Do you recommend marriage?

Hello everyone,

I'm curious to people's opinion about marriage. Would you recommend it?

I'm a male and not married yet and I'm opposed to getting married for some reasons.

First of all, I know that pros about marriage like taxes, insurance, kids, etc. but what I want to talk about is the relationship.

I believe that marriage let's the couple take each other for granted. I want to explain.

At first when you meet someone you try to look your best to impress them, as time passes you get a bit used to them but you still try to be at your best because you don't want your bf/gf to dump you. Now comes marriage...

After marriage people show their true self. Many couples gain weight, sex life worsens, and this is all before kids are born. You swore to be together until the end, so why bother looking your best? You are already tied down. Divorce is difficult and men lose half their stuff.

Wouldn't it be better to avoid marriage? Couples would still have to make the effort to make the relationship continue. Getting dumped is easier than getting divorced.

Now to end my opinion I want to ask this:

Why is it considered an accomplishment when an old married couple say they were married for 50 years or more?

I'm curious about everyone's opinion about marriage, would you recommend it?

I highly recommend it. Sometimes what we take for granted can outshine the brightest of stars.
Well, that sounds very cheesy but I still recommend it.

You better know you can love them when there hair is grey and there skin is wrinkly and you better respect there body enough to know that you don't need another one when she's not around.

Point being she better keep your interest throughout time or it's a waste.

reply to post by danielsil18


ABSOLUTELY!!!
Once you have found the right candidate that is.
Anything short is a definite NO!!
I suggest a 5 year trial where you do your best to drive this person away, after 5 years and you have not scared this person off, you can be assured this person is a keeper.

(Edit)
LOL!!!
You listed kids under the Pro's section.
Ok, so they are ok but I'd hardly list them as a pro.
(Edit again)...
For couples who celebrate 50 years, many have a hard time doing 5, doing 50 and still being in LIKE with a person is a miracle. But to still be in love...

reply to post by danielsil18

Divorce is difficult and men lose half their stuff.

Holla we want pre-nup!

Marriage isn't for someone who doesn't want to get married. You don't seem to want to, so don't. If you meet a special lady that may change, or it may not.

I think far too many people get married because they're 'supposed' to. The divorce rate alone is staggering, the unhappy marriages that don't end in divorce probably is too. There are many happy couples that enjoy being married though. Look at your last question, we hear about those couples all the time. It's amazing because they beat the odds if they're still happy, which doesn't really strengthen the argument against the institution in my mind, but you and I may disagree. Not sure if I'm ever going to do it. Maybe. Might take a cattle prod.

Vicarious10000
You better know you can love them when there hair is grey and there skin is wrinkly and you better respect there body enough to know that you don't need another one when she's not around.

Point being she better keep your interest throughout time or it's a waste.

point being... your reply told him nothing about what he actually wanted to know.

You're a theorist. nothing nothing more. His interested in the more practical aspect...

nice thing you got a star for your poetical and romantic side of the story tho... yadda yadda yadda you helped nothing...

Domo1
reply to post by danielsil18

 

Divorce is difficult and men lose half their stuff.

Marriage isn't for someone who doesn't want to get married. You don't seem to want to, so don't. If you meet a special lady that may change, or it may not.

My problem is that most women want to get married. Most dream about that wedding day. I even think they start planning it since they enter high school.

Pressures from culture, parents, friends would make most women give an ultimatum to either get married or to find someone else.

Some women think their boyfriends don't love them if they don't want to get married. They think love equals marriage. But divorce rates don't show that.

I don't want to get married but I think one day I'll have to give in if I don't want to get dumped. I just don't see many good things that come with marriage, relationship-wise.

reply to post by FraternitasSaturni

point being... your reply told him nothing about what he actually wanted to know.

I think it did. OP asked this:

Many couples gain weight, sex life worsens, and this is all before kids are born. You swore to be together until the end, so why bother looking your best? You are already tied down.

Either way it was more on topic than your little rant about another poster being off-topic and contributing absolutely nothing to the thread. I don't think that was a breathless romanticised version of marriage. More a caution that you better not just care about looks because you're both going to get old and be far less attractive later in life.

reply to post by danielsil18


Two words

Hell... No

Akragon
reply to post by danielsil18

 

Two words

Hell... No

Why not? I want to know your story.

reply to post by danielsil18


Married 22 years.

We laugh every day.

We hug every day.

We love every day.

I'm going to live to ripe old age of 200 just to piss people off and say that we've been married for hundreds of years.

Live, love.

Ignore what everyone else, even me, says.

reply to post by danielsil18


I wouldn't marry a girl that gave me an ultimatum. I'm only going to do it if I actually want to. I'd rather be heartbroken than forced into marriage. I wouldn't mind it being hinted at or discussed, but I'm not going to be browbeaten into doing something I don't want to do, and I wouldn't want to be with someone that would want to marry someone so easily manipulated.

I don't really think you'll have much trouble finding someone that agrees with you and doesn't want to get married or wants to wait a long time. I suppose I don't know how old you are. I'm guessing mid to late twenties. If you're 35-40 I think it's a different ballgame, and women are going to be far more traditional about wanting a marriage.

