Should I tell her?

You guys saw my last thread here. Things haven't gotten better for me. The other day her sister tried to get a hold of me via facebook to tell me that she was in the hospital due to a severe panic attack. I didn't see the message till much later. But I wanted nothing more than to be there for her, even after what she did to me. It's gotten to the point where I can't go a day without thinking about her. Then I get depressed. I know that I love her more than I've loved anyone for a long time. She won't answer my texts. I know I should move on, but I can't. The heart wants what the heart wants, right?

What do I do. I want to tell her how much I love her and how I want to be there for her. But should I?

What should I do?



Link to my last thread

Perhaps a link to your thread that is salient to this one would help. Thanks.

reply to post by FissionSurplus


Added a link.

My advice, fwiw, is to live your life. Do YOUR thing. If she's meant to be in your life she will come around. If not you are focusing on what you should be focusing on.

Forget her.

Maybe you will find someone that loves you, if so, that is good.

But you don't need her.

reply to post by dave_welch

Man up mate, take the hit with dignity, raise your chin and let it go.

Should you tell her? She already knows how you feel and won't even answer your text messages. Find someone who is right for you. She is out there.

I'm sure you guys are right. It's just hard for me to not act on my emotions sometimes.

Ah. Okay, I'm caught up now.

First of all, nobody is "hospitalized" for a severe panic attack. Once it is determined to be panic, they are discharged from the emergency room with Xanax on board and a suggestion to see a psychiatrist. So that's really not a big deal. She has an anxiety disorder.

Secondly, she sounds like she is dishonest with herself as well as everybody around her. The hardest thing in life is knowing which people to keep in your life, and which people to let go because they are toxic.

This one, as far as your description goes, is toxic. I am a woman so I can say this with more certainty than a man can. If a woman sleeps with you and lets another guy move in with her in the same week, she has a lot of problems. Problems with self esteem, problems with self-control, problems with being honest, and problems with promiscuity.

The other posters are correct. Walk away and never look back. There are many fish in the sea, don't chase after a radioactive piranha.

zilebeliveunknown
reply to post by dave_welch

 

Man up mate, take the hit with dignity, raise your chin and let it go.

Easier said than done. But I have had to do it and it hurts bad. But, when people tell you things WILL get better and you let the words in one ear and out the other and say to your self "thats bull hookie", I'll be darn if they were RIGHT. It took time, but things will get better. You will be ok.

reply to post by FissionSurplus


I'm sure you're right. It's just hard for me to sever ties with people like that. What if I am wrong? I don't know all of the details with her current situation. I've known her since high school, it's hard to cut people loose that you've known for over a decade.

dave_welch
I'm sure you guys are right. It's just hard for me to not act on my emotions sometimes.

Those pesky emotions can get you into a lot of trouble. Sometimes we need a bit of wisdom and insight to go along with them. It hurts like hell right now I am sure, but believe me, when you find someone who is right for you, you will be so relieved that you moved on.

dave_welch
You guys saw my last thread here. Things haven't gotten better for me. The other day her sister tried to get a hold of me via facebook to tell me that she was in the hospital due to a severe panic attack. I didn't see the message till much later. But I wanted nothing more than to be there for her, even after what she did to me. It's gotten to the point where I can't go a day without thinking about her. Then I get depressed. I know that I love her more than I've loved anyone for a long time. She won't answer my texts. I know I should move on, but I can't. The heart wants what the heart wants, right?

What do I do. I want to tell her how much I love her and how I want to be there for her. But should I?

What should I do?

edit on 25-10-2013 by dave_welch because: (no reason given)

Link to my last thread

edit on 25-10-2013 by dave_welch because: (no reason given)

I've been through this whole kind of situation with my wife (now ex wife)

I loved her so much it was painful.

When she started chatting to other blokes online it hurt like hell...

"Ok, maybe it's just friends.. no problem" I thought, I even drove her to parties and stuff and picked her up afterwards.

Then out of the blue BOOM, she wants a divorce..

Cut me in two... I went through the same mental process... "Hey, I'm a nice guy, why me?"

I wont let her get to me, I'll go along with the divorce to make her happy "Hey, I'm a nice guy right?"

