I don't know what I'm talking about, either.

I don't know what I'm talking about. Ha, it is amazing when you realize that everything you thought was true isn't and then at the same time you realize that -- you are screwed

I recently moved to Idaho hoping to find something. I know what I'm looking for. Stable friends, maybe a stable relationship, adventure, maybe I don't know what I'm looking for.

But since I got here a month ago, all hell has broken loose. I don't want to admit a lot of things, so that is why they are in bold. Because I am trying to blind myself to them.

I have been losing friends ridiculously fast. I joined a rock band as a bassist, and received a text message never to talk to any of them again because I was such a terrible person, but all I did was show up, play the bass perfectly, and leave. They said it was because I didn't pay gas money for the ride, but they never asked me to, and I didn't think about it.

I bought a car soon after, on December 24th, but then on December 25th, I drove into Boise to pick up a friend who needed help and brought her back here only to have a ridiculous wreck on the interstate because there was an ice storm and the roads froze over instantly without me noticing in time.

When I got back to my house, the friend was not even appreciative, and she admitted to me that she was just using me to get to my room-mate.

After this, I decided that I shouldn't be pushed around by people and spent about a month (this last month) standing up for myself, but that resulted in a few disasters. One of my best friends, another girl, and I got in a fight and we haven't been able to recover.

I don't know what to do. It seems like whenever I try to help people, karma is hitting me back saying "Hey, you helped someone, take this punishment" yet when I stand up for myself, I still get the same karmic reaction.

Maybe friends work things out with each other, and are there for each other, and continue to support each other at different times when needed. That's what I used to think.

These days, with the younger generation, when your friend needs help, that's when you say "I'm sorry, I'm not going to help you because it doesn't benefit me" and then you lose them - but they could have been there for you later!

But the problem is, since everyone is acting like this, it is impossible to have someone around when you need them, and at the same time, if you want to have someone around, you have to make every decision perfectly -

And there are so many bull# decisions to make. So many instances where the moral dilemma presented to me has been one that is ridiculously out of most people's capabilities to solve perfectly, yet when I mess up, the other person disowns me.

I have had to do conflict mediation in my house so much that my leadership skills improved to the point where I was able to prevent disasters that would have resulted in terrible things happening which I will not mention here because they are too sketchy.

What I am I supposed to do in this situation? I don't really know. It is hard to trust people when they screw you over, and it is hard to reach out to people when they don't care and insult you for it.

And when people reach out to me and I help them, I would appreciate it if they stuck around to help me back at some point, but they don't. So then that makes me feel like I shouldn't be tolerating B.S.

Yesterday, I was one person. Today I am another. But # keeps on going down so fast and I can't figure out what is outside of my ability to control and what is inside my ability to control. No #ing clue.

# is going down so fast that every day I am one person, and the next day, I am another. My friends become my enemies and my enemies become my friends,

And I begin to wonder what the hell is going on with girls, I know that with online dating if a girl puts up a profile, she will be receiving hundreds of messages a week. This is making a huge imbalance, because the girl is basically free to screw over any guy she wants to based on one mistake or one imperfection and then cheat on him, or maybe the girl

The girl doesn't have time to deal with guys who actually care about her and are pursuing her, because there are so many, and she is interested in the ones that she can pursue, but then gets bored of them -

Meanwhile, guys are learning that if they care about a girl and are interested in them and willing to put in effort, they are screwed over, yet I learned that if I appear to be an ass, I get rewarded - how did I learn that? I tried that for a month. I got lots of chicks interested in me.

In fact, in one instance, a girl came over to hang out and got so into me right away that she was chasing me around the house and jumping on me and kissing me. And that's just one instance.

But you know what, that came with consequences, karma you know?

But there aren't really any other choices. It's not like I can approach a girl with good intentions and get accepted. If the only method of operation of getting a girl is to be an ass, yet that results in bad karma and the relationship as breaks apart and there is also fallout that affects your other relationships, what am I supposed to do about it?

Girls could start caring for and rewarding guys that are interested in them, but I'm not a girl, and I'm certainly not the whole entire female population. Maybe there are girls that appreciate guys who put in the effort, and I'm sure there are, because that's life, everyone is unique.

Sometimes I think about creative ways to solve my problems, which is why I signed up for CougarLife - older women have their heads on WAY straight and they aren't used to guys working hard in the relationship, you know, like younger women are. Older women are used to putting in the effort, so it seems like a good match.

I might pay the $12.00 to become a member, you know? ?

But I'm sure sure life will find new ways to # me over at every turn - you know what...

Yesterday, my room-mate and I were about to seal a multi-million dollar business deal, but today he is in jail. He showed up to court for a DUI and found out that his court date was switched without him knowing, and since he was out on bail, he has to pay the bail and go to jail until his next court date.

I called my mom, who is a lawyer, and she said that I should call my aunt, who is a criminal defense attorney. But my mom also said that I shouldn't be worried about my room-mate's problems.

Well... that brings me back to my original point, in fact, my mom said "You can care about people, but that doesn't mean that you have to help them out of situations" to which I replied "How is that caring? Am I the hero because ridiculous caring aura is making my friend feel better? If someone is about to get shot, and I care about them really hard, how does that help anything? I think that's not caring - I think that's pretending to care so that you feel better" and then my mom started throwing up and hung up on me.

