Why do girls all come at once?

Boncho...

Relax and invite the girls over for coffee and just "We can all work this out...together"

Worth a shot.

Peace

reply to post by foodstamp


I was afraid my post would get me into trouble.
Boncho,don't listen to this member!

If she's willing to make you feel as if there is any connection between you two while you she is in a relationship... what do you think she will do to you?

You say the relationship has dwindled... correct me if I'm wrong but that means her current relationship isn't over yet right? And she's out looking to start something with you? Again, what do you think she'll do to you? I'm willing to bet her significant other hasn't a clue either.

From lots and lots of experience, I will tell you that if you want a relationship to be smooth in one of the most important areas, loyalty, then look for someone who is loyal to her partners that come before you. Or she will simply use you and start planning her exit into another relationship before you even know it.

Originally posted by boncho
Now here is a forum I didn't think I would be making a thread in (as I thought I had this all under wraps)...

I got out of a long relationship a couple years ago that was on the cusp of marriage. Dated a few girls until I met one that ended up moving away. Her and I were together for about 12 months although it was entirely casual, but she did something by kind of shifting my goals towards looking for something longterm again.

Since her, I met two girls around the same time, had a brief fling with the one and the other had a significant other so it didn't materialize to anything. The fling turned into something long distance with no commitment, but then I found 2 or 3 other girls for casual steady dating in between.

So... Fast forward to today and the fling and I have been discussing making a few changes in our lives to be together, and I'm ready to drop the other casual girls by the wayside. The problem, is the girl that I met right during the fling, happens to get back in contact with me and is interested now that her and her relationship has dwindled.

So, I'm not getting any younger. And marriage is in the cards whether I like it or not. The problem is the initial feelings I had for the fling and the untouchable girl, were about equal when I met the two of them. Both have their negative qualities but are completely outweighed by their good qualities. I'm leaning more on the untouchable girl simply because I have a few things more in common with her, except that I have been talking about planning to move forward with the fling girl.

Now I feel like I'm in a rock and a hard place, because I have been secretly swooning over the one girl, but she was entirely out of my reach. Now that she is in the picture, I feel like I'm letting down the other girl knowing however, that the one is probably a better match for me.

No clue what to do... I think maybe this is a rant more than anything.

I swear I've gone through dry spells with no girls in my life at all and then all of a sudden they pop out of every corner making the choices unbearable...

Turn gay

reply to post by boncho


I say neither, you are getting married for a bad reason. Can I ask how old you are? Really, unless you are getting close to 50 then I wouldn't be in that much of a rush. Marrying someone you are iffy about is a bad idea.

And you don't have to get married just cause you are getting up there in years. Heck, you can just keep playing the field if it suits you. As long as you are honest who cares? You don't have to have kids, you don't have to get married. You might even want to ask if that really suits you at all. There is no shame in not being marriage material. Hell, if I was a man I wouldn't get married (but then, I'd probably be a lot better looking than I am now, being an ugly woman limits your options).


And in another posters defense, I thought this was gonna be about an orgy too and I was thinking "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey".

reply to post by boncho


Well... I don't know the answer...
But you do!

Whether you 'know' it or not, you know what is best for you.
My advice is to meditate on it. See what name seems to come to you. Which one is it easier to picture a future with? Which one can you see being the mother of your children?

I did have a sort of similar experience.
I chased after the-girl-who-got-away for nearly 4 years to no avail. So, of course, I finally took a hint and moved on. I found another amazing girl (whom is now my fiance.) But, of course, as soon as I was beginning to think about marriage with the 'new' girl, my old love came back and said she wanted to be with me! Now THAT was tricky. I had wanted to be with the 'old' girl for years....but now I had something new and beautiful with someone else, someone who hadn't broken my heart for four years straight, and someone who would do anything to be with me....
Even though it was tough, I knew in the heart of my hearts that I was 'meant' to be with the 'new' girl, the girl I am still with.

I don't know if that story helps at all.... but the point of it was, I had to listen to my heart. And I feel like I did the right thing.

Good luck, cheers!

This happens to me a lot, too. Not just with women, but with job offers. It's like I can't just have 1 desirable choice, I have to have three.