Next thing I know she's sleeping round with loads of blokes... up to her.

Then she's pregnant, the one thing I wanted more than anything was to have a child with her.

The bloke she is with vanishes into thin air, she's essentially homeless with a kid on the way etc etc and keeps phoning me in floods of tears for emotional support. She says she regrets what she did to me.

I tell her I will help her in any way I can, financially, emotionally etc etc "Hey, I'm a nice guy right?"

Then she starts saying stuff like 'we should get back together if you want, we can have more kids'

I was overjoyed, not only do I get my "true love" and "soul mate" back, I get a little baby to bring up, life couldn't be better, so we start making plans....

Then, she changes her mind again, kicks me to the floor and destroys my dreams AGAIN!

Months pass, then she is on the phone again asking for help to find a flat for her and her baby..

I can do that, I'm a nice guy... I'll show her how nice I can be...

So I find her a nice place to live, go look at it, offer to pay the deposit until she gets herself settled, all she has to do is sign the papers... Nah, she's changed her mind again...

---------------

Sorry for the long story but I cut it as short as I could.. but it gives you an idea where I am coming from..

I used to beat myself up, make myself sick to present to the world what a "nice guy" I am, I love her and I would do anything for her BUT not any more. She was using me. She wanted her cake and to eat it.

Basically she wanted all the love and emotional support from me but to still sleep around and do her own thing. I got fed up of being hurt, of having my heart played with.

I forced myself to stop loving her, I even told her that and the calls got fewer and fewer. Deep down I still care and I'm still a nice guy but I wont let her take advantage any more.

Sometimes you have to fight your own corner, you're better than this.

The problem is, once the little games start, that's it, they wont change and if they have made their mind up, that's game over, no point in playing games with your life or heart, you'll end up getting hurt. Like I was, over and over.

But no more, I'm worth so much more.

Yeah I want to be with someone but at the same time I enjoy my own company now, I don't need anyone to be complete and whoever I decide to have a relationship with in the future will have to deserve me.

In a nutshell, don't let the 'nice guy' mindset control your life, you can still be a nice guy but look after your own interests above all and "SHARE" a decent relationship with someone who actually deserves a nice guy.

Just some friendly advice from a heartbroken old fool. Hope it helps. I hope I understand your story properly.

The heart wants who the heart wants.

Sometimes it's better to let your head make the decisions though.

From what I read, it sounds as if this woman was using you. Then she hooked up with another guy 4 days later? I can't imagine why you'd want to go back to that. For what, another 4 days, a couple weeks .... ?

My heart's been broken more times than I can count. Nothing easy about it and it hurt like hell every time. I survived it. So will you.

The idea you so desperately want a relationship with this woman, despite how she treated you, is a red flag for me.

You got some good advice in that other thread which in my lowly opinion, you should seriously consider. Become happy & whole within yourself. The rest will follow.

I wish you happiness & peace.

.

reply to post by Mister_Bit


I know exactly where you're coming from. It just seems that there's no end to it, you know?

I'm not trying to get pity or whatever, just trying to see if maybe there's a chance that I'm not wasting my time, but it doesn't look like it.

I know that she'll end up single again and will be calling me and stuff, and I know I'll go along with it because that's how I am. I just wish I could change it. But, I've tried, and it just seems like I'm doomed to repeat the same cycle over and over again.

reply to post by SandySearcher


I wish I could, unfortunately I don't have a "happy switch". I have to have a reason to be happy, and there's damn few of those recently.

No happy switch here either. I'm full of cliché's but no easy answers. Didn't intend to sound harsh, I know you're really hurting. I've been there.

dave_welch
reply to post by SandySearcher

 

I wish I could, unfortunately I don't have a "happy switch". I have to have a reason to be happy, and there's damn few of those recently.

Women want a man.

Women don't like stalkers.

Most of us have felt what you are going through...It sucks.

Make yourself better. Try to think of anything else.

Good luck...the girl I was nuts over now tips the scales 300+

Who is crying now?

reply to post by whyamIhere


Ha! That's pretty funny.

I know what you mean though.

reply to post by dave_welch


Don't worry about it, I was venting.