What ever happened to 'Please' & 'Thank You'?

When I was growing up (the 60's and 70's), manners were not an option. To not use expressions like 'please', 'thank you', 'excuse me' etc., was considered rude and improper. Nowadays, however, manners and decorum are a thing of the past. Children no longer ask for things in a civilized manner, instead they demand them (I work in a restaurant and see this daily), and adults are no better.

You can see it in politics. You can see it online. You can see it in the grocery store. You can see it at your favorite fast food joint (usually from the customers, but sometimes from the employees as well).

So, please tell me, what ever happened to simple manners?

And I thank you in advance for your insights on this subject!

[edit on 7-7-2009 by JaxonRoberts]

I think what happened is too many people started thinking that the world revolves around them and that the world is here to suit their needs. Then, they pass this on to their children.

Or, maybe, it has to do with people subscribing to the idea that in order to truly get something, you need to show that you're confident and, showing manners shows that you're not confident/sure of yourself. Just a random though.

ETA: It may have to do as well that English doesn't have a "formal" pronound nor "polite verb" conjugations. For example, in German, there is "du" for someone that you're familiar with and "Sie" for someone that you're not to familiar with/is older than you. German also has the "Konjunctiv II" verb conjugation, which is lost in English. This very conjugation is a very polite way to ask someone something and is often expected in public situations. This is how it more or less works:

Can = können
Could = konnten
Could (really polite) = könnten

So, if I am walking down the street, and I saw, a police man, and I wanted to ask him to come to my house, I could say: Konnten Sie mit mir nach Hause kommen? (Could you come to my house) or if I wanted to be proper and polite I would say: Könnten Sie mit mir nach Hause kommen? The second is preferred since the person is an authority figure and I don't know him. Hope that makes sense. But, in a nutshell, it could be said that the lack of "polite grammar" in English contributes to the problem.

[edit on 7/7/2009 by octotom]

I use my manners so much people actually notice it and mention it.
Not quite here as this is a forum but in real life I have noticably good manners.
Its how people are raised these days.
There is a sense of self entitlement that makes people think manners don't really matter.


[edit on 7-7-2009 by DrumsRfun]

I always remember my P's and Q's..

As do the younger members of my family and most of my friends.

Thanks

Don't get me started please!

I was just in the store a few hours ago and thanked the chick behind the counter graciously for giving me a discount on my coffee. It was amazing to see what appeared to be a gothic chick light up. To me it seems that people in positions like grocers and other low end jobs begin to think of themselves as slaves to the system and are dehumanized. Whenever someone acknowledges that these people are indeed humans and deserve the compassion any human should receive, they feel much better.

As far as manners in general, most would say bad parenting. I say that bad manners are caused by a lack of consideration for your fellow man. How many other people hold the door open for a woman? Very few, its because people don't care much about anyone but themselves, and TPTB love this because, "Divided We Fall."

It's the speed of life. Many have to work 2 jobs and then go and raise their families. It's taxing and manners fall to the sideline. Sad really as kids won't learn what really matters.......... manners.

Thank you for this topic.

I think good manners and etiquette went downhill about the same time kids started telling their parents what to do. Not to mean they're one in the same, just that civilized dynamics are pretty askewed.

It just seems like we have a whole generation of misanthropes by the way we treat each other. It is sad, but some of us do teach our children manners. And at the same time, kids pick up what they see. So, if the parents don't practice good manners, their children probably won't, either.

Well, a lot has to do with progressive Liberal idealogies and the attempt to get rid of God.

It may that most people nowadays are not comfortable with acts of kindness and respect when it comes their way because they feel they may be forced to recipricate. This probably makes them feel extremely uncomfortable and since they refuse to return the favor they choose instead to get defensive.

It's all about me, me, me, now, now, now!

Customer service sucks no matter where you go.
If you, as a customer, ask a customer rep (waiter, waitress, attendant) about anything they feel they are being attacked so of course they get defensive because it's never their fault.

The sad thing is it's not just kids doing it these days, even Barbara Boxer is disrespectful towards others.

I make sure people aren't rude.

Whenever they ask me for something, I hold my hand to my ear and stand there.

