Cant hold it in any longer

Dearest Soldier, many of the things you describe are in fact symptomatic of PTSD. They've come a long way in treating it, and being in the Middle East now is so traumatic, you'd almost have something wrong with you if you didn't have it. Of course there is still no "cure", or easy fix, but there are actions you can take to manage it.

Don't lose faith that things will get better. I'm so sorry all this happened with your wife, I know that doesn't help anything. If you won't see a therapist, try to find someone you can confide in, and here on ATS is so much better than no one. These are things that will improve with Time. Don't lose sight of that.

My best to you. Stay Safe.

I am so sorry that you have been through so much. Don't ever feel ashamed for having emotions and crying. It is normal. Just came to give you a big hug!

Gonna get flamed. We have a all voluteer military. You joined. You were'nt drafted. You joined on your on. No one twisted your arm. No one demanded you join. If you fell for the propaganda that the "bad ole muslim people' are gonna come and get us. That's not any ones problem but yours. Sorry of all the bad crap happening to you at the present. But when it comes down to it. You joined. Not Your wife.

If we had a draft I could understand the folks like you who have a gripe and stories about bad crap happening. But we don't. You knew full well what you were getting into. It's not like all this war crap is new. Blame you for your decision. Not folks in airports who don't support our occupation of other folk's countries. As long as the people of the USA buy into the bad ole muslim people propoganda, we'll continue to have these broken men & women telling their tales of a bad damn decision to join the military.

I can't back you nor can I condone your decision to join the military. We make choices in our lives. Sounds as if you made a bad one. If terrorist's and bad muslim people were pouring over our border, like the illegals. I would back you all 100% But their not and our borders are as pourous as they were 20 years ago. Sorry for all the bad times you are dealing with.

reply to post by ussoldier


I sent you a couple of U2Us. Please read them.
2nd

For whatever it's worth, you have my total respect as a soldier and I thank you for your obvious sacrifice.

1st friend: Thank you for your service to myself and family and this country.

I immediately smiled reading your OP, because I sensed a new beginning for you. It was there between the lines. To me? It was quite apparent. You spilled your heart out to a few thousand-hundreds of thousands...and you did it very well and that in itself is a positive thing. I feel if you keep talking, youll come to see the light grow brighter and brighter....In fact? Youre very much on your way.

We are an understanding group here...just like the military. We are wise, caring, understanding and have compassion. If you get any BS back, it will only reflect the most mi-nute, single digit amount of members negative to you. But, thats how the world operates...not everyone will support you...just realize thats fine.
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Marraige? Love comes and goes. Divorce is trying, life changing and a negative, but that too goes away with time. Reflecting on it day to day can be very depressing, so you need to visualize yourself forward and not dwell in the past. Its hard, painful but necessary. At ATS? Youve come to the right place...and your karma brought you here...and we were waiting for you.

We dont agree on everything, we dont believe everthing (ie: photos or it didnt happen), but the point there is that as least we agree to disagree..and some times we do that VERY WELL! Thats the way its supposed to be, that nothing lasts forever, nothing always comes in a pretty packages, and for you, its time to move on. Each day, youll get stronger and more confident that life does not exist in the past only, for it is gone already....and by the very nature of your OP, youve begun your journey.

An underlying theme here does ring of PTSD, and even though Im a medical professional, Im not qualified to give any advice, other than my own. So, youve responded and stated your case very well, and youve expressed your unhappiness, depression and sadness...and although hard to see...this is one of your 1st steps.

Why not volunteer for your local Community Emergency Response Team? Your soldiering talents can be utilized as a great benefit to your community. Usually there are Police Officers, Soldiers, Firefighters, secretaries, ham radio ops, search and rescue 1st responders, medical triage specialists (like myself), neighbors, store owners, ex-military, etc, etc. You name it and these groups are filled with all these different individuals...some in fact are in or have been in, the same situation as you...and in joining such teams, the advise is free, and so is the membership and training.

Keep moving forward, because some day it will be your past...and we all have the same feelings, hope, dreams, wants and wishes. Get outside and get involved, You can always, anytime, anywhere, send any of us a private U2U to talk.

Once again, thank you for your service. MS

I understand the sacrifice you made , how ever that was your own choice in life. No one made you sign up to go to Iraq that was your own choice. Having fun occupying some other country hunting down the people is kinda of disturbing also seems to be an ongoing trend with your peers and that most people find disgusting. I understand that the governments don't care about the vets in any western world . I realize joining the military is probably the only jobs these kids can find outta high school . Do you really believe in the war you were fighting in that you lost so much over. Why is never any remorse over the people lives of the space your have been occupying / invading . They are people too a lot of them civilians . No one asked you to go fight a war over corporate interests .

