I could use friendly advice.

For three years I've lived in my apartment. I like it but have to move because it's falling apart and damn near unsafe to be in. But that's hopefully taken care of, I filled applications out today and hope to be outta here this month.

The advice I need is regarding house guests that I took in two weeks ago. I just kicked out a houseguest that wore out his welcome. It was an easy thing to do because he was so disrespectful when he drank alcohol, and that was almost every night. And I don't drink, except maybe thrice a year. Not about him though.

So I took in a couple who are homeless, I've known them for a couple years, they're OK but I don't drink or hit a stem and it seems all the people with housing issues do. I took a chance thinking I'd be getting some positive karma points.

Turns out, it ain't gonna work, and I'm not taking anyone with me to my new pad except my dog. These guys KNEW how I lived, what lifestyle I'm living. I don't go in and out my door all night, not safe in this neighborhood.

Anyway, I need advice on what to do when I break the news because she lost her job last week, he broke a wrist and has surgery tomorrow and their "rent", is good until Wednesday.

Now, I DID let him know day one I'm trying to move, the sunken living room floor should have made that obvious. But SHE wears the pants in their relationship and stays high/drunk 90% of the time, at least for the last two weeks. Talking to her is like talking to any other drunk, plus she says she runs this hood and all that... You'd think if that were the case her and her man wouldn't be living with me, one of the few white peeps in this neighborhood.

I guess what I want to know is...when she starts crying and flipping out about his surgery and her joblessness and all that jazz, how should I respond. They've been sleeping all day and partying all night for two weeks, I don't think she's looked a job and he "hustles"...for money...

They have a van, and were sleeping in it before taking my spare bedroom. I've been homeless so I can't help but sympathize.

I JUST WANT MY PRIVACY BACK. I hate sleeping in clothes. Can anyone help me? How do I handle it? I'm a pushover that hates confrontation and I'm paranoid because if I piss them off I feel like other people in this area will come to their defense by screwing with me, maybe even worse.

Just so you know, while typing this, there was a drive by, in the parking lot, which doesn't scare me anymore but still, bullets have no names.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

a reply to: EdisonintheFM

Dump the place. Leave them all behind, go somewhere else.

Nuff said.

a reply to: galadofwarthethird

Well it may be a few weeks, maybe longer before I can dump the apartment.

I'm trying to figure out what to do by Wednesday, I want them out but he's having surgery tomorrow. I DO have a heart, maybe too much, if that's even possible.

These peeps will never respect you or your boundaries since you lowered yours. Being the nice person comes with a lot of hard lessons and this example is a fresh opportunity for you to set proper boundaries. Its something if struggled with and ignored most of my life but there comes a breaking point were you have to. Whatever details of their problems are just that, their problems. Disconnect and move on. Be hard about it.

a reply to: ladybugattack

Wrote what?

"My lease is up in x days, we can't stay here anymore!"
-Period
-End communication

If you want to toss it back
"I need you guys to find a new place for us, I should have a credit with you gyys right? Can I live with you?"
Lol..they'll get right on it, I'm sure

Good luck, don't overcomplicate it with your imagination.
You're not their mommies, who probably already dealt with the issue.
Be as brave as their mommies.

a reply to: starshift

It seems that's the only option anyway.

Thanks for your response.

a reply to: Mandroid7

True. His sister lives behind me and she won't let him inside to pee... But I found out after they moved in.

a reply to: EdisonintheFM

Yikes...yeah make them perform and they will scatter fast.
You could lie and say you're homeless too now.
I'd rather not lie for my own dignity through.
Just 86 when the lease is up.
Good luck

a reply to: EdisonintheFM

You obviously have a kind and generous heart; however don't throw common sense out the window. Do not accept any more rent money from them; pack up their stuff for them put it by the door; Thursday they are back to their van.

Tell them you thought you could handle having guests; but you have discovered you can't.

Tell them you have to do what is best for you; you owe them nothing. It may seem like your being cruel but you are not. You must be firm; be a good friend to yourself and cut the ties that bind you.

Happy Trails - I hope your new home is just for you.

a reply to: EdisonintheFM

Sunken living room? The place is falling apart and unsafe to live in?

It sounds to me like a deposit refund is probably not a thing with this landlord, or anything for you to really worry about. Obviously the landlord doesn't care about the condition of the place, at least right now. I mean, they may try to fix it up after you leave, but no way can they blame you for it's condition.

So, if getting your deposit back isn't the issue, I wouldn't worry too much. Tell your homeless friends that you are leaving, and will be cutting the utilities. They can open a utilities account in their name, and squat there until the landlord has them evicted....likely a few months.

Win/win for you and your friends!

It sounds like just the medicine your landlord needs!

Just leave. Move into your new place. Don’t even tell them. Let the actual owner break the news to them.

a reply to: EdisonintheFM

I've never had the urge to bring homeless people into my house. So, I'm lacking real world experience here. But I imagine the best thing you can do is tell them straight up that you want them out and make them leave and hope they don't stay.

a reply to: EdisonintheFM

These peeps will never respect you or your boundaries since you lowered yours.

This ^^

What starshift said is an underrated truth. It's an unfortunate aspect of human nature in weak people that their respect for you will dwindle away the more you give them.

If they don't respect your words when you tell them they have to leave, then you have every right to be as harsh as you want. Remind them who did whom the favor here.

a reply to: EdisonintheFM

I’ll give you some advice that you can never go wrong following.

“Never let someone else’s problems become your problems”

That doesn’t mean you can’t help people but always draw the line before you are used and abused.


And as a landlord I want to give you a heads up that taking in house guest could be a violation of your lease agreement,,,,not that it sounds like you landlord gives a damn.

Just tell them you cannot have others staying with you in the other apartment you are getting. Tell them sorry, but they just have to fend for themselves again. You can tell them they can come to visit occasionally but cannot stay over or you may get kicked out. That is actually the truth, I do not know any landlords that allow people that are not on the lease to stay for more than a few days...and those people are supposed to be relatives or maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend. Staying longer makes the rent go up. I used to be a landlord and I was lax, but an extra person was an additional charge if they started staying there all the time. Mostly because water and sewer were included, and the washer and dryer only cost a quarter to dry and fifty cents a wash in my rental building. Heat was included in the rent too, but that did not change with an extra person.

a reply to: alexandrae

Thanks.

I'm seeing tough love is the way to go. I guess deep down I know I have to man up, but like I've stated, I've been homeless and it's not something I'd wish on any person. Maybe it's time for a drink, geez.

Thanks again!

a reply to: Sookiechacha

It's eastern NC. I complained about the floor in April. Two weeks later he mails an eviction notice. It's month by month leasing so he has a right.

However, since I was doing home improvement a few years back I know one of the city inspectors. My last play here is to inform the city of this apartment complex - mine is not the worse - and see what a lawyer says about reimbursement since I HAVE the documentation, as in vids n' pics. Just haven't looked into NC rental laws yet.

Lol, and they would squat. He told me they squated here years ago before the last two previous owners had it, but not this exact apartment, one in the other building.