15yo Daughter's personality change

Looking for some ideas, suggestions, advice, etc.

Our daughter is 15yo. Up until last November, she was a high functioning, 3-year-running straight-A student. She put a lot of pressure on herself to achieve, which didn't combine well with a generally procrastinating personality. Between school, sports, and a circle of friends that was ALWAYS changing and never quite up to par with her 'old' friends (we were stationed on military base in a foreign country), she was under a lot of stress.

We saw cracks in her for years. What looked to be some anger issues, low threshold for frustration, and a bit of depression.

But most of the time, she was fine. Warm, caring, good decision maker . . . just (or so we believed at the time) doing the best she could in a fairly depressing environment. We helped her as we could, as we thought best, looking to get back home to the states ASAP.

9 months ago, she had what would have been called in the 'old days' a mental breakdown. One day she just couldn't do it any more. The mere thought of going back to school brought her to tears, screaming that she couldn't go. She didn't want to see anyone. She literally went from straight A student on the volleyball team to a girl living inside of a tent in her room for 6 weeks.

She was never able to return to school, though we tried. Home schooling largely failed as well, for reasons below.

She was diagnosed with depression and a generalized social anxiety/phobia. Put on some meds, lexapro, which stabilized her a bit.

But she's not really 'better.' I think the meds have treated symptoms not causes.

There's more going on, it's complicated. Hoping someone can help me put it all together.

She insists that nothing 'happened' to her, no event, and I believe her.

I think this is chemical, hormonal, or a combination of the two. A friend thinks it's possibly vaccine related.

She has begun to engage in risky behavior (drugs) which is not our daughter. I think it's self medicating . . . drugs because of a personality/emotional change, rather than a personality/emotional change because of drug use.

Her problems now seem to be: (1) anger: she is often angry, at small things, and once angry can't get 'un-angry' for days. (2) concentration: she cannot concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time, again, that's not our girl. (3) hard to care about others: she claims she just doesn't feel the same compassion for others that she did before, and that worries her a lot . . . she worries she'll not be able to form real friendships. (4) depression: ongoing.

She received a Varivax vaccination about 6wks before her meltdown. Any link between Varivax and personality/mood changes? I mean, radical changes?

We've noticed that her drug seeking and poor decision making appear to revolve largely around the menstrual cycle. Very angry when her period begins, depressed after, then OK for a couple of weeks.

I'm thinking more and more that this is hormone driven, but to this extreme? Possible? And if so, what is the treatment? BCPs?

Can anyone U2U me the name of a good doctor/clinic in California that looks at mental changes within the context of hormonal and/or vaccine related causes?

Any ideas or input would be appreciated.

Thanks

Her problems now seem to be: (1) anger: she is often angry, at small things, and once angry can't get 'un-angry' for days. (2) concentration: she cannot concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time, again, that's not our girl. (3) hard to care about others: she claims she just doesn't feel the same compassion for others that she did before, and that worries her a lot . . . she worries she'll not be able to form real friendships. (4) depression: ongoing.

Normal.

1. Fustration in teen years gets the best of a person. This isnt the "good ol days" nor is it a Sheen movie. Your girl is just fustrated thats all. Meds are bad. They wont help in anyway.

2. Again, in today's teen world, the mind works faster than th hands. Constantly thinking I guess. Maybe she just found out a "big truth" or she had a revelation. That is most probable. Maybe she doesnt believe in something anymore or found out something operated differently than she was taught.

3. This one is something I dont know, but I have assumptions, but I dont want to judge. Maybe this'll pass

4. Then, yes, she most likely found out something shcking for her. Or she had a revelation.

That, or she's becoming a schizophrenic

Something has apparently traumatized her to the point she has to take it out on her self theres a number of reasons this could of happened.someone could of done something to cause her to fear going back to school this could of been something that happened at school.
Kids do not tell us everything either cause they are scared or otherwise. It could be a health issue causing all of this. I hope this helps.