People who I have meet from iraq that live here in canada now say they home countries are all messed up where it wasn't bad before now it is a very dangerous place. People I know from Afghanistan are disgusted that poppy fields are back . Libyans had a decent life free education free housing royalties from oil people were happy there . Did any of these countries ask for you to save them from their way of life. This so called war on terror across the world is b.s. when your country is more likely to have a home grown terrorist attack from some weirdo white guy in a movie theater, or some troubled kids in a school , work place , or a gang shoot out . seems absurd to me as to why military personnel think they are saving america . there are weirdos and extremest everywhere in the world. Where is the logic and ethic in any of this. you have been dupped big time my friend by your government. they have been dupping people since ww2 . I think nations of the world need to take down your country / government as they and you are the true terrorist out there in the world

As I said before No one asked you to go fight a war over corporate interests .
war should be last resort as it is a head #@$@ for those on the ground involved on both sides.

You should get some help and support for yourself . chin up man I do feel for you and I feel for people at the other end of this war that are affected as well we are all human beings

reply to post by freedomSlave


If it wasn't his own choice it wouldn't be a sacrifice would it.

Originally posted by ussoldier
Thank you!! Most of you on here didn't hate on us just the government which I have noo problem with. I just had too vent. I'm mean I'm a infantry grunt I'm not supposed to have emotions so why can't I stop the tears. I really need a drink!!!!

Do you really believe your not supposed to have emotions? I Cryed when i read that cause I know that is the basic training brainwashing talking! I pitty all you men that joined up not knowing any better! I am sorry for the pain you feel as well as the pain you are ordered to inflict on others! I wish the people of this country had more control over what our government is doing but this is not the case! You have to understand that noone in this country wants these immoral wars! You also need to know that we don't hate you and even though there are those that vent their fustrations at you there are still plenty of us that respect the courage it took for you to risk your life! With all that being said I suggest you try to get out of action, out of the military and out of harms way before you become another statistic! Goodluck and Godbless!

Just to let you know your not the only one. Happens more than any one except some one who has served knows. spent 6 years in USAF as Security Police got married after 2 years in. Got to spend 9 months on and off with wife next 4 years. We made it though that. but when all is said and done did not know each other anymore. IT hurts but you will get on with life. STAY SAFE.

reply to post by ussoldier


You are a soldier, a warrior, but you fight not for your own ideals—your family, happiness, enjoyment in life etc.—you fight for the ideals of others. Their ideals are empty, they're contrived for them and their interests. I would guess you need to prioritize what's worth fighting for, their ideals or your own, and wage a new war on a new front.

I feel sorry for you because you are in the middle getting hate directed at you that should go to the people who created this mess.

I will never say that the military complex in US is ok because it is not. It is a waste of resources and the thieves who are stealing/manipulating money from the public thru taxes and lending to go to war for company gains should rott in jail forever as the traitors against anything decent/moral and human they are. People are waking up to the lies and corruption and when you wear that uniform you become a symbol of everything that is wrong with humanity/the systems.

Truely start seeking your way home.

Originally posted by Hefficide
reply to post by ussoldier

 

Just to clarify, I too dislike therapy, in a one on one setting. It's awful. But if you haven't tried a group, give it a shot. It's a LOT different. It's not the same experience at all.

Then again, from my POV, ATS is also part of my "group therapy". I discuss things here and get nearly the same result. The important thing is to keep talking and letting it out. Once it bottles up? That's when things get bad.

If you ever need any help locating resources (VA or not VA - either way ) or information in general, or just want to vent - my inbox is always open!

~Heff

Awwww.... op...... ((((((((HUGS))))))))) for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And..... Kisses too!

We all struggle my friend with one thing or another. I quoted Heff because it is what I wanted to say as well.

You are fighting an inside and outside war.

I want you to have PEACE!! I want us all to have peace where there is no sorrow and no pain. A blissful existence without a worry in the world.

Sadly, we are not living in that type of world. What do we do? We live and learn from our mistakes so we may strive for a better future.

You are so saddened and even though I have not experienced the trauma you have experienced, I have experienced trauma never the less.

When I went to the doc.... he wanted me on pills. I took one and felt high all day and could never come down. I stopped taking it after that first day.

I began to read ALL THE TIME. I read self help books and after about five years of reading anything and everything I could read, I had exhausted myself and realized I was scared to live.

Scared to live? Yep..... my trauma came after watching someone young whom I was extremely close to die a slow death. I had become scared to live. I read a book about trauma and realized all my fears had only come about through the traumatic experience. I had become so scared of storms I would get anxiety to the point I felt like I was dying.

Im sharing this with you because I want you to see that you are not alone and there is a way out of the hell without killing yourself.

I really hope your service to the Country is over soon and you can be home for good and try to figure out how to live without the sadness you have carried all these years.

You will love again, and you will overcome the mistakes you once made.

Know that there are many of us who support you and love you, even though we don't know you. We care.... we are family.... xoxoxo

Originally posted by ussoldier
Thank you!! Most of you on here didn't hate on us just the government which I have noo problem with. I just had too vent. I'm mean I'm a infantry grunt I'm not supposed to have emotions so why can't I stop the tears. I really need a drink!!!!

