The Perfect Way To Get Terrorists To Confess!!!!!!

So I'm sittin' here doin' some thinkin'.......... So I says to myself, Self, what would be the perfect way to make a terrorist confess?
Hmmmm............
How to make a terrorist confess? Hmmmm, those terrorists are pretty tough and crafty...........
How to make them confess....how to make them confess?.......

Torture? That'll usually works, but like you have to put newspaper on the floor and stuff. And the screaming will hurt my ears I bet. Nope, not perfect.

Sleep deprivation? Nah, that can't be perfect. When I don't get much sleep I don't want to talk to anyone about anything. Nope not perfect.

Drugs? Hmmmm...... I tried some of those drugs, and I don't know what the heck I was sayin' and stuff. I was thinkin' I was a bird. Nope, don't want those terrorists thinkin' that they're birds!

Hmmm.... So what would be the perfect way to make those terrorists confess?
C'mon brain, do some good thinkin' here..........

Wait! I got it! Oh brain this is some really great thinkin'!
The perfect way to make those terrorists confess is to have them go to a family function at my mother in laws house!
Yep, you make that terrorist sit in that house, and in 5 minutes my wife, her 2 sisters, and the mother in law will be yellin' at each other. Then all 7 of the little kids will start cryin' and fightin' and stuff. Then my loser brother in law will bore the hell out of that terrorist with stupid jokes, and other nonsense.

Oh man, this is such good thinkin'! Wait! There's more! Now we make that terrorist sit at the table and eat my mother in laws turkey. If he doesn't break his teeth on that dried up turkey, then he's really tough. Then he has to try my sister in laws green beans and spinach dip. Then he has to go and try that turkey stuffing that is so soggy, that you want to puke when it hits your tongue, all dripping with oil and juice and stuff.

Now everyone is yellin' at each other about how everything that everyone else made is so terrible. That terrorist will wish he chose to be a suicide bomber instead I bet.

Then he has to drink that coffee that is so strong that it melts your spoon when you swirl around the cream and stuff.

Then that terrorist has to sit in the living room and watch the game while all the guys well- how shall we say - start "tooting".......I bet that terrorist would be so surprised! Yep, all that tooting, and the kids all cryin' and fightin' over toys, and the women all yellin' at each other to shut up. That terrorist will be confessing in no time.

Yep, that is the perfect way to make a terrorist confess!

Oh brain I love you!

So, I'm sittin' here doin' some more thinkin'............
How else can we make that terrorist confess?

Hmmmm.............

C'mon brain, do your thing..........

Hey I got it!
We can have my wifes Grandmom come to that family function.
Oh man this is good thinkin'! Yep make sure that that terrorist is sittin' there. 17 seconds after Grandmom, who is like 100 or somethin', gets there, she'll want to sit exactly where that terrorist is sittin'. Then she'll complain about his hair, his clothes, his shoes, how many times his heart is beatin' and stuff like that. And she talks like really loud and stuff. And when that terrorist talks to her, she'll say "Huh? What did you say?" like 10 times every time he says something to her.
Oh Man, this is some good thinkin'!
Wait! There's more!
Then she'll want that terrorist to rub her feet. I've seen 3 year old children smaller than the bunions on her feet.
And like when that terrorist is sittin' there at the table, he has to sit next to her. Every single time that terrorist tries to eat, she'll ask that terrorist to pass something to her - she talks really loud, and food shoots out of her mouth and stuff. Then she'll get somethin' stuck under her dentures, so she'll take those dentures out and wash them in her water glass. Then she'll probably spill that glass, and at least 3 more glasses of water, that'll drip onto that terrorist.

Yep, that terrorist will be confessing in no time!

Oh brian, you really do amaze me!

That terrorist is going to have lots of fun by the sounds of it...

P.S are you nameing your brain brian these days, lol sorry couldn't resist!!

lol lombozo that's bloody funny

Funny cause it's true . . .

So, I'm sittin' here doin' some more thinkin'............
How else can we get that terrorist to confess.......
Hmmmmm..............
I already have a pretty good plan............How can I make it any better?
Hmmmm......
Wait! I got it!
We can invite my mother in laws next door neighbor Ernie over to that family function! Oh man this is such good thinkin'! Ernie thinks that takin' a bath once every week or so is ok. And when Ernie has a couple beers, he starts hangin' all over you tellin' you how great you are, and how he's so lucky to have a great friend like you and stuff. That terrorist will do anything to get out of that house!

Oh brain, that is some good thinkin'!

Now my plan is perfect!

HAHAHA

sometimes i wonder why they dont actualy use these kinda things nobody wants to spend even a few hours like the scenario described above :w:

So I'm sittin' here doin' some thinkin'..........
How can I make a perfect plan, even more perfect...............
C'mon brain - I just gave you a Red Bull, so you better do some good thinkin'!
Hmmmm......How to make it even more perfect?.......

