Christmas, the broken dream

I have some very fond memories of Christmas as a child. That day held so much excitement for me. Christmas presents had something to do with it but there was much more to it than that. It was a time of immense love with family, friends and neighbors. The whole event, for weeks before bought a great sense of anticipation. The Christmas tree in the center of town and the intense colors of hanging lights reds,greens,and blues reflecting off my face as I looked into the shop windows.

The nativity and the whole wonderful story of Christ played such an important part towards the magic of this time of year. Growing up in England also bought the snow and if it snowed on Christmas day then the spell was complete.

In the lead up to Christmas I used to go out crunching through the snow to go carol singing on my own because I discovered at an early age that it was a far more lucrative proposition. Could you imagine that happening in 2009?

The jingle of Santa's sleigh and the big jovial guy in the red suit provided an enchanting mix of Christianity and paganism. I could never have dreamed that Christmas would ever be any different, for me it was the most important day of the year. As I hit my teenager years and the presents of toys became presents of clothes It heralded in the end of what was the magic of Christmas day.

Instead of the joy of playing, It was now time to develop a sense of self image. Wearing the right clothes was and still is today an important step towards developing the ego. I couldn't see it to start with, as I had no sense of ego. Gradually though I was indoctrinated into the concept of self esteem which up to my early years of secondary school education, I had absolutely no problems with.

The education system was very skilled in making young people feel inadequate. I had so many natural talents as a kid as do most children of that age. That gift of self worth that is nurtured within a loving family would soon be systematically suppressed through fear of being judged, graded or ridiculed.

At the age of 10, I still possessed my magical powers, I could bend reality. The person I wanted to see would be their just as I visualized them to be, just around the corner. If I feared that I would bump into the people I didn't want to see they also would be their.

I soon learned to suppress my powers and avoid focusing my attention on my fears because I could easily make them materialize. I had discovered that the power of my mind could easily make my teacher lose his concentration just by willing it. For a very short time I believed I had full control of my destiny.

In retrospect I believe that TPTB know very well the potential we all have as powerful beings. Institutions are designed to cram our heads and our spirits with fragile egos that are easy to manipulate. To leave no room for the true source of our power which is the unquestioning belief in ourselves and our abilities to shape our own reality.

Slowly but surely our dreams are replaced with a new reality taught to us through carefully planned curriculum, with the goal of molding us into people who can be controlled through fear and Insecurity.

As the years have passed it seems as though Christmas is just another day but I so miss what it was.

It is little wonder that we long for our childhood years and the power we once possessed. When we look at some very old people, they seem to take on child like persona's. We even respond by talking to them as if they where children.

I am discovering, now that I have retired and don't need to compete, that my ability to shape my reality is returning and perhaps I can conjure myself back through time to mend my broken dreams.

Christmas approaches and the haunting melodies of "silent night" and "oh come all ye faithful" drift into my perception again and for a moment I feel like a child. For that moment, ever so fleeting I remember who I really am and my heart is filled with love.

Merry Christmas to all at ATS

This is the best writing I've seen all week on ATS.

The last time I was in a Christmas vibe was 8 years ago when I was ten, I always want to feel the Christmas atmosphere again, but alas it would never come.

I also agree with the fact of society turn us into fearing robots that work for a scrap of paper to achieve false happiness.


[edit on 17-12-2009 by GrandKitaro777]

reply to post by kennyb72


Merry Christmas to you kennyb72, you bring back some very fond memories, I had the best of two worlds growing up, my father is Jewish and my mother Christian, both holidays were very special in a religious sense, sad what has happened today, ask children what Christmas is and they answer it's about getting expensive gifts....

It is kind of sad to think how Christmas used to make me feel and now how it is just another day.

I still enjoy getting together with with family but the magic of the day is no longer there.

I think I may be able to feel it again once I have kids and get to see how happy the anticipation and Christmas day makes them feel, but until then I'm pretty much over Christmas.

double post ugh..

[edit on 17-12-2009 by TV_Nation]

Do not know about you...but my neighborhood is as bright as I ever remember.

And I am willing to bet that the presents under that tree are less than the previous years.

It is not even snowy either!

You may not feel the spirit, but I do. My family does. My neighbors do. My friends do.

By the way...speak for yourself when talking about being controlled and all of that mumbo jumbo. I see my future, and that is what allows me to fight for it. Sorry if your vision is not good enough.

reply to post by FritosBBQTwist

Thanks for your commiserations, I am very happy that you feel that way about Christmas. I was, actually speaking for myself, but I fear a lot of people feel the same way as I do.

Have nice Christmas mate!

You can recover the thrill of Christmas or any other pleasant memory — it's all still contained in your mind. Simply overthrow the ignorant, unimaginative, boorish atheists and other joy thieves who seek to destroy your hope.

— Doc Velocity

reply to post by Doc Velocity


I just love your avatar, I aspire to be that character. Just look at how happy he is

Originally posted by kennyb72
I just love your avatar, I aspire to be that character. Just look at how happy he is

That's one thing sorely needed in the world (and on ATS) — Happy, carefree JOY.