Most of the time people don't get what I want them to do.... (sad really)

Then I start to kinda lip the word, and they finally say please.

They usually just say please after that. If they say NOW! instead of please (which happens more often than it should) I just say, "No you should have asked me nicely".

[edit on 7-7-2009 by DaMod]

Originally posted by Alxandro
Well, a lot has to do with progressive Liberal idealogies and the attempt to get rid of God.

Oh please. Does every topic for you have to do with "the evil liberals"? This has nothing to do with political ideology. It has to do with the fact that parents have to work SO much harder to give our kids what our parents gave to us. Cut the cord dude, you'll realize that there's a bigger world out there.

Strange, I use please and thank you all the time. I have tought this to my children and I expect it from the people I deal with. I hear it enough that I do not think it is an issue. And for the people that do not use it they are just to selfish to know what it means. They will find out one day the a please and thank you goes a long ways and it makes everyone appreciate the little things in life a lot more.

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


Jaxon see this great documentary:

Rude: Where are our Manners:

www.youtube.com... soft%3Aen%2DUS%26oe%3DUTF%2D8%26startIndex%3D%26startPage%3D1%26um%3D1%26ie%3D&feature=player_embedded

I am very very big on saying please and thank you. And it really annoys me when people do not do this.....for big or little things. Really, it is not that hard or takes that much effort to say these words.

For example...one of my biggest pet peeves:

If I'm driving in a parking lot and I see someone that needs to walk in front of me and I stop to let them by - when they do NOT say thank you (wave, mouth it), it pisses me off. It might seem like a minor thing - but overall its just common courtesy.

And I will be honest, I can be rather snarky if im not given a thank you for some things. Like if I hold the door open for someone and they do not say thank you. I have been know to say loud enough for them to hear, "Uh, you are welcome!"

I was raised in the south where this is just how we were raised....so maybe my please and thank you are just 2nd nature to me because of this.

[edit on July 7th 2009 by greeneyedleo]

You have people starving to death, homeless people, little kids who have never seen a clean glass of water, kids who have to catch rats to eat.
And yet you have the uber ignorant carrying on about unimportant made up things like manners.
Wanting people to almost beg them for simple things like passing the salt.
Not hard to see whats wrong with the world.

reply to post by Alxandro


Senator Boxer is a joke. She worked "so hard" for that title. Haha. And the Brigadier General did not? I bet she treated him like a pile of S***. She does not deserve the title she has and probably not even a please or thank you!

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


I still use them all, please, thank you, ma'am, sir, etc... The only time when I do try to sound 'sharp' is when someone is in my way, there's no way around, and a simple 'excuse me' doesn't make a hole. "excuse me, (ahem) excuse me... MAKE A HOLE PEOPLE, I NEED THROUGH HERE, DON'T BLOCK THE LANE LIKE AN IDIOT" Of course they look shocked, I look at em like they are from another planet... it just brings the (ex)military out in me. heh

reply to post by CaptainCaveMan


The funny thing is, in those places where the people are down trodden, I bet they still use "please" and "thank-you" more than American's do.

Originally posted by CaptainCaveMan
You have people starving to death, homeless people, little kids who have never seen a clean glass of water, kids who have to catch rats to eat.
And yet you have the uber ignorant carrying on about unimportant made up things like manners.
Wanting people to almost beg them for simple things like passing the salt.
Not hard to see whats wrong with the world.

I do not believe this assessment is what is wrong with the world.

What is wrong (well one of many things) are the self absorbed people who are ungrateful and thinks the world revolves around them. So when someone does something nice for them - they have already expected it - and do not feel a lowly "thank you" or "please" is necessary.





[edit on July 7th 2009 by greeneyedleo]

Originally posted by intrepid

Does every topic for you have to do with "the evil liberals"? This has nothing to do with political ideology.

Uh, to answer your question, yeah!
If one refuse to believe in God then yes they are evil, plain and simple.

I realize it has nothing to do with politics which is why I chose to use the word "liberal" and not democrat.

Believe it or not, there is a difference between the two, dude.


[edit on 7-7-2009 by Alxandro]