Battle for my friggin' soul

Originally posted by spellbound

... why are you so bitter?

I'm a fighter.

Fought for everything that I have. I think eternal battle might make one bitter and skeptical. It is easy to love when everything is given to you.

reply to post by In nothing we trust


true but then again was it not a gift to feel hate in the first place?

understand the emotions you feel no matter what they are ARE a gift

i suggest you use them not fight them

Originally posted by kaleshwar

I have almost taken my life twice over the same anger/hate.

I am not suicidal. Just mad at the world.

reply to post by In nothing we trust


OK, carry on applying acid to your soul.

Eventually you will wear it away.

reply to post by In nothing we trust


You should know, you are just as much Jesus as I am. After all, "don't let your left hand know what your right hand is doing" and "a double edged sword issues from his mouth" and "I did not come to bring peace, but rather the sword". It's tough when you are the first and last.

Peace, I like that more then hate. I think you do too....but if you don't...I won't tell anyone...it's part of us all.

Justice means balance, not good, but good and bad.

Good...even ing.

"He had a lot to say, he had a lot of nothing to say"...Tool

[edit on 18-5-2009 by letthereaderunderstand]

reply to post by In nothing we trust


ah this is classic

I mean that in a good way

what you have to understand is do not be mad.. im 27 years old i died in my sleep and was kinda well you know that stuff?

Life itself is needed all life not just humans

Do trees get mad? ; )

i cry a lot and i am not afraid to admit it. why do i cry?

i do not understand why it is humans are so dumb

i cry because of people like you who get mad

mad at what? what are you mad at? starving children? rape and pillage of our planet? mind control?

do you know you need to be alive in order to feel every emotion you feel?

take a lesson in this

go the park take some beer or whatever you wish maybe a book

and relax

you cant change it nore can i

But it will come in due time

it will come in time, we are not the master of our universe

our entire being here is all in order no matter what our ego likes to think or our little apex and pedastill we put our self upon.

don't be mad get even make someone happy be selflesh

you could go help a poor person and put a smile on a face

reply to post by letthereaderunderstand


dont try so hard

spooks me out

"and not in a good way"

Click here for more information.

reply to post by symmetricAvenger


WOW!

What an amazing post. I wish I knew you. I salute you. You are much more clued-up than I was at your age.

reply to post by In nothing we trust


hm

let me help be for a mod miss understands you

www.abovetopsecret.com...

take moment to relax

:message to the mods please don't and i know you wan to but he is asking for help

comes in many forms as you can see

reply to post by In nothing we trust


Heh heh heh (Marge Simpson).

Homer, honey, I will never give up on you!!!

reply to post by spellbound


thank you spellbound

took a lot for me to get here

death is a funny thing! lol

i understand his pain and his anger but to use it ones emotions in the right way will not only change his path but his feelings and his life

we know what is going on but one can change HIS own emotions by understanding them

he is mad granted but to be mad would mean you are alive

enjoy it

we are all here for a reason and that is important life is a requirement of our little box we find our self in

or why would we be here? we are not a mistake LIFE is not a mistake always remember that

This took me back to my teen years, and pre menstrual moments haha sorry but this thought process is just toxic and as catchy as cancer.

I know things in life are hard, I live a struggle every day born with a disability and I can question this that and the other but my life is mine and it's the only thing I have, the last thing I am going to do is care about anyone who is ignorant, heartless and so on.
The last thing I am going to do is let the people who hurt me masturbate their minds knowing that I am allowing their actions to keep me from enjoying life.
The more you give them, the more they win.
They thrive off of hate and angst and apathy they want us all to loose empathy and love.
If this post indicates how you feel, I may say you might have lost the battle already, but even a person who feels the way those words indicates, they may have lost grip but they can still heal.

I know I have a soul even if it is something that doesn't technically exists.
It is mine it has been created not stifled by the physical and mental pain I have struggled things get hard, but during my stays in the hospitals I've seen children stricken with horrible horrible things from their birth or birth parents, and never once did I think Why me during my struggle, never one did I ever think better them then me, The only thing I could this is WHY NOT ME. This has not made me hate life or the people who do these things, but made me have a thirst to help as many people as I possibly can, to make people who feel worthless loved, to make people smile, to make people forget for just a few minutes the pain that is in their lives.
Even when I was down and out emotionally I made a vow to myself if I can't fix myself, I will try to heal and help and "fix" as many people as I possibly could to make their lives worth living, this was when I was sixteen and I am now a Therapist.
People choose to make what they want of this life.
Some choose to give up end it all, some choose to to just go through life numb emotionless, some people cope by being cruel and violent to others, some become the people who help those who lost their way.

