I love you guys.

Seriously. Even if I don't know you at all, I love you.

I'm a creeper, I know.

This is about 50% a self-indulgent thread.

I'm posting entirely on impulse here.

As some of you know, I have some family drama playing out right now. I apologize for venting and whining so much. But ATS is literally the ONLY place I can do so. If I vent at anyone else, I pay dearly for it shortly after. Emotions in my family is ammunition. Thank you, ATS. Even you critical troll-like people make me happy in ways I can't entirely understand when you respond to my threads or my replies. All of your feedback is appreciated.

I'm done crying, I'm done hating everyone.

I'm only 19, but it seems like so many years have gone by since my family first fell apart on my ninth birthday. Since the divorce, I've learned how to build emotional barriers, I've learned how to logically debate without getting emotionally provoked, I've learned the ups and downs, I've learned how fair--and unfair--life can be, and I've learned how I can influence the world around me, rather than lying down and letting it continue to influence me. ATS has helped a lot with this as well. I've only had an ATS account for a year and a half, but I've been a lingered for a good while.

It seems that this emotional, dramatic, torturous roller coaster is finally coming to an end.

My mother and father are at the peak of the decision they have to make, that will ultimately determine what the rest of their lives will be like... and here I am, their first born, all grown up.

I've talked friends down from suicide, I've witnessed their meltdowns and tried my damndest to assist them, and I've gotten infuriated with them when they choose to wallow in their pain and self-pity rather than accepting help. My fiance and I used to get in bad fights, but lately our relationship has matured and become the perfect relationship, with compromise, occasional argument, resolution, and always, unconditional love.

I've been patient with him for years, and now that he's matured, he's the one being patient with me now. He's grown so much, and I'm more proud of him then he'll ever understand.

My friends are mostly pretty questionable, and I've had my issues with all of them. But I will say; most of them will be there when I need a friend. Me, and angry little rebel who spend her young years isolated from everyone, hating everyone. I never expected to find love, romantic love or friend love. Never. But here it is.

I have more than I've ever deserved.

And last night was the first time I was able to sleep through the night in weeks. It was the first time I slept for longer than five hours at a time. And now, finally rested and on caffeine again, I feel good for once, and I'm grateful.

Its been a hell of a ride. I've made friends with homeless people, I've hurt countless people, and helped countless others, both entirely on a whim. I've learned how different people can be from one another, and yet, I understand that we can all relate from one perspective or another. I understand how to take hurtful words without letting them hurt me... take them from a psychological approach. I no longer think "How dare they say that to me!" but rather, now I think; "I wonder what's in their head, what's provoking them to say this..."

I also understand that pride and spite will eat you alive faster than any parasite, and it will destroy any hope of a meaningful relationship. M y fiance have taught one another this, and we're still continuing to apply it to ourselves and one another. We rarely argue anymore.

Now, the eldest members of my family are slowly dying, or have already passed away... my mother and father are about to decide what they want with their lives from here on out, and my fiance and I have decided that we're going to save money until next year, around income-tax time, and we're moving back to Texas, where I spent a chunk of my childhood before the divorce. Texas makes me happy--even from a prepper's perspective, its superior to Tennessee in a lot of ways. My mother's home state is Texas, and she's decided to go home next year weather my father decided to stick around or not. And I decided I'm going with her.

My dad can do without me, he's never particularly cared if I was around or not.

Of course I'll miss my family... but they are a cult. Their gangster mentality is the limit of how they allow themselves, and each other, to think. I don't want to be that way, and I need to break away from them again if I intend to better myself. I am grateful to them eternally, because they are not terrible people, and they've helped me in numerous ways... but if I were to tell them this, they wouldn't understand. I don't want to be like them.

I love them all deeply.

But I don't want to be like them.

The horizon looks bright ahead, because I've been planning to run away from my family and never look back for an entire decade... and here I am. Its almost time for me to go back home, and to start a new life.

This is my third emotionally driven thread in two days, so after I post this one, I won't post another thread that isn't conspiracy-related for a while. I just need to vent, and to let everyone know that life is wonderful.

When the doors all seem to close, it indicates another that's about to open.

I'm coming to this realization now, as I'm typing it.

My real adult life is about to start, and I'm so scared and excited and anxious...

I'm just a couple weeks away from graduating high school, I almost have my car paid off, and I finally have plans for the future that don't involve poverty or anger.

So, keep in mind, everyone... life is wonderful.

