Cheating 2.0: New Mobile Apps Make Adultery Easier

Originally posted by Zosynspiracy

And 90% of people might work through an affair for whatever reason. However, the marriage or relationship is NEVER the same. Just ask anyone who's been through it. And no I haven't.

So how many people have you asked? Just curious as to what you PERSONALLY know about.

I've worked with people who have been through it, and just as with everyone out there, each individual is different. Same as with our thoughts on this issue.

In the cases of those I know personally, almost all of them have better relationships than they started out with before the affairs happened. Why? Because they learned to work together, as friends, letting go of the flames and hatred.

So what about you?

Wow. This has been a very educational experience. I really appreciate you guys.

I'd like us to not be attacking each other for our individual beliefs, but whhat you do is not my issue, really. I'm just left to accept.

On a seemingly pertinent side note:

My sister and her THEN husband decided to do some experiementing. He asked her to have relations with another man so they could work that into their play. She ended up falling for this other man and moving in with him instead.

My problem is that my limited evolution is such that I can't entertain thoughts of always looking for a different thrill, or a new partner. It would never stop. I personally feel that what would serve me better would be to learn to make the most out of the relationship I'm in and not be so quick to give up, or seek entertainment elsewhere.

Originally posted by cindymars

Originally posted by getreadyalready
Stop bastardizing it and making it dirty. Enjoy it, be honest with your spouse, explore a little.

That is it, why are people so freaky about possesing their partners sexuality. Honesty is the ticket!

Just curious, why did you feel the need to marry?

Great question!

After my first marriage, I really didn't feel the need to marry again. It seemed kind of silly, but I met the woman who became my wife. We dated on and off for about a year, and she really won me over. I didn't want a relationship of any type, because I did not want all the stress and headaches that come along with it, but the longer we knew each other, the more I realized how understanding she was. I realized that she was being honest about her feelings, and not just saying what I wanted to hear. I realized that she had persevered several situations that I thought would run her off, and she was very mature and enlightened about life in general!

I asked her to marry me, because she had never been married before. She wanted the fairy-tale wedding. She wanted to shop for dresses with her sister and friends. She is from the South, so tradition is big. I felt like she deserved to have the whole experience, so I got her father's permission, I called her friends over to her house, and I asked her in front of everyone. That was 4 years and 2 babies ago!

getreadyalready come on not all men cheat because they can

I think people should be reminded of how nice and great a relationship is before this thread turns everyone to anti marriage lol.

As for the swingers thing i dont care what people do, but if i was married i would not want to share my beautiful wife ( thats if ) so i am still free girls

That's another fallacy to say kids of parents who are unhappily married are better off if their parents were to divorce. That is complete nonsense. Many divorcees are no happier divorced than they were married. In fact lots of divorce people wished they were still married and the pain they brought upon their kids and the destruction of the family was not worth it. Just do the research.

Originally posted by Zosynspiracy
reply to post by nixie_nox

 

And a high percentage of cops are a'hole narcissists. Does the fact that their a cop give them any more of a reason to cheat than anyone else? I guess we should prepare all the men and women in the armed services that due to their jobs and stress they'll probably end up cheating as well?

And 90% of people might work through an affair for whatever reason. However, the marriage or relationship is NEVER the same. Just ask anyone who's been through it. And no I haven't.

Come on, Z. This isn't about what a cop might be or not. I don't think narcissism is limited to men and women in uniform.

But you might be on to something...stress.

I know personally how accumulated stress has introduced strains into my relationship. Communication seems to be the fix for that.

But why does it seem easier to throw things away sometimes, than to just talk about what's bothering us?

Originally posted by thecrow001
getreadyalready come on not all men cheat because they can

I think people should be reminded of how nice and great a relationship is before this thread turns everyone to anti marriage lol.

As for the swingers thing i dont care what people do, but if i was married i would not want to share my beautiful wife ( thats if ) so i am still free girls

Thanks Crow. You're wise beyond your years. Marriage can be a wonderful thing, provided we are willing to think about someone other than ourselves for a little while.

'When I was your age'

I do see what you mean about how being open with your partner is better. But dont you think there's point where there's too much honesty?
And aside from that, you arent ever going to be inside your partners head, you wont ever know for sure that their being completely honest with you. Being open in terms of being allowed to sleep with other people doesnt mean that the other person *will* be honest with you, especially if the sleeping with another person leads to something more on an emotional level.

This might sound really dodgy, but I think its healthy to not trust the other person 110%. Not as in you distrust them so you worry about what their upto & check up on them etc... but I think its good to keep in mind that no matter how well you know someone, they can still act in ways which you would never think they would... even if they have no reason for it!
I think thats one of the other reasons people cheat as well.. they get too comfortable in the relationship and think they know what to expect from the other person.

Hi belle,

I agree with you that "too comfortable" often means "taken for granted!"