Souls and Hope go far beyond any religious belief or prayer souls are things we see in our dreams, practice with our actions and is the one thing we have complete and total control over, if you don't have the mental tools to cope with emotional pain they are easily learned but some people just don't want to put forth the effort and that, that is when a person loses grip of their soul but the thing is, it will always be there waiting.

And yeah all the fluffy cloud "hope and rainbows" thing may get old, but i am sorry if you're a grown adult who can wipe their own A$$ you have something to be grateful for, because there are those who can't.
There are adults who have lived their entire lives in the mental state of a newborn baby, who have no dignity, privacy humility, but they have more love in their hearts then anyone of us.

..People just get so caught up in all the wrong meaningless things.
And if something bothers you that much DO SOMETHING (productive lol) ABOUT IT.

/rant.


It's easy to love when given everything?
And easy to assume when blinded by ignorance.


[edit on 18-5-2009 by pop_science]

reply to post by In nothing we trust


Listen, boy, pay attention to these posts and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Also, stop feeling full of anger and hate - and that is an order.

reply to post by pop_science


and your post is why i smile

you see we are the masters and its a choice we all have to make to understand our self

I loved your post and you are getting a big smile from me and a star!

I hope the OP understands what we are both trying to convey

I love everyone here at ATS, we are all here for the same reasons (I suppose) and we are all open minded.

reply to post by symmetricAvenger


I take that as a great compliment coming from someone with your insight so thank you very much.

all of this thought of simple neurons in your brain firing in alternate patterns like a supercomputer trying to find the best logical reason for right or wrong.
there is no right or wrong it is just the computing power of your brain with the average of the rest of the world

Originally posted by In nothing we trust

Originally posted by spellbound

... why are you so bitter?

I'm a fighter.

Fought for everything that I have. I think eternal battle might make one bitter and skeptical. It is easy to love when everything is given to you.

now that I have to say is BS. When you have to work, sweat, bleed, hurt, and fight for something, you finally get to feel what it is to love. There are so many hurdles we have to jump over in this life. Some are pretty friggin high. Some are spaced out a good bit to give you a little room to relax. But every time you clear one, you feel stronger. You are stronger. Love is a reward for dealing with hate. I won't try to pump too much sunshine up your a$$, but how your life goes is completely up to you. Attitude is everything. I personally feel that when life gets to the point where I start to question another wake up, I need to get alone and watch the sun rise or set. Doesn't matter, as long as you watch it alone, in a peacefull setting. I imagine my problems disapearing as a new day/night is coming. And low and behold, they do kind of fix themselves. You will make more money and you are not alone in these times. Just remember what is really important to you. Family, friends, whatever makes you smile. I can tell you with 100% certainty, it will get better.

I'm gonna add a bit of advice here mysel:

Watch the movie "V for Vendetta." I know, I know, I know, that doesn't seem like very good advice, now does it? Well, if you happen to have seen it, watch it again, and if not, pick it up. Very good movie.

Now, when you go to sit down and watch it, pay a bit of attention. The main actress (forget her name) has her hair shorn off, is tortured, fed gruel, and thrown in a completely bare cell. While she is sitting there, feeling sorry for herself, down and out, and completely rejected, she happens to see a piece of paper stuck in the crack of a wall. She reaches in, and pulls out a dried up piece of toilet paper. I cannot think off the top of my head what, exactly it said, but I do remember the message it conveyed.

It was written by the previous person who had that cell. It was a female, who happened to be a lesbian. She wrote a letter of hope and love to whomever may happen to find it. At the end, it said "I love you. I dunno who you are, where you come from, whether you are a man or woman, what race you are, just know that I still love you anyway." or something to that effect.

Now, I realize that this is just a movie completely fiction. The "cell" the main actress was thrown into was set up by V himself in order to teach her a lesson.

Now, even though this is just a completely fictional movie, it still conveyd a very powerful message (this scene in particular.)

1. V knew that by torturing her the way he did, he was hardening her. Strengthening her will to not give in, no matter the cost to herself. The letter he placed in the crack of the wall, was meant for her to find.

2. With the letter that she found, and the new strength he was giving her by torturing her, she was learning the very powerful lesson that life in general is greater than her own life. The very IDEA of love, and freedom and hope.....V himself.....was worth sacrificing in order to protect something that is even more important than her very own life.

Now, I am not saying that dieing is the way to go. On the contrary. Your life is worth so much, that by sacrificing in the name of love, hope, and freedom is the greatest act one can perform. (Hence: Jesus Christ himself dying on the cross.)

This is the very reason why suicide and hate IS a sin. You are, literally, throwing something away that has TREMENDOUS value to the world. Remember that!