Hello from just another new user out of hundreds of thousands of users??!

hello everyone.
My name is Valeri and I'm a male. my name is Greek in its origin so it is considered a guys name around my neck of the woods...which isn't Greece heh.
I'm from Estonia,small country just south of Finland.
I'm 20 years old, so still quite young age-wise, although quite a few people have told me my interests and my way about things(which is for example never really getting surprised or excited much unless it is truly something out of this world- even then only get excited)

As far as what my mental life is about,and I'd like to talk in more detail about my mental challenges then here it goes.
Bare with me and please don't judge.

I always felt different from others and these are the potential reasons I may commit S one day:

1. As far as I know I'm the only person who wants to stay looking visually 17 years old as I was once and NO older,not even by a day,and preferrably even looking the way I looked when turned 16.See,I matured early,so from there on I have only gotten more wrinkles under eyes(Im 20 now) and the aging is only ahead.
I truly despise aging.

2. Also,i want silky-smooth wrinkle-free skin. I did not have that at 13-20 because of mild acne(which is over now but i have smal scars) and I have small pores on my skin.I have seen many guys with skin so perfect,like a sculpture,no pores visible at all.(Chace Crawford) Also i despise the veins and capillers under my eyes and bags and purple-blueish-greenish-reddish colour from my veins under my eyes. Why do some peopel have those and soem are perfect such as Chace Crawford ?

I cannot be happy in my life if I don't have the best skin there can exist,which means silky-smooth,evenly-coloured,youthful,healthy, wrinkle-free etc
I have actually seen completely wrinkle-free guys(forehead,under eyes around nose-mouth) in their 20s and even 30s.

h3. Also I want an aging process where i could wake up on my 20th birthday and suddenly loo kthe way I did on my 15th birthday. then NOT age AT ALL(not even a single day) for 5!!!(not 10,not 4 etc) years so that when I'm even one day short of 25th birthday I would still look the way I looked on my 15th birthday 10 years prior.AND THEN once I wake up the next day on the morning of my 25th birthday I would wake up looking exactly as old as I did when I turned 16!
So the theme here is to age exactly one year OVERNIGHT visually(while sleeping), but then not to age AT ALL for another 5 years.
So that theme continues on like this(Ill give a reference date wise to be more clear)
on july 17th 1989- born
july 17 2004 - turned 15

july 17 2004-july 16 2009 - aging normally so looking like I would one day short of 20.

july 17 2009 - miraculously waking up and suddenly looking 15 as I did on july 17 2004.
july 16 2014 - still looking the way I did on july 17 2004

july 17 2014 - waking up and suddenly overnight I have aged by 1 full year...looking the way I would on july 17 2005 at 16.

july 16 2019 - still looking like on july 17 2005 (you get the picture)
july 17 2019-july16 2024 - looking 17 like on july17 2006
july17 2024-july16 2029 - looking 18 like on july 17 2007
july17 2029-july16 2034 - looking 19 like on july 17 2008
july17 2034-july16 2039 - looking 20 like on july 17 2009(the oldest I would have EVER looked until that point,since when originally turning 20,I suddenly looked 15 again)
july17 2039-july16 2044 - looking 21 like on july 17 2010
july17 2044-july16 2049 - looking 22 like on july 17 2011
july17 2049-july16 2054 - looking 23 like on july 17 2012
july17 2054-july16 2059 - looking 24 like on july 17 2013
july17 2059-july16 2064 - looking 25 like on july 17 2014
july17 2064-july16 2069 - looking 26 like on july 17 2015
july17 2069-july16 2074 - looking 27 like on july 17 2016
july17 2074-july16 2079 - looking 28 like on july 17 2017
july17 2079-july16 2094 - looking 29 like on july 17 2018

And I really don't care to see myself in my thirties at all, youth goes down the drain after 30.


SO the point was that i doubt that anybody has ideas like me..these here are just a few.

All I want from life is supposedly impossible - time-travel physical, my ideal aging process, perfect skin, wrinkle-free!!!


Also i'm very aware these are very shallow things to desire, they have got to do with my temporary peace of meat transport - the body. I am a spiritual being having a subjective experience because - WE are all ONE conscious eternal intelligent energy experiencing itself subjectively therefore giving an illusion of separateness.

I have tried to discredit these desires that are mostly derived from my egotistical mind. I also think I'm a bit of a narcissist. But try as I might, although I am completely aware that these are shallow unimportant problems in the grand sceme of life in general I still feel that I will never be happy in this reincarnation without those desires being fulfilled.(I'll even let time-travel slip)

I think i will definitely proceed to RELIVE this reincarnation once more after the death of the body this time around. (which means this body again,being born in 1989 again,only this time with all my deisres fulfilled from birth)
I NEED this experience (of fulfilled desires concerning skin/youthfulness/wrinkles/aging process etc ) because I feel my spiritual energy needs this rejuvenating feeling of EARTHLY happiness(for however shallow it may be) .Also,only when I get these physical needs over with I will truly be able to commit to helping others, not before. I won't truly commit because I'll have too many inner demons-unfulfilled desires.

Hopefully you can see now where I'm coming from and not judge and critisize me.

Also, the reason I haven't commited suicide and won't hopefully is because I know a little nto so well-known forgotten fact.
Namely if one kills himself,he will realize after death that he will have to reincarnate again to learn the life lessons needed since he completely FAILED to learn them due to suicide. He simply gave up and next time around,during a new reincarnation IT WILL BE THAT MUCH HARDER TO LEARN THOSE LIFE LESSONS.

That's what keeps me here.i know the spiritual consequences and so suicide wouldn't really progress me anywhere,it would only be harder next time around to succesfully learn the things I need to learn in this life.

I think the skin issue will decline as you age and gain more wisdom.

No worries, nothing the rest of us haven't battled... somehow you get through it to see yet another day.

Also, you may well be a star seed who hasn't incarnated in a fleshy body before. They tend to feel very uncomfortable here. Forge on and try to enjoy each moment... because YOU volunteered to come here!

Welcome to the universe. Entropy is part of the deal. My suggestion is to get rid of the mirrors. I feel lots better when I don't look too close. Other people don't see so close if I have a great personality that day.

Try sending out more smiles and you will be looking good to yourself and everyone.

Volunteer to help those in need. It will take the focus off yourself.

Welcome to ATS! Have fun, we love a good discussion here, and we definitely "deny ignorance" on a daily basis.

I am so angry with myself right now.

I just spent half an hour wirting these 4000 words to respond and then accidentally deleted it all with a click of a button. I had so much more information to share and was so excited to share it too.
Now all lost.

i will try to convey my message again some other day. Now i should go to bed.it's 5 am here and thank you to the both of you. I will respond again soon.

take care.

double post.
sorry.please delete this.

[edit on 9/4/2009 by Valeri]

I just read your intro Valeri. I can tell you this, don`t worry about the aging process. What your feeling right now is what I call learning pains. You are young enough that it didn`t take much to "awaken that which is inside of you". There is so much information coming to the surface in you right now, and it`s a lot to handle at one time. That is where meditation would help you. It can help to limit the things coming through. Believe me, you will catch on to things, and get the answers you are looking for. It just takes a little time is all.

Anyway, I know it`s a little late now, but welcome to the forums.

reply to post by FiatLux

thank you for this. I do try to not worry about aging and other physical things.Still trying ot overcome the aging nuisance however. But thank you so much.wise words,wise.

dont worry listen to fiatlux