Also, too comfortable means, no mystery, no passion, etc. Sometimes jealousy is good! It can be unhealthy when taken to far, but sometimes it is very exciting.

We have a running game with her ex-boyfriends. She has 'good' ones and 'bad' ones. Some treated her well, and some didn't, etc, etc. When she sees any of her ex's, she let's me know which category they fall into, and just how much trouble I am allowed to cause.

It's kind of mean, but it is a lot of fun!

Of course we still have fights over other things besides sex. We both know that the other person is capable of leaving for the night, or for good, if things get out of hand.

You are totally correct in that aspect. A relationship needs that little bit of mystery and drama!

Originally posted by cindymars

Originally posted by getreadyalready

Stop bastardizing it and making it dirty. Enjoy it, be honest with your spouse, explore a little.

That is it, why are people so freaky about possesing their partners sexuality. Honesty is the ticket!

Just curious, why did you feel the need to marry?

Is it about possessing, or sharing exclusively, if there is such a concept. I don't think that a relationship based on possession or control will EVER work.

I don't want to OWN my wife. But I don't want to share her either. Are these two things able to co-exist?

[edit on 14-7-2009 by KSPigpen]

Originally posted by Zosynspiracy

So to belabor the point why woudl you get married? Seriously what's the point of being committed to one person emotionally as you put it yet not sexually? Doesn't make any sense. Why have a family? Why not let the community raise our kids or better yet why not let the grandparents raise the kids so the parents go off and have sex with whoever they want. Swingers and people that have open relationships live in a bubble failing to realize the broader consequences of their actions not only on themselves or their children but for society in general. That's my problem with it. If you want to stay single or whatever and have sex with whoever you want so be it. But please don't try to expand the realm and definition of marriage because you expect others to accept your lifestyle

Because despite what you seem to think, to people who have open relationships, sex is not the end all and be all of life and relationships

Just as there's multifaceted aspects to everything in life, so there are with sex.

Then again, some people say that marriage is nothing more than a legal contract that is only there for convenience, tax breaks, and all that jazz.


I mean, seriously, look at what you just said there, and realize why I said what i did to you. Somehow you have it in your brain that if someone has an open relationship with their partner, they are responsible for the destruction of society.

So they're responsible for all the wars through the years? All the starving children? All the violence and hatred across the world? Genocides?


For my wife and I, personally, we've never gone to someone else. Haven't felt the need to at this point in time. We explore together if fantasies come up, and are not secretive about things. We know that when you have a secret from your partner, it grows. And it WILL eventually wedge. And it WILL eventually break up the family.

Again, as i said earlier, it is NOT the sex that is the issue. it is the LIES and SECRETS that is the issue, when it comes to affairs.

When your relationship does not have lies and secrets, there IS NO ISSUE.

reply to post by Zosynspiracy


Actually it's not a fallacy, I have personal experience and I was much happier after my parents divorced and were themselves happier after the divorce than while they were unhappily together.

Ultimately it should be left up to the individuals, I cannot stand curtain twitchers who feel the need to stick their noses into other peoples affairs (no pun intended), are your lives so miserable you need to escape into the lives of others ? (note this is not directed at you Z it's just a general question to those who enjoy the twitching of curtains)

Originally posted by danishD
why do you care, its the peoples own life and if they think that cheating is the best decission why not let them. why do we care some much about what is moral and what is fair. why dont we just live our lives and let them live theirs?

I thank you for your input, danish. I was thinking more along the lines of a marriage, I suppose. Does that apply then? Should I just let my wife live her life, regardless of what that entails? And she should look the other way as well? Is that a marriage, or just a couple buddies living together?

reply to post by KSPigpen

I don't want to OWN my wife. But I don't want to share her either. Are these two things able to co-exist?

I think, as with all things, it is a matter of degrees! Some men can't stand for their wife to have friends or go to work. Most normal people share their wives in a number of different ways. Some people, like me, tweek it just a little farther, and then some take it to the extremes!

I think on either end of the spectrum is "ownership." Either in complete possession of her, or in complete desecration of her. Hopefully most people exist in the happy middle, wherever they are most comfortable!

Disclaimer: I say wife, because I am a man, but I am fully aware that woman are just as controlling and irrational as us men. Equal opportunity and all.

reply to post by KSPigpen


You missed my point. The other poster tried to justify cops and firefighters are more likely to cheat. Well cops are more likely to be crooked than other professions because of their position of power. Politicians are more likely to cheat as well. It's not always about "stress" as it is about power.

I'd like to know if getreadyalready has kids? What ages? And how would they feel if they knew "mommy" was out sleeping around with other men.

Originally posted by KSPigpen
Wow. This has been a very educational experience. I really appreciate you guys.

I'd like us to not be attacking each other for our individual beliefs, but whhat you do is not my issue, really. I'm just left to accept.


