I'm Trying To Be Ok

I am SO sorry for your pain, Kanga.
The thought comes to mind that you are not hanging on to your father....you are cling to the memory of the man he used to be.
I went through something similar with my mother, and the day came when I began to wonder if it was MY energy that was keeping her here...existing.
I wish you strength from within, and comfort from above.
Miss Nugget

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

We hate losing people and most people are afraid of the unknown that is death, but I have to wonder if we are holding ourselves and loved ones back from the best part of life. The proof grows stronger and surer that we go on after death to something far better.

For those with religious belief I would hope that is a part of their faiths message, we should be sorry we will miss them but not sorry for them as they are going to a lighter brighter life not death as we insist on viewing it.

For the pain and sorrow and possible loss I pray for your Mother and you to have strength, time is the only healer.

I went through years of either my Father, Mother or Husband being in and out of the hospital. Dad passed away 7 years ago and is in a better place and no longer suffering. Mom is 90 and our time is surely limited.

Honey, my heart and prayers go out to you and your Dad. I wish you strength and courage in dealing with whatever comes your way.

(((Good vibes)))

& a virtual hug.

a reply to: nugget1

You are most likely right nugget. I cling to that and to the memories that could have been made that now may not be, to walking into the house and the comfort and dependability of my dad to make some sort of joke about how big my feet are, I cling to things like that. I absolutely do. It would be much less messy if we could turn that off when we needed or wanted to. Thank you for your wish for strength and comfort from above. I can certainly use it in whatever amount of time remains between now and then. They gave us 2 weeks back in November, so we certainly were blessed with many more days and many more memories since then that weren't supposed to happen. One never knows.

Thank you again Nugget.

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

I'm so very sorry that you and your family are going through this.
My prayers are with you.

a reply to: Char-Lee

I do believe in God and the fact that we do not simply vanish when we pass from this life. That is a great comfort to me. He told me before he went in that he sure would miss us if something happened. I said I didn't think it worked that way. We would be missing him and he would be happy and carefree until we were together again.

I do firmly believe that. It's still hard to stomp out that selfishness completely though.

Thank you for the prayers. We can certainly use all the strength we can get. Even if you know someone is just going to the other side, the spot left vacant does need the time you spoke of to heal.

a reply to: Night Star

Oh my goodness. You were certainly run through the wringer and then some I would imagine. It's hard to do that for a short time... let alone years on end. I can't even comprehend what that must have been like for you mentally and physically. You are such a wonderful person from what I see here.... I hate to hear that you had to go through that.

You were among the ones that reached out the first time to me. I haven't forgotten that and I never will. It means so much to me. Thank you for having the kind heart that you do. Seriously. And I want you to know that if you ever need anything shoot me a PM. If it is in my power to do what you need, I will do it. You've reached out to me and so many others here, I don't think you even know the effect you have.

I thank you and appreciate you more than you know Night.

a reply to: kosmicjack

I'll take it KJ. Thank you for that. ATS never ceases to amaze me with how so many can come together and support a member. Not just me, but many who come here. It is quite an amazing little community that's for certain.

a reply to: woodsmom

I'll definitely take them Woodsmom. Thank you for taking the time to give them. You certainly can't have too many.

My most heartfelt and sincerest positive thoughts go out to you and your loved ones Kang...

You will remember that I went through something very similar end of last - beginning of this year with my father in-law so I know exactly how you are feeling right now.

Something very similar is also now happening with My Mother in-law...

Thinking of you and sending you my strength.

Kindest respects

Rodinus

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

G, day roo. Its 0430hrs down here, so I dont know if you would call this an early morning or a rather late night post lol
I have seen your sorrow in the faces of my own family the strength of loved ones and friends in support mode is a blessing of love.
you have my prayer support mate and I pray that Gods peace and the message of salvation and eternal life will be unto you and your family

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

I'm so sorry for what you've had to endure K4. The generosity of spirit you've displayed by insisting your husband go make fond memories with his father is surely something that makes us all so proud to know you. Given your closeness to both of your parents, I think it would be fair to say you've learned this generosity from them, and I thank them for inspiring us all toward seeing a bit further past our own immediate needs and into the future to understand what a loved one will one day draw on for strength and comfort.

I will pray for you and yours as you move through this transition. Continue to exemplify their values, share them with us, and have faith that your father is cognizant of your unwavering love. You can rely on the ATS community to lend their support through this difficult time - you've made each one of us your friend and the lessons passed on by your father will ripple through this community, and perhaps the whole universe.

You're a good, kind woman... selfless too, to let your husband go be with his dad with your prodding. Strength and comfort to you and your family.

Sending positive energies, love, light, and comfort to your father, family, friends, you and loved ones in this time. *hugs*

2nd line

You got both barrels of prayer from us.
I know the feeling of being tired of being sick and it just escalates some times.
My wife knows the feeling of being overwhelmed by my being ill at one point or another.

