Me and my son talk about father kicking 6 year old off ramp.

a reply to: BO XIAN

Wow...great post with a lot of good informational links. Thank you sir.

I'm glad we agree on this one and I am off to read all those links right now. So thank you for sharing them.

PS-My son came to the same conclusions you have presented btw. I didn't have to tell him why the father did it, he simply guessed it himself. The father failed as being a good dad and has become what too many men have become. Creatures who care more about the appearance of strength and in turn have become the weakest link the human chain.

MM

originally posted by: projectbane
a reply to: Mr Mask


YOUR child is like so many others these day in North America (not saying YOU are from North America) but they are whiny little babies. This fathers method although a touch extreme is GOOD for the kid. Jesus now a days every damn thing is about how to cuddle and protect kids from scrapes and loving everybody. Having moved from the UK to America I notice a massive difference in kids. The ones in the US are such babies!!

NO...your child is soft and needs a wake up call! Kids in the Poland and Russia and Germany are much tougher and those in 3rd world countries are tougher still.

No harm done to that kid. Maybe he will now have NO fear on that ramp!!

Good for the kid? Since when is abuse and risking great injury to a child good???
When has being loving been a bad thing?

How can you call a mature, intelligent ten year old who lives with kindness and compassion a whiny baby? The ten year old is tough for standing his ground and speaking his mind.


How can you possibly say that no harm was done to that little boy who was clearly abused? He was hurt physically and emotionally.


I will never understand people like you!

a reply to: Mr Mask



Your kind reply brought me to the brink of tears on 2 counts:

1. You MUST HAVE DONE an INCREDIBLE fathering job for your son to be that astute. I'm super impressed. And I'm not impressed on such scores easily. CONGRATS.

2. Your son is an exceptional individual with an incredible mind and impressive sensitivity and perceptiveness. CONGRATS to your son.

I hope your son becomes even more courageous and resilient. The planet will have great need of such. However, his road will not be easy. It seems to me that one of the greatest services you can render to him is to toughen him up in all the better ways you can.

Many lesser souls will likely be looking to him for direction and a making of some sense out of the looming horrendous genocidal chaos.

I could quickly get insufferably maudlin elaborating on that score so I'll shut myself up with the note that I feel honored to have found your thread and discovered another aspect of you and your personality and certainly of your great job with a great son.

Thanks.

originally posted by: SaturnFX
ok, so here is what I see.
The father, wanting to encourage the kid to stop freaking out over the height, should have let him use it as a slide first...sit on it, nudge over, maybe even slowly lower him down so he feels the curve, then as confidence grows..go more and more until he is ready...be it 10 minutes, a hour, a day, a week, etc.

This kid will be lucky to not have severe trust issues in life and a fear of heights now because of this.

Goes to show you, you don't have to be a scholar to breed..anyone can do it, and unworthy parents often do.

ABSOLUTELY EXCELLENT suggestion. Was going to type such until I read your response.

I'd merely have added that first the Dad could have taken the boy's hand and slid down the ramp together with him. It would not have hindered the lad's manhood any for Dad to have even held the son in his lap and slid down first.

ATTACHMENT RESEARCH IS ABSOLUTELY CLEAR.

Fatherly provided strong comfort, security, modeling, healthy affectionate emotional bonding, etc. are THE BEST AND ONLY LASTINGLY, PURELY GOOD WAYS to facilitate growth in courage, wise and intelligent boldness, resilience and good judgment.
.

The "THROW EM INTO THE COLD DEEP END IMMEDIATELY" has far too many negative fall-out features relationally as well as in terms of a sense of self-worth and self-confidence."

It can foster a sense of blustering bravado.

THAT is NOT the same thing as wisdom, courage, toughness, resilience, good judgment, AUTHENTIC, MATURE MASCULINITY.

And the accompanying features that go with bluster and bravado--a hollow pretense of masculinity virtually always to always trouble primary and work relationships [I rarely use "always" but it fits here. In some cases the 'troubling' of their relationships may be moderate but in most cases it's quite serioius.].

