Cant hold it in any longer

Originally posted by projectvxn
I'm a proud US Soldier and will always be proud of my service. I don't need thanks for it

Well, thanks for your service anyway. It is appreciated and respected by most. Eff the haters.

Thank you everyone that replied. sorry I haven't responded sooner, my laptop was stolen out of my car. It was my own fault for having it in plain sight and not locking the doors, stupid

You all are some very kind people here, that actually makes me feel really good that there is still people that care for one another. So thank you, y'all made a bad few days a lot better.

I had no idea there is so many fellow military here, thank you and your family for y'alls service.

When. Said I was having blast in Iraq it wasn't becase of the reasons you might think it was a lot of things like touching the mud bricks that once was the city of Babylon, seeing some very beautiful places in Iraq. And yes I found mortars and rockets raining down and seeing tracer rounds coming at me exciting, the IEDs and EFPs is a differant story.

For the ones who say I made the choice to join. You are 100% correct. After my home was destroyed from hurricane katrina and seeing all the people in shock just sitting on a cement slab were their houses used be and nobody helping them except for our National Guard and some very very kind people from other states and even Canada going down every street to pass out water. So I joined the National Guard to serve my community.

Also I don't expect to be thanked. It is totally wrong for someone to go out of their way to belittle another person oecause of their job. If you don't like what I do then fine, that's your right but cursing me out is overboard. I won't lie if it was a man that said that it would have ended a lot differantly.

I'm trying to respond to y'all that sent me msgs but it keeps saying something about u2u flooding when I try to send a msg.

reply to post by ussoldier


Hey brother,

Sorry that you are going through a hard time right now. You are doing good though by opening up and telling others about it. There are a lot of kind, loving people out there. And there are also kind, loving people that don't understand and because they don't understand they have fears and biases about certain things. But I want to thankyou for your service to our country and to your fellow brothers and sisters that you fight alongside to protect and comfort. I am sure that many of them and others appreciate your soft heart even if they don't tell you.

God Bless and I wish you the best on your journey

reply to post by OKThunder


Thank you. I think I made it seem like I expect or deserve to be thanked,praised, worshiped, or treated like a superhero. I wasnt thinking clearly when I wrote that. Let me clarify, I actually prefer not to be thanked or have people offer to pay for my meal. I feel very uncomfortable when strangers thank me just because of a uniform
im just a normal guy no differant then the person behind the cash register or the waitress that serves your food.

Dont get me wrong, I really do appreciate when they show us support.

Thank me when I hold the door open or if your in front of me at a checkout and I give you a few bucks cause you're short on cash or I help change a tire but dont thank me because of my clothes.


Im feeling a little better now since im around family I haven't seen in 5yrs but now im getting home sick cause I hate new jersey.

Glad to hear you are feeling a little better. Hang in their soldier.

reply to post by ussoldier


US Iv been where you are now and had the same mind set as you. I was in the ARMY from 90 to 08. I had to retrain myself it is a long road but its worth it. I have 3 girls that Im getting to know more and more every day. I have found the love of my life and her two sons are like my own. I wish you the best.

Originally posted by Night Star
Glad to hear you are feeling a little better. Hang in their soldier.

Thanks... I feel better when im not alone. I hate when its just me and my thoughts.

Btw your screen name has me intrigued . A good friend gave his daughter a bracelet that said NightStar on it about week before he killed himself with a shotgun. How did you come to choose that name??

Originally posted by ga-`tv-gi
reply to post by ussoldier

 

US Iv been where you are now and had the same mind set as you. I was in the ARMY from 90 to 08. I had to retrain myself it is a long road but its worth it. I have 3 girls that Im getting to know more and more every day. I have found the love of my life and her two sons are like my own. I wish you the best.

That's awesome.. I love hearing stories with happy endings. That's great you think of them as your sons and not step sons. That makes it a lot easier for them, I had a horrible step father. He treated me and my brother like crap and his son like gold. The family found out he was molesting my little brother and his real son. Nobody knew until my mom divorced him, I guess he didn't try that with me cause I was old enough to kick his ass, which I did once when he punched my mom and then the cops beat the crap out of him.