# it you know, now what. I have no clue. I'm just trying to do the best I can and find meaningful relationships in a world that has gone to hell. And it's only going to get worse, you have no idea the things I've seen, and I'm from a high-class family and have a college education.

But none of that matters, you know, when the economy is bad and I'm living on $700.00 a month and don't have a car and can't make it to the grocery store to buy groceries, so I'm taking vitamins because

It is better than starving, although you know, I eat crap for the calories. So basically, I'm at a turning point. What do I do ? I can't take the ridiculous amount of instability and back-stabbing, and neither can anyone I know, but it's not like it's going to stop anytime soon.

I know have to identify what I have the power to change and what I don't - but really, we are in a completely different society than we were ten years ago and no one knows what the # is going on. We are the trailblazers, we have both the opportunity and the responsibility to show future generations how to navigate this mess, and we don't give a # about it.

The only trailblazing we are going to be doing is showing future generations WHAT NOT TO DO - although that doesn't help much when those future generations don't have a support system or stability enough to figure out what to do -

Which brings us to the Mormon Church, the only bastion of stability, I know it gets a lot of crap, and you know what, whatever. But the truth is, they have ridiculous stable family structures and years of food storage built up and they have networks built between Mormons and their church has money stored because of all the tithing.

Who gives a # if they are right or wrong or whatever, they are going to end up on top when everything else goes to hell, you know? And then it will make people wonder, hmm...

Oh, and one last thing, apparently I really don't ever know what I'm talking about. What works for me one day completely screws me over the next.

True friends don't disown you for your actions. They will stick with you through it all.

Women are crazy... not really new information. They want to "fix" the bad boy while the good guy gets trampled.

I understand some of what you're going through. Keep your head up. Do good things, and Karma will switch to be on your side.

reply to post by secret titan


Thank you, my friend. All I can do is the best I can do. And I will keep my head up. I will continue to move forward. Women are crazy.

reply to post by darkbake

Originally posted by darkbake
What do I do ?

I feel for you. Sometimes, life can seem exceptionally unfair. But the truth is there is one thing you can control....your state of mind.

I know that sounds silly, but it's really important.

Give up over analyzing all of the bad things that are happening to you and what they might mean...

The key to happiness is simply deciding to be happy. Treat each mini experience as an item all its own. Even if it first seems really bad, decide what's good about it and focus on that.

Car accident? You and your passenger survived.

Missed $1 million deal because of your friend's misfortune? You now have time to refine the details and make a second go at it.

Stop thinking how you can help other people in hopes that they might help you in the future. When you help someone, the only true motivation should be the one that involves how it makes you feel. Nothing else. The best giving is when there are no expectations.

Decide to appreciate the simple beauties that occur in every day. How the sunlight streams through the window and a set of curtains... A dog's distant bark warning against strangers and protecting his love ones... Rain streaming down the sides of a building in beautiful awesome patterns...

You get the point.

I too don't know what I'm talking about, except for this one thing:

The only thing you can truly generally control is your state of mind.

Work on that, and I promise the rest will take care of itself.

My best to you!

Don't be dependent on other people. Make sure that you never owe anyone anything.
And the reverse, don't do anything that makes someone (even you) believe that they owe you something.

If you are a kind person, just be kind. Don't put in "an effort". You might get used.
Don't put in an effort to get a girl. Instead, put in some effort in the act of finding friends (but don't put an effort into becoming friends) with the same interests - online is fine.
If you then happen to like each other more than friends, all the better.

Do the multi-million-dollar-deal yourself.

Also, never blame girls for being a certain way. Every one are allowed to be exactly the way they want.
It will only make you look bad.

Clearly, those girls are not for you, nor are you for them.

reply to post by Nevertheless


This x 2.

Quit trying to make sense of the world, because you can't. Just be true to yourself, and focus on making the reality you want for yourself come to fruition.

Part of backstabing ive pass for now. I know how it is.
Girls thing ive pass. I know how it is even here is same, thousands miles away.
Business things ive pass, and know how bad can be.
Living on nothing, with nothing ive pass, know how it is when u dont have what to eat.

If anything i learned, of all that what is happening is from some reason.
U only can be out of all that and get stronger, faster, better, good and proud.

A lot of people are bastards, and oportunitysts. They are here only when they need something, cheat you at something. Such bad people always meet they match, they are easiest to find among all Of u, them.

If i know one thing, it is, such people always get what they deserve, on this or that way. This is sure thing.
You will see them sooner or later, and they will remember, and you too, and you will know one more rhing what brought them there.
If i dare to give you advice, then it will be a:
1. Dont care for such bad people, if u can help them as much u consider they need. And let them go, even if they think they are cheated you. They cheat themself. Always tell what u think, and do what is right for them, even if they dont know that or think so. Be right and justice to yourself and others, no matter what is cost, if is right thing to do.
Then you will have peace in heart and mind, and u can go forward in life.
... and they.. Maybe if they counter them self.


When u do that, new people, new things, new doors and oportunities will come.
U dont have to listen me my friend, if i can call u that, maybe im wrong, or at least for your situation, but above is what i think, and for what seen a evidence of written. At least in my life and life of others.

In short, how i see things is: Everything is one lesson at a time. Or u dont see and dont learn, or u see and then make a choice, learn a lesson and go forward.

Wish u All the best,
Regards,Me

reply to post by wwwchronos


Wow, I got a reply from wwwchronos himself. Thanks!
And you are totally right. There is a lot of wisdom in you.