has not been there on the same depth.


ETA: I only ever felt like this one other time when I was a teenager and I was not involved with anybody and I ran from that one, too. I had no reason to at that time. No I never had that same exact thing with my current bf. Because if I did I'd have run away. It's a pattern.

it sounds a little like a soul connection to me too but I guess time will tell