The Golden Statue Must Rotate -YSM - For Fun

In the ashes of communism a new God proclaimed himself a quasi-successor to Jesus and Muhammed.

He was the epitome of Bats# Insanity in The Empire of Crazy. His proclamations live on in a forgotten dictatorship most people couldnt find on a map. The portal to hell is there.

These are his proclamations:

You will construct a shinning city of gold and white marble. It will be the centerpiece of my empire. Even though we are not Persian, we will construct EVERYTHING from these materials.

But unlike Persian there will be no white cars. They show dirt and make the city look tacky.

You will build ridiculous oddities of civic buildings that look like weird sculptures or a crazy art museum.

Men and Women shall get married here at The Official Wedding Palace:



I shall write a new religion and construct a giant statue of my new gospel that lights up and plays music at night. And you can't drive unless you learn it. It's as important as the Quran.



No beards on men. I don't like them. They are dirty.

Lip syncing is the harshest of crimes one can commit. Evidence of such atrocities will be punished severely.

You will learn the new names for the days and months. For I am bigger than all the Caesars combined.

There will be holidays for melons and carpets. Especially carpets. The Misistry of Carpets shall oversee the carpet festivities.

Opera is worthless and totally banned.

As are circuses, for being filthy.

Finally, and most importantly, there shall be a giant rotating gold statue of myself that always faces the sun. The golden statue must rotate. I shall spin a complete revolution once every 24 hours. I will always be revolving with divinity, shinning in my golden splendor, with my godhood forever in sync with the solar system itself.

My legacy will be so great people around the world will write of my deeds, and it will come off like a work of fiction.

Once more, no beards, white cars, and remember to keep the golden statue rotating.



The End.

.

a reply to: Degradation33

Mind-blowing, Degradation33! In farcicality and surrealism there are often hidden truths and it's a good vehicle (not white) for speaking the unspeakable.

a reply to: Degradation33

Wow! Head Spinning!

a reply to: Degradation33

Thank you all.

Unfortunately I can't do this one as official submission because it's non-fiction.

Basically just a playful way to share with everyone how insane Turkmenistan and its laws are. Though they've backed off testing people on the Ruhnama.

Favorite crazy dictatorship ever. Isolationist defined. They stay totally neutral and just act crazy with themselves. Even the new "President For Life" keeps going with the wackiness adding new statues to their ostentatious collection.

* This statue is the sun-facing formerly rotating statue of Saparmurat Niyazov, the architect of their... ways.



The New President, not Peter The Great:



And His Dog:

a reply to: Degradation33

I hadn't recognised it as Turkmenistan at first. It's incredible all those rules are real.

I looked it up and also found this...

Since 1993, the people of Turkmenistan have been given free water, electricity and gas. This was a rule brought by President Saparmurat Niyazov who introduced subsidies for the people. Interesting to note that every person gets 25 kilowatt of electricity, 50 cubic metres of natural gas, and 250 litres of water every month.

In 2008, President Berdymukhamedov added a new subsidy, of giving 120 litres of fuel to every individual every month.

Given that there is an abundance of natural gas in Turkmenistan, people never switch off the gas. It is cheaper to let the gas burn than spend money on matchboxes.

So, notwithstanding the crazyness, it's not all bad.

www.dailyo.in...

Btw, I have a beard, so I can't live there until I'm over 70.

a reply to: Degradation33

It took me a bit of reading, but ... [drumroll]

The statue no longer rotates.

a reply to: Encia22

Well. Yeah there's that part of it. People there don't seem to mind.

You know you have a lot of natural gas when this happens:

a reply to: Degradation33

I hope Kier Starmer never ever reads this

a reply to: pthena

Well that screws up it's relevance to the topic.

Now noted... thanks for the disappointing update.

a reply to: Degradation33

No! No!

Was the burrito eternally rotating? No.
Was the phonograph eternally rotating? No.

-----
And yet they spin forever in
the metaphorical hard drives
of our mind.

and ...

Oh crap!
SSDs will end it all.

You will learn the new names for the days and months. For I am bigger than all the Caesars combined.

Napoleon did that with the calendar. Very disorienting for people would be my guess.

And opera? Well, Andy Griffith did call it "high class hollerin' " ...

...

I like the way you introduced the topic without making the "real place" obvious.

Cheers