One of those things where it seems like if you are so much in love you're want to get married, why can't you respect the partners wish. That also works in reverse though.

Why are you worried? Just general discussion or have you seen this happen a lot? I wouldn't worry about it unless it comes up and if a girlfriend asks be honest about it.

Is it a pointless institution? Yeah kinda. Does it mean a lot to some people? Very much so. I'm talking in circles. Do it if you want to, don't do it just for the other person is the only thing I'm trying to get across. It's like having a kid. Don't just knock up a girl because she wants a baby, do it because YOU want to, and want to share it with her.

reply to post by danielsil18


no story... been there done that...

I wouldn't recommend it to anyone because being single is awesome...

then again if you meet the right person then sure... go for it and see how it works out


but I still wouldn't recommend it

beezzer
reply to post by danielsil18

 

Married 22 years.

We laugh every day.

We hug every day.

We love every day.

If I knew for sure that marriage would be like this then I wouldn't have problems.

The problem is how to know who is the right one.

Domo1
reply to post by danielsil18

 

Why are you worried? Just general discussion or have you seen this happen a lot? I wouldn't worry about it unless it comes up and if a girlfriend asks be honest about it.

I'm 24, but I've seen it and heard it many times.

Recently i listened in a radio show about a married woman who was asking for advice because the woman and her husband were planning on buying their "dream home" but there was one issue. One of the neighbors was a man she had an affair with for about a month. She didn't want to move there and at the end she convinced the husband not to buy the dream house.

I'm thinking... Wow, that poor guy doesn't know he didn't get to buy his dream house because his wife slept with one of the neighbors, and he doesn't know it.

I think cheating has become way too easy and that it's hard to fully trust anyone. I don't think I have trust issues since I would let my girlfriend go to a party without me and not bother her by calling her every hour. But I think I don't want be tied to someone and then get the news that she cheated on me.

reply to post by danielsil18


My husand and I had people admire that we were together for 34 years. We had people think that we had the perfect marraige. For so many years, we shared our laughter and love, our hopes and dreams, our sorrows and fears. Now he decides he doesn't want to be married anymore. After 34 friggin years a good marraige taken for granted.

Every single person who gets married feels as though they have found the right one and that their marraige will last forever. It is a chance that everyone takes and there are no garentees.

Night Star
reply to post by danielsil18

 

My husand and I had people admire that we were together for 34 years. We had people think that we had the perfect marraige. For so many years, we shared our laughter and love, our hopes and dreams, our sorrows and fears. Now he decides he doesn't want to be married anymore. After 34 friggin years a good marraige taken for granted.

Every single person who gets married feels as though they have found the right one and that their marraige will last forever. It is a chance that everyone takes and there are no garentees.

This is what I'm worried about. I also think that marriage doesn't guarantee that a couple will stay together until the end.

Do you know why he doesn't want to be married anymore?

FraternitasSaturni

Vicarious10000
You better know you can love them when there hair is grey and there skin is wrinkly and you better respect there body enough to know that you don't need another one when she's not around.

Point being she better keep your interest throughout time or it's a waste.

point being... your reply told him nothing about what he actually wanted to know.

You're a theorist. nothing nothing more. His interested in the more practical aspect...

nice thing you got a star for your poetical and romantic side of the story tho... yadda yadda yadda you helped nothing...

edit on 18-12-2013 by FraternitasSaturni because: (no reason given)

Jealous?

My apologies for not explaining it all out in laymen terms so you could have understood what I was saying.

Since were putting people in boxes what are you? Turd?

Your post is also off topic and does not belong in thread!

danielsil18


If I knew for sure that marriage would be like this then I wouldn't have problems.

The problem is how to know who is the right one.

It is a gamble no lie, the truth is there is no surefire way to really know which one is the right one or not. First you have to be committed to the whole idea to begin with and then you have to hope that you found one equally committed. My marriage melted and broke, a few years after our divorce ( no I didn't get half his stuff, just all his bills ) was final we got back together and have now been "dating" longer than we were married.

We may eventually get married again but we aren't really in a rush to do so. We are already married in our hearts, don't really see any purpose to all the legal mess of doing it all over again.

You come across as fairly young so I will give you the advice I give my nephews. Pick someone that you not only love but that you also respect on a personal level. Don't be in any hurry to get married take your time and wait until somewhere around 30. Get your life in order, it takes very little to go wrong to destroy your finances and your marriage with it. Never take on a bill you can't pay for yourself if you suddenly found yourself single ( and yes some woman will balk at this, avoid them like the plague). If a woman is pressuring you into marriage or losing them, than by all means kick her to the curb. Naturally you should have had some discussions about where you feel you need to be before you find yourself pressured. And finally once you finally do get married remember your spouse is your friend, and more importantly still your girlfriend. You do not get to stop taking her on dates, opening the door or sending her flowers.

It isn't for the faint of heart but despite the various difficult times, it is so totally worth it.