Asphalt Dance

reply to post by Destinyone


Thanks Des!

Since poetry really isn't my forte', I had to put a beat to it. Glad you liked it.

Originally posted by TheOtter
Fantastic. When read aloud it has bits that have the rhythm and measure of a song and others that seem abrupt and clipped short... Much like the lady dancer in the poem. S&F. Did you create it just for this contest, or was it another work you had already had and it fit the bill?

This stemmed from a previous attempt to write poetry, something just clicked and I was able to flesh this out.

I guess ATS brings the creative out in me.

Thanks for reading it.

Originally posted by Druid42
reply to post by beezzer

 

That was a bit dark, but it had a smooth flow to it.

Remind me never to be your GF and break up with you. I already know the outcome.

Flagged.

Thanks, Druid. Always appreciate your comments!

Originally posted by Habit4ming
That was a tad beyond dysfunctional, you bad bunny, you!

It seems ATS is blessed with many a fine writer, many a poet's heart...
Star for you...

Thank you for taking the time to read it. And yes, ATS has a HUGE number of great writers.

reply to post by Xzorter


ATS has a virtual library of great stories. Thanks for taking the time to read mine.

Originally posted by hangedman13
Never imagined a bunny could be so twisted

That was a interesting read beez!

Thanks! It's always fun to take the occasional trip down the dark side!

reply to post by beezzer


wow beezer.

I had to reread the poem. What I read the first time was "red shoes went flying, blond hair colored the night.
I though she got undressed and her hair was in your face.......AHEM.
Well you can tell where my mind is.
Quad

Originally posted by TheOtter
I've been reading all of the other submissions, but I keep coming back to this one! I was a crash reconstructionist for 2 years, so I'm a little biased, I tend to be drawn towards this kind of art. You definetly have the most compelling and intriguing title so far. I just love the whole piece. Wish I could give another S&F.

edit on 11/1/2012 by TheOtter because: Correcting good old autocorrect

I appreciate that. Coming from an artist, I'm glad that it can have that kind of impact.

Originally posted by cultureboxes
The things they put on the back of cereal boxes these days.
Does it come with a maze and a cute cutout of an animal shaped like a fruit?

I'd hate to imagine the kind of cereal this would have on the back!

Originally posted by Quadrivium
reply to post by beezzer

 

wow beezer.

I had to reread the poem. What I read the first time was "red shoes went flying, blond hair colored the night.
I though she got undressed and her hair was in your face.......AHEM.
Well you can tell where my mind is.
Quad

Probably in a better place than mine when I wrote it.

Thanks for reading it!

reply to post by beezzer

Originally posted by MidnightSunshine
reply to post by beezzer

 

Thank you!

You did well yourself!

reply to post by beezzer


It hurts so much when people let you down.

Sometimes it hurts more than others.

Ha ha, a fun read

Originally posted by MsAphrodite
reply to post by beezzer

 

It hurts so much when people let you down.

Sometimes it hurts more than others.

You're looking for a motive!
Sometimes, bad guys are bad guys, just looking for a dance. . . . . . . .

reply to post by tiggytoomb


Thanks for reading it!

reply to post by beezzer


Beezzer............that was quite the dance not easily forgotten.

I love what this thread is bringing out in us all.

Originally posted by Egyptia
reply to post by beezzer

 

Beezzer............that was quite the dance not easily forgotten.

I love what this thread is bringing out in us all.

Nor was it meant to.

Thanks for reading it.

beezzer
I liked this it was very twisted and dark right up my alley well done..peace,sugarcookie S&F

Originally posted by sugarcookie1
beezzer
I liked this it was very twisted and dark right up my alley well done..peace,sugarcookie S&F

Thank you. I was going for "dark and twisted"!

Thanks for reading it.