My avatar is a cartoon character created by John Kricfalusi, the genius behind Ren & Stimpy.

John Kricfalusi Blog

What I love about Ren & Stimpy is the that they perfectly represent the two basic mindsets in the world: Ren is the angry, violent, materialistic disbeliever; and Stimpy is the carefree, eternally happy believer who always manages to rise above his partner's nastiness.

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/b2275400d7c5.jpg[/atsimg]

Both are absurd characters with ridiculous values, but one is always filled with joy and the other is always filled with hate.

I was full of hate and disbelief for a long time, but I think I prefer joy and I highly recommend it.

— Doc Velocity








[edit on 12/17/2009 by Doc Velocity]

So, don't let the hate-mongers ruin Christmas for you. You can bring back the joy of the season by just reaching inside.

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/ad5debcd73df.jpg[/atsimg]

— Doc Velocity

reply to post by Doc Velocity

I like Ren & Stimpy as well, a great parody of the duality of human nature. I must look up some of my old DVD's, I could use a good laugh

reply to post by GrandKitaro777

This Christmas I have decided to do the whole Christmas decoration thing again, I haven't done it for a few years now. Lights baubles carols playing in the background the whole enchilada. I am sure if I get the formula right I can make my own little time machine and transport myself back to being a child again.

Kenny, your post is absolutely beautiful and I can't pass by without saying that to you.

I'm interested in what you say about older people becoming more childlike with advancing years. My own Father had a troubled childhood because of the war & was denied many of the Christmas pleasures that those born a decade before & after him enjoyed.

Two years ago my Brothers and I bought him a gift he'd always wanted as a child.

But first, we decided to tease him a little as only Sons can. We hadn't all been together for a few years because we're scattered all over the world so this was the perfect opportunity.

We met up at his home on the big day. After he'd welcomed us all and we had settled in with a glass of wine or two behind us we did the exchange of gifts.

I gave him a gift, cheap aftershave, he thanked me, his face showing no disappointment. My Brother gave him a puzzle book, again the same appreciation. My other Brother gave him six cans of cheap supermarket beer, again my Father was so grateful and never said a word about his obviously cheap gifts.

Then we all enjoyed our family meal, with each of us mentioning how hard times had been financially. My Father look surprised at that, concerned even but us three Brothers managed not to laugh at his bemused expression even though we were kicking each under the table.

Finally, once the meal was over & the pots & pans cleaned up, my Brothers & I sneaked out to the car and brought in his real Christmas present ... we'd bought him a huge railway set, with all the track, locomotives, carriages, trucks and station buildings ... the one present he'd always wanted as a child but had been denied.

And our eyes were trained intently on his face as he slowly unwrapped the plain brown wrapping ... and boy did his eyes light up when he opened his parcel. How ours welled up too when we saw his reaction. And that's how we spent Christmas night in a very snowy Tromsø, on our hands and knees with him, playing with trains. My Father was totally overjoyed with his gift. That memory I hope I have forever.

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas, Kenny, and that it brings you great joy.

reply to post by Ulala



Awww... your story made me cry. That was very touching. What a wonderful family you have.

Merry Christmas!

reply to post by Ulala

Ulala, that is the most beautiful Christmas story. I wish I could have seen his face when he unwrapped his present. He must have three wonderful sons and I am sure he is very proud of you all.

My mother is still alive, but sadly my father died. Even though my mother lives on the other side of the world, I stay in touch daily on Skype

It saddens me to think that she is getting very old and so these days I try not to miss the opportunity to exchange our feelings. You try not to think about the day that you will lose your parents, but when they get old, it's a thought that haunts you.

I did get to spend the last few weeks with my dad before he passed over and although the pain was immense, It would have been far worse if I hadn't been able to tell him how much I loved him and how much I appreciated him and the love he always showed us.

Maybe that's another reason why I shy away from Christmas, along with the sweet childhood memories comes the sadness of knowing that in this world we can never relive those times.

I was just talking to my mum, on Skye and I told her your story and we both ended up with tears in our eyes. I have convinced her that she must put her Christmas tree up and we will do the same and when I call her on Christmas morning we can share those memories again.

A very Merry Christmas to you and your family Ulala and please pass on my Christmas greeting to your father.

reply to post by Ulala

Just to add, that it was worth writing the thread just to read heartening replies like this one, I would love to hear other Christmas stories like this from ATS members.

Christmas has always been a time of love and magic for me. There is such beauty with glistening snow and pretty lights, big wreaths and red bows, the warmth of family and friends and special moments shared. Grandmother no longer sits in the rocker and Dad in his chair, but wonderful memories of christmas past linger in our hearts always.

Merry Christmas to you all with love.

reply to post by Night Star

That was a beautiful picture you just painted, I even felt the spirit of Christmas touch me. The problem is it made my monitor go a little blurry for a few seconds.


Merry Christmas Night Star

Yeah mine went blurry too. Merry Christmas Kenny!