Its at our lowest when we're tested to be our best.

Its at each end a new beginning commences.

After every storm comes a rainbow.

Etc, etc...

I've been called a masochist because of my habit of embracing pain... but I embrace pain because it sometimes motivates me to be a better person than I usually am. When I'm hurting, I'm unnaturally kind to those around me. There's probably some psychological reason behind that.

So, if you're significant other is putting you through emotional turmoil, if a loved one has passed away, or if you're realizing some decision peaking its head that you don't want to make... embrace the pain, swallow it, look forward, and follow what you feel.

You will do what you need to do, if you have the best intentions at heart.

The hell with what other people say.

Follow what you feel.

Follow whats right, and God will deliver.

All other problems will be resolved under that single acknowledgement.

Basically the message here is, there's always a brighter tomorrow. Always.

So... that little thing you look forward to every day, seeing your loved ones, your day off, or that mocha lotte you get from McDonalds on the way to work every day... embrace those little things, they'll make your day.

God told me to write this.

Cling to the best, follow rightiousness.

Humbleness over pride.

Kindness over anger.

Etc, etc...

I'm breaking out, and its almost time to start anew. This song explains how I feel;



God bless, everyone. You are awesome, no matter who you are, because you've all chosen to do good at some point or another. That alone makes you invincible, and I love every one of you for it.

Even the people who hate me.

God bless. Stay awesome, humanity.

Sheez, grow a pair and quit whining

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


A lot of love going around ATS lately....

Oh well, better than the flu.

Here, talk to piequal3because14....share the love.

But seriously, ATS is a place like no other.

Love and Peace

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


At least you're finding a healthy way to vent, other than other 19 year olds. For that, I applaud you.

reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX


While I didn't respond to the other thread that was posted the other day by you... I did take the time to read it. I didn't want to respond because a lot of my thoughts were posted by others....

On that note.... In the most heterosexual politically correct way ~ I love you to man/woman

Stay safe, keep talking, all will pass.

It sure is a hard ride life. It dont get any easier either when you get older!. But at least your venting it out here instead of at home, or at someone else. That always usually ends up bad. I also read your thread yesterday and know what you are talking about. All i can say is i hope things really work out well for you. You said some amazing things for a 19 year old as well ......Good luck

after a couple of weeks without one or two of your rants i was beginning to worry that my browser was not working correctly

customary sarcasm aside, it's a great thing that the clouds have parted a little for you and i hope that it marks a steady upturn in your fortunes. life can be an ass thats for sure, but for most of us, life is long... couldnt even begin to say how many ups and downs i've had in twice your years and i still feel young despite the epic ride so far. best of luck to you.

now get back to calling us drones and sheeple and all that

Everyone;

Sorry, been offline lately. Trying to finish my psychology course in the next two weeks on time to graduate, plus lots of family n friends drama.

Sheez, grow a pair and quit whining

Shuuuuuuuddup.

A lot of love going around ATS lately....

I guess it evens out the ignorance...

At least you're finding a healthy way to vent, other than other 19 year olds. For that, I applaud you.

Thaaank ya. Life's been crazy lately.

While I didn't respond to the other thread that was posted the other day by you... I did take the time to read it. I didn't want to respond because a lot of my thoughts were posted by others....

On that note.... In the most heterosexual politically correct way ~ I love you to man/woman

Stay safe, keep talking, all will pass.

Right on

I love everyone. Even my most hated enemies.

It sure is a hard ride life. It dont get any easier either when you get older!. But at least your venting it out here instead of at home, or at someone else. That always usually ends up bad. I also read your thread yesterday and know what you are talking about. All i can say is i hope things really work out well for you. You said some amazing things for a 19 year old as well ......Good luck

Thanks Good luck to you as well, whovian bretheren.

Also...

Are you my mummy...?

after a couple of weeks without one or two of your rants i was beginning to worry that my browser was not working correctly

customary sarcasm aside, it's a great thing that the clouds have parted a little for you and i hope that it marks a steady upturn in your fortunes. life can be an ass thats for sure, but for most of us, life is long... couldnt even begin to say how many ups and downs i've had in twice your years and i still feel young despite the epic ride so far. best of luck to you.

now get back to calling us drones and sheeple and all that

I'm sorry... like I said, ATS is the closest thing I have to a "venting ground." If I get a little bit caught up in some of the controversy, its because I'm guaranteed to have lots of repressed fire boiling over.

If there's anything I'm good at, other than drawing, its ranting.