Go with your original instinct.

There's something my mother told me: never settle.
If you can't choose, maybe your gut is telling you that neither girl is preferable.

Originally posted by jude11
Boncho...

Relax and invite the girls over for coffee and just "We can all work this out...together"

Worth a shot.

Peace

I don't like this idea... I sense a double homicide and a crazy hispanic girl running down the street being chased by police...

reply to post by antonia

I say neither, you are getting married for a bad reason. Can I ask how old you are? Really, unless you are getting close to 50 then I wouldn't be in that much of a rush. Marrying someone you are iffy about is a bad idea.

Not planning on marriage right away, I just know that is going to happen down the road. I want to have kids, and I won't have them outside of marriage. And... If I wait any longer for kids I'll be dead before seeing them out of high school. Not exactly what I'm aiming for.

reply to post by boncho


I understand that, but Ellamarina is right here. if you are uncertain about both it's because neither one is right. Trust me, it sounds cheesy, but you'll know who is right. You won't be waffling about that choice when it comes to the plate. My husband will tell you he felt uncertainty about marriage but never his choice of marriage partner (even though he could have done a lot better really).

ETA: Don't be afraid to go out of your comfort zone. When I was younger I liked rebels, boys with tattoos and wild hair. I dated a man for two years that i always thought was way beyond my level (being the unattractive woman I am). He was a rockstar in every way, and all the girls lined up for him. I met someone else, while he may not have had every woman in town lined up with wild rockstar looks he was always kind, caring and able to make me happy. I swore i would never date a solider because my father was one. I did it anyway, and he was and is everything the rockstar isn't. He's a good man. I learned sometimes what you want isn't what you really need. He is good looking though

reply to post by boncho


Two parents who love each other are one of the most valuable things you can give your kids. Never settle. And good luck.

Originally posted by boncho

Originally posted by jude11
Boncho...

Relax and invite the girls over for coffee and just "We can all work this out...together"

Worth a shot.

Peace

I don't like this idea... I sense a double homicide and a crazy hispanic girl running down the street being chased by police...

But what a ride!

Still worth it IMO...

Peace

reply to post by jude11


Hey we might actually get that orgy story

Awe Boncho

Ok as a girl I will say this. Go with what your heart wants and don't think about who it might hurt. YES it will probably hurt someone but you have to be happy first otherwise you can't make someone else happy. You don't want to settle and wonder "what if." Trust me I have been hurt badly but in the end after I got over being upset I realized it was the best thing to happen because that person didn't want me like i did them. IF it isn't 100% mutual it won't be a happy ending and esp if you want marriage you need to make sure you are with who you want to be with and don't settle just to settle.

Now this one you'd been swooning over or waiting for does she feel the same way? Does she want long term or is she just looking to fill a void now as in rebound? Trust me again, been the rebound and was blind to it til later and it SUCKS.

It is funny how when you find one many others come along. This happened to me too but I couldn't handle dating more than one person lol It got confusing!

Good luck Boncho and as cheesy as it sounds, follow your heart!!

"The problem, is the girl that I met right during the fling, happens to get back in contact with me and is interested now that her and her relationship has dwindled. "


Do you really want to be the rebound guy she falls back on because she doesn't want to be alone? Not to mention you said earlier that she had a significant other and basically cheated with you, if I understood you correctly.

*Humming what goes around comes around* I'd avoid her.

My humble two cents.

I'd stick with the woman you're having a "fling" with. Odds are she probably is not feeling like it's just a fling if shes looking to settle down with a scoundrel.

reply to post by foodstamp

The untouchable one is definatley the right answer.. Follow your penis.... He'll never let you down...

Ahh no.

God gave man a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time. Thinking with the little guy will always get you in trouble. The untouchable one is never the answer.

First come is first serve is what i always say.

reply to post by boncho


boncho confused, uncertain. No.
It must be a parallel reality i have entered.
the horror!

'why do all girls come at once?'

- you know women. it's me, me, meeeee with them!
- because they think they are buses?

anyway you know boncho. you know.
be brave, kind and sure. do what you must do.

but my advise is maybe not to be sure until at least the beginning of next year.
uncertain times ahead imo.

be good.