Kids normally do not tell their parents everything because it makes them feel weak. Having their parents know everything about them makes them feel weak and helpless - without any say in authority. Scared. Maybe something did happen, but again she/he said they move around alot. Maybe it was a friend from before?

I don't envy you brother, raising children can be a trial of one's mettle at times, I know, I have 5.

Teenagers often "rebel," but what they are really doing is seeking experience and reveling in the fact that they are free to go out and do a lot more than they could when they were "kids" that had to be with their parents all of the time. Much of what you are dealing with is normal teenage behavior. I know it's frightening, my God do I know, but short of chaining her to the bedpost there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. She's growing up and spreading her wings.

You say that you've noticed that much of her poor behavior occurs around the time of her period. In addition to normal teenage hormones, those female specific hormones that flood into her system each month seem to be out of control; kind of like a really bad case of PMS. In some people, excess hormone production can be a problem.

While psychotropic drugs can help to manage symptoms, I would suggest taking her to see an endocrinologist to check her hormone production levels. I hope that will provide answers for you. On the bright side, hormones can be fairly easily regulated, and I hope that this is true in your case.

I know I don't even have to say it, but don't give up on her. She's still a kid and if you continue searching I'm sure that you will find the answers you seek. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck.

I think looking for advice on a forum like ATS, with it's phycadelic members shows there is a deeper problem in the parents genes.

Sorry to be so harsh, but think about it for a minute.

Get professional help, both of you!

reply to post by SecretGoldfish


Based on what you have stated, it is time for an in depth psychological evaluation. This does not sound like a "normal" teen development issue. You mentioned you have seen "cracks" in her before. What was done at that time? I am not a doctor, but a retired psych nurse. It does not sound, based on what you have stated, that the medication is working effectively. Please seek another opinion.

reply to post by SecretGoldfish


I would say something traumatic happened to her and she is to ashamed to tell you.
Could have been other kids,a bully,or sexual assault.

She needs to go see a therapist,somebody she can talk to.
They will be able to determine if it's caused by some outside influence
or if it's some mental change caused by some disorder or disease.

Good luck and hope every thing goes well for her.
.

Originally posted by aero56
reply to post by SecretGoldfish

 

Based on what you have stated, it is time for an in depth psychological evaluation. This does not sound like a "normal" teen development issue. You mentioned you have seen "cracks" in her before. What was done at that time? I am not a doctor, but a retired psych nurse. It does not sound, based on what you have stated, that the medication is working effectively. Please seek another opinion.

I agree here! She needs some major help! It's time to bring out the big guns! I would suggest Hypnosis, just to make sure that something didn't happen to her and she is just hidding it from you. Really I hope this problem gets resolved but it needs to be taken care of ASAP!

It almost sounds like borderline personality disorder. But I could be wrong. Some times I wonder if vaccines caused my attention deficit disorder.By the way my girlfriend has borderline personality disorder so I do have some experience with this.

reply to post by SecretGoldfish


You don't mention how often you moved military bases, you do however say her circle of friends is always changing. It just leaves one pondering on any ideas of dislocation leading to a disassociative problem. Can't find too much about the side effects of the vaccine but you can apparently pass the virus on up to 6 weeks after innoculation.
The symptoms after innoculation include tiredness, aching joints and sometimes fever, some milder forms of which can be associated with menstruation and you stated that it seems heightened at the time of her period. Has the possibility of these occuring in your daughter somehow synchronised with some underlying problems as I first stated.

What you've described about your daughter reminds me a lot of myself nearly a decade ago, only I was a couple years older than her when it occurred. Nobody did anything to me; there was no event. I was a happy, straight A, goal oriented girl and then out of nowhere I became sad, nothing made sense to me, nothing was important, and I self destructed. After some really hard drug abuse I cleaned up, and I cycled through anti-psychotics, anti-depressives, and bi-polar medications for a few years. Some of them helped a little, but I think what helped most was just getting some years behind me and gaining acceptance of myself. I don't know if it was chemical imbalance, or hormonal issues or what. It seems like one day I just woke up scared to be living in a world that I didn't feel connected to; like being alive was overwhelming. I still feel that way sometimes, but it's easier as an adult. Now, I can't say that her behavior is normal, but she certainly is not alone.

reply to post by SecretGoldfish


I think some teenagers have a hard time coping with the changes that are taking place in their minds. That's about the age that they start realizing big picture things of life. This could be just a tad overwhelming and some might need a little bit more time to get through this part of life. Teenagers don't have the experience of time and knowing that if they wait long enough the bad things often change.