My problem is that my limited evolution is such that I can't entertain thoughts of always looking for a different thrill, or a new partner. It would never stop. I personally feel that what would serve me better would be to learn to make the most out of the relationship I'm in and not be so quick to give up, or seek entertainment elsewhere.

Well I appreciate the thread, it's a nice chance to talk about things. And I personally apologize if i've come across hating. Not intending to, but as you said earlier, this issue can be a bit galvanizing


As to what you said about yourself... That's good that you know and understand your limitations and controls. Everyone needs to explore that about themselves, so they can be honest with themselves and those whom they are with.


I Am sorry to hear about your sister. Unfortunately, that kind of thing does happen sometimes. But when that kind of case comes up, you have to ask yourself, was the breakup with her husband due only to that issue?

In other words, is it possible that it just sped the process of the inevitable up, and in either case, exploring or not, it would have happened eventually anyway?


Rhetorical question, really, lol, but that's something to keep in mind when looking at this subject, and frankly a lot of people do not take that into account. They just automatically assume it was the sex that did it, whereas there were already issues going on that would have caused it to happen eventually either way.


Again, though, thank you for bringing up what in any case is an interesting topic, that does affect everyone.

reply to post by KSPigpen


Thanks i like to think i know abit about relationships even at my young age.

The bit where you say we need to think about are partners is key. If each partner does that bingo they both have a better chance of being happy.

I'd never cheat if i was in a relationship no matter how much temptation i was under or how unhappy i was.

Its respectful to say atleast its not working cant we end things are see where we need to improve to fill the gaps with in the relationship.

Originally posted by Zosynspiracy
reply to post by KSPigpen

 

I'd like to know if getreadyalready has kids? What ages? And how would they feel if they knew "mommy" was out sleeping around with other men.

Thanks for setting me straight.

You bring up yet another very interesting dynamic about the whole 'infidelity' issue. I have no doubt that there are those that think that we should not only be 'open' in our relationships, but the we should have a similar amount of honesty and openness with our children, thereby almost insuring that what they view as the 'norm' would be a marriage, or relationship where monogamy is NOT the 'norm' and even ridiculed.

Thanks for that.

Originally posted by Jomina
[

I Am sorry to hear about your sister. Unfortunately, that kind of thing does happen sometimes. But when that kind of case comes up, you have to ask yourself, was the breakup with her husband due only to that issue?

In other words, is it possible that it just sped the process of the inevitable up, and in either case, exploring or not, it would have happened eventually anyway?

There's no question that there were other issues involved. I guess the big question for me would be why it was so much easier to can it all and get with someone else than it was to work through it and make it stronger.

I suppose maybe some people don't really have any business being in a marriage to certain other people. But dang it, why are we so hard headed. I've known a lot of people, even some in my own family, that represented the opposite side of that coin. Doing whatever they could to stay in a relationship that just wouldn't work.

I've been there myself. I'm just blessed that my wife loves me dearly and I her. (little schmoozing for the honey)...and blessed that we haven't got her gun yet.

reply to post by Jomina



Look this whole thread started out about cheating not secrets or not being able to talk to your partner. For most men cheating happens as a result of wanting sex. More sex, freakier sex, whatever. Most men cheat for sex. That's why sex has been a forefront of my argument.

To answer your question no. Swingers and open relationships are not the root of all evil. Nice try. But if you don't think our kids are as unhealthy emotionally than they've ever been when it comes to their bodies and sex you are out of touch. We are a sex obsessed society. Look at sex addiction and how prevalent it is. Look at all the young men in our society (I'm 29 and see it among my generation) that are addicted to pornography. It's a billion dollar industry. Look at all the women that have f'd up body image disorders. Marriage has taken a beating and people have lost a lot of respect for what it means. Open relationships might work for some people just like single mothers can work. But it's not ideal and for a majority of people they don't work.

When I took my vows (yes I'm happily married after years of sowing my wild oats) it wasn't about a tax break, or convenience. It was about love and respect and honor and most importantly COMMITMENT! Through good times and bad........nobody ever said it was going to be all good times. There are times when my wife doesn't want to have sex and there are days when I'm not particularly attracted to her. I guess I should talk her into being a swinger right?

reply to post by Zosynspiracy

I'd like to know if getreadyalready has kids? What ages? And how would they feel if they knew "mommy" was out sleeping around with other men.

I responded to bluebelle earlier. I do have kids, 18 mos, and 3 years. Of course they don't need to know about their parent's sex lives yet. Maybe when they are teens, I don't know. I will try to be as honest as possible with them. As far as sleeping with other men, I don't even like to think about my Mom sleeping with Dad, so the matter of swinging is kind of moot!

I did like your point about daughters earlier. Thankfully, I have two boys. It would be very, very hard for me to imagine a daughter of mine having great sex! I would hope that if I ever have a daughter, I can put her needs above my own icky feelings, lol!