Hi my son is in your position somewhat as he is Army. I think some us have a hard time with stuff as "war" is a terrible wast of arms and leg and Mommy's and daddy's and young life!

When you say this"I was having a blast in iraq but couldn't wait to get back home to my wife. But after getting back I see my wife and I feel like I don't know her so I keep my distance and keep a wall up between us. All I can think about is getting back to iraq."

It is so difficult. We don't have an easy time understanding your deployment and my son never speaks of it, but he wanted to go so badly. using words like having a blast when people are dying even children and persons who have no idea why this is happening in their country they only wanted to try and feed their kids.

I respect the military, I know if we are invaded by human or alien we will be screaming for our heroes and I think you are as you gave years to serve! But it is all very difficult all around. I want everyone safe and home and i don't want war to be a fun thing either for my son or anyone!

Things will get better for you and for al of us I believe that. I am sorry about your wife but you will find someone again, I did just takes time and first healing yourself so you are ready.
A military Mom

reply to post by ussoldier


Hi Soldier, thank you for your open and honest sharing, I know it must have been very difficult, and now is probably regretful. You had a Jerry Maguire moment, LOL! We're all glad that you had that moment, even though you are probably feeling very vulnerable now.

You are never alone, NEVER! You have brothers in arms, and you also have strangers that care about you. Hell, I need a gym partner! I wish I got mistaken for a steroid freak more often, LOL!

Please, please, please send me a PM if you ever need to talk, or need anything at all.

If the reception you get today bothers you, then thank your lucky stars you were not a Vietnam era veteran. The treatment you receive today is so much better than that endured by Vietnam vets it's like, I dunno, the difference between an old VW and a Rolls Royce. When soldiers were bussed from the airport to base, they had to ride busses with blacked-out windows, but they could still hear the jeers and the impact of tomatoes being thrown at the bus.

Wear your uniform with pride and pity the small-minded twerps who don't get it. Without your service over time, they wouldn't have the right to do that.

I knew my husband before and after combat. It changed him.. it will change YOU. I see too many of our friends and etc that keep that stuff in to be a "man"... and go wacko in various different ways. Mil psychiatrists are morons IMO. I stuck by him.. and WE pulled through. You seem to have hurtful event after hurtful event back to back. The difference I see with you is that YOU are talking about it. Thats going to pull you through.

As far as the mouthy ones. You know, I had a really popular member here tell me he wished that my husband would have died in combat. Openly in a thread. We had the mouthy idiots say things when return home from the first Gulf and every war before. My dad was badmouthed after vietnam.. and blackballed in certain jobs. Some dont know what it means to be a human being. You see, you cant let that crap get to you. It is invariably the physically weak, mentally weak, easily led, and truly uncivilized that will say such things and then preach tolerance out of the other side of their necks. Its those sort of smarmy people in real life who KNOW you are disciplined enough not to harm them or speak back when they trash you to your face.. but theyd be happy if you did. Sick little mental issues these kinds have.. and for no reason. Your response to the situations you are in are normal. Theirs.. not so much. Im even reluctant to lump them in with those who suffer from mental illness actually.. its more like a soul sickness or social disease.I happen to like some mentally ill folks, no offense to them being lumped in with this sort.

Now, many of us older ones started mil careers with ideals of our own that really didnt jibe with the reality of the situation. We really didnt notice when America died and was replaced with whatever this is. Serving country and family are noble pursuits.. but so many of us didnt see how things really were. Its a hell of a thing when you wake up to it all and truly OWN your decisions.

Cant hold it in any longer?? DONT hold it in any longer. We normal human beings wouldnt dream of forcing you to or kicking you when youre down.

Hey soldier. I get it too.

Constantly.

I feel no obligation to explain myself to people who only wish to spread hate and falsehoods on the military.

I'm a proud US Soldier and will always be proud of my service. I don't need thanks for it, and I don't need anyone's approval for doing what I do.

Originally posted by projectvxn
Hey soldier. I get it too.

Constantly.

I feel no obligation to explain myself to people who only wish to spread hate and falsehoods on the military.

I'm a proud US Soldier and will always be proud of my service. I don't need thanks for it, and I don't need anyone's approval for doing what I do.

Dear Proj, I thought by Mrs Proj's loyal fist might have met someone's face at this point.
Long ago mine almost met some hispter doofus' face in a dinner bar... or at least a stiff 5 finger slap. Out chilling with the husband and have to deal with these idiots. They are so narcissistic they think their opinion is so important they can interrupt my Mimosa and pretzels... how very rude. Lord knows I love a Mimosa.. uninterrupted.

I took the time to read the OP earlier today, and just read through all of the responses. There are criticisms and there are very sincere replies.

I'm not going to criticize. I'm just going to say thank you for your service and sacrifices, and much respect to you.

And the next time someone goes out of their way to criticize you for your service, just kind of giggle on the inside and/or feel sorry for that person as they probably have a miserable life themselves and feel the need to make others feel miserable.

Here's to hoping this stage of your life passes soon so you can get back to that happy place.