History is replete with examples of petty little tyrants shoring up their sense of inadequate manhood by intimidating, abusing and controlling those around them and all under their power and influence. The world does NOT need more of those--particularly in that there's a huge crop running things now.

The TRUST issue you mention is a super critical one.

It colors for ill or good ALL the individual's closer adult relationships as well as all their work relationships and relationships with authority. It also colors their own sense of adequate judgment and being able to make reasonable choices in a world that makes some sense vs in an impossibly mystifying and chaotic mental understanding of 'reality.'

TRUST is a critical FOUNDATION of ALL healthy significant relationships. And the FATHER is primarily responsible for TRANSMITTING, FOSTERING, INJECTING, 'INFECTING' THE CHILD--PARTICULARLY THE SON--with adequate and wise, discerning TRUST.

And, I would note that EACH CHILD IS DIFFERENT. Some kids would be thrilled to have been LOVINGLY AND GENTLY 'thrown' down the slide.

But the father did not do it lovingly nor gently. It was an abrupt, thoughtless, arrogant and self-serving attempt to bolster his own sense of inadequate manhood.

In any case, a wise and responsible, loving parent GIVES TO EACH CHILD that style, tone, manner, of EMOTIONALLY BONDED AND AFFECTIONATE CONNECTED PARENTING, FATHERING

which THAT child needs and prospers best with.




.

edit on 2/5/2014 by BO XIAN because: added

originally posted by: Hollie
The way you made the vid repeat, over and over and over, and slowed down over and over and over, to show that nudge, makes you nothing less than a maniac. Not only are you a maniac with nothing else to do, you are raising your child to be the same way. I am "sure" your kid just desperately wanted to talk to you about this? Yea okay. Why don't you discuss pageant babies, child gymnasts that never get menstrual cycles, or maybe, just maybe, something a little more important such as fishing, or gardening, or even building a house or spaceship with your 10 year old son for your next episode?

Hope you are happy that DCF is involved. Now you and your son can get them pushy soccer moms and extreme cheer leader parents next? Unless you have something better to do besides discredit every other parent that doesn't parent the way you do? You made me angry in case I didn't come across that way. Some people throw their children into the pool to learn to swim, some even let their babies play with snakes, who the hell are you to say?

don't forget his kid is a 10yo scholar. (mr. masks)
anyway...

the kid was a supposedly hot shot at boarding, even had a nick name.

maybe dad thought he was acting too big for his britches and decided to teach him he wasn't all that?

a reply to: DenyFlatulence

Looking into my crystal ball I see a dad past his prime looking into a shark tank at the local aquarium. Fully grown son walks up behind him and says, "Like sharks, do you dad?"

*Disclaimer*
I'm not defending this douche bag.

As a dad, I understand what this guy was trying to do. He was trying to help his kid overcome a fear, and when his kid couldn't, he pushed him. It looks really bad but I don't think this guy had any bad intentions. He just wants his kid to succeed, to overcome. He made a bad decision and it was caught on tape. As a dad, I can say we all make bad decisions from time to time, with the best interests of our children at hand. But I still think this guy is a douche.

a reply to: BO XIAN

Aw thanks sir. Without getting to deep into it, I will say I have similar worries about the future and the need for wise men in the coming years, and in believing this 100% everything I teach my son prepares him for such times.

I try to teach him the important things. The things popular culture seems to place little value on.

Thanks again for your thoughtful comments and positivity behind how I "try" to raise my boy.

I'm overly proud of the man he is becoming.

MM

originally posted by: Night Star


How can you possibly say that no harm was done to that little boy who was clearly abused? He was hurt physically and emotionally.


I will never understand people like you!

I'm just glad you DON'T understand people like him.

MM

originally posted by: Fylgje
*Disclaimer*
I'm not defending this douche bag.