Regards, Iwinder & Yogaginns

a reply to: Rodinus

I'll be sending some your way as well Rodinus. It's hard to watch a family member suffer like that and it's even harder to watch the one you love, and share your life with have to deal with that kind of pain at the same time. It seems like when things start happening like that, they just keep happening. I guess it is expected when we all reach a certain age, but the feeling that it all comes down at once is beyond overwhelming. A lot of times it seems like it dominoes when it comes to parents and grandparents. One's health starts to decline then it just all starts falling apart. In my experience anyway.

I wish you strength and your wife as well. I have an ear, if either of are ever in need. Thank you for doing the same for me.

originally posted by: pronto
a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

G, day roo. Its 0430hrs down here, so I dont know if you would call this an early morning or a rather late night post lol
I have seen your sorrow in the faces of my own family the strength of loved ones and friends in support mode is a blessing of love.
you have my prayer support mate and I pray that Gods peace and the message of salvation and eternal life will be unto you and your family

Thank you for that. We are all believers and that does make it easier. You know you shouldn't cling to them when that time comes... but being human makes that extremely difficult at times. Your words do mean something to me and I am grateful you took the time to write them out for me. Sincerely. I thank you.

a reply to: chasingbrahman

Your post bought tears to my eyes, but I was smiling through them this time. I can not thank you enough for the kindness you expressed. I have read it a few times and am more touched than you can know.

Thank you. That seems inadequate after all you said (and all everyone else has taken the time to say)... I hope that you and all the others here can understand just a fraction of what your thoughts, prayers, and words, have meant to me this day.

Thank you again for your words. They are powerful.

originally posted by: Kali74
You're a good, kind woman... selfless too, to let your husband go be with his dad with your prodding. Strength and comfort to you and your family.

Thank you Kali. His parents are actually a few years older than mine, and I stay on to him all the time to make time for them. I think a lot of us women pay more attention to things like that than a lot of men do. I would never want to be the reason he thought back to what he might have missed with either of them. It would be hard to accept comfort from someone while you may be thinking that they cost you time with the one you are grieving for.

Thank you for giving me and mine a thought. You didn't have to. But I am glad you did.

originally posted by: Obsidian_Butterfly
Sending positive energies, love, light, and comfort to your father, family, friends, you and loved ones in this time. *hugs*

2nd line

I am happy to accept to all of those and give some *hugs* and loads of thanks in return. I will certainly have a shoulder for you and the rest here if/when you/they ever need it. Thank you so much.

originally posted by: Iwinder
You got both barrels of prayer from us.
I know the feeling of being tired of being sick and it just escalates some times.
My wife knows the feeling of being overwhelmed by my being ill at one point or another.

Regards, Iwinder & Yogaginns

Thank you Iwinder. From the bottom of my heart. I will definitely send some up for you and yours as well. It's terribly hard to be ill for any length of time and devastatingly hard to be the sole caregiver of one who is. Your wife is lucky that you know how lucky you are to have her. It is easy in situations like that to take advantage, by you not doing that it helps her to handle the situations better... at least mentally. And that is well over half the battle when you are caring for someone who is extremely ill for any length of time.

So prayers will be going up for you both from my little nook in Virginia tonight.

Your post really hit home and I want you to know you are not alone. I lost my younger sister to a brain aneurism about 5 years ago but that still left me with a brother and 2 sisters. 2014 has been a horrible year for us, my brother had Leukemia and after he went through the hell of chemo he was still weak and they had a caregiver at his house who apparently wasn't watching him closely as my brother was recovering (no sign of cancer but would face a slow recovery to gain back strength) he was in a wheelchair and when the caregiver told him to stay put she would be right back, he stood up, lost his balance fell and hit his head on a table causing swelling and bleeding of the brain, the doctor told me he had 1 hour to live but passed the next day, that was only 6 weeks ago, while this was going on one of my other sisters started feeling weak and went to the doctor, they said it appeared she had a failing liver (she has never drank or did drugs) they said she also had 2 other problems with her blood that was killing her but couldn't identify them. They sent her to the Mayo Clinic, while there our brother died. The Mayo clinic said they weren't sure of anything other than she was dying. She passed last week, only a few months ago we were joking around as usual with no thought we would lose her a few months later! The only good thing is she wasn't in pain and just grew weaker till she passed.
I now have one sister left and she has had breast cancer and right now she is having radiation treatment to her face (they have to slide a lead shield between her eyelid and eyeball each time!) she only has one more treatment.
My sister that passed funeral is Monday and since my other sister is too weak to travel I will be alone as far as siblings go!
God, I miss them, we lost our parents about 10 years ago but i didn't think in such a short time our family would be virtually wiped out.
I'm sorry for taking your post to talk about my troubles but wanted you to know you have a 'brother' in me that feels your pain as well and I pray you get through this and learn that you have to think about yourself and start taking care of yourself.
You and I both have witnessed pain, suffering and sometimes loss but don't forget, there are loved ones that love you and want the best for you!
I truly believe that our loved ones that has suffered on earth will be in paradise in the end and you will be able to embrace them pain-free once again! You seem like a very good person and I wish and pray for only the best for you.
Bless you!