Wait! I got it!

We'll wait to have that family function until about a week after all those little kids go to a play group together!
Oh man, this is such good thinkin'! Yep all 7 of those kids are under 5 years old,
and about a week after all 7 of those little kids go to a playgroup they have a cold. They don't stop fussin' at all. And they all have so much snot and stuff that they all look like glazed donuts! That terrorist will be scared to death of those germs. And like they'll keep spittin' up all over that terrorist.
Man, brain you are really doin' some good thinkin' today! I bet that terrorist would give Osama Bin Ladens home address and phone number in no time!

So, I'm sittin' here doin' some more thinkin'............
Hmmmm, how can we make those terrorists confess even quicker.
And I don't mean those little weenie terrorists like that shoe bomb guy. I mean really tough terrorists, like that guy with 1 leg who the entire US couldn't find for like years and stuff. Now that's a tough terrorist..........

Hmmmm.................C'mon brain, do some good thinkin' here............

Let's see, we have all the women, yellin' at each other.........
We have my loser brother in law boring the hell out of that terrorist.........
We have my wifes grandmother terrorizin' that terrorist........
We have my mother in laws next door neighbor Ernie botherin' that terrorist......
We have the kids all sick and snotty and stuff..........

Hmmmmm, how can we make it better...........

Wait! I got it!

I'll bring my dog Yabastaad over! And I'll keep feedin' Yabastaad hot dogs. Then we'll put Yabastaad and that terrorist in a closed room together. Oh man this is such good thinkin'!
Trust me when Yabastaad eats hot dogs, in about an hour you don't want to be in a closed room with him. I mean, he'll make your eyes water and stuff. And Yabastaad always looks so surprised when he toots. He looks at his backside every time. I bet he's thinkin' "Hey! What was that?"

Oh yeah, that terrorist will convert to Judaism he'll want out so badly!

Sometimes I amaze even myself...........

So, I'm sittin' here doin' some thinkin.............
So, I says to myself, Self, with Thanksgiving just 2 days away, I have to go to my mother in laws house. I wonder if I should bring one of those terrorists who needs to do some confessin' and stuff?

So Thanksgiving has come and gone. Yep, it would've been perfect to make a terrorist confess. Not only did every one come, but someone else came that I forgot about. Now I can make it even more perfect! Uncle Alfie was there.
When I was doin' my good thinkin' I forgot about Uncle Alfie.
Yep, he would help make that terrorist confess and stuff. His hairpiece is pretty scary. It's all dirty, and scruffy and stuff. He thinks that no one notices, but the only thing it's missing is a chin strap.
And like the hairs in his nose and ears stick out like evergreen bushes. And when he's talkin' to you and stuff, which is like all the time, he's really really close to your face. His breath is so bad, that my dog runs away. So put Uncle Alfie in a room with that terrorist, and it really is perfect!

I think it would be more effective to gently nail their penis to a wooden board.

ouch, why doesnt the FBI use these tactics instead of sending out to UrkaDurkastan and torturing them out there?

theres got to be a lot less political fallout this way

Hey Lombo, if all that does not work, let me know and I'll set a place for them next year at MY Inlaws...

Together we can make history...

Semper

Originally posted by semperfortis
Hey Lombo, if all that does not work, let me know and I'll set a place for them next year at MY Inlaws...

Together we can make history...

Semper

Now that's some good thinkin' there Semp! Makin' history, eh?
Yep, we'll get those terrorists confessin' and stuff in no time!

Lombo, you are a genius, now only do you do things like create religions and make terrorists confess, but you ...........

....make me laugh!!! congradulations, the only other member on this board that makes me laugh as much as you is myself.

You better be on Comedy Central when I turn on the tv!

Hell, I'll just use BTS threads by Lombozo instead of the comedy central channel

Good job, comrade, cheers!

Originally posted by Russian soldier
Lombo, you are a genius, now only do you do things like create religions and make terrorists confess, but you ...........

....make me laugh!!!

congradulations, the only other member on this board that makes me laugh as much as you is myself.

You better be on Comedy Central when I turn on the tv!

Hell, I'll just use BTS threads by Lombozo instead of the comedy central channel

Good job, comrade, cheers!

Comrade RS!
Thank you for the kind words! It means more to me than you know. Truly. Keep your eyes open, 'cause I'm gonna do some thinkin' today on a brand new PERFECT topic!
Stay cool my friend.
lombozo

I know exactly what it means to you, I am after all a joker, too

keep it real with your posts

reply to post by Russian soldier


Glad to see that you are still around! Give me a shout when you have a chance!
Stay Cool RS!