As a dad, I understand what this guy was trying to do. He was trying to help his kid overcome a fear, and when his kid couldn't, he pushed him. It looks really bad but I don't think this guy had any bad intentions. He just wants his kid to succeed, to overcome. He made a bad decision and it was caught on tape. As a dad, I can say we all make bad decisions from time to time, with the best interests of our children at hand. But I still think this guy is a douche.

In defense of your opinion AND the father...I 100% understand what he was "trying to do" and I also don't think the father thought anything wrong of his actions.

But the truth is the father obviously was frustrated with his son's "fear", impatient and taking the lowest road towards motivating the child. He put his life in harm's way and did so callously.

In the vide I made here...I clearly see my son who is 10 instantly coming up with more than one way to have motivated the child is a positive way that would result in many more benefits down the road.

I find it odd that a 10 year old boy can come so quickly to a better conclusion while the father (and those who support his actions) have a hard time thinking of a better one themselves.

MM

originally posted by: projectbane
a reply to: Mr Mask


YOUR child is like so many others these day in North America (not saying YOU are from North America) but they are whiny little babies. This fathers method although a touch extreme is GOOD for the kid. Jesus now a days every damn thing is about how to cuddle and protect kids from scrapes and loving everybody. Having moved from the UK to America I notice a massive difference in kids. The ones in the US are such babies!!

NO...your child is soft and needs a wake up call! Kids in the Poland and Russia and Germany are much tougher and those in 3rd world countries are tougher still.

No harm done to that kid. Maybe he will now have NO fear on that ramp!!

You're an embarrassment.....

Shhhhh

originally posted by: blupblup

originally posted by: projectbane
a reply to: Mr Mask


YOUR child is like so many others these day in North America (not saying YOU are from North America) but they are whiny little babies. This fathers method although a touch extreme is GOOD for the kid. Jesus now a days every damn thing is about how to cuddle and protect kids from scrapes and loving everybody. Having moved from the UK to America I notice a massive difference in kids. The ones in the US are such babies!!

NO...your child is soft and needs a wake up call! Kids in the Poland and Russia and Germany are much tougher and those in 3rd world countries are tougher still.

No harm done to that kid. Maybe he will now have NO fear on that ramp!!

You're an embarrassment.....

Shhhhh

Lol, aw thank Mr Blup. I didn't understand his view on my son either. Whining and protesting peacefully are two different things. Weakness is surely not something I would ever attach my my boy.

High fives bro!

MM

a reply to: Mr Mask

When I was 4, my folks and my sister, who was less than a year old, went on vacation to the Catskills. This is the early 60s. That was still a place for Summer vacation within driving distance from NYC. The place was the typical Catskill ranch type environment - horses, golf a pool and lake for swimming. Well my folks got me a counselor to teach me how to swim. The guy brought me to the indoor pool and put one of those styrofoam bubbles on my back and was teaching me to put my face in the water and hold my breath. Guess he wanted to teach me to not be afraid of the water.

Well in walks my dad with his cabana suit on, his sun glasses and a camera around his neck. I was happy to show off to him how I was "swimming". The bubble, to me, wasn't detracting from the idea that I was "swimming". Well my father didn't see it that way and was urging me to take it off. He was pretty adamant about it too, to the point where he said "come over here and take that thing off." I was scared and said no. So he reached down and over the pool to do it himself, and well he reached too far and splashed down on top of me, cabana suit, glasses camera and all LOL

I laugh about it now and thru the years, but it was traumatic at the time. It was clearly his fault, but as a kid, I felt guilty. My dad was a good father and still is at 95, but back then he was very impatient and to me, seemed angry all the time. Not sure what his emotions were due to having a young son and newborn daughter. One would think happiness, but I guess there are stresses that go along with it. He was raised during the Depression, so I'm sure finances and the expenses of a family were among the issues on his mind. He was also always nervous about our health. Me having asthma as a child, was certainly a stress factor for him.

