I usually don't partake of any liquid courage... Ever. But I just dropped off my husband for his annual fishing trip and won't see him for a week and
with things lately, I was hoping to relax for a bit. Get a little sleep maybe... Peacefully. I don't know.
Many of you on here may not know me. But a few of you do and those few know that right before Christmas last year I reached out for your help. Prayers
and good vibes... And what ever good thoughts you could spare for me as my father was having a rough go of it. He was on a ventilator after having his
heart stop and not getting oxygen for at least 30 minutes. He was only saved because he was already in the hospital when it happened. The night I
reached out, we weren't sure if we were going to have to make that one decision nobody ever wants to make.
He did pull through, but like most his age, it just seemed to keep snowballing from there. He has been in the hospital numerous times since and has
always come home, albeit a little weaker each time.
4 days ago he had to go in again. They decided to try dialysis (which he needed before, but couldn't get because his heart was just too weak for it).
They were going to do it this time because it was a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario. He might die with it but was definitely dying
without it. The day before yesterday, they took him in to run the line they would need for dialysis and before they could finish he had to be out on a
I have tried to be upbeat and hope for the best. He has pulled through on more than one occasion when the odds were highly stacked against him, but I
am not sure he has it in him this time. I think he's tired
He's been sedated since then. They have run 3 rounds of dialysis on him anyway in hopes that it would improve his oxygen levels and get him off of the
ventilator. No luck so far and the older you get the harder it is to get you off of the ventilator once you are on it for a prolonged period of time.
I can not tell you how painful it is to see someone in restraints, on a ventilator, and about 130 pounds slimmer than they were 8 months ago. I know
that some of you know that pain. For those of you who do not, I hope with everything I have in me that you never do.
I have been blessed so far in that I do still have both of my parents currently.
I was there when they took him back and he just looked defeated. Tired. Tired of being tired and sick constantly.
I go from wanting him to just wake up and be ok for a little while longer to thinking about how damned selfish that is. Then I catch myself thinking
that maybe it would be better if he just passed while he was still under sedation so he wouldn't have to hurt anymore. Who the hell even knows which
feeling is the right one?
I don't really know why I feel the need to post about it. I am a stay at home mother and my mom is the only friend I really have. She's going through
a lot and I guess I don't won't to burden her, but felt the need to get it out.
I don't really need replies...but I would ask that again, if you could spare a prayer or a thought it would be more appreciated than you know.
Yes. I know this isn't a support board.
Any port in a storm.
edit on 5/31/2014 by Kangaruex4Ewe because: (no reason given)