His dead now. He died at 44 of throat cancer. He never smoked or any tobacco, he felt sick one day so he went to the doctor a week later he died while driving to work. So that's why I am a firm believer in Karma.

Not sure why I told you all that but it always makes me happy when I think of him in the ground

reply to post by ussoldier

My friend;
I would like you to do something for me, I know how this sounds but you have nothing to lose by trying it except the pain you are currently feeling. If you live near the sea, a lake, a river, or a stream take a walk to it but before you set off pick up a small stone, or pebble with a flat surface and then keep it clenched in your fist. As you walk along the surface of the stone will begin to feel warm. When you arrive at your destination take a moment to visualize that stone as the physical manifestation of the pain you are currently feeling, and then cast that warm stone without anger into that cool body of water.

It is unlikely that you will feel anything right away, but this simple act can be the point where you draw a line under your experiences, and begin the process of rebuilding your life. As I said I realize how this sounds but there is no hippy or new age hocus pocus in this process, it is simply a physical way to visualize the point in life where you currently find yourself, and as I said what do you have to lose by trying it except the pain you are currently feeling.

I would also suggest that you start a blog documenting your experiences good, bad, or otherwise and try to make at least two entries a week for around six weeks initially. This will help you to get your thoughts into order, and may even be of help to others that are suffering like you, and as has often been said the helping of others can be a very effective way of helping ourselves.

If you do try these things I would very much appreciate you letting me know how you get along.

My very best wishes for the future.
h1

reply to post by hotel1


That doesn't sound that crazy.. I will try that. The hard part will be finding a stone around here, seems like every body of water here is polluted and looks like a garbage dump. I will be able to find plenty of broken glass, needles
and used condoms but a stone will be tricky to find. I might have to wait until I get back to the Gulf Coast to do that.

I totaly agree that helping other is a great therapy. I feel so good when I help someone in need. The feeling I get is better then any meds.. just a few nights ago when I got to N.J. I went to the store that night. When I was pulling in a seen a car with a flat tire. I went to see if they neede help but no one was there but there was a note on the winshield, it said" please don't tow my car, I'm trying to get help to fix my tire". So when I was leaving the store I kept thinking of this girl freaking out because of a flat tire and not getting help. So since I carry tools in my truck I jacked up the car, threw the tire in the truck, and left a note saying "I'm fixing your tire, be back soon" I came back still no one is there so I put the tire on. Before I left I put a note on the windshield "I fixed your tire, take care"

I felt happy I could help someone and it was better this time because it was kinda mysterious. It must have freaked her out because in N.J. nobody helps others.

Thanks for that info and your concern. I seeing a totaly differant side to ATS.

reply to post by ussoldier

What a great thing you did, you sir are a true gentlemen. I would have loved to have been there when the person got back to the car just to see his, or her face. I get what your saying about the area you live in, but if you get a chance to try the stone throwing thing when you get to the coast I hope it is of some help to you.

Kind Regards

Originally posted by hotel1
reply to post by ussoldier

 

What a great thing you did, you sir are a true gentlemen. I would have loved to have been there when the person got back to the car just to see his, or her face. I get what your saying about the area you live in, but if you get a chance to try the stone throwing thing when you get to the coast I hope it is of some help to you.

Kind Regards

Thank you.. I don't sound or look like a gentlemen but deep down I am, I blame that on living in the deep south. I do live in the Hospitality State, I guess its rubs off on you.

Tell you the truth I was nervous when I was fixing it and I prefered to remain anonymous, you never know how someone will react for all I known she could have got pissed and called the police on me or something, people up in jersey are grumpy and don't know how to react when someones nice to them. Haha

Originally posted by ussoldier

Originally posted by Night Star
Glad to hear you are feeling a little better. Hang in their soldier.