We've noticed that her drug seeking and poor decision making appear to revolve largely around the menstrual cycle. Very angry when her period begins, depressed after, then OK for a couple of weeks.

Totally normal. That's almost amusing to me. I have two 15 year old girls in my home and they both go through big mood swings just before their menstrual cycle. I know they're at that time before they do normally. I can see it but of course I've had 18 years of practice with my wife so I'm a pro at this area. The sweet girl that helps random strangers with their groceries might give you death stares the next week.

She might need a little more time to adjust to the recent changes she's been going through. Wouldn't hurt to get some professional advice but the big mood swings are normal actually.

reply to post by SecretGoldfish


Two things. Either she is a normal but high strung and typical teenager. I don't know the severity of her symptoms and many parents go through emotional roller coasters with girls. Another possibility when you see such dramatic changes in behavior - she might be sexually compromised and/or taken advantage of by an older trusted family friend or acquaintance, teacher or instructor. Not being able to confide such an improper or taboo intimacy, she will act out instead. She needs some counseling so you can get to the bottom of her problem either way.

reply to post by SecretGoldfish


Teenage daughters the greatest test of parenting skills.
I love my girls dearly, but I wouldn't give you a nickel for another one.

I'd say by about 24, she will have it figured out.

Thanks to all so far

Originally posted by TheSep
Something has apparently traumatized her to the point she has to take it out on her self theres a number of reasons this could of happened.someone could of done something to cause her to fear going back to school this could of been something that happened at school.
Kids do not tell us everything either cause they are scared or otherwise. It could be a health issue causing all of this. I hope this helps.

No, I don't think so. Sometimes you just have to believe your kids, and this is one of those times. She swears that 'nothing' happened. She says she can actually remember the day she woke up and felt 'different.'

It was literally like a switch was flipped. Just that quick.

I've actually seen her come to tears on multiple occasions because she has no identifiable reason to feel this way. She saw other kids who had a parent die downrange, and would say 'XXXXX has a reason to be depressed and drop out of school, and i don't'

With some drug use, I can't live in denial, and have to question what she tells me. But I do believe the following:

1) No 'event' triggered this
2) That she is far angrier for far longer than she's ever been, for no real reason
3) That she can no longer concentrate for more than a few minutes (after being tops in her class for years)
4) That what she considers 'empathy' has changed for her, that she feels differently towards friends and family
5) That she can remember the day she woke up feeling 'different'
6) That she smokes pot because it makes her feel normal again

What I've come to believe from observing her:

1) That this is at least partially hormonal, but not sure it can explain such a drastic change alone. Timing is right.
2) That meds are treating symptoms not causes
3) That Thyroid or hypothalmus might be involved

It's muddy, and doctors only seem to want to prescribe different meds. Not sure that's the answer, think probably it's not.

reply to post by aero56


I agree . . . but so far, it's been just blanks from the doctors

I have no doubt there is some screwed up brain chemistry going on. And none of the anti-depressants will deal with a problem that is hormonal. Just mitigate some of the harms.

reply to post by kdog1982


Thanks.

She been in counseling. She'll continue to be in it, even now that we're home. She's denied to everyone that any traumatic event happened.

I believe her.

Something happened, and it was quick and dramatic. But it wasn't someone harming her. I believe that.

reply to post by enament


Could be, but a PD can't be diagnosed until age 18. And the onset was just too fast, in my opionion

reply to post by Lacyisarobot


Sounds very familiar, and is what I'm afraid of.

Did you ever notice a pattern to your moods?