Well hadn't thought of that incident in quite a while. Maybe the father in that video saw something that made him feel responsible for that child's trepidation at plunging down into the ramp. He certainly didn't handle it well and probably caused the kid to have more fear of the unknown rather than less. Oh I learned how to swim

What a bunch of pussies you all are raising these days..

A kid wearing full protective gear being nudged off a glazed ramp lip and rides it down like a slide? And that is child abuse in many of your eyes?

No wonder everyone who plays is a winner, plug in toy cars are "in", and everyone is entitled despite being worthless..

Once the revolution starts, the weak and pampered will be the first to be made into entertainment for the strong..

I teach skate lessons (for money) and let me just say that this is NOT the way to teach a kid to drop in. Dropping in on a ramp like this is TERRIFYING the first time you do it. Assuming the child had dropped in on smaller ramps before, he should be capable of handling this entirely on his own, with no push or assistance. If he is not ready hes NOT ready. I would lose a client for so if his parents saw something like this, no doubt.

Skateboarding is dangerous, and that is definitely reckless of the father. The kid needs to learn to fall on his own, and how to fall properly. I would not say its 'abuse' so to speak; one could argue that the mere suggestion of skateboarding is abuse. One thing I will say is it probably didn't hurt THAT much. A fall straight down to the flat is worst case scenario. The ramp greatly reduced the impact. Still, reckless, horrible skateboard instruction!

originally posted by: LockwithnoKey


Once the revolution starts, the weak and pampered will be the first to be made into entertainment for the strong..

Those that are weak at heart and weak in their mind don't have what the Army calls mental toughness... You cannot overcome mental weakness by being shoved down a slide, nor can you by losing patience... Nor will you have the mental toughness once revolution breaks. Those are the ones who lose out first, not the timid...

You'll know this one day.

If you can't teach a kid to skate the way you would teach an adult, you lose. It's not ok to exert your will over others to get your way. Or did your dad never teach you??

The kid who gains confidence on his own with encouragement will be the kid who can survive a society break down with some encouragement. The kid who has to be forced will be dead weight.

a reply to: KnightLight


It's a good thing the Army culls out the pussies before the end of basic training..and I assume you believe mental weakness can't be overcome based on your own life experience..

a reply to: LockwithnoKey



Here ya go..... Grrrrrr real men!!

originally posted by: KnightLight

originally posted by: LockwithnoKey


Once the revolution starts, the weak and pampered will be the first to be made into entertainment for the strong..

Those that are weak at heart and weak in their mind don't have what the Army calls mental toughness... You cannot overcome mental weakness by being shoved down a slide, nor can you by losing patience... Nor will you have the mental toughness once revolution breaks. Those are the ones who lose out first, not the timid...

You'll know this one day.

If you can't teach a kid to skate the way you would teach an adult, you lose. It's not ok to exert your will over others to get your way. Or did your dad never teach you??

The kid who gains confidence on his own with encouragement will be the kid who can survive a society break down with some encouragement. The kid who has to be forced will be dead weight.

All very true. I also don't see how shoving the kid down the ramp will help. That's not the way to teach. However I also don't believe in pampering. There are better ways of doing things. The army may toss you in the deep end and tell you to swim, but that kid was not of enlistment age and has a much different view of the world. Dad didn't help.

a reply to: LockwithnoKey

No the Army is just full of grunts that didn't get raised properly and find value in being hard & angry, what you call mental strength is nothing more than a mental disability and it's no wonder why these "kids" coming out the military end up with severe mental difficulties, it's because they we were weak in the mind for joining in the 1st place. The problem is shoving emotions down and not dealing with them is actually more child like than being a real man who deals with the emotions he is presented with.
All so called hard men are just children who hide behind their physicality so as not having to deal with negative emotions. They call it having a stiff upper lip in the UK and is now being shown that bottling and not dealing with emotions is a mental disorder and not how a healthy minded individual should live.
But I guess you're one of them guys that takes pleasure in seeing kids being told to "man up" by kicking a defenseless child down a ramp.