Thanks... I feel better when im not alone. I hate when its just me and my thoughts.

Btw your screen name has me intrigued . A good friend gave his daughter a bracelet that said NightStar on it about week before he killed himself with a shotgun. How did you come to choose that name??

Oh wow I had no idea they made bracelettes that said Night Star on them! Night Star for me anyway, was the name of a dragon I created in a story (unpublished) that I wrote. I believe I also used it in a roleplaying game on a writers site.

How very sad that your friend killed himself.

reply to post by Night Star




That's cool. Did you post your story on ats, I would like to read that.
I can't remember the reason that name was on her bracelet. Imthink it had to do with her beta fish, she named it nightstar because it was a dark purple blue color. I thought it was a cool name for that fish. Cause it looked exactly like its name and I thought for a 6tr old girl to come up with nightstar for a name for it was very smart. I guess I forget how intelligent some kids are.

Thank you. Its ok, that happend a while ago and when it happend I wasn't as close friends as we used to be. I had to distance myself from some friends that were no good. I was just starting my career with the military and they would drag me down. All they were concerned with was where they will get the money for their drugs which led to the reason he shot himself. Instead of working for his money he'd rather steal from innocent people. So he decided to hold a old man hostage at gun point steal his debit card and then go withdraw the money. Well he was to stupid to realize that holding your neighbor hosatge without a mask isn't the best idea.

So when the police came to his grandmothers house( that's where he lived because his gf didn't want him near his daughter until he got off drugs) anyway instead of facing the consiquences for his actions like a real man he took the easy way out. I don't feel bad for him, many people tried to help him and the way he showed his gratitude was to steal all their money and anything of value. I feel horrible for his daughter but its probably better he s not messing up her life also.

reply to post by ussoldier


I wrote the story many years ago and never finished it. As for the roleplay story, I can't share it as there were other writers involved and would have to get their permission. I have lost touch with them.

That is amazing the 6 year old came out with the same name as my dragon. As I was writing that story the name just popped into my head and I thought hey that would be a cool posting name.

Like someone already said, I also hate war but tend to like soldiers. My grandfather fought in WW2, turned down an office job to fight the Nazis, got shot through the shoulder, taken hostage and was later rescued and raised a family! My father always liked his soldier buddies. When he had a construction job (before becoming a chef) my dad really liked his co-workers, many of whom were veterans. The veterans I have met are all good guys. Down to earth, honest, trustworthy.

As for the excitement of war, I have read about that sort of thing. Elliot Ness (from the Untouchables) found his job very exciting, being very dangerous and full of uncertainty. Some people are just more suited for danger. I've seen documentaries on policemen (and under-covers) who find their work exciting. I have a relative who was in the Canadian secret service and she found it exciting. I think the psychologist you saw was very wrong in calling you crazy. I can understand how the statement might shock her, looking at it in terms of the tragedy side of war. But I can understand being detached from it and experiencing it as excitement. To some this would just seem psychopathic. Some soldiers do return pretty messed up after war and are very scary people. Certainly anyone in combat was deeply shaken by it, but many handle it pretty well (in being honorable and decent men.)

The issue of excitement in the face of danger and chaos is probably hard for most to understand, unless they've tried it some sense. I think it's a spiritual thing, but one which likely wouldn't make much sense to a more Christian-leaning society (of "turn the other cheek.”) Of course, peace is not always the answer. Hitler couldn't be stopped with "peaceful resistance". A lot of people have issues with the Iraq war, which would easily fall upon you, as you were there. I had a friend whose friendship I lost after he joined the Canadian military, as I disagreed with him on war. We simply had different views. He was wrong to think I didn't respect him though. I respected, and do respect him, very highly. Again, he's a smart, honest and honorable man. I wish more people were like that!

Sorry to hear about the woman you lost. I've made similar mistakes in my past, turning away from people I loved for my own passions, until I lost them. Someone else will always come along. In the meantime, it's best to find something positive to keep you busy. Tomorrow is a new day!

Take care.